Hold up My Heart

"Well well well, what brings you two fine girls here?" I heard Dougie ask from the shadows. Again, cliché; shoot me.

"Hey there, Dougie." Kar and I greeted in unison. Smiling, he skipped - yes he skipped over to us and pulled us both into a never-ending hug.

"Okay, enough Dougie. You can take Kar, not my girl." I watched as Tristan came out with a wide smile across his face. I knew that with whatever we had, he truly did like me and care for me, and I knew that I hurt him, but even with those gorgeous brown eyes, I couldn't look away.

"Hey." I said quietly, giving him a small smile. I had my hands stuffed in my coat pockets and was currently standing awkwardly in front of him.

Giving me a grin he opened up his arms for me to walk in to. "Come here, Bella." Rolling my eyes and giving up quickly I ran into his arms and embraced him. "Why haven't you been around? And why've you been ignoring me - us?"

I sighed as I ran my hand through my hair. Giving a shrug I answered, "I thought I already told you that it was best if we were only friends? I can't... I just can't be in a relationship right now. And what did I tell you about calling me that? It's Ara, got it?"

"Oh," His face dropped and my heart instantly dropped. "And fine, be mean - I didn't like that name anyways."

Looking up at Tristan I began to laugh lightly before saying, "Oh, sure you didn't. And I said I was sorry, and you already know what I'm going through, remember?" I gave him a look as to where he would understand what I was talking about. He made an 'o' shape with his mouth and nodded. "Yeah," I whispered.

"Well let's go talk, alright? Seems like Karina is already getting her shit together." His eyes went over to where Karina and Dougie were messing around with different drugs - which probably wasn't the best idea, but I ignored it and followed Tristan to the back.

"Sit," He smiled as he patted a spot next to him on the couch.

"When did you get this?" I asked, feeling the soft fabric sewn onto the couch.

"'Bout three weeks ago, you like it baby?"

I rolled my eyes and turned to get myself comfortable on the couch. "Yes, I like it."

"Ohh yeaaah," He moan playfully. I smiled at him and began to laugh.

"You're still the same, Jake." And once that had come out of my mouth I gasped and shoved a hand over it. What did I just call him? Why did I just call him...Jake? So I turned over to him - shocked expression on his face and all, and studied him secretly. He did have the same eyes as he did, and the smile was similar, but no one could have a more beautiful smile than him. There hair was somewhat the same, though Tristan's was lighter. And there skin tones matched more. And when I saw him today, he looked so much buffer, big muscles and all. Tristan had muscles, and as a matter of fact, he looked buffer than he did before.

But Tristan could never compare to him.

I sighed as I shook off the thoughts and comparisons, "I'm sorry."

"It's alright, I understand that you're still going through the fact that that jackass left you."

"Okay, could you not be so fucking blunt with it?" I snapped, grasping my hands to the cushion underneath me.

"I'm sorry, Bella -"

"Don't call me that, please." I snapped again, shaking my head. "No - I'm sorry for snapping at you. It's just... he came back..." I whispered the last part. With the promise I made myself the day he left, I blinked away invisible tears and swallowed away the lump in my throat that was currently clogging any form of words.

"He's - he's back? Here?"

"Yeah," I mumbled. Tristan began to look more pissed than ever. I'd only seen him this way once when I told him about Jacob and why I was getting into drugs in the first place. His face turned a light shade of red and it scrunched up in disgust.

"Fucking bastard's gonna pay." I gasped and slapped his arm - which only made my hand hurt.

"Ow," I whispered, shaking my hand. I looked over at Tristan and had resumed his normal posture before I broke the news to him. But why was he taking this so seriously? "Tristan, you alright?" I asked as I placed a hand on his arm. Suddenly I snapped my hand back and looked at my hand. Tristan's skin felt like it was increasing in temperature, like something was easily able to be triggered.

"What was that for?" Tristan asked, bemused.

"You're - you're getting hot!" I gaped.

He waved me off with a smirk, "I know I am, but you don't have to make it so -" I smacked his arm and rolled my eyes.

"Your ego is still...huge." I grumbled.

"Which one? 'Cause last time, you saw my real ego and you liked it"

"Oh my God, shut up already!" I half-yelled, and I gave him another hit on the arm.

Tristan laughed and shook his head. "God I miss you," He whispered more to himself than out loud, but I heard it just fine.

"You know I miss you too, Tristan," I said as I curled myself up against his arm.

"But it's just not enough," He mumbled to himself, and this time I hardly heard it, but it was just enough for me to know that he still cared and that what we had wasn't a joke to him.

~

"Fuck, finally got what I needed," Karina grasped onto her newly transparent bag filled with our new and improved sources. Shutting the door behind us we walked up to my room and sat on my bed.

"You and Dougie, huh? I mused as I watched her snort. Her eyes went wide after her first round and she waved me off.

"Nah, just did that to get my shit for free." She winked at me; I gaped at her as I was astounded.

"You gave Dougie a blow job for free coke?" Karina looked up at me and gave me an insecure, embarrassed kind of look.

"Was I not supposed to do that?" She asked, worried.

I stared at her, deeply in the eyes and waited quietly. And I swear you could have heard the damn crickets chirping with this silence. And when I finally broke that silence I burst out into a song of laughter. Karina gave me a confused expression and gaped back at me.

I raised my hand and she flinched back like I was going to hit her. Oh, but I wasn't going to do such a thing. "Hell yeah Kar! You slut!" I laughed as she sighed and gave me the high five I was waiting for.

"Don't scare me like that Arabella." She mumbled as she cut up her powder. She leaned down and within seconds her coke was inhaled, gone.

"Shit well I'm sorry." I rolled my eyes at her as I got my new drugs ready.

"What are those?" Karina pointed out the colorful pills that were sitting on my bed.

"Tristan gave me some new shit, baby." I nodded and grinned. Tristan had handed me over some transparent bag filled with these colorful candy-like pills. When I had asked him what they were he had crashed his lips down onto mine and for that moment, I thought I could begin to like him again. But the kiss was over within seconds and I was over it.

Tristan had given me free ecstasy, no strings attached. He'd said that they were just for me and he was waiting for me to come so I could have them. I had told them thank you, but we weren't getting back together in our almost-but not-relationship. That's when he had frowned, given me a sideways hug, snuck another kiss - more like tongue, and said he had to go and to enjoy my 'new high'.

And boy was I going to enjoy it.

"Okay, and exactly what did he give you?" She finally asked.

"Ecstasy. Look at the pretty colors, and the butterfly on this one!" I mused, giggling at the fun things on these drugs. Two had butterflies, and they were blue. The pink ones were shaped as hearts, and the yellow ones had smiley faces on them.

"And you take it how?"

"Well, Tristan said not to snort because it 'hurts like a mother fucker,' so just to take it like a normal pill, or let it sit in your mouth. I like the pill way easier," I smirked before grabbing my glass of water and popping one in my mouth, swallowing it down with water seconds later. I would only do one right now because honestly, I didn't know the side affects and how I'd react to taking more than one. See, I can be smart.

"Can I try?" Karina pushed out her bottom lip and batter her eyes. I rolled mine and tossed her one of the pink heart shaped pills and watched as she followed what I did. "When will it kick in?" She mumbled.

"Soon," I answered. For me it was all so fast and my high came with not interruptions. And hell, let me tell you, it was the best feeling in the world. "Ya know, tomorrow night we're going to the rave, and we're taking these." I told Karina who was now just getting into her new self.

"Sure." She smirked.

"It's better at raves anyways, Kar."

"Oh yeah," She giggled. I rolled my eyes and tackled her to the ground. "Hey, now, no touchy!" She rasped.

"Oh whatever!" I yelled as I shoved Karina off my bed and burst out into a fit of laughter as she rolled around on the floor like that was her day time job. "That's just -" I stopped and leaned over to grabbed something that wasn't really there. I ended up falling off my bed and landing with an 'oof'. I glared at Karina who was still rolling around, and now laughing at me for falling.

"Bitch," I mumbled.

"Whore," I let myself fall to the ground - pulling Karina with me, and we stared at the ceiling together, laughing at one another as it all began to fade. And even if this didn't seem like it lasted long, it was the longest, and most enthralling high that I have ever had. And Karina would have totally agreed with me if she wasn't knocked out right now.