Jasey Rae

A day passed by and I did whatever I could to avoid Jack. Yes, it was childish, but right now, I just didn't know what to say to him. What was I supposed to say? Hey, I'm still in love with your best friend, but I might love you a little too. I don't think so. Sure, it was hard to avoid him since I was living in the same house as him, but I did some things to get me out of the house.

Alex still avoided me, and I felt terrible about it. I have no idea what I could have possibly done to make him avoid me. He won't answer my calls and won't text me back. He hasn't come over like he used to, and it's worrying me deeply. For someone who says he's in love with me so much, he's not doing a great job of proving it.

I looked over at the boy sitting across from me. He looked different from the first time I saw him, but then again, he looked exactly the same. The first day I saw him sit next to his best friend, he wore a bright smile and his eyes were always lit up. He was constantly trying to make people laugh because that's what made him feel good; he loved seeing people happy, especially if it was because of him. The first day, he was absolute best friends with a boy who had hit on me the second his eyes landed on me. He was in a band with his three best friends because it was just for fun and because he was in love with music.

But, now, months later, the day before I leave, he's different. Sure, his hair is the same, and he's as thin as ever. But he's not the same boy I met months ago. Now, he will barely talk to his best friend. He's kissed his best friend's girlfriend twice, going behind the boy's back. He's very serious about the band and wants to become famous. He's made a girl pretty much fallen in love with him against her will. A few months ago he wouldn't have done anything to mess up his relationship with his best friend, but now, he wants Alex and I to break up, and that's really hurting his friendship with his best friend. Still, he loves seeing people happy because of him, but right now, that's at the bottom of his list.

If I think about it, if Alex hadn't kept pestering me and making me fall for him, I could definitely see myself with Jack. We always have fun together, even if we're in an empty room. He's always cared about me to the ends of the earth, and I him. Jack has been my best friend since day one. He knows how to make me laugh and smile when I don't want to and he has a way to make me cheer up even on my saddest days. He knows more about me than any of my friends, and he's never treated me differently even after I told him my secrets. He's just...amazing.

But, here he is now, staring at me with his beautiful dark brown eyes that I seem to fall in love with each time I see them. We haven't spoken for a day, and we both knew that was killing us. But we needed to get things sorted out. We needed to know where each other stood and what was going to happen.

"I'm sorry."

I looked up, my eyes sad as I looked over at my best friend. "Don't be. There's nothing to be sorry about."

But the boy shook his head, not accepting what I was saying. "No. There's everything to be sorry about. I shouldn't have kissed you twice behind my best friend's back. I mean, I know you two love each other and all, but I just thought that maybe...I don't know." He sighed, leaning his elbows on his knees. Slouching over, he took his head in his hands and stared at the carpeted floor below him.

I bit my lip, still staring at the boy. "But, Jack, you don't get it...I wanted you to kiss me."

Almost instantly, he looked up at me. "Really?"

I sighed, nodding as I gazed at my hands. I couldn't look him in the eye. "Yeah. I mean, if I didn't, I wouldn't have kissed back; I would have pushed you away." I bit my lip again. "But I didn't. I kissed you."

"So where does this leave us, Jasey Rae?" He cleared his throat a little. "Jasey...I really like you."

I let out a slow breath through my nose, thinking about everything. Alex and I are still going out. Yeah, we aren't speaking right now and I haven't done anything wrong. But, there's still that sliver of hope that he'll change his mind and start talking to me again. I was completely in love with Alex, there was no doubt about that.

But then there's Jack. My best friend. My best friend whom I've started to take a liking to, not to my will. But, it is what it is. I kissed my best friend twice, and each time, deep down, I really liked it. But did I really like it enough to leave Alex and go running in Jack's arms?

No.

Of course I didn't. As much as I liked Jack and may possibly even the slightest bit of love, Alex was still the person whom I loved with all my heart. We may be on the rocks with our relationship, but no relationship is ever perfect. And Jack, well....Jack will always be the boy who I am the slightest bit in love with, but never as much as I love Alex.

"Jack..." My voice cracked, so I cleared my throat and took a deep breath. But, before I could say anything, Jack cut me off.

"Don't continue. I know what you're going to say." He said quietly, giving me a sad smile. "It's all right." He walked over and kissed my forehead, grabbing my hand and intertwining our fingers slowly. "You'll always be my best friend, Jasey Rae. And I'll forever love you, no matter what."

I smiled softly at the boy, standing up and pulling him into my arms. I leaned my head against his chest, just inhaling his scent and enjoyed being in my best friend's arms. "Jack Bassam, you're the best friend I've ever had. Don't ever change that. I'll always love you, no matter what."

A half hour passed and we stayed like that until Jack said he had to go somewhere, not telling me exactly where, but promised he'd be back later so we could have one last sleepover before I left. I couldn't believe that I leave tomorrow.

But, something still wasn't crossed off my list yet. And that was my number one thing I wanted to get sorted out. But, only problem was that he wasn't talking to me.

So, I did the best thing I could think of to make him talk to me: I went to his house. I had to get him to talk to me about all of this. I just needed to know if we were going to stay together or not. Although, by the looks of it, it didn't seem like we were going to. My heart dropped just at the thought of it.

I walked through the front door using the key Alex had given me a while ago. His parents weren't home, and I was kind of grateful for that. I had a feeling there was going to be a lot of yelling and/or crying involved and I didn't want them worrying.

I stepped quietly up the stairs, about to yell his name out, but stopped once I heard yelling coming from the boy's room. I raised an eyebrow. Who could he possibly be yelling at? My stomach twisted as I recognized a voice. One of them was Jack's. I advanced silently to Alex's door, putting my ear up to the tiny crack that had been there because he hadn't closed the door all the way. Although, by the rate they were yelling, even if the door was closed anyone could still hear them clearly.

I had a very bad feeling about all this. Jack and Alex certainly don't fight. And when they do fight, it's about something very serious.

"Alex, why won't you talk to her anymore? She's fucking crushed!" I heard Jack yell, despair in his voice. "Please, just answer me that."

A sigh had filled the room, and I knew it was Jack. Alex wouldn't answer and it made Jack even angrier. "God, you're such a fucking asshole!" I flinched at Jack's harsh words. Sure, he's called his best friend that before, but he was never serious. Until now. And he meant it. "You know, she told me what you guys did a few nights ago. She told me you two had sex. Is that why you won't talk to her anymore? She fucking gave her virginity to you, man! And now you won't even look at her!"

A moment passed, and no one spoke. I could hear Jack's angry breaths, and Alex stay silent. A thin layer of salty water formed over my eyes. I didn't like how this conversation was going one bit. And I had a feeling it was going to get worse.

"Was that all she was to you? Was she just a girl you could have sex with? She's a fucking celebrity and you just had to have sex with her, huh? You took the poor girl's virginity from her and now you're just going to dump her on the side of the road?" Jack continued angrily, but he wasn't screaming anymore. Sure, his voice was loud, but it held more venom then it did a few moments ago. "Alex, answer me this: Was Jasey just a casual fuck to you?"

Minutes passed and the tears fell. Answer it, Alex! Say you love me and I'll forgive you! Just say it and all this will be forgotten. Alex didn't answer. I pushed the door open, surprising the two boys completely.

"Jasey." Jack breathed, but I shook my head. I let my tears fall because I didn't care about them right now. All I cared about was the boy with the blonde and brown hair in front of me. "Answer him." I demanded firmly. "Answer his question, Alex."

Alex stared at me, his jaw clenched and eyes narrowed slightly. He flicked his eyes towards the banana haired boy for a second. I knew he wanted Jack to leave.

"Jack, leave. I need to talk to Alex alone." I said, wiping away the salty water droplets that had fallen. Jack hesitated but did as he was told. Before he left, he shot one more glare at Alex and gave me a kiss on the head.

I looked at the skinny boy before me. His clothes were just like they always were. His skinny jeans were loose around his thin legs, hanging below his waist a little as they were held up by a pointless belt. His band tee clung to his tiny yet long torso, and his sweatshirt had hung loosely over his shirt, not zipped up all the way. "Answer it. Please." I begged, my voice shaky. I didn't realize my hands were balled into fists until I felt pain from where my nails were digging into my palm. But I didn't care; all I cared about was this boy's answer. And by the look in his eyes, I could tell it wasn't going to be the answer I wanted.

Alex clenched his jaw a few times before sighing curtly. "Yes. You were just a casual fuck and I had no intentions of keeping in touch after you left. You're just a notch in my bedpost."

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly so my tears wouldn't fall, but a few slipped out. Those twenty-six words pierced my soul deeply. They stung. Those were the worst words I had ever heard in my entire life. My stomach twisted painfully and fell to the floor. My heart wasn't far behind. My head spun and I could barely breathe. All that time. All that time we spent together, all that drama we went through was all just a way to get into my pants. He never loved me. All those times he said those three words were a lie. Every kiss, every touch was a lie. He never meant any of it. This whole relationship was a lie. And a damn good lie, too.

I sucked in a very shaky breath and nodded once, looking at him through my blurry vision. "F-Fine. If that's the way you feel." I shook my head at my stupidity. "I hope you're happy, Gaskarth. You took the one thing that was so precious to me and you don't even care. You're...you're a...." I stopped myself short. I wanted to call him every bad name in the book; every insult my mind could conjure up. But...even after all this, I just couldn't bring myself to say it out loud. I just shook my head, my chin quivering. "Goodbye, Alex."

I stole one last look at him before turning on my heel and walking out the room, shutting the door behind me. I stopped at the top of the stairs, looking back. Minutes passed and I heard no sign of him coming out to chase me, saying he was sorry and that he didn't mean it, like he did the last time. Because he wasn't going to. He meant every word he said to me.

I let out a sob and walked out the house.

Everything was done. It was all over. My five months here were a complete waste.

[jaseyrae]

"Jasey, what happened?"

I sucked in a shaky breath, looking through my blurry vision at my best friend. I just shook my head and he understood. His face twisted with anger.

"That fucking-"

"D-Don't, Jack. It's not worth it." I said quietly, and I heard him sigh. All I really wanted was a hug right now, actually. Suddenly, without speaking, Jack's arms were around me tightly. I smiled, despite what has happened the past day. "Jack, you're incredible."

"I try." He said, and I could hear the smile in his voice. He took my face in my hands, using his thumbs to wipe my cheeks dry. He sighed sadly. "Jasey, I'm so sorry all this happened. I-I never knew he...he felt that way. He lied to all of us."

I gave him a sad smile. "Thanks. But I should've expected this from the beginning. I should've seen it coming the second he asked me to be his girlfriend the day I met him."

"He was never like this, Jase. I promise. I don't know what got into him, but trust me, he'll pay." I opened my mouth to say that wasn't necessary, but he cut me off. "Come on, Jase. I'll call up Rian and Zack and we can have an awesome party of our own before you leave. Besides, who needs lead singers?"

I smiled widely, wiping my cheeks dry. "That sounds perfect, Jack."

[jaseyrae]

Rian and Zack came over, all three asked me to go get drinks. Well, I was more ordered to get them, but I didn't mind; I wanted one for myself anyways. When I was leaving the room, I heard Jack quickly explain to Rian and Zack what had happened only an hour ago. Grabbing their favorite drink, I returned to the three waiting boys and sat next to Jack on the couch. He casually put his arm around my shoulders, causing me to snuggle against him almost out of reaction.

Rian spoke up, finally realizing something. "Hey, Jasey, shouldn't your mom and brother be at home?"

I nodded, taking a sip of my drink before answering him. "Yeah, but they decided it would be cheaper to just go from my dad's house to Chicago instead of coming here and then going home."

"Makes sense." Zack said, and we all just nodded in agreement.

"Hey, let's go prank some bitch's house." Jack said randomly, and I laughed.

"No way. Last time I pranked someone's house I got arrested and thrown into jail." I replied, putting a chip in my mouth before swallowing it. Their eyes went wide, and I laughed lightly at their quick demands to tell them the story. My mind replayed the night Alex and I pranked everyone's house. My heart tugged a little at the thought of him. "Remember that day when someone's pranked your houses?"

"That was you?!" They shouted, causing me to laugh again.

"Me and Al." I confirmed. "We were working on Zack's house when the cops came. Fucking next door neighbors called the fuzz on us." I smiled at the memory, even though all I could see was Alex's face popping up, and that broke me heart. But, I just put on a smile. "Yeah. Let's just stay here for night. I wanna spend as much time as possible with you three. Not spend my last night in jail."

They chuckled lightly, nodding their heads. Zack suggested putting in a movie and we all agreed. I wasn't really paying much attention, though. All I kept thinking about was what had happened merely a few hours earlier. How that stupid boy Alex Gaskarth had intentionally made me fall in love with him just so we could have sex. What a trashy and horrible thing to do.

Whatever. I'm just going to move on and forget about it. Besides, I have three other boys I can't live without, and I know they'll never hurt me.

"Jasey, I love you."

I looked up at my best friend, giving him a soft smile before kissing his cheek. "I love you, too, Jack." I played with the string from his sweatshirt before whispering. "Please don't ever hurt me like he did."

"I swear on my life I'd never hurt you like that."

And that's all I needed to hear.