You're My Backbone

After walking home, I ran up to my room and curled up in my bed. I huffed and hissed as the tears I held in on my trip to my house trickled down my red, hot cheeks. I held my breath and clamped my eyes close tightly. I sniffed and mumbled curses under my breath. I started to kick my feet and finally, I rolled over onto my stomach, planted my head into my pillow and screamed.

It felt so good to let it all out. To finally, express the emotions locked inside of me. Even talking to Halvo, which sort of helped, could not compare to how relieved I felt after screamed for a good five minutes. I gaped and sobbed until what seemed like all three of my pillows were soaked and cold. I sat up straight and rubbed my eyes that now itched intensely because of the mascara I was wearing.

Despite my body's urge to stay in bed, I got up and limped over to the mirror above my desk. I took in my sloppy and mess of an appearance. My hair was tattered, knotty, and completely all over the place. Black make up was smeared above, below, and to the sides of both my eyes. I sniffled and rubbed my eyes again. As I did so, more tears fell out.

God, I was such a mess. But, come on, between Garrett and my brother, I didn't know what the hell I was suppose to do anymore.

I wanted Garrett. I truly did and I couldn't deny my feelings for him anymore. I may have only recognized them earlier this week, but god, they were so strong. It was like they were hidden all this time; I'm really starting to believe they were.

As I plopped back down in my bed and curled up, I heard the front door open and slam. Then, loud steps thundered on the staircase and I immediately knew who it was.

When John got pissed, he got pissed.

I only hoped he wouldn't come in here. I couldn't help but wonder what happened after I left.

The thing that scared me most about the whole situation that it might actually be my future. If John reacted that way towards a close friendship, what would he think of Garrett and I if we ever work things out? He might as well kill Garrett now. I couldn't just yell at John every time he overreacted. At some point he would have to get the point.

One of these days, I had to go out on my own and experience things for myself. My whole life, I've always had John saving and protecting me, despite our sibling tiffs every now and then. Upon moving here, he was the one who gave me these friends. I didn't make them; he did, for me.

It scared me; that I couldn't function on my own. I was scared of me; of my future. How was I suppose to communicate, to be my own person when I was suppose to go to college next year? If things didn't go well with Garrett, how was I suppose to make a boyfriend? Look what happened with Josh.

How am I suppose to make a friend in general?

All of this got me thinking. I couldn't survive with my brother. I was too dependent on him, but not really. I didn't ask for this, he just did it for me. And I hope, after yelling at him, he gets the point that I need to do something on my own, for myself. I need to be myself on by myself.

I started to think about Garrett and how if I do manage to survive in my future how I would want him there. Hell, I may have only been here for three months, but I couldn't picture myself without him. And yes, it sounds completely corny and cliche and maybe I don't need him, but I want him in my future. I really do.

I found myself putting on my shoes, throwing on my hoodie and running into the bathroom. I washed my face, reapplied a little bit of mascara and brushed my hair so I was at least, the slightest bit exceptional. I ran out of the house, hoping John hadn't heard me.

I marched across the street, taking in deep, steady breaths as I did so. I walked right up to his damn front door and knocked on it, praying that his mother wouldn't be the one to answer.

The door opened up after what seemed like ages. Those fucking blue eyes widened at me and his lips parted lightly. "June?" He asked, as if he really didn't notice this was me, on his front step.

"Yes Garrett, it's me. And before you say anything I need you to listen to me." I pointed a finger at him.

I was hesitant for a moment, regaining my words and confidence. This was my time. I was ready to do this.

"I'm a fucking wreck if you haven't noticed. I'm completely and utterly incapable of speaking or doing anything functional on my own and it's not because I'm just.... a women or some other bullshit. I've been given too much from others, despite my protest, but then again I haven't actually protested anything. I was just too much of a mess to speak up for myself. I've been to hell and back, and yes, other people have in much worse than me, but I'm here right now and for me, everything I've been through is the worst for me.

"But that's not the point here, I guess. The point is, since I met you I've kind of gotten to be me more. I don't need anyone anymore. I can do things on my own. I can speak to you like this. I can demand things of people. I'm not.... weak anymore. And quite frankly, I really don't know if thats because of you or not. Well, I mean I guess it is, but you haven't really done anything directly that has made me this way.

"The thing is... you make me so frustrated and I just.... I guess it's just the whole crush thing, because, god, I like you. I like you a lot. I need to stand up and be myself now and just....." I groaned. I didn't even know what I was saying anymore.

"I want you to tell me the truth right now, as of this moment. I need you to ask me to be something because if I'm not I'm just going to assume I'm nothing to you. Don't care about John, don't care about the band for this moment, and I know thats hard for you, it's hard for me too. Just think about yourself. What you want. Because I've thought about what I want and I know."

I sucked in a breath and looked up at Garrett, who was just staring at me. He cracked a light smile and I let out a light chuckle. "Don't tell me your speechless after I just said a fucking speech."

He shrugged and laughed. "What can I say? I am speechless."

"Well then," I began. "tell me. Please just give me an answer."

Garrett scratched the back of his neck and groaned. "Ah fuck June. I was going to ask you before John called me, but you know me, I'm just... a pussy. I don't care about John and what he thinks. Sure, I'm scared especially after that incident at Halvo's house, but I can deal with that if it means I have you."

"June, please, would you be my girlfriend?"

He reached out and wrapped his arms around my waist. I wrapped my arms around his neck and we placed our foreheads together.

I had realized it was true; he didn't care about John. If he did, we wouldn't be out here on his front porch completely visible. It was almost if he wanted us to get caught. It made me smile.

"Yes. God, of course I will." I smiled and leaned in and pecked his lips.

"That's all?" He asked.

I laughed softly and leaned back in, tightening my arms around his neck and pressing my lips onto his.

I suddenly pulled back, "What about my mom?" I asked.

He furrowed his brow and let out a soft, quick laugh. "Um, what?"

"My mom? Do you care about what she thinks?"

"No. As long as you don't agree with her." He smiled deviously at me.

"Well, you're in luck, because I don't."

"Good." Yet again, he kissed me and chills traveled up and down on my spine.

Garrett pulled away and stepped inside for a moment. He reached to the side of the door and then walked back outside with his keys in hand. "I want to take you on a date. Our first date."

"Oh?" I wiggled my eyebrows.

"Oh yes. Come on, let's go."

I followed him to his car in the driveway and stepped into the passenger side. "Unfortunately," Garrett began while putting the keys in ignition and buckling his seatbelt. "it's already six thirty and most nice places won't have any tables for us. So, um, we might have to go somewhere crappy...." he trailed off, cringing and looking at me.

I placed my hand on his. "I don't care where we go." I smiled.

He nodded his head. "Alright. I think I know where we can go."

As we drove we talked about the librarian that watched over us in study hall. Aside from our natural and normal laughter every now and then one of us would make a comment and we would explode with uncontrollable laughter.

After about a ten minute drive or so, Garrett pulled into a familiar parking lot and parked. I smiled when I recognized the pizzeria we all went to after the first time I hung out with everybody.

"You remember this place?" Garrett asked.

"Yeah." I laughed lightly.

Garrett and I walked into the store hand in hand. We order our slices, drinks, and sat down in a booth. As we did so, I noticed Darry and several girls in a corner booth.

They were all staring at Garrett and I. I looked down at my food.

"Are you okay?" Garrett noticed my sudden change of mood.

"Darry's over there. And she's with those girls that you said she got into a fight with about a year ago."

Garrett sighed and shook his head. "Yeah, apparently she's friends with them again."

I took a sip and looked back up at Garrett. I now noticed his wide eyes and scared expression. "Um, Gare?" I asked.

"Shit shit shit shit." He hissed and pulled out his phone. Once checking the screen he let out another "Shit!"'

"Kennedy, Jared and your brother. They must have invited me but I wasn't answering my phone because I was with you. To make matters worse, both Jared and Darry are in the same room. Oh god. Shit!"

I quickly ducked in the booth. I then noticed Darry's smirk as she stared at me. She raised an eyebrow and laughed.

Oh shit.