Emo Prince Meets Emo Princess and They Drown the World With Their Emoness

Oh, come the fuck on, dude. Are you ever gonna stop screaming?

Eric thought it was totally rude of his female parental unit to ask his girlfriend where she’s from. How fucking conforming!

“SHE DOESN’T TALK, BESS! GET OVER IT!” Eric screamed at his mother. Doesn’t she know not to embarrass him!?

The Queen looked like she could pass out. The King guzzled more whiskey. The food was brought. Anorexia surely wasn’t princess material; it looked like she didn’t even know how to use the utensils in front of her.

She’s so unique, just like me! Eric thought, glancing at her wrists to see if she had hardcore slash marks like his. He raised his sleeve up just when Anorexia looked over. SHE SMILED! SHE THOUGHT IT WAS TOTALLY FUCKING HARDCORE OF HIM TO CUT HIMSELF TO FEEL SOMETHING!

Oh, please.

Suddenly – and very dramatically – Eric shoved away from the table, grabbing Anorexia’s arm, saying, ““Come on, love. I’ll take you to see the kingdom.” But first, he dragged her to his Dark Domain of Pain to change into something more BVB than MCR. She watched him get dressed. He liked it; he thought he was a pretty fascinating creature himself. He thought of himself as Edward Cullen cool, minus the glitters – which he needed to get the next time he stopped at Hot Topic.

After that, Eric yet again dragged the poor girl outside, where the totally expensive, totally sexy Bentley was waiting for him. He promised his parents no more suicide attempts to get the car; if only they knew how misunderstood and lonely their son was!

The hood of the car was – oh, dear Lord – etched with the words WELCOME TO THE BLACK PARADE.

In red Sharpie.

He totally revved the car that he totally deserved so show how much of a muscle man he is.

Oh, yeah, sure. Muscles of a pre-pubescent girl.

He made sure to revv the engine a couple of more times – showoff - before the guards standing by screamed, “JUST GO ALREADY!”

Eric released another tirade of Google emo quotes before driving off, asking Anoreixa after he calmed down a bit, “So, Anorexia, where do you want to go first?”

She shrugged and looked out the window.

She gets me, he thought as he smiled and turned on MCR. Mikey Way’s sexy gay voice floated out as he sang “Cancer”. Eric went on to headbang along with the song, almost hitting his head on the steering wheel, which would’ve given him a fucking hardcore gash on his forehead, but instead, sobbed while he drove because that song so totally touched his heart.

Anorexia immediately turned and started silently sobbing as well.

Emo kids. You gotta love them.

When they got to town, everyone stopped and stared; the losers in the old world clothing, the servant wenches, the shop keepers. They’re Emo Prince had finally gotten the courage to pick his ass up and go down the town to see his people – and with a girl, no doubt! This was truly a day to celebrate!

But Eric wasn’t here to greet people. Are you kidding me? Him? He was only here for MCR, who’d come on a royal warrant punishable by beheading. Thank God he had a new band buddy!

“Come on, Anorexia!” he called over the loud, gay din of the music radiating from the end of town. He grabbed her hand and dragged her toward the shitty music. Because he was Prince – duh, people! – he was able to allow himself to get on the stage with the band and rock out with MCR. Then the band began playing a slower song and Anorexia took Eric into her arms exactly like Eric saw Alexander and his Queen dancing at one of their lame-ass balls.

Ha. Balls.

“What are you doing?” Eric asked as he and Anorexia puesdo-waltzed across the stage. He wasn’t used to waltzing, whatever the fuck it was. He was used to jumping around at shows, screaming, and being his sexy Edward Cullen self.

Anorexia just smiled and mouthed, “Dancing.”

HOW GAY!

-

After the show, Eric “escorted” – he thought it was a better word – to the man made lake near town. He barely knew how to row, let alone swim. He kept dropping the oars in the water.

Anorexia snorted and laughed.

He glared at her and screamed, “I CRY FOR THE TIME THAT YOU WERE ALMOST MINE, I CRY FOR THE MEMORIES I'VE LEFT BEHIND, I CRY FOR THE PAIN, THE LOST, THE OLD THE NEW, I CRY FOR THE TIMES I THOUGHT I HAD YOU! NOT ALL SCARS SHOW, NOT ALL WOUNDS HEAL! SOMETIMES YOU CAN'T ALWAYS SEE THE PAIN SOMEONE FEELS! DO NOT ASSUME THAT HE WHO SEEKS TO COMFORT YOU NOW, LIVES UNTROUBLED AMONG THE SIMPLE AND QUIET WORDS THAT SOMETIMES DO YOU GOOD. HIS LIFE MAY ALSO HAVE MUCH SADNESS AND DIFFICULTY THAT REMAINS FAR BEYOND YOURS. WERE IT OTHERWISE, HE WOULD NEVER HAVE BEEN ABLE TO FIND THESE WORDS!” as he tried to grab the runaway oar from the water.

The boy had truly outdone himself this time.

Finally, after about an hour, they made it to the middle of the lake. Suddenly, he heard percussion. But it wasn’t an MCR or BVB percussion; it was, like, one of those tropical kind of percussions.

“YO, DAWG, MOVE YO’ BIG ASS FEATHERS, FUCKER! I CAN'T FUCKING SEE, NIGG!” someone screamed, but Eric thought it was another delusion, a hallucination in his psycho pea-brain. His voices loved to talk to him.

Then someone started singing, “Theeeere you see herrrr, sitting there across the wayyyyy…” in a totally not emo way.