The Life of An American Orphan.

Jen’s P.O.V
“Uhm … what?” Matt asks looking confused.

“I want to have sex, with you” I reply looking at him straight in the eye.

“No, no. I asked what the time was” He says back with a small almost confused chuckle.

“I heard you” I keep looking at him straight in the eyes.

The more I look him in the eyes, the more I hesitate about having sex. I mean it’s pretty soon for our relationship but if my assumptions are right then having sex with him is going to help me.

“Sit down” Matt says softly and pats his knee.

I rise from my crouched position and sit down on his left knee, flinging both of my feet on his other leg so I’m sitting on him sideways.

“Why do you want to have sex?” He asks just as softly as he brushes some hair away from my face, probably so he could see me better.

As small sigh escapes my mouth and a few seconds later I take a deep breath.

“Before I met you I had these terrible nightmares, so bad I used to stay up all night because I was afraid to go to sleep. It was so horrible when it happened and weeks after that no matter how hard I tried to forget it ever happened, I couldn’t because I kept having nightmares.

And when I met you, like when I talked to you and stuff everything just seemed so much easier. This is going to sound cheesy but after that first conversation the world didn’t seem so dark anymore and the first time you kissed me” I stopped letting out a small sigh thinking of our very first kiss and how good it felt.

“When I was with you or just near you, I wasn’t scared, I wasn’t thinking about Lucas anymore. At night when I was lying in bed thinking about our first kiss I didn’t have nightmares and if I did have them, you would interrupt before he could do anything. You saved me from him and took me away from that party, from that night. You were my knight in shining armor … Well in your case, shining sunglasses” I say with a small smile tugging on my lips, referring to him always using his aviators.

He let out a small chuckle and gently starts to rub my thigh, which I would have found uncomfortable if there was someone else besides Matt but his touch felt comforting and supporting making me feel a little less embarrassed by what I just told him. I look up from starring awkwardly at his chest with a small blush on my cheeks and I see him licking his lips before he looks at me in the eyes after noticing my cheeks.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about babe.” He says while gently stroking my cheek with his thumb.

“I think it’s … awesome that me kissing you just one time helped so much.” He said as he push some of my hair that had gotten in my face behind my ear before it went back to rubbing my thigh softly.

“But?” I asked knowing it was one in there.

“But I doubt having sex with me is going to make it all better, as a matter of fact I think it’s going to make it worse. ” He says softly.

I felt my heart sinking and tears coming to my eyes.

I knew having sex with Matt wouldn’t help, I knew it was probably going to make it worse, I would probably freak out the minute his hands were under my shirt but I just hoped that maybe, just maybe it would help, that I could take the easy way out of my nightmares. One side of me is glad he said no while the other half is screaming that it is a good idea and that everything will be better if we just have sex right here, right now. We would be happy together, I had the baby and we would live happily ever after.

I guess not.

“But what is going to help is talking about it, letting all out and taking time and I want you to know that I will always be here for you, no matter what happens. I’ll be right here by you.” He continues as his thumb wipes away the tear that falls from my left eye and runs down my cheek.

“Please” I whispered and leaned into his chest and let out a sob, my shoulders shaking with each cry and my hands balling into fist holding onto his shirt like my life depended on it.

“Oh baby” Matt cooed and held me tighter to him while softly rocking me back and forth.

Nothing was said after that, Matt just held me and let me cry out my frustration. We stayed like that for an hour until I was at the point where I didn’t have any tears left in me and I was slightly exhausted.

The silent kept on going even though I stopped crying, I was starring right in front of me not looking at anything special and Matt was still stroking my hair, his hand shifting from stroking my hair to stroking my back every now and then.

“Holy shit” Matt says and I jump a little at the sudden sound.

He gently slid off from under me and placed me in his chair and then he took off running. A few minutes later I hear him coming back into the room, he turns off the projector and turns on the lights and just seconds after that he is standing in front of me with both of his hands behind his back.

I look at him curiously and my curiosity turns to surprise when he takes his hands from behind his back and I see a small box of chocolate in his left and some pink wilted roses in his right.

“What?” I ask quietly and look at the items in his hands before looking at Matt.

“I felt bad about the fight we and so I bought these on my way home from school the other day and I were going to go over to you but you came here first and so I forgot, well I guess the roses couldn’t be that long without any caring but I’ll get you some new ones, new pink roses because I remember you saying that pink was your favorite color.. “ That was all Matt managed to say before I interrupted.

“Matt!” I almost shouted and he looked at me expectantly, his breathing a little fast.

“You’re rambling” I say with a small blush on my cheek and a giggle.

“Sorry, I’m just nervous” He says as he put the items on the floor besides the chair and then wipes his hands on his pants.

“Nervous about what?” I ask and look at him curiously.

“For this thing I’m about to tell you.” He says seriously and I can see his hands shake a little.

I sit up straight in the chair and wipe away the almost dry tears. I stand up and look at Matt with nothing but worry in my eyes.

“What’s going on” I ask as I try to look into his eyes but he refuses to meet mine.

I can see his eyes going back and forth from me and to the floor and his eyebrows twitch giving me the feeling that he is thinking, very hard. His mouth open and close a couple of times before he closes his eyes and clinches his fists.

“I have a date with Val on Saturday” He almost shouts making me jump from surprise and the volume of his voice.

My eyebrows twitch in confusion and I’m almost left speechless.

Almost.

“What?” I ask softly.

“Well, it’s not actually a date. I just needed it to sound worse than it is because I don’t want you to think that I’m cheating on you or something, because I would never do that to you. But I do have to go to this social event with Val on Saturday and I thought that while we were there that maybe you could have the girls over and maybe Sarah can bring you some stuff from the orphanage plus you really need close. Soo, yeah.” Matt says (rather fast) without taking as much as a breath, this causing him to breath heavily when he finishes talking.

While I try to pick the words apart he just stands there breathing while both of his hands were on his hips.

“So basically you’re going out on Saturday and I can have the girls over?” I ask after a few minutes of thinking.

Matt lets out a sigh and gently face palm himself “Yeah, that’s exactly what I’m saying” He says with a small smile.

“Ok” I say shrugging my shoulder and lean down to pick up the chocolate and the wilted roses and make my way out of the room and back towards the kitchen. I open the cabin under the sink and I throw away the wilted roses and as I close the cabin I see Matt walking into the kitchen.

“Wow, not only did you find your way back to the kitchen but you also managed to locate the trash can, nice!” He says sarcastically and claps.

I give him a big smile back and bow as if the queen has walked into the room.

“Why thank you” I say the smile still on my face as Matt walks over to me and give me a hug.

We just stand there like we did a few days ago holding each other.

“You sure you don’t mind me going out on Saturday?” He asks before I feel his lips on my forehead.

“Yeah, sure I’m a little worried but I know you wouldn’t do anything on purpose to hurt me.” I say as I keep my head where it is.

“Damn right” He says and I smile.

“Just please, if that bitch kisses you, boil your mouth first” I say and look up at him just in time to see him looking down at me in shock.

“Oh come on, it’s Val we’re talking about. I may not know her but her personality screams attention whore” I say and lay my head back on his chest over his heart.

Matt’s body rumble as he laughs heartily.

“I knew there was a reason I liked you” He said as he held me tighter to his chest, so tight that when we stood completely still and everything was silent I could feel and hear his heartbeat.