29 Ways to Get Rid of Your Roommate

I walked out of our room rubbing my eyes. Three hours of homework, three full hours of mind numbing Biology. It’s not so much that I don’t like science; it’s just that I’m horrible at it. I walked into the kitchen and grabbed a soda from the fridge. The mess from breakfast had been cleaned up again. You know, I never ask Alex to clean. I usually get around to it after I do what I need to do. But if he wants to clean my messes, all power to him. I just don’t want to hear him complain about it.

I went into the living room to find Alex and one of his friends from before playing video games. Is that all they do? I sat on the couch and picked up one of the books I had on the coffee table, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows. I love the Harry Potter series. I sat between Mike and Alex and read while they played whatever game it was that they were playing.

“Hi Arley, right?” Alex’s friend asked as he shot at Alex. Alex jumped out of the way in time, only to be killed by his friend’s dogs.

“Yup, sorry I didn't get to introduce myself properly last time. Arley Sinclaire and you are?” I said as I stuck out my hand. The level over screen came on and he turned and shook my hand.

“Mike Travels, nice to meet you. So, are you feeling better?” he said. Mike was the nice one, not the pervert from last time.

“Yeah, much better. I was just having a rough week, that’s all. Thanks for the concern, though.”

“Hey, no problem. And if you ever need to talk, I’m a great listener.”

“Thanks.” I said as the game started again and looked towards the screen again. Alex had yet to say anything to me. Hmmm, I wonder what’s up with him. Oh well, I don’t want another blow out. I continued reading while the awkwardness between Alex and I escalated.

After about another hour of them playing, they decided to turn off the game. Alex picked up the remote and changed the channel to 1000 Ways to Die.

“I love this show.” I said as I set my book down. Alex glared at me and changed the channel to Man vs. Food.

“I love this show too!” I said excitedly. He glared at me again and changed the channel to If Walls Could Talk. He smirked as he sat back to watch the show. Mike groaned and got up to get something from the kitchen.

“I love this show too.” Said as I stared Alex down. He sighed and sat up and changed the channel again to hockey. He looked at me with a questioning look, I just glanced back nonchalantly. He relaxed into the couch and watched the game. Mike came back and sat down.

“Sweet, the Kings vs. Redwings game. I’ve been trying to catch this for weeks.” He said as he watched the game intensely.

“I know, right? Aren’t the Redwings the best?” I said as I leaned forward. Alex cursed under his breath as he grabbed the remote and changed it some ballet thing.

“Really, dude? What are you doing?” Mike said exasperatedly.

“He’s trying to find something I don’t want to watch so I’ll go away, am I right?” I looked at Alex, he merely looked he opposite direction of me. “Yeah, I’m right. So I’ll go into the room so y’all can watch the game.” I got up off the couch and walked towards the room.

“And by the way,” Mike said as I left “The Giants are way better.” I laughed as I shut the door. I walked over to my desk and got the paper with the Ways so I could see what I could do next. Hmmm, this one seems good enough.

Operation Extreme Room Makeover: Rearrange your roommate’s room, or the room you both share, while they’re out of the house. Make sure to put things where they wouldn’t normally be, like their stapler in their dresser or their clothes under their bed folded neatly. Try to be as creative as possible.

Well, Alex isn’t out but I guess this could work. I locked the door and set to work. I pulled his bed from against the right wall, by the door, and put it in the furthest corner of the room. I grabbed my bed and put it in the center of the room. I grabbed his dresser and put it in the closet while I grabbed the clothes out the closet and put mine under his bed and his under mine. I then grabbed my desk and pushed it almost entirely in front of the closet and grabbed his and put it behind his bed so that it sat in the corner, his bed is at a cattycorner by the way. I moved my dresser so it was right by the door, that way, if you’re not paying attention, you’ll run straight into it. Then I set about with the smaller stuff. I took his books and stuck them in his dresser and took the clothes out of his dresser and put them in his dirty clothes hamper. I took his dirty clothes and stuck them in the drawers of his desk. I could barely reach his desk, which was just perfect. I grabbed his desk lamp and stuck it on his dresser in the closet and took his pen and pencils and stuck them under his covers. I stood back and admired my work, I did pretty darn good if I do say so myself.

I skipped out of the room and into the kitchen. “I’ll be back dude, I’m gonna grab that game you wanted.” Alex said. I just stood in the kitchen and listened. “What the fuck did you do?” Alex yelled as he stormed into the kitchen. He looked really upset.

“Well, you didn’t want me in the living room and I got bored in our room so I redecorated. Do you like it?” I said innocently.

“I leave you alone with my stuff for ten minutes and you demolish the room. Where’s my dresser?” he said exasperatedly. I think I’m wearing him down. Just then, Mike walked out the room laughing so hard, he was practically stumbling.

“You did all that in ten minutes? Priceless, purely priceless.” He said between gasps of breath. I smiled and nodded my head.

“Are you insane?” Alex yelled at me. I looked fake hurt.

“Of course not, I thought you would like what I did. Well, seeing as how you’re yelling at me, you can put it all back yourself!” I said and stormed out the apartment. I walked down the stairs and across the street to Lezlie’s. I knocked on the door, I used to just come in but then I saw something I didn’t want to once so I never did that again.

“You know, you could just come in.” Rebecca said when she opened the door.

“Last time I did that, I got to see your butt. I don’t think I’ll be doing that again.” I said as I walked in. She blushed furiously.

“Well, you caught us just as we were about to leave.” Lezlie said. She walked around the corner pulling on a jacket.

“Oh, ok, well I can leave then.” I said as I turned back around to leave.

“Well, you can wait here if you want.” Rebecca said politely. Lezlie, who was standing behind her at the time, shook her head vigorously. When Rebecca looked down to fix her jacket buttons I mouth ‘Why?’ to Lezlie. She started fake humping Rebecca. I burst out laughing.

“What?” Rebecca said; completely oblivious to what just happened.

“Nothing.” Lezlie and I said.

“I think I’ll go, something tells me I don’t want to be here when you get back.” I winked at Lezlie as I left.



I walked back into the apartment. I had gone and sat in the library for about two hours, it was actually quite fun. All the lights were out except from some light coming from the T.V. I walked into the living room to find Mike and Alex passed out with some random movie on. I turned off the T.V. and went into our room. Everything was exactly as I put it, with the exception of some random crap lying around everywhere, like he had been trying to find something. A strange piece of paper caught my eye on my desk. I picked it up; it’s folded like a note so obviously I have to see what it says. I opened it and read:

Dear Arley,
I love what you’ve done with the room. It’s so unique; I’d like it to stay this way. Thanks so much. I especially love where you put my desk. I’ve been meaning to get a more comfortable chair, but now I can just sit on my bed. Thanks once again, you’re great!
Signed,
Alex

Hmmm, I expected the room to be back in normal order. Maybe he’s tired of cleaning up my messes. Oh well, I don’t mind the room being this way. I changed into my pajamas and lay in my bed. Maybe he thought I was bluffing and decided to call it. Whatever, his loss is my gain. My mind filled with thoughts of tomorrow’s charades as I drifted off to sleep, a smile present on my face.