Out of Mind and Body

Rosanna POV

“Well, hunny. We have to go. Someone outside there really wants to see you, and I’m sure you will too,” Cameron said to me as they got up. Peter hugged me tightly, and then waited for Cameron to come with him.

“We love you Rosanna. We will see you soon,” Peter said, as they walked out. Once again, I was alone. I hated being alone because I always imagined bad things. I knew I was not crazy. Yes, most crazy people say that, but I really knew. These people and my parents did not know about Austin’s week back. They thought I was like any other suicide attempter. I did always feel sick, which was not a plus to my bargain. My parent’s faces always looked depressed when they visited me every day. They would talk to me as if I was the retarded one. It made me furious, but I wanted to keep moving down levels instead of not making progress.

I really did miss Austin. I missed his smile, touch, voice, laugh, and personality. Several nights I would have dreams I was back to that wonderful night we made love. Also all the conversations we had and the games we played. Whenever I felt depressed, I would imagine him and my friends. One in specific. He was my best friend, and a guy I really loved.

I looked around to a plain white room. There was a simple cot and two chairs for visitors. I did not understand why all these rooms were white. Was it supposed to soothe the patients? I hated it in here. I was moving down quickly though. I was a little happier seeing Cameron and Peter. I could tell they liked each other. I guessed they were secretly dating, but said nothing. Everyone was so cautious when talking to me, which always made me a little sad.

I am stable, even if they think otherwise. I did it because I wanted to be with Austin. If I said that, they would actually move me back a level. Saying your dead boyfriend visited you for a week sounds crazy. I started to remember that whole week, and smiled. I saw a nurse open the door, and a shy person step in.

My eyes watered at the site of him. He was gorgeous to me. He was wearing a hat like always, over his stunning straightened hair. He stood by the open door, cautiously. He was unsure what to do. I gave him a wide smile, and he let his breath out and smiled in return. It was the best thing I have seen since I have been here.

“Hey,” he said quietly, taking a seat on one of the chairs. He started to fiddle with his thumbs, and gulp nervously. I frowned when I realized how nervous he actually was.

“Hi, Marky. How have you been?” I asked happily, trying to warm him up.

“Oh, uh…. I’m fine. How about you, Rosa?” He stammered out, using my nickname the group had made up for me.

“Perfect. Fun being stuck in this damn place, when actually I am not even crazy. It gets annoying. I would rather be out with you guys and all.” I watched his movements, curious as to what he was thinking. He smiled at my answer and I felt it was getting better.
“Well we have all missed you. It’s just not the same with you not with us,” Mark said, staring me in the eyes. I could not release his look, even if I wanted to.

“I’ve missed you guys so much. I feel so out of the loop. You see how Peter and Cameron look at each other. They are so dating.” Mark eyes opened up and he chuckled. I really did miss his laugh. I closed my eyes and let it ring out slowly.

“Well obviously you aren’t. You know a lot more then I do,” Mark said laughing again. “Jared and Garrett are still going out as well. That is pretty much it. Nothing’s really changed.”

“What about you, Mark?” I asked slowly, fidgeting with the sheet on my “bed”. I loved Austin, but he was gone. He would always be gone. It was time to move on, and I hoped I still had a chance with a guy I also loved more then a friend.

“Oh, no I’ve been saving myself for the right person. So I guess being the boring person out of the group,” he said smiling at me. I felt my heart rise up into my throat.

“Any idea who…?” I asked, trying to be casual. I stole a glance at Mark and he looked at me thoughtfully.

“Yeah I think so. I see her everyday, and I cannot get her out of my thoughts. My heart speeds up when I see her, and whenever I see something that reminds me of her, I cannot help but smile. I really do think I’m in love with her, Rosanna.” His face looked so happy, while my insides died. He sees her everyday? He does not like me anymore. What am I going to do? My whole motivation for getting out was to be with him.

“Oh, I am so happy for you,” I said hiding my disappointment behind a goofy smile. Mark frowned, then laughed. I began to glare at him. He was usually the master at emotions, so I am guessing he caught on. How embarrassing.

I began to blush, looking down to hide my face behind my hair. I felt his hand lift up my chin. He held my gaze for a solid minute.

“Rosanna, you are so silly,” he said, his breath lying against my skin. My pulse increased.

“Wha-“

He brought his lips to mine, letting them brush softly. I sat there shocked and ecstatic. He began to pull away when I did not react, so I quickly pushed back. I slowly let it go, and opened my eyes. His eyes stayed closed, and I giggled.

“God I have missed that,” he whispered, finally opening his eyes. I grabbed his hand and pulled him onto my cot with me. I leaned my head on his shoulder, happy when my body filled with warmth.

“What did you mean by seeing her everyday?” I asked, looking up at him. He blushed this time, and cleared his throat.

“I do dream every day, and I’m pretty sure I have some pictures,” he said smiling sheepishly. I grabbed his hand, playing with it, and kissing it.

“Do you think I’m crazy?” I asked, looking in the other direction. He was quiet for a few minutes.

“No. No, I do not think that. I think you’re madly in love with Austin, and you do not believe you can live without him.”

I remembered back to when I tried to kill myself. It seemed like an amazing plan. It seemed right. Now, I as happy it was not fulfilled. I liked this moment.

“Yes, I was madly in love with him. I cannot dwell on the past though. He was and is my soul mate, but he is gone. I love somebody else who can be there for me. I do believe I can live without him. He helped me realize that, as did you,” I said, believing every word of it. I could move on, and I wanted people to know that. I looked back up at Mark, and he was smiling sweetly.

I wrapped my arms around his neck, and brought him in for a kiss. I laid down so he kneeled above me, as I let my tongue become familiar with his. He let me catch my breath once I let out a short moan, and began to kiss my face. I breathed heavily, closing my eyes in joy.

“I love you Mark,” I whispered into his ear. He stopped kissing me, and I felt the smile on my face.

“You have no idea how long I have waited for you to say that,” he said embracing me in another kiss. I heard a cough and a knock on the door. I saw Mark blush, and get off me, as the nurse stared. I unwrapped my arms, and frowned.

“Time is up. You have two more guests and visiting hours are almost over,” she said, moving to let Mark through the doorway. He got up, turning and smiling at me. I wanted to argue with her, but found out when I did I would make no progress in moving down.

I watched him walk down the hallway, happy that I knew he was mine. I was excited for my last two guests, because I knew there would be no awkward tension. Jared and Garrett were always smiling, always hyper, and always fun to be around. I heard footsteps running, and my nurse yelling.

“ROSANNA!” Garrett screamed jumping on me. Jared was close behind, and waited until Garrett removed himself, before crushing me in a hug.

“Garret and Jared! Oh how I missed you two!” I squealed, holding them both into my side.

“We missed you more!” Garrett said, bouncing on my cot. They both kissed my cheek at the same time, and rapidly talked about EVERYTHING. They rambled on about a concert they went to, and dates they had gone on, and about how weird school was.

“Wait, can you repeat what you just said?” I asked when I heard the name Mark.

“Oh, he spent a whole week in his room after the whole suicide thing. He would not see us or even speak to his mother. He probably cried more then anyone has in their whole life. We finally got him out after a week though. Two weeks later, here we are!” Garrett said quickly. Jared took up the next conversation a second after he said, “are”.

It made me want to comfort Mark even more, knowing he shut himself up in his room for a week because of me. I smiled thinking about him, and received a slap for it.

“Hey, listen to me,” Garrett whined.

“Garrett, she’s thinking of Mark. He looked so happy when we passed him. What did you two do?” Jared asked, nudging me. I was about to tell them when the nurse said they had to leave. I hugged and kissed them goodbye, saying I would hope I would see them soon.

“Bye guys, I love you!” I called after them. They waved back, and the nurse shut my door.

For the first night since I was taken here, I slept wonderfully. I dreamed of Austin, and he was saying he was proud of me. I dreamed of Jared and Garrett, they were chewing my ear off with unnecessary news, but I loved every minute of it. Cameron was spilling all this stuff about Peter to me. When I would talk with Peter, he would guess everything I as thinking, and I thought he had magical powers like Harry Potter. When I dreamed of Mark, we were being our normal selves, and kissing each other any possible moment, we could.