Light in the Storm

It was dark outside, the only light in the whole room being the flickering TV. We were watching some random TV show that neither of us cared about, the pizza box sitting on the coffee table neatly, thanks to Nick’s perfectionism. I had tried to cuddle with him, but he got antsy for some reason and refused like a child. So now I was on the other end of the couch, sulking like Josh usually was, but for different reasons. I knew he didn’t mean anything by it, especially with the way he’d glance over at me now: with worry. But it still hurt to know that, even with as close as he said we were, he had the weirdest way of showing it. Sometimes he didn’t want to show it at all.

I glanced over to see him sigh and I knew that he was deep in thought now. We’d get in arguments over childish things, and we’d get in arguments over mature things. This was our childish moment. We had a lot of them.

The house was freezing, the fall nights not being as warm as I wanted them to be. When Nick shrugged off the cuddling idea, I wrapped my arms around myself and buried my back into the couch, but it didn’t help. Nick mumbled something about using a blanket, but I refused and practically smacked it out of his hands. He rolled his eyes.

Besides persistence, stubbornness was another way to get your way. I wished he would just stay open like he had been on certain days, but, for some reason, he shut down at the weirdest times. It was still his birthday and he was acting like a scrooge. Where was his earlier mood?

I sighed to myself and cracked my knuckles, slowly reaching out my cold hand to grab the remote that sat between us. I could see him watching out of the corner of his eye, but he just squirmed in his seat a little and stared back at the TV blankly. What was his deal? Slamming my finger down on the volume button, I scrunched my nose up and shivered again.

“If you put an actual shirt on, you wouldn’t be so cold,” Nick muttered, his voice almost inaudible. I stared at him in confusion for a moment before looking back down at my torso. I was wearing a tank top. I guess it didn’t help with my temperature problems.

“Well, if you weren’t so stubborn, I wouldn’t have to worry about what clothes I’m wearing and instead count on the warmth my glow gives me,” I muttered back. I felt like laughing whenever we got into these little arguments, especially because I knew they ended with one of us getting our way. “I don’t even get what the problem is. You were fine before we got the pizza, and now you’re…”

“I’m what?” he spat, finally turning to face me.

“You’re acting like a big baby, that’s what,” I whined, sticking my tongue out at him. A moment of silence followed as he stared at me, blinking in almost surprise. And then he started to chuckle. His lips turned up at the corners and his eyes held that twinkle, and my glow sparked. I smiled back shyly.

“You’re the one who’s acting like a baby.”

“Don’t be mean to me, Jonas,” I pouted. He remembered our conversation. He didn’t like pet names, so he only called me ‘baby’ when it was a playful insult. I didn’t really mind, the whole names thing probably didn’t fit either of us. But it was fun to bring up.

“Why do you get upset over nothing? Just because I’m uncomfortable with cuddling-”

“I just don’t think you like cuddling with me. You probably love cuddling in general. I’m the problem.”

“Don’t be stupid.”

I rolled my eyes and tightened my arms around myself, locking my eyes on the TV screen. I yelped with surprise and started laughing suddenly. My eyes focused on Nick’s innocent face, his lips twitching up into a smile as his fingers rubbed over my sides playfully. He had found out that tickling me worked. Not only did it bring out his playful side, but it always ended up with us getting closer.

I tried to shove his hands away but he was quick and sneaky, and he ended up turning me so I couldn’t face him. I struggled to push him back, kicking at him lightly, but he grabbed my ankle and pulled me forward. His face was directly above mine and once my giggles died down, my face flushed.

“Why does cuddling mean so much to you?” he whispered, brushing my hair back gently. His hands still rested on my sides, like he were waiting for any excuse to start tickling me again. I sucked in a breath and shrugged, smiling up at his beautiful face. He looked serious, but his soft lips were graced with an equally soft smile and his eyes were lighter. It made my glow brighter.

“Because I like being close to you,” I whispered shyly. He cocked his head and scratched it, using his other arm to hold him up enough so he wouldn’t fall on me.

I watched him gulp, snorting when he tried to hide it, but he chose to ignore. He ducked his head down and placed his lips to mine, hesitating when our eyes locked. I couldn’t breathe. And when he finally kissed me, it felt different again. It wasn’t distant like I thought it would be, what with our previous argument, but it was… closer. Either he was trying to make up for not cuddling with me or I was imagining it.

He lowered down a little more and rested himself gently on top of me, his hands cupping both of my cheeks, sending my whole body with a surge of warmth. I felt myself smile and I lifted my hand up, gently brushing his curls before locking my fingers around them. It was like I had pushed a button or something because as soon as I did that, his lips began to move more frantically against mine. But, just as quickly as it started, it ended. It wasn’t like that at the beginning of summer. Now he seemed to worry about how long we kissed and how we went about it.

I hated it.

“Why do you always do that?” he grumbled, smacking my hand away from his hair lightly. I wasn’t offended. I grinned.

“Because you said it turns you on.” His cheeks turned a deep shade of red and he shut his eyes, sitting up a little.

“I never meant to tell you that,” he grumbled, his voice almost whiny. Why did I find it so attractive?

I lifted my hand up and smoothed it over his soft cheek, trailing my fingers down his tight jaw line. His eyes fluttered open and they met mine, a few stray curls now falling onto his forehead. I could feel his fingers tighten around the fabric of the couch cushion, his chest heaving with a sigh.

“Well you did. And… if you feel like you want to take something back, you better do it now…” I muttered, biting my lip nervously. He stared at me with narrowed eyes, the intensity in them taking my breath away.

“When are you going to realize that I mean what I say to you? It’s hard enough having to tell you how I feel and then having you want me to show you,” he breathed.

I didn’t know why, but that sounded… weird. In a good way, though. “I-I guess I just don’t know if you’re going to ever want out of this.”

“Even if I did, it wouldn’t happen. Do you know why I’m always here? Why I always follow you around like a lost puppy?” he spoke clearly, sitting up all the way. He pulled me with him and I sighed, running my fingers through my hair nervously. Nick was such a cute lost puppy, but that was besides the point.

“No. It actually confuses me because you say you’re around too much.”

“I have to be around you because it’s emotionally painful for me. I can’t be a certain amount away before I start to go crazy. I-I can’t take it and I know it’s worse than what regular soul mates feel. That’s why I think I’m too attached to you. What if we got separated somewhere? I’d be suffering. It physically hurts me. I can take that pain, but I can’t-” he stopped, sucking in a breath.

I knew my mouth was hanging open and my eyes felt heavier, like I was about to cry. But I refrained from doing so and just sat there in awe instead.

“But Nick… you don’t get it. I want you to always be around. I go crazy, too. I mean, I don’t know how bad it feels because you’ve never been too far away, but I do know that it means a lot to me when you stay.”

“You’re too cute for your own good sometimes, you know that Stewart?” he sighed, smoothing his thumb over my cheek. I smiled brightly and watched him mirror my action, his hand slipping into mine.

“I could say the same for you.”

He lifted my hand with another smile and placed a kiss to the back of it charmingly, glancing up through his eyelashes and his fallen curls. I sighed and scooted back over once he pulled back, both of us taking our previous positions on the couch. The awkwardness was unneeded now, though. When I glanced over, he was staring at me.

“Come here,” he smiled, opening his arms. And, just like I always did, I hurried right into them, feeling completely content once he wrapped them around me, making me safe and warm. It was one of the best feelings that I could never have imagined.

“Hey Nick?” I whispered, nuzzling my face into his neck. He tensed up some, but his arm tightened around me and his hand rubbed my back soothingly. My breath hitched and I tried not to shiver when I felt his thumb role over the patch of bare skin my tank was letting off. I used it as an excuse to get closer to him. “Is cuddling really uncomfortable for you? I… I don’t want to make you do something you don’t like.”

“It’s not that I don’t like it, I’m just not used to it, being so close to somebody.”

“I can understand that. I’ve never been close to anybody either,” I sighed, locking one of my hands with his.

“You’re younger so it’s easier for you to adapt to this kind of thing. And it doesn’t help that you’re a beautiful girl,” he replied slowly. I quickly looked up, watching him stare at the TV as he spoke. “It’s harder for me because I don’t know what you’re thinking. I know how you’re feeling, and I know when you’re upset or angry or happy, but you confuse me. You aren’t like I thought most girls would be. You’re… different.

“You know, we’re both growing up. You’re not fifteen anymore and I’m not seventeen. I’m eighteen years old and I still don’t know what I want. Am I ever going to college or am I going to be stuck as the great wolf my whole life? Am I going to have to live by the rules of the council? Getting married when they tell me to, having kids when they say it’s right, living a life I have no clue how to live. Or do I get to pick what I want? Don’t you ever have any problems with this life?”

The truth was, I did. But I didn’t find them too annoying. I liked the fact that Nick couldn’t leave--no matter how psychotic that sounded, and I liked the fact that we would always be together. But I did have issues. Getting married at sixteen was never on my list, and I certainly didn’t want to live according to a timeline. I didn’t want to die in some stupid battle either. Being a witch was never fully going to set in and I knew that everything that was going to happen wouldn’t always be great, but I always found that little part in my heart that told me Nick would be there and that, no matter what, we’d still be okay.

“I do think about what it would be like… if I wasn’t a witch. I think about what it would be like growing up without knowing that I would have the duties of a great witch. And I wouldn’t know anything about love, so I don’t think it’s all that bad…”

“I’m not saying this is bad,” he replied quickly, shaking his head. He licked his lips and turned his head to look down at me again. “It’s just the fact that… I’d like to pick my future.”

I widened my eyes a little, hoping to find out what exactly he wanted his future to hold. He squeezed my hand absentmindedly and stared back at the TV.

“You’d still be in it,” he murmured in such a soft voice, but he refused to look at me.

“Nick?” I giggled, biting my lip. He sighed and looked down, knowing I was going to say something to embarrass him. But I decided to just tell him how I felt instead. “I love you.”

He muttered something in return and rubbed the back of his neck, pulling me closer into his side. He licked his lips and cocked his head.

“Huh? Excuse me? I didn’t quite catch that Mr. Jonas,” I smirked, poking his side. He flinched a little, his cheeks flushing. So he was ticklish? I grinned even wider.

“Lonnie,” he hissed, flinching again. I poked his side one more time, getting a grunt out of him. I laughed and moved my hands farther over his sides, rubbing his shirt over his skin quickly. “L-Lonnie stop,” he insisted, twisting.

“Say it. Come on,” I cooed, crinkling my nose. He managed to grab my arms quickly and push them down to my sides, his face inches from mine.

“Alright; I love you too.”

“See? How is that so bad? I swear Nicholas, sometimes you get in some pretty weird moods. You can say it one minute, and then the next you can’t.” My words weren’t as strong as I wanted them to be due to the closeness of his lips, but he didn’t kiss me. He stared at me instead, a look on his face that suggested he was battling something in his mind. I didn’t ask. But I did get a final smile out of him. That I was proud of.

[&&light]

I hadn’t had any nightmares lately. That dream about the wedding came up now and again, and so did a few other ones, but I wasn’t about to spill those private things to Nick. Not only did I think of him as a boyfriend, but I thought of him as my best friend. And there are some things you don’t tell to your boyfriend slash best friend. Especially if they’re about him.

Nick went… well, I wasn’t exactly sure where he went now. I know he didn’t like being by himself, no matter how much he begged to differ, so I doubted the fact that he’d go back to that shack we had stayed at. And I knew he didn’t go to the village without me. I had asked him if he had a place to stay and he smiled and said yes, but part of me knew he didn’t. He probably roamed the forest in wolf form and slept in a field. Why couldn’t he just tell the truth? I was certain that, if I asked my dad, he’d love to have Nick here. Nick would refuse though. I knew him that much. Maybe I could manipulate him to agree--it was for his own good, not just my own. I sighed.

He had taken me to school in his car. I could see the look on his face when he looked at it. I was almost jealous. But I was extremely happy to know that he enjoyed my gift. And it was even better when he kissed me. He decided it was okay to make me delusional in the morning… I didn’t mind.

I shut my locker tight and held the binder to my chest, sighing heavily when I saw Josh next to me. He always seemed to follow me around with a blank look on his face or a glare. And whenever he saw Nick, the two stared each other down like animals. Nick could definitely pull it off.

“I want to talk to you Lonnie,” he said sternly, re-adjusting the strap on his shoulder. Josh was good looking, I knew that, but he wasn’t my type. He wasn’t even nice to me anymore.

“I don’t want to talk to you, you… jerk face.” Very mature, I know.

“That was last year, Lonnie. And it obviously didn’t cause that much damage if you two are all over each other now,” he muttered, quickly moving forward to follow me to Mr. Cornell’s class. It was seventh period and he was allowing me study hall again. I just wish I could get rid of Josh.

“It did more damage than you think,” I grumbled, remembering how unfocused I was. I could’ve gotten myself killed. That was his fault.

I walked forward briskly, ignoring the people who were bumping into me, but Josh was on my trail.

“He’s not going to give you everything you want. He isn’t perfect.”

“What are you talking about?” I sighed, turning to face him. I didn’t stop, but I did slow down.

“He’s too stone-faced. Just think about when you want something and he won’t give it to you; he isn’t affectionate enough for someone like you.” His hand was wrapped around my arm this time, his face close to mine. I scrunched up my nose and pulled away, punching his shoulder.

“You don’t know me and you don’t know Nick.” I did know that he was somewhat right, though. Nick wasn’t big on… affection. It was okay over the summer when things were starting to clear up, but now it was different. I felt like one of those needy girlfriends now, but I wasn’t. I hoped. All I wanted was for Nick to show a little more towards me. We’d work on that. “And if you want to be my friend again, stop being a creep.”

“You’ll see Lonnie Stewart. I can give you what you want, what Nick won't.”

Whatever.

I rolled my eyes and strolled into class, slamming my binder on the desk. Nick said I had a bit of a temper. I got it from being around him. Mr. Cornell looked up, startled.

“Miss Stewart, are you alright?” he asked, clearing his throat. I nodded shortly but let off a tired sigh, biting my lip.

“It’s just… Josh-”

“He’s at it again?” Mr. Cornell was very observant when it came to his students. He wasn’t blind to the attempts Josh had made to get me to fall for him. Anna called it weird. I called it pathetic.

I nodded slowly, pushing my hair away from my face.

“What’s going on now?”

I opened my mouth to speak but took a moment to think about his words. What was he really talking about “I can give you what you want?” I furrowed my eyebrows and wondered if he was hinting at something. And why was I feeling like he was sort of right about Nick not giving me it? Whatever “it” was.

“He’s just… stupid.”

[&&light]

I didn’t get anything done in my study hall session. I was too busy thinking about stupid Josh and his stupid words. I didn’t want to let them bother me, and they didn’t for the second that Nick kissed my cheek when he came to pick me up, but then I was distracted again.

“No, no, no,” Nick sighed, bringing my attention back. I asked him to help me with my homework and he agreed, but I knew I was being frustrating because of my lack of focus.

“What?” I whined, dropping my pencil to the textbook. He sighed.

“That’s not how you do a Punnet Square. You bring the B’s on the top down and the B’s on the side across. That’s how you tell which ones are dominant and recessive.”

“I’m sorry! I don’t understand this.”

“You know, for someone who works off focus, you sure have a lack of it,” he muttered, picking up the pencil. I let the comment slide because I knew it was true--that and the fact that Nick was sweet enough to help me despite his annoyances.

He gripped his curls tightly and began to scribble on my paper, getting the first square and the following questions done within what seemed like seconds. Stupid beautiful genius.

“See?” he breathed, setting the pencil back down. I nodded weakly, still not paying attention. “Lonnie, what’s on your mind?”

“Umm, nothing. Just… school stuff,” I answered quickly, giving him a smile. He didn’t buy it.

“Is it, huh, anything you want to talk about?” He raised his eyebrows and smiled encouragingly, rubbing his neck. He was too adorable. I knew talking was sometimes awkward for him.

“Okay,” I smiled some, turning to face him on the couch. I crossed my legs Indian style, not bothering to pull down my pajama shorts. I thought his eyes trailed downward for a moment before they flicked back up to mine, a partial blank look there. I really needed to stop imagining things. “Josh… I guess he wants to be friends again, but he won’t give up on the whole… us thing. He says that-” Did I really want to tell him that Josh was trying to say Nick couldn’t be affectionate? I knew he could be, it was just a matter of how much and when he decided to show it. We’d had this argument countless times.

“What?” he prompted, licking his lips. He looked tired.

“I don’t know. He just says that you can’t show me as much affection as I need,” I laughed as if it were stupid, shrugging. But Nick didn’t think it was funny.

“Is that what he’s telling you? Is that why you’re always trying to get closer to me?” I recognized the sudden anger in his voice and I saw his fists clench.

“That’s what he’s saying, but that’s not why I want to be closer. I just think we’re ready to get serious,” I whispered, looking down at my hands.

“We are serious,” he retorted. I looked up, narrowing my eyes.

“That’s now how you treat it. I know we always talk about this, but it’s really starting to upset me.”

“Tomorrow, when I take you to school, I’m talking to him.”

“What?” I hissed, moving forward as he stood. I grabbed his forearm and yanked him back down, shaking my head. “No. Don’t do that.”

“He has no right to say things like that. He has no idea what I’m doing or what I think about. And you-” he growled, pointing at me. I shrunk back. “If you believe him-”

“I don’t… really. I mean, I know you’re trying, but maybe if you just let me know…”

“Are we at this again? Why do we keep having the same arguments over and over?” I could tell he was irritated. I didn’t want to calm him just yet. Rubbing my arm, I sat back a little, staring down at the cushion.

“You tell me you're thinking or trying, but how about you tell me what you’re thinking about or how you’re trying once in a while…” I whispered, gaining silence out of him.

“My thoughts are private,” he suddenly snapped, catching me off guard.

“What’s the big deal?” I stressed, staring at him in confusion. He looked so torn and he groaned, rubbing his face. “I’m just trying to understand you. If you hadn’t noticed, we’re going to be getting married…” I grumbled, trying not to get angry. We needed to cut back on our arguments. I knew I probably started most of them, but he needed to calm down.

I set my hands on his shoulders, gaining a skeptical look from him, and massaged slightly. He immediately relaxed and I knew that was one thing that worked. He sighed and closed his eyes, shaking his head a little.

Thank you magic.

“Listen… right now, I’m a little confused. It’s either we take a step back, or we go forward and stop arguing.”

“I want to move forward,” I answered quickly, biting my lip. “But we both have to make changes, okay? You have to be more open with me and I’ll try not to be so pushy.” Hadn’t we gone through this before?

“Okay,” he nodded after a moment, his eyes completely serious. I blinked in surprise.

“Really…?”

“Yes, really. We have to do something; I don’t want to lose you.”

“Thank you,” I whispered, sighing in relief. Leaning forward, I wrapped my arms around his neck and pressed my forehead to his, giggling a little. He smiled.

“I’m sick of fighting with you Lonnie. I really am,” he breathed, his own hands resting on my sides. “It’s like I have to walk on eggshells around you because I don’t know what’s going to make you angry.”

“If you opened up some more than nothing would,” I whispered, playing with the curls that rested at the nape of his neck. He shuddered but didn’t pull away.

“You’re a very complex creature Lilliani Stewart, you know that?” he mumbled lowly. The room was silent, just the two of us breathing being heard. It was peaceful and I loved it.

“I could say the same about you,” I snorted, tilting my head to the side. He smiled.

He pressed his lips to mine slowly, kissing me softly. I immediately melted. It was like Nick held some power over me. We really were connected in a way I didn’t understand. I wanted to drag Nick over to Eve’s and make her go over the whole soul mate thing again. He pushed forward some, lying me down on the couch, and I pulled myself as close as I could to him. I would never get enough of our moments.

The door opened suddenly and Nick practically jumped away, his cheeks flushed with embarrassment--as were mine. Dad walked in with a smile, pushing his glasses farther up his nose. He looked at us skeptically, smiling playfully.

“Hey kids,” he waved, setting his keys on the table.

“Hey dad,” I smiled, sitting up. Nick mumbled his own polite hello. “How was work?”

“Oh, you know how it is. I’m putting in more hours to get my paycheck earlier.”

We weren’t exactly the richest family in the neighborhood. I had nice things and I was thankful, but now we could afford the extra things. And we could definitely afford to have Nick stay… all I had to do was ask him--and convince Nick, of course.

“So, what were you two doing?” he questioned, clearing his throat. He glanced over his shoulder as he ran his hands under the water. Nick and I glanced at each other and I held back a laugh at his still embarrassed face. He was always so reserved.

“Nick was helping me with homework,” I answered. It was true.. At first.

“Ah, well… I’m gonna’ make some dinner. You staying Nick?” he called over the clattering of the pans in the cabinet. He shuffled around in the fridge, running his fingers through his light hair.

Nick opened his mouth, most likely to decline, but I shot him that pout that he always said worked. I had been working on it. I grinned.

“Umm, yeah. Thank you Mr. Stewart.”

“Hey dad, are we watching movies tonight?” I called, tapping my pencil against my leg. I tapped it against his nose, getting him to stick his tongue out at me.

“Definitely kiddo.”

“Can Nick stay too?”

He gave me that “are you crazy?” look. It wasn’t because he didn’t like spending time with my dad--it was weird that he actually did. Besides Nick’s strong and god-like features, he was a bit of a nerd. I had learned that he loved English and writing and that he was pretty much good in every subject. Him and my dad could sit down and talk about anything from technology to music and get along. It was one of those perfect things that I would never understand. But Nick didn’t like to ‘impose’ as he would say.

“Hey, that’s a great idea!” my dad smiled, giving us a thumbs up. Nick smiled despite himself and laced his fingers with mine, kissing my cheek quickly.

I guess my mind was finally getting a rest… for now at least.