Lukey Kid

Only a few times in my life had I gotten extremely angry, so angry that somebody completely different takes over. It happened in seventh grade when I heard somebody say playing bass was easy, and it happened in eighth grade when Brendan forsook Joey because of a few bad gigs. When it happens, people get scared. They flinch and back away since most of the time I’m the tallest one in the room. Normally, I’m pretty chill, I guess, but…man, when I’m mad…

I do some pretty stupid things.

This is why I don’t get mad.

“Fuck him,” Soria growled, “fuck everyone in that fucking hotel, fuck Michael, fuck…”

When we were right outside the entrance of the hotel, she let go of my wrist and just stood there, rubbing her eyes on her shirtsleeves; I could see the goosebumps forming on her skin from the cold.

My head was still throbbing, adding to the growing pain in my eye. It was starting to swell and I was losing vision from it. I could still see her crying out of my right eye, though, and even with my messed-up perception, was able to pull her back into my arms in a bad attempt to comfort.

She just pushed me away.

“Fuck you!” she cursed, still gripping onto the hotel-mouth. “God….what’s wrong with you?”

I bit my lip. It suddenly occurred to me that I was indeed the reason why we were outside in the freezing cold and not inside in the warm hotel.

“I mean what the hell?” she continued. “Dude, if you’re that lonely, go make out with Brendan or Joey or someone else! Not me! Jesus Christ, you just made things like a million times worse!”

I blushed. “Soria…” Nothing else came out.

“What?”

I shrugged and rubbed my forehead, brushing back the hair that hung in my eyes. “Look, I’m sorry.”

She sighed and folded her arms – either in anger or because she was cold. “…It’s okay,” she whispered. “I just wish you didn’t do that right then. You know? Now because of you, we’re stranded, kicked out of the fucking band, and now I’m single and I lost the one kid I trusted the most. Great job, man.”

I couldn’t tell if she was being sarcastic, so I just went quiet and looked at the asphalt.

Soria leaned in and hugged me to try to comfort me; it worked simply because I was surprised by her sudden change of heart. All of a sudden I got warmer. She sighed into my chest and I wrapped my arms around her. “You know what? Fuck Ren.”

Unconsciously, I let a, “Yeah,” slip.

She loosened her grip and stared up at me, reaching a hand up to stroke my left eye, which still hurt like a beast. Chills went up my spine. “God. He really screwed your eye up, man,” she whispered. “Does it hurt bad?”

I shook my head softly. “Not really.” Mostly, I just stared at her, trying to refrain from letting hormones take over.

She smiled the saddest smile I’d ever seen. Letting her hands fall back at her sides, she leaned on her hip and stared out at the wide city at our fingertips. She turned back to me and grinned, a gleam in her eye that wasn’t coming from the streetlights.

“Let’s walk down to the beach,” she smirked.

I smiled back as she grabbed my hand spontaneously, tugging me along, leading me out of the parking lot and into the wild world we’d just gotten ourselves into.

- - -

Blobs of yellow and white lights danced across my good eye’s sight as we jaywalked across streets and hoped to God we wouldn’t get hit with the thousands of cars that decided to travel that night. Soria was laughing again, and that put me in a good mood; plus, everything that I’d wanted about twenty minutes ago, I was getting. Her and me holding hands. Chemistry. Dude…this was it. I’d done everything I’d wanted to do. If I was shot right then, I’d die happy.

Left and right, there were shops and people and cars and blinding lights, something that we never ever got back in Claymore. It seemed exotic to us, being in such a bustling area, but the real energy was being transferred from her hand to mine; I never let go of her hand, both because I didn’t want to get lost, and I just didn’t want to let go.

Even when I broke up with her in seventh grade and told everyone that I’d officially started thinking of her as a little sister, that wasn’t the truth. I couldn’t get over her. I didn’t. I dunno if it was love. But it was more than like, I thought – and also in my altered state of mind, I thought it was something more than what she and Ren had.

Nothing could stop us, I thought. Her and Ren were long gone, that whole tornado. They weren’t together – he said it himself. Now Brendan? Eh, I still wanted to be his friend. And Joey. I had to wonder what was happening back at the hotel with them and Ren. Whose side they’d take. Hopefully ours, ‘cause honestly, Ren was being a giant poop head…

Soria and I leapt up on the boardwalk stairs, jumping up two at a time, and ran across the rickety wooden planks to get to the sandy side away from the commotion. She jumped down into the powder and I followed behind, almost landing on her, but I regained my senses and didn’t touch her in any way that would hurt her.

She pulled me along, out to the damp sand; kicking her shoes off, I did the same, and we raced where the water met the damp sand. Freezing water. Now I knew why nobody came to the beach in late fall.

I tripped but got back up; my jeans now had mud on the knees, but I didn’t care. Not when she seemed so happy without all that crap in our minds tying us down. We were free. Free from having to agree with three other people, and she was free from a jerk who couldn’t understand a word she said.

Soria turned around and pulled me back up to the dry sand where we had kicked off our shoes. Then she sat down, curled her knees up to her chest, breathing heavily. I sat down next to her, clutching her around the shoulder.

“I’m cold,” she whispered into my ear while wrapping her arms around my waist.

I smiled at her and pulled off my hoodie, giving it to her. Smiling like she was the smartest kid on earth, she put it on and pulled the sleeves up over her hands. She was still shivering, and I was starting to realize how cold it really was, sitting there in just a t-shirt and jeans.

She leaned into me and I held her tighter, shaking from both the hormones raging through my veins and the cool wind.

“You’re warm,” she sighed, gripping me so tight like she was afraid I was leaving her for good. Dream on, I thought.

“You are too,” I said back, smoothing her hair, regretting saying it because it sounded incredibly stupid.

And then she wrestled out of my grip, grabbing at the collar of my shirt and pulling me incredibly close to her face. So close I could feel warm puffs of air on my lip, leaving an aura so amazingly…I don’t know…passionate?…God…I didn’t even know how to describe it. Just…wonderful.

Wait a sec.

Was this really happening? Was I seriously about to kiss our guitarist? The girl who obviously had something with Ren even before I even swooped into their picture? Oh my God. My heart was beating faster than it ever had. More blood was working through my body than ever before. With her hand on my face, all the heat flushed right to the surface of my skin.

Holy crap.

“Wait,” I choked out, holding her hand there.

She looked up at me – right in the eye – and her lips parted slightly, and then her eyes grew really wide and she gasped. “Whoa…wow…uh…Luke, I, uh…”

I bit my lip and my heart calmed down as I got used to us being still, just staring at each other. “Er…” I stuttered, trailing off.

Now, we were thinking kind of clearly.

It was just a sudden burst of passion that just rushed out at a good time. A time when we didn’t think it would matter – we were free from rules that bound us apart. But then those rules apparently came back to our minds and snapped us out of probably the weirdest daze I’ve ever found myself in.

No matter how much blood was rushing through my body, right to my stupid face.

“Oh my God. Holy…holy shit. Luke, I’m sorry,” Soria gasped, backing away from me with a red face. “Dude, I…I did not mean to do that.”

I furrowed my brow. “Do what?”

She looked at the sand we lay on, then made eye contact again with me. “Like, uh…you know…almost…kiss you,” she gulped, hands at her sides. Brushing the hair back out of her eyes, she smiled a little bit and shot a glance behind me, avoiding eye contact.

Soria sighed and sat down next to me. She didn’t seem as warm as she was before. “I…I dunno. I mean, I got a lotta things going through my head right now.”

“I can imagine,” I shrugged, folding my arms to keep warm. She still had my hoodie on.

She took her glasses off and rubbed her face. “God. Man, I’m sorry. I dunno what I was thinking when I nearly slobbered all over you,” she smiled.

I licked my lips. Dunno why. “Eh.”

Soria sighed. “And…I mean, I still…I still love Ren. I didn’t mean it when I said ‘fuck him.’ I was pissed off. God. Right now all I wanna do is go back and apologize one last time.”

I nodded. “Me too.”

She opened her mouth to object, but then shut it because she didn’t have anything to object to. “Oh yeah.” Pause. “D’you ever think this’d happen to us?”

I laughed a little, remembering what I had said two years ago, about us not breaking up because of a break-up. “Never.”

Soria gulped. “God…I hope he’ll forgive me.”

“He’ll forgive you, Soria,” I told her, “the kid loves you. He said it himself. You know when you were in Santa Monica, he slept twice as much?”

She looked up at me. “He…he did?”

“Yeah,” I chuckled, telling the truth. “He rolled outta bed in nothing but Aerosmith boxers half the time.”

“I thought you guys broke up when I left,” she inquired.

I shrugged. “Well, yeah, but we were still friends and all. While you were out kissing ginger kids we had our own problems,” I teased, poking her sides.

She hissed and shoved my hands away. “Don’t fucking remind me of Michael. If he’d never showed up we wouldn’t be out here freezing our asses off.”

“And we wouldn’t have just repeated what happened in Santa Monica,” I snorted, joking about it. Truth was, I was realizing now just how wrong it was.

Rubbing her face, she groaned long and loud. “Man, this past month has really brought out our crazy sides, hasn’t it?”

I didn’t really know how to reply to that, so I shrugged. “I guess I know what you mean.”

“You’re the most laid-back person I know and even you’re getting stressed out, dude,” she explained. “I don’t blame you. If I grew up dealing with Brendan and Joey and had to have them with me all the time when I was trying to do something serious, I’d go nuts too eventually. And if I had to deal with me, I’d end up blowing my brains out…so I guess I know where Ren’s coming from, too.”

I hadn’t given a second thought to the Veins brothers catching me in the middle, to be honest. At least, not any more than I had in the past. “Eh. I’ve gotten used to it, I guess. That’s how they are.”

She smiled and elbowed me. “What about Joey? Doesn’t he make you uncomfortable?”

I flinched, but in the end, I stumbled over a coherent answer. “Not really. I mean, sometimes, I guess, but…I don’t know. It’s not a big deal.”

“He likes you,” she said, not in a joking way. “Any idiot can tell that. I’m sure you’ve figured it out by now. Not saying you’re an idiot, though.”

“I sorta don’t doubt that,” I laughed. There were a lot of things we’d gone through after David had died, most of them involving us talking about it and staying up late at night to discuss whatever was going through his head at the moment. “He’s a great kid. That’s probably why I don’t get mad at him or anything.”

“You know, you have a right to tell him to buzz off if he does do something that crosses a boundary,” she reminded me. “And you don’t have to be all awkward when someone asks if there’s something between you guys.”

I sighed; I couldn’t hold back a little smile. “Yeah, I dunno. I like him too, but not in the way he always talks about.”

One of her eyebrows shot sky-high. “You like him?”

My face went up in flames again as I tried to scramble over an answer that didn’t make me sound like a moron. “No – not what I meant – I mean – I just…ugh. You know what I mean.”

“You like him, but not in a sexual way, like he always insinuates.”

I stared her down. She was still grinning, though not in the way that said, “I know something you don’t.” “Like…like as a best friend, but not in the way that me and Brendan are best friends. Like something a little deeper than that, you know? I dunno. I learned a lot about him when he was grieving David and it gave both of us soft spots for each other. You know what I mean?” It was hard to put it in words. In fact, I didn’t even know what I was saying, really. I knew it was completely true, though I didn’t know what it all implied.

“Sounds to me like you have a crush on that kid,” Soria laughed. She saw the deadpan look I gave her. “Don’t worry about it. I won’t tell. I won’t try to tell you what your feelings mean, either.”

I bit my lip. “I doubt it’s a crush, but thanks anyway. The last thing I need is for Brendan to find out and make fun of me for being a softie for his brother, especially when they’re still a little rocky.”

She patted my arm and said, “Hey, don’t worry about it. There’s a time and place for everything, dude. Just remember, I don’t care if you like other guys. I doubt the others would mind either. More power to you, my friend.”

“Th…thanks?” I narrowed my eyes at her, trying to figure out what she was saying. I mean, it was pretty easy what she was implying, but I didn’t have the energy to argue right then. “I’m not gay, but if I was, I would appreciate what you’re saying.”

“Well, you might be bisexual, you might be pansexual, or you could be something else,” she went on. “I’m just sayin’. It doesn’t matter to me.”

“I’ll keep that in mind if I ever find out I’m not straight,” I laughed, folding my arms. I knew I was straight, but it was just nice to know that Soria wasn’t the kind of person who would freak out if she knew otherwise. “I can assure you that the ‘thing’ I have with Joey is completely platonic, though.”

“Alright, Ragan.”

“What, ‘alright, Ragan?’”

“Nothing, just…alright, dude.” She had another mischievous smirk on her mug.

“You think I’m lying!”

“No I don’t!”

I had to snort in amusement as I gently shoved her. “You totally think we’re together, don’t you?”

“Not openly, but -”

I heard a vibration coming from right beside me, cutting her off, and Soria pulled out her cell phone, looking at the number. With wide eyes she looked at me and said, “It’s Ren’s number.”

I told her, “Answer it!”

She flipped it open and said, “Hey.”

Pause. She bit her lip and a tear rolled down her cheek.

“What’d they say?” she spoke.

Silence. Her eyes grew big and she glanced at me. She smiled the all-too-familiar lovey-dovey smile. “Good.”

For some reason, I smiled too.

“I will,” she added, “Yeah, I will. Yeah. Dude…you know it. Man, I’m sorry. You know that. I told you that fifty million times tonight. When I get back you’re gonna hear it again, babe.”

She flipped the phone shut, smiling still, tears streaked across her face. Sighing, she turned to me and hugged me.

“I take it something good just happened,” I said.

“Hells yeah, it did,” she grinned, letting go and standing up. Helping me up, she put her shoes on and skipped up the boardwalk stairs. “Ren just called and said Joey just talked to him.”

“Joey?” I said, a little skeptical.

“Yeah, Joey!” she assured.

Of all people, why Joey? He rarely made sense. The only way I could picture him getting through to someone is if he had some kind of weapon in hand, despite the conversation Soria and I had just had about him minutes ago.

Oh well. Back to the hotel.

- - -

Brendan opened the door when we knocked, his eyes darting around like he’d just been on the ride of his life. He was quiet, too. Man, what happened? That kid was never quiet.

“Ren wants to talk to you,” he said quietly to Soria. He didn’t say anything to me, but when I walked past him, he patted my shoulder.

Out of seemingly nowhere Ren came into the main room of the hotel, biting his lip. With a face scrunched up as if he were going to cry, he went over to Soria and threw his arms around her, pulling her into the tightest embrace I’d ever seen in real life. A few tears seeped out of his eyes as he mumbled into her hair that he was sorry, and she was sobbing too.

I fidgeted, going into the kitchen for a drink.

Brendan came up to me and whispered, “Dude, you missed it. Joey just scared the shit outta the poor kid,” with a crooked smile.

“What?” I said.

“Yeah, he kept yelling at him and reminding him why they were going out in the first place – beats me how he knew – and saying if he wanted to be a dick about the whole thing, he’d just leave me and him to take care of Plaster Caster ourselves.”

I shuddered. “God, that is kinda scary.”

“No shit,” he snorted, “Just a drummer and a singer? Man, I’d hate to hear that band.”

He folded his arms and shook his head.

“Hey, where is Joey anyway?” I asked.

Brendan pointed his thumb to the bathroom. “Shower. The kid was a mess when he got done with Ren,” he said, “he was crazy sweaty and bawling his eyes out.”

I cocked my brow. I didn’t need to ask – I didn’t know how to phrase my question, either.

He laughed crookedly. “Yeah, he’s fucked up, but he’s a damn good manager.”

Then he walked away.

I drank one sip of Crystal Dew and put the can aside, realizing that I wasn’t thirsty. When I turned around I came face-to-face with Ren, completely red in the face and shaking like he was about to pass out.

He looked me in the eye and told me, “I’m sorry, man.”

“Are you okay?”

He gulped. “What? Oh, yeah. I’m fine.”

I looked at him funny, but then shook it off and patted his shoulder. “Dude, I dunno what I was thinking. I’m sorry. For tonight,” I choked out, not really knowing what else to say that was relevant to my point.

Ren shrugged. “I know, I know. You can call me a douchebag. Joey did.”

I forced out a laugh. This kid looked more hurt than before and I didn’t wanna add to that. Instead, I bit my lip and shoved my hands into my pockets, thinking about how to tell him about what happened at the beach. God knows I didn’t want this coming up later. “Uh, Ren, dude, when we were gone…”

He held his hands up and closed his eyes, sighing. “Dude, shut up,” he smirked. “We were broken up then. I don’t wanna know what you guys did.” But then his face fell. “Unless you had sex with her.”

“No! I mean, no,” I grimaced. “Sex is gross.”

Ren laughed airily and sheepishly put his hands in his pockets. “Good.”

I smiled back, thinking about how easy that was.

And you know what else I was thinking about?

Where did that conversation I had with Soria even come from?