Lack of Color.

Erin.

“Hey Pat, I’m gonna go for a run.”
“Can I come?”
“I kind of want to be alone, next time skinny Minnie.”

He just gave me a nod, before I placed the headphones in my ears and started to run. The sounds of Ivory playing through the speakers made the tears fall from my face, but I just kept my speed thanking god I was wearing my sunglasses. I let my shoes hit the hot dark road, knowing exactly where I was going. I reached over taking a Daisy from the field and walking over, Daisy in hand as well as the tears that were falling. I whipped them all away, and placed a smile on my face.

“Hey baby girl.”

I placed the flower on the grave, pressing my fingers against the engraved of her name. I took a seat, looking forward as though she was sitting in front of me and just had a conversation to her. About the drinking and how I wasn’t doing too well.

“So John’s back home, I know you missed him.”

“He’s not doing too well either, you know how much you meant to him. I’ll keep an eye out of him.”

I looked down at my hands before giving the gravestone a kiss and ran off. That’s when I saw John sitting all alone on a park bench, camera in hand. I crept up from behind him, seeing the frown on his face
.
“What’s with the long face?”

He shot his head back at me and then just looked forward. I took a seat next to him, giving him a fake smile and he returned the favor.

“Are you okay?”
“I’m just thinking?”
“Thinking about what?”
“Emily”, he said simply looking away from me.
“Then why do you look sad, memories of Emily should make you happy”, I said, my hardest to sound cheery.
“I miss her so much.”
“I miss her too John”, I said grabbing his hand in mine.

He laced our fingers together; I stared down at them feeling kind of awkward but at peace. We sat there, holding hands not saying a word. Just feeling at peach with each other’s presence, our calming breaths as we stared off at the kids playing happy as can be. I looked up at John, his features were so bold. That strong chin and those beautiful eyes that were always covered by sunglasses, that’s when I reached over pulling the sunglasses from his eyes. He looked over at me, stunned that I took them off and a tad bit confused. I pulled my hand from his putting the glasses in my lap and looked up into his eyes. They were red and puffy from the dry tears on his cheek. He reached over taking the sunglasses from my eyes, staring into them as well. They resembled each other, but we didn’t look away.

“I wish it was me”, he said looking down.

“I wish it was me”, I admitted looking down.

He grabbed me into a comforting hug, and we just sat there holding each other talking. The sunglasses off of our faces, our eyes no longer red and puffy. I got this feeling in my stomach whenever John would touch me, a feeling that made me feel guilty. But I just pushed that feeling away, to the darkest place in my head.