Light in the Storm

Neither Nick or myself knew how this would work out. But the important thing was that we’d try it. I was so excited that I practically tripped trying to jump out of the car. I didn’t know why this was so important to me, something about it just felt… right. When I woke up, Nick would be here. When I went to sleep, Nick would be here. I spent most of my free time with Nick anyway, but just the thought of him staying made me happy. I was weird.

I grabbed Nick’s hand and pulled him away from the car and up the driveway, pushing open the front door. When dad was home, he kept doors unlocked for me. I smiled. Glancing around, I dropped my bag to the floor and immediately heard feet bounding down the stairs.

“Oh, hey you two,” he smiled kindly, running his hands through his hair.

“Hey dad,” I grinned back, sighing when Nick’s fingers laced with mine. It was routine, but I could tell he was hesitant. His eyes trailed over my father for a moment before he looked down to his worn converse.

Was I supposed to just blurt it out? We couldn’t stand here staring at each other for ages.

“Nick agreed to stay with us,” I said softly, clearing my throat. My dad smiled and opened his mouth to speak, but Nick beat him to it.

“It’s really nice of you to offer and I appreciate it, so I could get a job or something… I don’t want to be a waste of space, so if you need me to do anything, I’ll do it,” his voice was soft and sure and his eyebrows were knitted together in concentration. He was too cute. I couldn’t help but stare adoringly at him.

“Don’t worry about it Nick,” my dad chuckled, twisting his lips into another smile. He took a step forward and shoved his hands into his pockets, his eyelevel about the same as Nick’s. My dad wasn’t too tall, and neither was Nick--I was still 3 or four inches shorter though. “If you want to get a job, that’s up to you, but I’m not going to force you. It isn’t mandatory. I know this means a lot to Lonnie, so I’m happy you agreed. And I like having you around, too. As for sleeping arrangements…” he trailed off, going into dad mode.

“Dad,” I mumbled, clenching my jaw some. We didn’t have a guest bedroom and I guess I expected him to sleep with me. Woops.

“I can take the couch with no problem,” Nick reassured him, smiling appreciatively. And he glanced at me with the same smile, letting me know that I couldn’t be able to change that. Yeah… right.

“I just cleaned out the hall closet the other day, if you wanna’ put your things in there,” dad went on, sighing slightly. He turned back around and headed for the kitchen, grabbing his keys off the counter and heading for the door as he called out. “I’m gonna go pick up a few groceries, I’ll bring back some tacos, okay?”

“Yeah!” I called back, giggling.

“And do your homework kiddo!” I heard that just before the door clicked closed. I knew he left so quickly because he didn’t want to make anything else awkward for Nick.

I glanced at him and sighed, the warmth of his hand keeping me at a comfortable feeling. He looked as if he were deep in thought for a moment before he darted his eyes to mine and smiled.

“So…” I trailed off, turning to face him a little more. He stayed quiet. “I think you’re happy to be here.”

“Really?” he breathed, raising his eyebrows. I tightened my grip on his hand and nodded, my loose waves, moving slightly. He cocked his head. “Why would you think that I could possibly be excited about staying with you?” he scoffed, emphasizing the you. I scrunched up my nose and stuck my tongue out at him, punching his shoulder.

“You’re mean.”

“You’re violent.”

“I am not!” I tried to argue, but failed when I smiled. He sighed heavily and brought our connected hands up into sight, trying his best not to smile. But I could see it.

“You might be too adorable for me. Not sure if I can stand it,” he muttered, his eyes locking mine. I smiled even wider, my cheeks flushing and my glow flickering brighter.

I could just stand there and stare at him, but I really did have to get my homework done.

[&&light]

I groaned and stared down at the textbook, the numbers jumping out at me in a blur. It was as if they wanted me to fail the upcoming test. I couldn’t concentrate and I needed Nick’s help. But he was downstairs. He had offered to help clean up since he was staying, and I agreed. I wanted to stay and watch him, but he insisted I go do my homework and then we could do something afterward. I booked it up those stairs.

I sighed heavily and shut the book, kicking it off the bed lazily. My eyes scanned the empty room, settling on the darkening clouds out the window. I could feel the cool air just seeping in, stinging my body. I focused on the trees that went on for miles through the distance, all the branches looking bare and sharp. I licked my dry lips and thought for a moment, wondering if my dreams really were coming back.

Why had Nick been so noticeably weak? With those cuts and bruises and his frail figure. That wasn’t the Nick I knew. The Nick that was cleaning the kitchen downstairs was strong and bright, his smile always making my heart flutter. I shuddered at just the thought and opened my eyes wider out of fear of seeing that image again. I shook those thoughts away and stood. Something about the sky caught my attention and I didn’t know whether or not I was imagining that black spot through the thick clouds.

I pulled my door open and turned, bounding down the stairs. I almost stopped; there was no mess. I couldn’t help but smile. The last time this house was clean was before I had even met Nick. Dad was never home to clean and I hated it, plus I didn’t exactly have the time either. Nick was used to it and I knew that he helped his mom as much as he could when he was younger.

I turned the corner and leaned my shoulder against the wall, watching Nick throw something away. Everything was put in a place, everything was clean. Had I really been struggling with math that long? Or was he just a fast worker?

“Wow. I haven’t seen it this clean in a while,” I said softly. He immediately turned around, my voice intruding his peaceful silence. He shrugged.

“It’s the least I could do.”

“Hey, I have a brilliant idea!” I grinned, throwing my hands up excitedly. He furrowed his eyebrows and pushed up his sleeves, running his hand through his thick curls. He raised an eyebrow and watched me skeptically. “Why don’t you come clean my room?” I smiled hopefully. I was joking, of course. I wouldn’t make him clean my mess. I just didn’t want to be alone up there.

“Seriously?” he muttered, rubbing his cheek. I laughed, shrugging.

“Sure. I’ll help, since it is my room. I just can’t do any more homework. I’ll go crazy.” He opened his mouth but I quickly shot him a glare. He smirked.

“Fine.”

I waited for him to get close enough before I started walking, my eyes locking on the side of his face. His cheek was smooth, free of any purple and black smudges. I felt relieved. That dream really got me riled up, I just didn’t know why. I needed to stop thinking about it.

He allowed me to lead up the stairs and we reached my room within seconds, the cluttered mess getting him to sigh. I smiled sheepishly and picked up the book that I had kicked, gently placing it on the bed. I didn’t care if a few of the textbook pages were torn or crinkled. He glanced around and rubbed his hands together, licking his lips.

“Lonnie, this is a mess.”

[&&light]

I lied on my back with my head dangling off the bed, my eyes locking on Nick as he moved. He swiftly shuffled the papers on the desk, going through each one and setting it in a pile. Perfectionist; I loved it. He could sense me staring and he glanced over his shoulder, sighing.

“You said you were going to help. It is your room after all,” he breathed, turning back around to pile the books up.

“Yeah, I know. But watching you… I don’t know. You do everything a specific way. It’s sort of intriguing and beautiful.”

“I think too much blood rushed to your head,” he snorted, opening the drawer on the desk. That’s where I kept my pens and pencils, but only a few sat in there now. He grabbed the handful that was spread around the desk and threw them inside, shutting it back up.

“I’m serious. I don’t know how you’re so perfect.” I sighed and sat myself up, rubbing my eyes. “And besides, I wasn’t really serious. You didn’t have to clean my room. I wouldn’t use you like that.”

“I know, but… cleaning is one of those things I’m used to. I like to organize things, it keeps my mind busy” he muttered, slowing his movements when he got to my drawings. I swallowed. He ran his fingers over one of the pages carefully, his eyes focusing on it fully. “Is this new?” he almost whispered, turning his head to face me. “It’s… amazing.”

I furrowed my eyebrows and stood, shuffling over to him. He hadn’t gotten to my clothes yet… I’d pick those up myself. Peering over his shoulder, I was surprised to see a sketch of him, his beautiful face outlined smoothly. It looked like a photograph and I didn’t know why this was on my desk. Did I draw that?

“I don’t know. I don’t remember doing that,” I whispered. I stared at the drawing again, taking in the identical features. His full lips were captured perfectly, his eyes looking soft on the page. His hair was worked out messily, but it came together just like it looked now. I glanced between the page and his face, not remembering it at all.

“Maybe you did it in a dream,” he suggested, his eyes meeting mine. Nick had learned to rule nothing out when it came to me.

“Maybe,” I breathed. His hand gripped my chin lightly, pulling me to face him, his lip inches from mine.

“I guess that means you dream about me,” he smirked slightly. I blushed. If he only knew…

I smiled faintly and took it from his hands, focusing on it a little more. The more I was drawn into the picture, the more I could tell I had drawn it. And the more my eyes connected with the one side of the page, the more it started to change… like a slideshow. I watched with wide eyes as tiny squiggles and circles formed over his cheek, a long squiggly line starting on his forehead, disappearing under a fallen curl. I stared at it in shock, my eyes widening. Cuts and bruises. I felt myself shiver and I quickly dropped the paper back onto the desk, my eyes roaming over it again. But it was back to normal… back to beautiful.

What was going on?

I turned around slowly and sighed when I saw Nick peering down at my math book, scratching his head. He looked down at my worksheet only to find I had no answers. He chuckled.

“Umm, Nick?” I breathed, cracking my knuckles. He glanced over at me, locking my gaze. “I had… a nightmare. Last night.”

I sounded like a child who had done something wrong and was afraid to admit it. But I couldn’t control this and I needed Nick to tell me what it meant, if he could.

“You did?” he asked, slightly confused. I nodded. He looked a little taken aback. He knew I hadn’t had them lately and he also knew it meant something

“I mean, I’m sure it’s no big deal,” I laughed nervously, not wanting to tell him what it was about. “I just thought you should know…”

It was silent for a moment, my eyes still connected with his. He let a sigh escape his parted lips and he moved forward, wrapping an arm around my waist.

“Do you want to talk about it?” he asked smoothly, slowly pulling me towards the bed. My heart fluttered but I ignored it and focused on his question. He gently pushed me onto the bed and sat down next to me, rubbing his hand over my back. His touch warmed me fully and I could feel myself relax a little.

“No. I’m okay, really.”

He nodded slowly and smiled, leaning forward. His pecked my lips and began to pull back, but something in me sparked, telling me I wasn’t done. I quickly pushed forward and reconnected our lips, my fingers shakily twisting in his curls, pulling him towards me. He kissed back slowly, unsure of what was really going through my mind, but I didn’t care. I pressed myself closer, using my other hand to grip his neck. I could feel his own hands patting my sides, trying to find a place to rest them, but I was moving too much. Before I knew what I was doing, I had sat up some, resting on my knees as I pushed him back. His hands sat on my hips and his lower back squished down onto the bed, our lips moving more quickly together.

His lips were soft and velvety as they kissed mine, the feeling coursing through me; new. I could feel his tongue slip past my lips smoothly, meeting mine in a second. My skin felt as if it were burning, the warmth that he was giving me was something I wanted to hang onto. I could feel his grip tighten on me and he leaned forward, his body closer to mine. This hadn’t really happened before and I didn’t know what to do. Before I could think, his lips left mine and they immediately felt cold. He let out a short breath, my own following in a gasp. I stared into his soft, shocked eyes and wondered if this was pushing it. But then I wondered how it could be. If it felt right… it couldn’t be wrong.

He looked away after a moment, his lips quivering with unspoken words. He stayed in his position though, his cheeks a little red. I closed my eyes and shook my head, unable to speak. Slowly pulling away, I pulled my knees up to my chest, suddenly thinking about why he was always pulling away. Was it me? Was what felt right to me wrong or him?

“Lonnie?” he whispered, clearing his throat. I glanced up, his eyes stern. “I love you.” His voice was completely serious as his eyes darted between mine, his full, pouted lips sticking to a straight line.

I told myself to listen to his soft voice and trust those words, a smile slowly playing my lips. And I told myself to push those unnecessary worries away for another day.

“I love you too.”

[&&light]

My mind was swarming with everything once we sat down to eat. Nick had been his usual silent self, but I noticed that he kept looking at me. And I didn’t know what he was thinking. I looked at him several times, trying to decode his thoughts. He never gave anything away. It made me frustrated. I took bites of my taco in between thinking, chewing carefully. Dad mumbled a conversation that Nick managed to keep up with. I was out of it.

I was surprised that dad was going to bed early. He usually stayed up and watched TV, but the couch was now Nick’s space and he wanted him to have a good night. I stayed up though, deciding to help Nick with the dishes. There wasn’t much, but he had already done enough today. I also wasn’t tired, the time not even close to when I wanted to sleep.

Sighing, I stood and trudged to the sink, pushing Nick out of the way with a giggle. He sent me a playful glare and pushed me back. I smacked his arm and he sighed, scooping up some of the bubbles that rested in the sink, throwing them on me.

No matter what mood I was in, I always had time for childish antics with Nick.

I giggled again and dropped my plate in the sink, wiping the bubbles out of my hair. Stepping back slowly, I smiled innocently, clasping my hands together in front of me. His soft eyes trailed over me skeptically before he turned back around, jumping when I smacked his butt. I broke out into a fit of giggles when his cheeks turned a deep rose color, his jaw tightening. And before I could even make it into the living room, his strong arms wrapped around my waist. I squealed.

“Nick! Put me down!” I ordered, thrashing my legs as he carried me. It didn’t faze him.

“Lonnie, Lonnie, Lonnie,” he sighed, dropping me to the couch. I looked up at him through my bangs and smiled innocently.

“What?” He rolled his eyes.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do with you.”

“Love me?” I suggested, licking my lips. He leaned down from his standing position, his eyes connecting with mine.

“I already do,” he answered softly, his eyes holding sincerity. I reached out and touched his smooth cheek, hoping to convince myself that he was real. When he grabbed my hand and placed a kiss to my palm, I knew he was by how weak I suddenly felt.

“Okay. Then how about you cuddle with me?”

“You have an obsession,” he chuckled melodically, dropping my hand. I shrugged. “Move over,” he muttered after a moment of silence, sitting down next to me when I happily obliged. I had already set a blanket and a pillow on the arm of the couch, ready for him, but I still didn’t want him to sleep on the couch. It wasn’t exactly the most comfortable thing in the world.

He wrapped his arms around me securely, almost protectively, and pulled me into his strong chest softly. I could hear his heart beat increase a tad as I rested my head over it, taking in his scent. I moved my legs to rest on his and he pulled me a little closer, his fingers toying with my hair almost nervously. I heard him sigh and when I gripped his shirt between my fingers, he rested his head on top of mine.

Moments like these never ceased to amaze me. I never understood how anyone could feel such a love, such a passion for someone as I felt for Nick. I was too young to ever realize the way my parents felt about each other and I didn’t want to lose any time with Nick. I wanted us to stay together, to stick everything out. I wanted us to be normal… but not just any normal, our normal. I wanted him. Forever. And I realized that all of this wasn’t so bad. Sure, it could be life threatening at times, but that didn’t matter.

I was crazy.

It was silent for a long time, the ticking of the clock indicating that I had been sitting here with Nick for a while. His breathing was even and he didn’t move, his body molding with mine as I rested into his side. I breathed in and out slowly, my eyelids heavy, ready to fall. Nick’s howl made me tired instantly, but lying here with him made that peacefulness come at an easy, slow rate.

“Lonnie?” Nick’s groggy voice suddenly whispered into my ear. I was a little more alert due to my shiver, but my eyes still wanted to close.

“Hmm?” I murmured, letting off a yawn. I heard him chuckle.

“I think you better go to bed.”

“I will,” I breathed, snuggling even closer to him, locking my arms around his torso. I could feel it rise up slowly and then fall when he finished his yawn, his hand lazily patting my back.

“No. You have to go to your room,” he groaned, trying to push me off. It was a failed attempt.

“But I wanna stay with you,” I said softly, lifting my head to stare into his eyes through the darkness. He shook his head.

“No Lonnie. You have to go.”

“Ugh,” I groaned, leaning back some to stretch. I extended my legs fully, flopping them onto his lap as my arms darted up, the cool air hitting my newly exposed skin all over. I shivered. Glancing up, I caught Nick’s eyes on me and I blushed, looking down so he didn’t know that I had noticed him. I could feel his eyes on me for another moment before he twisted, dropping my legs off his lap. I pouted.

“Go on,” he prompted softly, running his fingers through his thick curls. I nodded obediently and stood, almost tripping. He grabbed my hand and pulled me down, placing his lips over mine softly before I even noticed. I kissed back eagerly, trying to calm myself. He pulled back after a moment and let go of my hand, yawning again. “Goodnight,” he whispered, his voice so velvety and soft.

“Goodnight.”

[&&light]

I stood in that familiar dry field, my legs aching with scratches, my chest burning from the unclean air. I glanced around my foggy surroundings, my chest heaving with my panicked breathe. I could feel my heart race and rubbed my eyes furiously, the sounds of a dark laugh filling my ears. It echoed through the clouded trees, bouncing back even louder. I shuddered.

I could see the black sky, the gray clouds disappearing as the wind picked up, stinging my face as if they were slaps. I gulped and stumbled backwards, my hands colliding with the rough dirt. I yelped and scrambled to my feet, the laugh sounding again. And I suddenly felt like crying. Tears stung my dry eyes and my lips quivered as I looked around, searching for someone--anyone. But there wasn’t anyone in sight. I was alone.

“Lets see how strong you are now,” that icy voice rang. I could just picture lips curling into a menacing smile. I struggled to breath and stay alert. And then it hit me.

“Where is he?” I blurted out, my voice cracking. I backed up and bumped into a tree, the rough bark skidding across my skin. I winced. “W-where’s Nick? Where is he?” I called frantically, sniffling. I wasn’t glowing.

The voice laughed again and I felt myself being drawn forward, my shoes digging into the dirt, trying to draw myself back. I chanted no to myself over and over, but my vision became blurry and my mind began to spin. I couldn’t focus on anything and I couldn’t even breathe.

“Nick…” I murmured, panicking as the wind drug me forward. I screamed as I flung forward, my back thumping against the tree painfully. I stirred, but something caught my attention. Those curls were matted and those chocolate eyes weren’t gleaming. Those full lips were drawn into a frown and he looked so weak. I shook my head. “Nick…”

He reached out his hand, his lips moving but no sound coming out. It was as if he were caged in glass. I reached out and crawled forward, only to find him rising up, the wind whipping his curls.

“Say goodbye,” a hiss sounded, my eyes widening at the fact that Nick was slowly disappearing, fading. My breath shook as I stared on in horror, shaking my head furiously. I opened my mouth wide and shut my eyes tight, screaming out his name.

“Nick!”

I found myself jolting upright with that name leaving my dry throat, my eyes wide as I stared at the wall. The wall. No trees, no black sky, no smoke. Just a plain pink wall with my many posters. My breathing was still heavy.

Footsteps suddenly thudded and the door flew open, dad rushing in with wide eyes and a tired face. His glasses weren’t even on right.

“Lonnie. Honey what’s the matter?” he breathed, setting his hand on my shoulder. I shook it off.

“N-nick. Nick,” I gulped, flinging my legs over the side of the bed. “Nick. I have to see him. I have to!” I realized I was yelling in panic now. I tried to stand but he held me back, shushing me soothingly. I was acting like I belonged in a looney bin. “No, no! I have to see him,” I tried again. “He’s going, he’s leaving.”

“Leaving? What are you talking about?” His voice was full of confusion. Before I could speak, I heard a few thuds and then my eyes settled on Nick tripping into the room. His shirt was raised, showing off some of his chest, and his tight jeans hung low on his hips from turning. His hair was a mess and his bright eyes were wide with alert, his lips parted in surprise. He was… fine. Perfect.

“What’s wrong?” he asked groggily, his voice alert. “I heard my name-”

I quickly interrupted by pushing forward, flinging my arms around his neck. He was caught off guard at my tight grasp, but quickly settled his hands on my back, holding me to him. I buried my face into his neck and inhaled deeply, pressing my lips to his soft, warm skin. I could feel the quickness of his pulse and how it easily quickened when I repeatedly kissed his skin. I hugged him tighter, mumbling.

“You smell so good and you’re beautiful. And you have all these little freckles that I could play connect the dots with,” I mumbled idiotically, gripping his curls tightly. He was completely confused, holding me as I stood there, afraid to let him go. “You’re eyes say that you’re always sincere and I love it when you kiss me; it makes me feel safe. You can’t go. Ever.” I was well aware of the fact that I wasn’t making any sense, not even to myself, but he didn’t ask any questions. He could sense how distressed I was and instead just chose to hold me, his lips pressing against my temple.

“Shh,” he whispered, rubbing my back. It wasn’t until then that I realized I was sobbing, my chest heaving up and down sporadically, my cries sounding through the air. “Come on beautiful, don’t cry. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere. What’s the matter?” he whispered softly. I could feel him try to push me, but I wouldn’t budge. “Shh,” he repeated quietly, picking me up with ease. I locked my arms tighter around him and gasped for air, immediately cuddling to him once he rested both of us on the bed.

“I’ll get her some hot chocolate,” I heard dad whisper, his voice full of worry. But I could tell he trusted Nick to calm me down. I shook as I tried to calm down, immediately telling myself it was just a nightmare.

“Lonnie, what’s wrong?” he asked again, managing to pry me off him enough to lock my gaze. He was truly concerned. “Was it a nightmare? What happened?”

“Promise me you’ll never leave,” I whispered, clearing my throat so my words wouldn’t be shaky. He furrowed his eyebrows.

“What-”

“Promise me,” I begged, blinking back more tears. I leaned forward and gripped his shirt desperately, my nose touching his. “Please.”

“I promise,” he said weakly, trying to figure me out.

“You do?” I sniffled, biting my lip. He nodded, his disheveled curls bouncing.

“I promise I won’t ever leave you.”

I sighed in a final relief, rubbing my eyes and cheeks. He smoothed down my hair lovingly, still not sure how to act. I didn’t blame him. I glanced up at him and ran my shaky fingers through my hair, my hand bumping into his. He immediately laced our fingers.

“Can’t you tell me what’s wrong?” he whispered, rubbing his thumb over my arm. I shook my head, not wanting to go there. The image of Nick disappearing hurt me more than I could imagine. I didn’t even want to think about it. “Okay,” he breathed, understanding.

[&&light]

Nick cleaned himself up the best he could without his things. He was going to get them once he dropped me off at school. But he had kept a good eye on me as I got ready, watching to make sure I was okay. I was. I smiled at him and kissed his cheek, rubbing my hand over his muscular arm. He returned a shy smile.

“You’re sure you’re okay enough for school?” dad questioned, patting my shoulder. I nodded weakly. I didn’t want to go, but it would take my mind off things--that’s what Nick said. I just didn’t want to leave him. I was honestly fine now, though. It was just a stupid dream. I smiled.

“Ready to go?” Nick asked once I bounced down the stairs, zipping up my jacket.

“Mhm,” I mumbled, offering a brighter smile to him. He returned it and kissed my lips lightly, lingering for a moment. His eyes stared deeply into mine and, for a moment, I forgot about everything. What was with the way he was looking at me? His eyes sparkled with too many emotions. I could see the nerves swimming along with the shine in his soft eyes, and I could also see things I didn’t recognize. He was breathtaking. He leaned in again after a moment, like I was a magnet drawing him in. I could definitely live with that. I smiled into the kiss and sighed when he pulled away, jingling the keys in his hand to remind us that we had to go.

I didn’t want to.