Lack of Color.

John.

I lay on the couch, my head feeling as though someone beat me in the heat with a bat. Something that I’ve become accustomed to, it was more of a familiar feeling that I needed to get through the day. I watched as Tim and Pat cleaned the house, trying their hardest not to wake me up. Too late. I got up from the couch looking over at them; they just stared at me finishing up with the trash.
“You could have at least helped; I knew your ass was awake.”
“I rather just lie down and pretend I was asleep.”
“Asshole”, Pat said throwing the bag of cans on the other side of the house.
“I know, we’ll I think I’m going to head home.”
“You sure man? You can always crash here as long as you want”, he said as our attention was turned to the beautiful blond walking down the steps.
I looked at her from her vans up to the shorts she was wearing. The plaid shirt and the sunglasses covering her eyes. She stood dead in her tracks once she noticed me standing there looking at her. I could almost see her eyes roll through her sunglasses before she walked past me to her brothers.
“Is he going home yet?”
“I’m leaving now”, I said looking down at the floor, feeling like complete nothing.
“Good”, she said before walking past out to the back.
I looked over at Tim and Pat who just gave me apologetic looks; I just shrugged grabbing my bags. Slipping on the sandals that were by the door and walking out. Once the heat hit me, I was thankful I only lived a couple of houses away. Once I got home, I just walked straight to my room throwing my bags on the floor. I looked around at my room; everything was the same but seemed so different. I was hoping that Emily would be in my bed taking a nap, waiting for me to come home. But that wasn’t the case at all. I stared down at my bed, remembering the last time I was in it, was when I was with Emily. I just hopped I could still smell her, but the scent was gone. I just wish the memory of her would have left with it.
“Hey honey.”
I looked back and saw my mom standing there with a smile. I walked over to her giving her a hug and a soft kiss on the cheek.
“Are you hungry?”
I just shook my head as she walked into my room, taking a seat on my bed. I just stared intensely at her, not wanting to “talk” about anything.
“How are you?”
“I’m good mom, just really tired. I didn’t get much sleep last night.”
“Well I’ll let you rest honey”, she said getting up and giving me another kiss on the cheek. “Welcome home”, she said before shutting the door.
I took a seat on the bed, leaning back just staring up at the ceiling. Memories flooding my head, making this even harder. After about an hour of laying there my little brother walked into my room, both just looking at me like I was some kind of zombie.
“You look like shit.”
“Shane, language”, I said rising up and looking at him with a laugh.
“Well its true man”, Ross said with a laugh.
“It’s called being hung-over, I hope you guys will never have to experience this.”
They just laughed; I looked up at Ross knowing damn well he was already drinking. He was only three years younger than me. About the same age as Garrett and Pat, he was just way more mature than them, even me. I looked over at Shane who was about 11, his smile full of shine from his braces. We all walked into Shane’s room to play some Xbox, we were all competitive when it came to it. After a couple of hours of playing I walked off to the park, alone. I just needed some air, some space. I always alone time. I took a seat on the grass under the tree, looking out. That’s when I saw her, blond hair flowing in the air. Her hand attached to Brady’s, as they ran around the park. I watched as she picked him up and spinned him around. A smile formed on my face, just watching at how happy she was with him.
“Johnnnnnnn!”
I snapped back to reality seeing Brady running over to me. My smile grew as his little legs ran as hard as he could. I put out my arms as he ran into them holding me close. He ran straight into me with a big thud making me laugh. I held him close, trying not to let a tear shed from my eyes. I felt him give me a kiss on the cheek made me laugh.
“Hey little man”, I said putting out my hand for him to slap it.
“John! I miss you. Where have you been?” he asked looking up at me with those big blue eyes that were so much similar to Emily’s.
“On tour making music.”
“I like your music, Erin plays it for me a lot.”
I looked up at Erin who was staring down at us with an annoyed smile. I gave her a smile before looking back at Brady.
“Oh really?”
“Yeah, I like that shake shake shake song”, he said making me laugh.
“What’s your favorite part?” I asked looking up at Erin, having some confidence with Brady sitting in my lap.
“When it ends.”
I couldn’t help but to laugh and then grab Brady into another hug. He screamed out, hugging me back as happy as can be.
“Look at my new trick!”
He got out of my arms and got down on the floor spinning around making me laugh. I looked over at Erin who was laughing just as hard, with a big smile on her face. A smile I haven’t seen in a long time. We watched as Brady ran off with some other little kids racing to the slide. I felt Erin take a seat next to me, keeping an eye on Brady as she sat next to me.
“He really missed you.”
“I missed him too”, I said looking down at my hands.
“John, I’m sorry about the other night I was drunk and I’m just mad.”
“I understand, I’m a fucking idiot. I don’t deserve you to even talk to me.”
She looked over at me, placing a hand on mine. I looked into her bright hazel eyes, feeling this sudden rush of emotion, not too sure what it was but I liked it. She looked at me, with all seriousness sin her face.
“I still can’t look at you without being completely disgusted.”
She let those hurtful words out from her mouth before getting up and walking off with Brady attached to her. I waved at Brady who was screaming out my name, waving hysterically. I tried my hardest not to cry, but I could never hold those things in.