You're My Backbone

My life is a fucking spiral staircase. One moment, I'm climbing high, unable to even come close to stopping; not that I wanted to. I was eager to reach the top, I wanted to know what was to come when I got there. When I was with Garrett and the rest of the guys, we ran up that never-ending staircase.

Now, I'm slowly, gradually, and full on clumsily falling down that painful staircase. I'm watching and remembering the times going up, as I'm rolling down. But I was familiar with this; none of it was new to me. This was my old life and I knew one day, even in Arizona, I would return to my previous ways. Life going up the staircase was too good to be true. Falling down it was just a reality.

But now, it was almost as if I stopped myself from rolling. It was like I actually sat on a stair and stopped for a moment, recollecting my thoughts. Then, I stood up and walked down. I had the option on moving right up and returning to where I was. But no, I watched as my friends continued to run up the steps, as I slowly walked down, analyzing every aspect of every option I had.

And I was dragging Garrett down with me.

I woke up the next morning in a complete daze. I rubbed my eyes for several moments, before realizing how wet they were. Did I cry while I was sleeping? "God..." I mumbled, as I sat up. I placed a hand on my damp pillow for balance as I examined my room. I sniffled several times before leaning against the wall and crossing my arms over my chest.

I grabbed my phone off of my nightstand and turned it on. I had five missed calls and seven text messages. I groaned as I checked out the missed calls. Two were from Halvo, the rest were from Garrett. Two texts were from Garrett asking me to call him once I got up. One was from Jared asking how I was doing, two were some corny jokes from Pat in order to cheer me up, another from Halvo from last night asking what happened, and then, lastly was from John saying that we needed to talk once he got home from Daisy's.

I didn't tell John about Garrett and I last night. Instead, I told him that I was going to Maryland for college next year and that I felt bad for lying. I wasn't ready to tell John and I'm sure he knew that what I had said was not really what I wanted to.

After the show, John offered to drive Daisy home, while Garrett drove me. Gare and I stopped in a park's parking lot several minutes from out house. We hadn't spoken since before the show.

"Maryland?" He asked, not making eye contact with me.

I simply nodded my head, not looking at him either. I couldn't tell if he was angry with me, or just sad about the whole situation. Either way, I felt bad. I should have told him about me applying earlier this year. But then again, what done was done, I had sent the application back when my family was still in Colorado.

"That's.... across the country."

I bit my lip then finally turned to him. I swallowed hard and a small tear found itself in the corner of my eye. "I'm sorry." I choked.

All at once the two of us found each other. We both bursted out of our seats and hugged one another tightly. He held me so close to him and I squeezed him back just as hard. I was looking over his shoulder and he had his hand placed on the back of my head when he said, "Please don't be sorry."

I squeezed my eyes shut tightly. I held my breath and shook my head. I held in the tears about to burst out. I let go of a large breath after several moments. I then tucked my head into his neck. "But we'll never see each other."

"I know...."

"And you're not going to be here in the summer either."

We broke apart from the hug and stared at each other. "That doesn't mean anything. I still want to be with June."

I nodded my head and remained looking at this boy for whatever reason, still wanted to see me and kiss me and just be with me. It amazed me.

The knock on the door brought me back into reality. John made his way in and closed the door behind him. He leaned against the back of the door. I noticed his eyes red and puffy. Looks like I wasn't the only one crying.

"She's gone?' I asked, quietly.

He nodded his head, looking down.

I took a moment, racking my brain for things to say, but I couldn't think of anything. So I did the stupid, cliche thing to do. "I'm sorry."

He nodded his head once again, still staring at the floor. Finally, he snapped out of it, ran a hand threw his hair and looked up at me. "What's going on?" He asked, but his mind was elsewhere. He didn't want to be here or having this conversation. He wanted to be with Daisy.

"John... maybe you should-"

He cut me off, shaking his head. "No, I-uh-I have to take care of this, right here, right now."

"I'm going to Maryland."

He shook his head once again. "No, thats not what you were crying about last night June. I know you. That's not what you wanted to tell me."

I sat on the edge of my bed, staring at floor, which at this moment, seemed highly amusing.

"June,"

At that moment, I snapped my head up, along with my hands. "What John? What do you want me to tell you?"

"The truth! What has been going on?"

I shrugged. "Nothing!"

"You're lying!"

"No. I'm. Not!"

"Yes you are!"

"How would you know?' I crossed my arms over my chest and sat up straight.

John let out a loud grown, which I rolled my eyes at. I stood up and maneuvered around him, opened the door and marched out of my room.

John followed me, so I decided to make his path difficult. I walked into the bathroom, then out of it, then I went downstairs, into the kitchen, then the dining room, the living room, and then John yelled. "June! Holy fuck!"

"What is going on?!" My father's beaming voice came out from his office downstair. He stood there in the foyer wearing his suit, as if he was ready to go to work on a Saturday morning, and of course, a frown plastered on his face.

"Nothing." John mumbled, looking away.

"You are going to tell me, and you're going to tell me now."

"It doesn't have anything to do with you." John snapped.

I shook my head and shot John a glare. He and I were both aware of the mistake he just made. He bit his lip and began to walk upstairs.

"Get back down here right now!"

John turned around on the staircase. "You know what, fuck you. I'll be out of this house soon enough, just leave me alone."

My father shook his head and walked backed into the office, mumbling, "Stupid, fucking, good-for-nothing kid."

I quickly followed John upstairs. He was in his room already, but I quickly snuck in. He looked up, surprised at my appearance.

"I'll tell you when I'm ready, I promise."