Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Bailey's POV

I sat on my bed staring out the window at the snow covered, leafless branches. Through the sun that was glaring in the window, I saw stillness. There was no wind, no activity from animals or humans and the snow that layered the yard was untouched and it almost looked fake because of the smooth piles of snow that hadn’t been walked through.

The stillness and tranquility outside reflected the feeling inside the house as well. Clara was gone, the boys that were here earlier had left and Jade was the quietest I had ever seen her. I felt calm and composed too, not really sure what was going on, the only thing reminding me that I needed to continue packing was the small, terrified, broken voice of my sister that replayed itself over and over in my head. I want to go home.

I didn’t know what to think once those words came out of her mouth but I knew I had to go with her. I didn’t even think about my answer, it just spilled out of my mouth. Jade was my sister, so yes, I was sure I wanted to go with her but I also didn’t know how I could move away from my home. I couldn’t leave all the new people I had met. What would I do without giggling with Kaylie, joking with Jack and hanging out with Zack? I was starting to become close with Alex, I found a genuine group of girls that cared for me and all my new friends gave me something to do every night.

It killed me to walk down the steps, with all their eyes on me, and lie to their faces, saying Jade wasn’t feeling well meaning they should leave. Alex gave me a look knowingly and I saw Rian squint his eyes at me in disbelief. I hated living this double life and I couldn’t stand the thought of lying anymore.

I pulled my head out of my thoughts and stood up to continue my packing and a knock rapped on my door.

“Bailey?”

I looked up to see my sister. She looked sad and disappointed in her self.

“I-I…”

I walked over to her and hugged her, cutting her off. I knew what she was thinking; she hated herself for becoming so weak and vulnerable. She felt bad for saying she wanted to leave causing me to tag along, just like she did for me just four months ago. She didn’t need to tell me that though because I had experienced it before and I knew what it was like to feel so helpless.

“Jade. You don’t need to say anything, okay? I love you and I’m coming with you.”

She nodded in to my shoulder and mumbled with a sniffle, “Thank you.”

I pulled away and looked in to her glossy bright green eyes and pushed the dirty blonde bags out of her tears. “Now, go finish packing. I’ll pack some food from the kitchen before Clara gets home and questions what we’re doing.” She nodded silently again and walked back in to her room.

I exhaled and looked around my room that was trashed with all the clothes, toiletries and items that I brought to Aunt Clara’s house from my old room, now needing to be packed right back up. As I did that, I felt different. All of a sudden I was being thrown back in to the big sister position and I had to be the strong one. For both of us.

I heard the front door open and close from where I stood and froze. Clara was home early and if she saw all this packing, she would call our parents or convince us to stay making it hard for us to sneak out. A few seconds later I heard someone hopping up the stairs two at a time and then my door was pushed open. I was still unmoving when the figure walked in to my room, but I loosened up when I saw their face.

“Hey, Zack.”

“Hey Bails.”

My heartbeat slowed to regular and I looked around my room nervously at all the junk out of place and suitcases in middle of being packed, hoping he didn’t notice.

“Um, what are you doing here?”

Zack gave me one of his looks saying that it was pretty obvious, but he answered lightly anyways. “You looked pretty upset earlier this morning. I wanted to make sure you were okay.”

I shrugged and took a step back from his intense stare.

“Really?” He asked in disbelief, giving me a sympathetic look. “Because you were crying. Like, a lot.”

I shrugged again. “It…it wasn’t anything big. It’s really nothing.”

“Then why did Jade like, freak? I’ve never seen her cry before.”

“Something just, set her off…”

“Obviously,” he said lightly with a smile, taking a couple steps closer to me. “What I was asking was why.”

I scrambled for an answer. I hated lying, especially Zack, so I settled on beating around the bush. “Um, that’s kind of Jade’s business. I probably shouldn’t talk about it.” I felt myself becoming shy again, like I did around people I didn’t know. Zack’s prodding was making uncomfortable; he had never questioned me like that before.

He lowered his eyes at me, trying to hide his irritation. “Well then, let’s not talk about Jade. Let’s talk about you. Why were you crying?”

I shrugged yet another time, most likely bringing Zack’s frustration level higher. “I probably shouldn’t talk about that either…” I mumbled out, diverting my eyes from him.

“Why not,” he spat.

“It’s really not that big of deal Zack. I cry all the time, you’ve seen it and it’s fine. I’m fine.”

“Really,” he said again, taking a step closer. I nodded trying to seem confident, but took another step back. “You know what, Bailey?” he said, getting irritated with a little edge in his voice. “I know I’ve been pretty tolerant before, but Goddamn!” I jumped at the loudness of his voice and I backed up towards my wall as he took steps towards me. I had never seen Zack irritated like this before.

“Zack, I-I…” I wasn’t sure what I was going to say. There really was nothing I could say to make him understand.

“I know something is going on in you and Jade’s life,” he said coldly. “I’m not stupid. Something is up…and…I want you to know you can talk to me.”

I thought about all the times Zack opened up to me and told me all the personal things about him. And then I thought about all the times I should have done that. From the moment I met him, I knew he would care about me; he stayed with me as I collapsed and cried during my run. When he saw me upset and annoyed, he always kept by my side to try and cheer me up. I should have talked to him then, but I didn’t. And now it was too late.

“I just-just--”

“What Bailey. What,” he spat.

“I-I-I…” I was now backed up all the way against the wall and he was in my face, a scowl started to form. His eyes were so close to mine, the hazel was all I could see in my line of vision. His mouth was even closer and I felt his hot, frustrated breath hit my face when he breathed out. My stomach was flipping over in summersaults but I was scared. His arm was on the wall beside my head and the way he stood over me made me frightened of him, the last feeling I thought I would have been feeling around peaceful Zack. I felt myself being pushed in to the situation at Alex and Rian’s party; the sensation of mixed emotions and not knowing what to be feeling.

Zack’s face softened after a couple seconds of hard staring. A look of regret washed over his face and he yanked his hand off the wall and backed up from me. Starting to feel horrible about himself, he awkwardly crossed an arm over his shoulder and looked around.

When he spoke up, his voice had changed and was completely opposite of the anger that it held just moments before. “What...? Why are your clothes all over…?” he asked confused.

I wanted to shrink even further in to the wall than I already was, but instead I pushed off it and walked towards my bed where piles of folded clothes were sitting, waiting to be packed.

“Um, I’m just…cleaning my room. Sorting through some stuff, ya know?” I answered nervously and I knew Zack picked up on the waver in my voice.

I looked up at Zack finally after avoiding eye contact with him and his eyes went back to being frustrated with me. He knew I was lying, or at least hiding something.

“You know what, Bailey? I see you later, okay? I’m through with this cryptic shit.”

He walked past me, brushing my shoulder in irritation. I heard him stomp down the stairs, open and then slam the door as he left.

I let out a shaky breath and raised my unsteady arm to run my fingers through my hair. Biting back the tears, I pathetically threw the rest of my crap in my duffle bags, rushed to pack food and carried my entire luggage in to the garage, knowing Clara never parked in the garage because she never pulled up the steep driveway.

==========

“Bailey?” I heard Jade whisper after she poked her head through the crack in my door. My lights were out and I lay on top of the quilted comforter. I grunted letting her know I was awake and she flipped on my lights, reveling herself in skinny jeans and a winter jacket, ready to go.

I stood up and took a look around. It felt like déjà vu from the first day of arrival; an empty red room with just a bed and a bare dresser but instead of the bright, welcoming sun shinning through the window, the white moon illuminated the dark walls in goodbye. I checked for any last items I missed and quickly but quietly ran to catch up to Jade who was already headed to the garage.

So far our plan was working perfectly. Clara didn’t see our empty rooms before she went to bed, we successfully hid our luggage in the garage and we effectively made it out of the house before one in the morning, meaning if we drove straight through, we would get home by four or five in the morning.

I quietly lifted the garage door open above my head, revealing our little car sitting out in the driveway. Jade grabbed a suitcase and headed towards the car to pack up and I followed.

We both worked in silence and after a couple minutes, almost all our items were in the car. Jade stood outside the trunk, trying to organize the small space to fit all of our things and I carried the last few stray pieces like blankets, electronics and pillows and placed them in the backseat.

The sound of a car door closing echoed through the night sky. I jumped in shock when I heard the noise in the quiet, hollow air and I looked over to the Flyzik’s house where I spotted Matt. I paused, hoping he didn’t see Jade and I but that would have been impossible due to the street light at the end of our driveway that was creating a dim light like a spotlight over us.

At the sound of Jade’s shuffling feet, Matt’s head whipped to look in the direction of our car. I smiled sheepishly and he waved at us before he turned in our direction and started to walk over to where I was standing. As he approached, I got a better look of his work clothes and small smile that was on his face.

“Hey ladies,” he said quietly, not whispering, but not loud so it would echo.

Jade didn’t look up from her task of moving around our suitcases so I smiled at him hello. He looked past my shoulder to where Jade was standing and saw all the items in the trunk.

“Umm…what are you guys doing?” he asked taking a step closer to the car so he could get a better look. He looked hopefully at Jade for an answer, she didn’t even meet his eyes, and instead she just shrugged.

I quickly moved myself so I was in between Matt and the car. “We’re just, uh, going to pick something up,” I said stumbling over my pathetic lie.

“Will you…be coming back?”

“…Well, uh…yeah. Sure, yeah,” I said again, looking to my sister to help. Matt was going to speak again, but Jade slammed the trunk shut and walked around the car to the passenger’s side and then spoke up.

“Come on, Jazz. Let’s get a move on.” She opened the door and slid herself in and I shrugged at Matt and climbed in after her. I didn’t waste any time backing out of the driveway and away from that place.

==========

I had been driving a couple hours and starting to get sleepy. The only thing that was keeping me awake was the cool air that flowed through the cracked windows in the silent winter night. Jade was reclined back in the seat next to me staring out the window, eyes plastered to the few stars that shinned in the sky.

She hadn’t really said anything and her ear buds weren’t even in her ears. Jade was in one of those moods where she was lost in her own world and she was oblivious to everything around her.

“Jade, your phone’s ringing,” I said, reaching my right hand to dig in the center counsel and keeping my eyes on the road. Jade jumped out of her trance, sat up and grabbed her phone before I could. She took one look at the flashing name on the screen and put the phone back down.

I picked it up and read the name “Rian” on the front screen.

“Don’t answer it,” she said, laying back down and resting her hands on her stomach, bringing her attention back to the ark sky. I rolled my eyes at her and hit the answer button and put on the speaker.

“Hello?”

“Hey Jade,” Rian said, mistaking my voice for my sister’s.

“Jade?”

I looked over at Jade and gave her a look. She breathed a sigh and sat up again, adjusting her seat forward with her.

“Jade, are you there?”

“Yeah, I’m here. What’s up?”

“Just hanging out with the guys at Alex’s.”

“Oh?”

“Well, and Matt is over too.”

“Oh.”

I kept my eyes on the road, but listened intently as I drove. “He said he saw you guys packing some things…” He trailed off, thinking Jade would fill in what he wanted to hear but Jade stayed silent and didn’t explain anything him. “What are you doing? We were expecting you two to come and TP us again,” Rian chuckled lightly.

Jade grunted, acknowledging him.

“Are you okay? Where are you guys?”

“I’m good.”

“Are you sure? You don’t sound like it.” Jade didn’t say anything and looked at me for help. I shrugged, leaving this to her. “Jade, where are you? Are you okay?”

“You know what Rian? I gotta go. I’ll talk you later,” she said quickly before promptly hung up on him. “What?” she asked innocently when I turned my head to look at her.

I shook my head, not really knowing what I should say. “Nothing…” I guess I would have done the same thing if I was her.

“You tired? I’ll take over driving,” Jade offered, obviously needing something else to think about. I nodded and pulled over to switch places with my sister.

I instantly fell asleep from the rocking of the car and the combined heat from the dash that was blowing on me and the chilly air from outside pouring through the window. Along with that, Jade hummed Fall Out Boy quietly, her voice comforting me.

I wasn’t sure how long I dozed off for, but I woke up to a small beep and light vibration against stomach. Jade had a CD gently playing and she sang along softly at some of her favorite parts. I sat up and stuck my hand in the front of my coat to find my phone to check the text message I had just received. I glanced at the front screen and carefully flipped open my phone like it was made of glass to read the text message, having mixed emotions about reading the text from Zack. I was dreading it because of the little fight we had earlier and the fact he was up four in the morning and because he was with Rian but on the other hand, I got small butterflies, excited to see what he would say to me.

Youre running away again. Arent you.

I gulped and reread the message, feeling my stomach drop further with every letter I read. Zack had a way of using the smallest amount of words, but the words he chose made he biggest impact. He had put the pieces together; the crying, the clothes on the bed, us leaving in the night. Zack knew I ran away from everything so of course it was easy for him to realize I was running from Lutherville with Jade.

I closed my phone just as carefully and slowly as I did opening it and slid it back in to its spot in my pocket. Trying to get the accusing, guilt tripping words out of my head, I focused my attention on the passing buildings that blurred across my vision.

A few minutes later, I started recognizing the road we were on and a couple minutes after that we passed some familiar looking buildings. The more we drove, the more landmarks I distinguished, the more it told me that we were back in New Jersey and we were actually coming back.

I felt my body move familiar movements when our small car made familiar turns through our neighborhood and I bounced lightly in my seat when Jade drove up the curb in to our driveway and parked off to the side. Our driveway in Essex wasn’t cracked or peeling and it was a nice incline that was actually possible to walk up. There was no porch like Clara’s, just steps up to our fresh sided house. Nothing about it was like Clara’s, but then again nothing that was in Lutherville was here in Essex.

I grabbed a small bag with a couple of my things and followed Jade up to the front door in the dim light from the sun that was starting to rise, making the air vacant and heavy with cold. I dug in my pocket for my keychain and fumbled through the keys to find the one to the front door. One I hadn’t touched in months.

When we walked in the house, it was an odd yet familiar feeling. I felt like nothing had changed here, but I had transformed so much.

Jade dropped her pillow and bag in the dark entryway and it echoed along with her voice, “Well, we’re home.”