29 Ways to Get Rid of Your Roommate

I woke up the next morning to find Alex sleeping in his bed. The only downside to his new bed arrangement would have to be the fact that his feet were by my head. I sat up and walked into the kitchen. I turned on Secrets by One Republic. I rubbed my eyes as I floated around the kitchen dancing. I grabbed some limes from the refrigerator and started eating them. Operation Sour Faced was already in play and Alex wasn’t even awake yet.

Operation Sour Faced: Eat limes or lemons. Ask your roommate every five minutes, if they want some. Leave the peels lying in your closet on some other random place. When your roommate asks about them, say you have to save them for… Make sure to make it completely absurd and absolutely believable.

Alex walked into the kitchen. I hopped up on the counter opposite the coffee pot and continued eating my lime. I had my peelings in my lap, waiting to be put in a random place. He walked in and poured himself a cup of coffee. He leaned against the counter and completely ignored me.

“Umm, Alex?” I asked in an attempt to get his attention. He turned his head towards me, his expression a mixture of sleepiness and iciness. He didn’t say anything but I was pretty sure I had his attention.

“I’m sorry for upsetting you. To make up for it, do you want some?” I said as I held out my lime to him. He looked at it disgustedly.

“No?” Alex asked. I think he’s afraid I might blow up at him. Perfect, I’m making him cautious of me. He’s close to cracking. I simply shrugged my shoulders, jumped off the counter, and walked into the living room. I flipped through the channels and decided on Degrassi. Although I know it’s mostly geared towards teens, I like it. It makes me grateful for the drama free life I lead. Alex walked into the room and sat down. This time, he sported a bowl full of cereal. He looked mildly disgusted as the opening song went off.

“You want some?” I asked as I pulled another lime out of my pajama pocket. I had all the peelings in my pocket too.

“No.” he said while looking at the T.V. He must really be mad about the potato thing. Perfect. I finished peeling the lime and put the peelings in my pocket. I saw out of the corner of my eye as he watched me put the peels in my pocket, a mildly surprised and curious look on his face. I simply shrugged again and started watching the T.V. intently. You’re probably wondering how I can stand to eat limes. Well, when I was younger, I would stay with my grandparents at their house in the country. They had an orchard full of apples, peaches, and limes. I found it odd that there were limes there until my grandpa told me a story about the Lime Princess.

“There once was a little princess by the name of Isabella. She used to be so sour, so mean. She would treat everyone bad, regardless of who they were. One day an evil witch came to the castle. She was disguised as a lowly beggar as most witches are in fairy tales. And she said ‘Please, my princess, may I have one of your delicious apples to eat?’

‘Of course not’ the princess replied. ‘These are my apples. All these wonderful fruits are mine, you may not have any you disgusting woman’ ‘You will learn to share and be kind. From now on, the only thing you will eat is limes.’ The witch said as she cast a spell on the princess. The princess immediately dropped the apple she was about to eat and ran and picked a lime. She bit into it, just like you would an apple. “Gah, this is so sour!’ she exclaimed. The princess had never eaten a lime. “Now what you eat will match what you are. When you learn to be kind is when the sour in the lime will finally have balanced out the sour in your heart. Only then, will you be able to eat other things again.’ The witch said as she left.

“For months the princess ate nothing but limes. Her mouth would often be numb by the end of the day from eating so much sour. But when she woke up the next morning, her mouth would be fine again. And so she would eat limes again. Eventually the princess stopped eating all together.

‘If I can only eat limes, I will never eat again.’ She told her parents. The princess starved herself until she was almost too weak to move. One day, her chamber maid came into her room to find the princess dead. She had died of starvation. The king and queen wept for the loss of their child.

The rest of the kingdom, however, rejoiced in the death of the horrid little girl. The royal family buried her in the garden behind the castle, since that is where she loved to play. Later that year, they noticed that a tree had grown where she was buried. That spring it sprouted big green limes. One day the chef decided to make some lemonade for the queen who wanted some. He couldn’t find any lemons though. So he grabbed a lime from the tree that stood where Isabella was buried. Out of pure curiosity, he bit into it just like you would an apple. The lime was sweet and delicious. The princess had finally learned her lesson, it was just too late.”

“Really? Did that really happen grandpa?” seven year old me said from my grandpa’s lap. “Yes, so if you don’t want to end up like Isabella, you need to be as sweet as possible.” He said as he set me down and we walked back to the house from the orchards.

I giggled to myself as I thought about that day. Of course, the only thing my seven year old mind got from that was that you had to eat limes to counteract the sourness in your heart. So I ate limes like they were going out of style. I guess I kinda just developed a liking for them.

“Why are you laughing? Eli just told Clare about how his girlfriend died?” Alex asked skeptically. I turned and looked at him. His face was distorted in curiosity and disgust.

“Oh, I must have zoned out. I was just thinking about my Pappy.” I said absent mindedly.

“Your what?”

“Umm nothing. Want some?” I said and pushed the lime towards his face. His nose scrunched up.

“I don’t like limes.” He said and got up and went into the bathroom. I got up and went into our room. I put the peelings on my dresser in a neat little line. I scooted up onto the blankets and grabbed my phone. I texted “Wanna hang out?” to Lezlie. Within mere seconds she replied “Of course. Come on over!” Rebecca must have her phone because Lezlie is horrible at texting. I put my phone in my pocket, wrapped my blankets around me, and left for Lezlie’s.



“Why are there lime peels on your dresser?” I heard Alex ask as I walked through the front door. I had spent almost all day in class and at Lezlie’s house. I was exhausted to say the least. I walked into our bedroom to find Alex standing by my dresser, looking at my peelings.

“I have to save them for the visitors. They’ll be here any day now.” I said with a crazy look in my eye. I twitched and walked over to my bed and laid down.

“Dear god.” Alex muttered as he left. I think I might be cracking him. I might not even need all 29 ways.