Take a Sad Song and Make It Better

Bailey's POV

I wasn’t sure what I was going to say when I confronted my sister. All I knew was that I needed to know if she was okay, what happened and why she had gotten herself into this mess. I didn’t really want to go through with it; I was never good at confrontations, and add Jade into the mix, I was a goner for sure. Jade could always over power me and shoot me down, even when I was right. She had done it before and I didn’t think this time would be any different.

Alex walked beside me as we traveled down the now quiet hallways. Order had been restored to the language hallway and people had gone back to their classes. Alex and I had luckily been able to sneak past the teachers patrolling the hallways and were able to slide our way to the office where we had seen the four fighters thrown after being pulled from the crowd moments prior.

Alex’s converse echoed as they padded on the tile, the only sound that could be heard between us. He was thinking hard. I could be sure about it because I had the same expression on my face as he did and I continued to ponder what I would say to Jade and run through possible scenarios in my mind.

I couldn’t help but let my mind wander to how Jade reacted to when I referenced Alex earlier this morning. She seemed bitter. I assumed they were fighting. It was a different side of the two for me to see. I always thought that they were what each other needed, but I hadn’t talked, really talked, to Jade in a while. I didn’t know what was going on in my sister’s life hence the reason I didn’t know what was going on in Alex and Jade’s life. Was Alex thinking about that? Did he cause all of it?

Glancing at Alex briefly, I saw him nibbling on his lip and nervously ruffling his hair. Once we approached the office door, I peeked in through the glass windows and cause a glimpse of Jade’s smirking lips and then saw Jack getting up to leave.

We both stood outside waiting for him to exit the office. He too was running his fingers through his hair and shaking his head. Jack looked somber and puzzled, an expression that wasn’t usually displayed from Jack.

“Hey guys,” he said, disheartened.

We both gave nervous smiles. Alex asked, “You in trouble, bro?”

“Nah. I wasn’t part of the fight. But fuck man…” Jack ran his fingers through his hair again, messing it up and fixing it repeatedly. He shook his head and when he looked back at us, he caught my eyes. He looked so distraught and worried. If Jack was affected so much, I was I going to be too. I looked past the two boys and walked into the office, Alex following on my heels.

When I met Jade’s eyes, I didn’t see my usual eyes gleaming back. Instead, a strange smirk reached her eyes, scaring me.

It was so full of accomplishment, content and pride. I couldn’t see why. Shouldn’t she have been scared? Hurt?

“Jade,” I worried. “Are you okay? What happened?” I took in her messy face. She had wiped off most of the dirt and blood but she still looked disarray. “Are you hurt?”

I saw her sit back in her chair and blink slowly, like she was bored with me.

“Jay Bird…” Alex said hesitantly. “W-What…How did this…happen?”

We both stared at her, waiting for answer. Finally she spoke. “Don’t worry about it. You are making a big deal out of nothing.”

“Nothing?” Alex and I said at the same time, the same amount of surprise in our voice. She nodded her head.

“Jade. You got into a fight! You were gushing blood everywhere!” I felt like I was exaggerating, but I needed to find out.

“Yes, Bailey. Someone pissed me off. So I did something about it. Is that wrong? Standing up for myself?”

“You started the fight? What the hell were you thinking, Jade?!” I exclaimed. I couldn’t believe that she would throw the first punch, especially after all the things she went through in Essex.

“Yes, Bailey. I started the fight. Do you have a problem with that?” she spat. I took a step towards her and glanced at Alex behind me. I wasn’t comfortable talking about what I wanted to say with him here.

“Jay,” I whispered harshly. I knew Alex could here me but I continued anyways. “Don’t you remember what you learned before? I thought you said—”

“Ms. Bates, Mr. Gaskarth, we need you back in your classes, please,” an office worker said, appearing out of a room.

Out of my character, I asserted confidently, “I need to talk to my sister.”

I took in her look that clearly said she didn’t approve, but she reluctantly nodded and I secretly breathed a sigh of relief. Ruffling through paper work for a moment, she started to walk away but paused and looked over her shoulder to send Alex a pointed look before leaving the office again. She didn’t want him to stay and he knew what she was getting at.

Hesitantly, Alex looked at his girlfriend. He started to walk towards Jade and immediately Jade turned her head the other way, visibly rejecting his gesture. I saw disappointment and sadness fill his eyes and I looked at him sympathetically as he unwillingly left the office and slugged back to class.

“Jade,” I said harshly again. “What the fuck are you thinking? Getting into fights?!” I paused, causing Jade to look at me. I whispered harshly, “Again.”

“Who are you to judge me, Bailey? What gives you the authority?!”

“What would Sam think, Jade.” Instantly, a look of misery washed over Jade’s face I immediately regretted blurting out such a low blow.

“Don’t you fucking throw that in my face, Bailey!”

“No. I will,” I said back with the same amount of anger, realizing I shouldn’t have felt bad for saying that. I was a little scared of myself; I was standing up to Jade and staying strong. I was being the big sister again. “You know how Sam felt about you fighting. You know he hated to see you do it. And you know he would be absolutely furious to find out about what just happened.”

We were both silent, glaring into each other’s green eyes. I knew we were both thinking about the past, about Sam. I thought back to all the times I heard about Jade getting into fights. Bryan, Mandy and Jade were a little pack. They got into so much trouble that there was a point that I thought Jade had turned into a completely different person, someone I couldn’t believe I was related to.

It created a huge space between Jade and the approval of my friends and the approval of my parents. She never thought I was in the know and I didn’t always know what trouble she got in at school, but I did catch wind of many things. I had decided to not tell her how I had heard gossip about her through the grapevine.

Who did know and did confront her on everything however, was Sam. Sam completely hated the fact that his little sister was getting into mischief. Jade knew it too and Sam finally knocked enough sense into her to make her step back from the trouble she was getting into.

“Sam didn’t want to see you in danger, Jade,” I said more softly. “He doesn’t want you to do this.”

Jade was ticked off at that comment. “He’s not here though. Is he?! He’s not here!!” I could hear the hurt in her voice. She hated that her brother was gone. She hated him for it.

“That doesn’t mean you just do whatever!”

“Oh, so now you’re telling me what to do?”

“I’m trying to help, Jade.”

“So you think you are just supposed to take his place? Become the mentor in this family? Become the person I look up to?! No! Fuck off.”

That hurt. I felt a pang of sadness hit my chest and I didn’t know what to say back. I stared at her sadly. Sam use to discourage the fights. He made sure he checked up on Jade to see if she was alright, if she was having a personal struggle. Now that he wasn’t here, I should have been talking to her.

When we first arrived in Lutherville, Jade and I were inseparable; a nice change from when we were Essex. But now I was so caught up in myself because I was happy and feeling better; I was absorbed in my own life. It led me to neglect what my sister may or may not have been going through. She had needed me there for her when Sam obviously couldn’t be. Was it my fault this had happened?

“Jade,” I tried to reason. “I know what you did in Essex, alright? You think I didn’t know? I did. I heard about it. You think—”

“You didn’t know shit, Bailey! You don’t know half the things I have done! You think you’re protecting me by not telling anyone these “secrets” about me and who I used to be but you don’t know shit. The only person who knows is Sam and me. Sam is dead. He’s dead. And now only I know and I am putting it out there. You have no fucking right to scold me. You fucking don’t know.”

“I know that you are screwing this all up. What happened to us? You’re just going to start fucking up again?”

“If I am such a fuck up, then why do what us to be “us” again?” Jade spat bitterly. “And actually,” she stood up to face me. I couldn’t help but take a couple steps back at the confrontation. “‘Us’ what the fuck is ‘us’? You don’t know shit.”

“I do. I do know. I know you have a problem with yourself and feel the need to take it out on others, but that doesn’t mean you throw a fucking punch at a couple of innocent girls!”

“Whoa! Hold up. You think they are innocent?” I stared back at her angrily. “See. Oh wow, you know so much about me, Bailey. You think I just want to go around and get myself suspended just because?”

“Well then why would you throw a Goddamn punch at them? Tell me that.”

“See. That just shows how oblivious you are. How oblivious you all are,” she said furiously. “I kicked their asses because they threatened me.”

I had a mean retort on the tip of my tongue, but I stopped; I had to process what Jade just said. How could that be?

“W-What?”

“Yes. They threatened me. They have since we first moved here.” I was shocked. I couldn’t believe that the girls would do that to Jade. I didn’t know what Jade would have done. “I’ve dealt with them for so long and I got tired of their shit. I am so tired of everyone’s shit here.”

I pondered over everything, biting my lip and twisting my hair. “Why didn’t you tell me?” I felt hurt. Jade was my twin sister and we were supposed to be able to share everything with each other. I guess I was being a hypocrite, due to the fact I had a band boy hiding in my closet, but I was surprised Jade had been hiding this for almost eight months.

“I can handle it, Jazz. Stop.”

“No you stop, Jade. You are the one making this complicated.”

“How am I making this a huge problem? Tell me that.” I didn’t answer. I felt intimidated by her glare. “You think I’m this monster? The fuck, Bailey. You don’t even know your own sister.”

Quietly, I mumbled, “I could be saying the same thing to you…”

We stared at each other for a moment before she scoffed and walked over to the waiting room chair she had been sitting in. Picking up her backpack, a scowl was on her face as she put it on her back.

“You don’t realize that I’m not as judgmental as you think I am. I will listen to you.”

“Please, Bailey. We both know you’re too good for that.”

“What?”

“We’re complete opposites. We aren’t the same. The only reason we were brought together was Sam. Now what do we have? These loose memories that are falling away and now we’re holding on by the stitches.” She walked towards the door and pushed it open and turned back to me before leaving. “Just leave me alone.”

“Jay.”

“I’m going home and serving my suspension.”

“Jay!”

“I said, leave me alone,” she said bitterly, walking out the door.

The door swung shut and I stared with an angry expression as I watched it slowly shut. “Jay!”

==========

Jade took the car when she drove home, but I couldn’t stand remaining at school the rest of the day. I was a roller coaster of emotion and I needed to relax.

Zack skipped often, usually because of hangovers, so it was easy enough for me to stop over. It just took me a while without the car, but I didn’t mind. It always was worth it; he always calmed me down.

“So, do you think you’re going to take the Stanford offer?” Zack voiced as we lay lazily on his bedroom floor. I knew he was trying to change the topic of conversation from my sister. After I informed him about the physical fight I witnessed, as well as the verbal one, the mood had been pretty somber. He had consoled me and made me feel better, he always did, but then we simply hung out on his floor, not saying much. Changing the topic to college was fine with me though.

I knew he wasn’t just asking about Stanford for a topic change and an escape from the serious mood that settled earlier. Zack was genuinely happy for me. At some points, he seemed more excited than I was, and believe me, I was beyond thrilled. It had only been about six hours since I had received the offer, but I had already made up my mind. No one could convince me otherwise. I wanted this.

“Yeah. I am most definitely taking the offer.” Zack lay on his stomach, messing around on his phone. After my confirmation, he nodded and smiled proudly at me.

I lay on my back, watching his ceiling fan rotate round and round, attempting to cool off from the quickly approaching summer heat.

“That’s so amazing, Bails. You’re so amazing.”

I rolled my eyes at one, his cheesiness and two, a compliment for the day. “At least someone thinks so…” I contemplated over the question I wanted to ask him. Timidly, I looked over at Zack. “Do you think I’m unfair? O-Or, hypocritical?”

Zack moved his eyes from the screen of his game and looked at me, confused. “What? No. Did Jay say that to you today too?”

I sat up and started to pick at my toenails, thinking as I spoke, trying to dissect what I was saying as well as Zack. “Not directly, I suppose. But I kind of got that from our little…spat, this morning.”

Zack thought about what I said, looking at me directly as he deeply reflected. I could see the gears turning, trying to figure out what to say. “I think…I think…with the whole fight thing, Jade was at a low, right? I mean, we all say things we don’t mean and you both were clearly upset. It makes sense that you guys would end up saying things you don’t really believe, especially you two.”

He had a point there, particularly because Jade and I bickered all the time about nonsense. “But isn’t it kind of like the drunk words, sober thoughts? When you’re heated you don’t have time to think about what you’re saying?”

From his spot on the floor, Zack shrugged, clearly trying to be helpful but not knowing what to say. The Bates sisters were complex.

I let out a breath of hopelessness, trying to forget the argument we had earlier. I focused my glace out Zack’s room window and watched as the tree branches moved slightly from the light wind. It was so nice outside, it made me want to go for run and forget things for a while. Track had ended, graduation was near, and everything was coming to a close. The boys would be leaving on tour and in a month I would turn an adult. It was scary how fast everything was moving, yet my sister and I still couldn’t get over certain things.

A couple feet away, my phone vibrated on the floor and Zack conveniently grabbed it and slid it across the carpet towards me.

I glanced at the screen and smiled. “Hello?”

“Baybs. Where are you? Did you get kidnapped? Are you sick? Are you playing hookie?!?!” Jack’s voice echoed through the room he was in and it was so loud Zack could here him. Zack smiled at me when I made eye contact with him and he chuckled, lying down again on the floor, on his back this time.

“I went…home. Please don’t tell, Jackie!”

I heard the familiar nagging voice of Claire in the background, ranting and not willing to shut up, proving Jack was slacking off in painting class. It was my favorite class but undeniably Jack’s least favorite. “Yeah, yeah, I won’t. What are best friends for? So. You macking on your boyfriend??” he taunted, singing and making his voice rise two octaves, of course, accompanied with one of his wild voices.

I was surprised once he said “boyfriend” because I wasn’t sure if he was just saying that or if he was actually referring to Zack. I paused, and looked over at Zack hesitantly. Noticing me from his peripherals, he looked up from Tetris and held my gaze, smiling lightly. He had no idea what we were talking about, but he smiled anyways.

“Yeah…Kinda.” I smiled cheekily to myself, feeling a blush rise to my face.

Jack stayed silent, what I supposed to be stunned silence. After a good ten seconds, he finally spoke. “I never thought you would admit it!!! Holy fuck! No way!!! Rian was right!”

“Wait, what? Rian?” Did he talk about this with Rian? Speculation was definitely reasonable for them to do, but did the guys talk about it together? I didn’t think it was that big of a deal?

“Well, yeah,” he said with a “duh” voice. “Mel said she didn’t believe it, but Matt and Alex and I have talked. Yeah BayBay! You’re definitely tapping that!!”

Melanie? Did they just talk about Zack and me when we were there? I looked at Zack and saw he had a puzzled look, wondering what Jack and I were talking about.

“Oh shit! Gotta go! Bye BayBaby!”

I muttered a farewell and hit the end call button. Slowly turning my head towards Zack, I bit my lip worriedly. “Secret’s out.”

Zack stared at my face, unfocused, for a bit. “Hmm. I would say, good they finally figured it out without us saying anything.” A smiled broke on his face. “But really, it’s been three months. Our friends are stupid.”

I burst out laughing and lay down again beside him. “We are the smart ones of the bunch, aren’t we?”

He teased, “Yes. We most definitely are, Ms. Stanford.”