Hold up My Heart

"Aw, fuck," I mumbled as I rolled onto my stomach. I could tell it was morning with the bright sun light peering through my window. I looked over at the clock and cursed under my breath. School, school, school. I turned my head and saw Karina still sleeping - with her butt sticking straight up in the air. This was just perfect. I smirked before taking my hand and smacking her ass.

Karina gasped and shot up straight. "What the fuck!" I gave her an evil smirk and laughed. "Why'd you wake me up, you ass!"

"Uh, school?" I mused. Karina began to laugh suddenly and shake her head.

"Oh, God those drugs still got you hooked? Babe, it's only Sunday." My eyes widened and I scurried myself over to my bed and checked out my phone, which indeed said it was Sunday morning.

"Shit, I guess those drugs still got control of me." I muttered under my breath.

"Ugh, go back to sleep." Karina mumbled as she rolled around on the ground, trying to find a comfortable position. When she caught me staring at her, bug-eyed, she said, "What?"

"You know you can go to your bed, right?" Kar made an 'o' shape with her mouth and crawled over to my door. "Fuck, get up and walk."

"I can't." She whined as she shoved the door open and shook her butt as she crawled out of my room.

"Dumbass," I chuckled under my breath as I shook my head.

~

Later on that day when Karina and I were fully awake, we'd planned on going to that rave that was going on tonight. We'd already picked out our outfits and planned when we'd go. We'd stay all night and like usual - party it up. I somewhat hoped that Tristan would be there, but then I had to shake off that thought. Because that just wouldn't happen.

"Hey, so what do you think of this?" Karina turned around for me to see her full body. I playfully licked my lips and nodded.

"Hell yeah baby you look so fine." She laughed and waved me off.

"No really, is this okay for tonight?" To be honest, she looked amazing in her tube top with her black leggings. She for sure would get a lot of the attention tonight.

"Of course, Kar. You look great. Now, what about me?" I turned part way for her to check me out and tell me how I looked in my orange tube top and violet leggings.

"That right there -" Karina began as she nodded. "That is sex."

"Sex - sex is good." I mumbled to her. She'd known how virgin - like I was, unlike her who'd lost her virginity when she was fourteen.

"Alright, ready to go?" Karina asked as she grabbed her bag. "And bring them candies." She winked and pointed over to my bed where my bag sat and a transparent baggie of color pills with different shapes.

"Ah - thanks for reminding me!" I laughed. I grabbed my bag, stuffing the small baggie of pills in it and followed Karina out to the car. Once in the car, I slammed my feet on the dashboard and blared The Runaways, by Anberlin.

"You only stand to break my heart; I can tell it by the way you runaway!" Karina and I yelled together as she drove down the road.

"Why exactly do we listen to this?" Karina absentmindedly questioned. I gave her a weird look and shrugged.

"'Cause it's good, bitch." Getting a scoff, and a punch in the arm - which didn't hurt the slightest, I gave her a one beat laugh and turned up the music. It wasn't long till we had pulled into a parking lot and began walking to the huge line before us. The line for the club let up as we approached it, and once we were in there, we'd already drank down tequila, patron, and two shots of vodka.

"Where is the speed, Ara?" Karina yelled into my ear over the blaring music blasting through the speakers. I shakily searched through my bag and once I grabbed the plastic baggie I gave one to Karina and I'd shot three in my mouth, swallowing without any sort of liquid.

"Let's get fucked up!" I yelled as I danced with Karina.

"Gimme that alcohol - let's get fucked up!" Karina yelled with me to The Millionaire's song - Alcohol.

"No seriously, Kar, gimme that alcohol." I yelled and pointed over to her hand that held her cup of patron. She let out a burst of laughter before handing over her cup of alcohol. I gulped it down within seconds and then continued to dance.

Soon I started to feel a bit tired and that just pissed me off. So I grabbed the small transparent baggie once again, and popped three blue pills into my mouth and swallowed it down with a bit of vodka. The coolness from it soothed my throat, and I didn't even notice as the pills came with it.

It was funny how discreet it was, when it did so much for me.

I know it must seem horrible and irresponsible to be doing such a stupid thing like this, but I was at a fucking rave for crying out loud - with my best friend, and I was finally getting back the high that I always loved feeling, the high that I had been longing for.

Being high was like being in the golden zone. It was like a place outside the physical world of space and time, looking at the universe in front of me while the first streaks of sunrise shone through the trees and bushes and the warm air gently brushed against my skin as I lay calmly on the ground, relaxed with a smile on my face and not a single worry in the world. Nothing else mattered to me than that single feeling, the feeling of utter bliss - all of my senses either being dulled or intensified by these amazing chemicals.

I couldn't feel any pain any longer.

All I wanted to do was taste the dark night sky, right before I came tumbling down again, the high wearing off. That's how it felt, and I wasn't giving it up any time soon.

And just as I thought things couldn't get better, they did. I'd had enough of the rave going on and I absently left Karina in the club by herself. If I was leaving her there, I'd at least leave her with the car - plus, she had the key. So I began my long walk back to wherever it was that I was headed. In looks of it, I was headed towards a high rocky hill.

My head titled upwards so my eyes were on the sky. The bright lights flashing up there fascinated me to no end, and I wanted to touch them. My feckless self decided that my new goal while I was high was to go and touch those shiny things glowing in the sky. As I began to stumble my way across the beach, my head still tilted up at the stars, a short, heart breaking memory flashed through my mind.

"I love you, Ara." Jake whispered into my ear. We were currently sitting atop the cliff, cuddled up together and staring up at the dazzling bright stars. I sighed and looked up at him, giving him a knowing smile.

"I love you too, Jake." I gave him another smile before resting my head on his chest.
His heart thumped against my ear, causing me to smile. There was something soothing about it. I was mesmerized. I blinked, concentrating. His heart was beating in time with my own, which only mesmerized me further.

“See those stars?” He asked, pointing to the sky. I leaned back to look at the sky. “They've got nothing on you.”

I blushed and looked at him. He couldn't be serious. He looked over at me and smiled. Yes, he was serious. “Thanks.” I said, flattered by his smooth comment. I leaned upwards and our faces began to get closer. This would be it, my first kiss. I tried not to smile as his lips pressed down onto mine.

I animatedly growled at the memory and began to run across the beach faster. I wouldn't get a star for him, no, I wouldn't get it for anyone. It was just shiny and I was curious as to what it would feel like. And again, I was completely out of it.

Once I was up on the cliff I smiled to myself and walked over to the edge of the cliff. I put my head up once again and grinned upwards at the stars. I let out a giggle as my hands began to reach for them. I began to get frustrated when I found myself unable to touch them. And then I began to jump for them, letting out small groans every time I failed. But then it all changed.

My foot slipped off the edge and I went tumbling into the ice cold water.