But Maybe We'll Live Forever

I burst through the door and into the hotel room, tears streaming down my face.

I was greeted by all the familiar faces looking up at me innocently and shocked; right, as if they didn’t know what they’d done. Grace and Bulletproof were staring at me wide eyed.

“When the FUCK did you plan on telling me the shit you did?!” I screamed, running into the room and staring at the men, the betrayal and anger and fear and hurt obviously showing on my face like a neon sign.

“What are you talking about?” Party Poison asked, standing up and looking at me, confused and concerned, as if he actually cared.

“Come on, Grace,” I heard Bulletproof Liberation whisper. She quickly took the little girl by the hand and pulled her out of the room silently, as if they’d never been there in the first place. She knew this was a conversation left to be had with only me and the Killjoys.

“You fucking know what I’m talking about, you fucking psychopath!” I spat, trying to pull myself together from the crying.

All of them were standing now; their defenses were completely up.

“No, we don’t,” Jet Star said evenly, looking at me head-on.

“Really? Are you for real? You fucking killed your parents and you don’t look like you feel ANYTHING! YOU’RE FUCKING INSANE!” I screamed, slamming my fist down on the coffee table, making an unsettling bang.

Dead silence.

“Where did you hear that?” Jet Star finally asked, his dark eyes on mine, his voice quiet. It made me shiver; the way he was looking at me.

“It doesn’t matter,” I growled. “What matters is that you’re not denying it!”

“Stop,” Kobra Kid said. “Atomic. What else have you heard?”

I stared at them, hurt and afraid and angry. They were so calm. And they weren’t saying that any of it wasn’t true. I tried not to break out into more sobs; I already looked stupid to these heartless fuckers.

“You and Party killed someone’s wife and children. Jet Star killed his parents. Fun Ghoul killed his whole entire family. How can you stand there looking so calm? Do you feel anything at all?!” I felt the sobs breaking out again.

“Where did you hear that?” Jet Star said again, staring at me seriously. “You have to tell us. Now.”

“Do you remember a guy named Robert Bryar?” I snapped, looking back at Jet Star. “He was one of you before he realized you were all psychopaths?!”

“Bob.” Party Poison looked at the others, the one syllable on his tongue sounding like a solemn prayer declaring death.

“Bob,” I repeated, hysterical. “Fucking Bob. He wrote a book. He wrote a book about all of you, exposing you for what you are. You’re not denying anything! You’re standing here looking disturbed; not ashamed, not regretful, not anything – you’re looking at me like I’m the crazy one!”

Another silence.

Party Poison spoke up again. “Atomic Battery. We won’t deny any of the things written about us. Because, yes, they are all true.”

I opened my mouth, but he cut me off, saying, “But Bob is also unstable. He was brainwashed by Better Living, and now he works for them. The facts he stated were true. Yes, Kobra and I killed a woman and a child; yes, Jet Star killed his mother and father; yes, Fun Ghoul killed his entire family. But, at the same time, they’re not the right facts. We do feel shame and regret for those things. We feel it every god damn day. No one lets us forget that we’re outlaws; that we’re the bad guys. And he probably left out some facts, too, Atomic.”

I stared at them, feeling more rage building up inside of me. The worst part was that it made sense. Everything he was saying made complete sense to me. His voice was soothing and calm and honest and kind, like he was talking to a frightened child.

“That doesn’t change what you did,” I whispered, tears coming into my eyes again.

“No, it doesn’t,” Fun Ghoul spoke up, suddenly. “But I’m sure Bob didn’t write that Jet Star’s mother and father were ordered to take him into Better Living’s headquarters for an experiment to be done on him, and they were going to do it, did he? And, he probably didn’t say that my whole family wished me dead my whole entire life; abusing me and forcing pain on me.”

I stared at him. “Then what about the woman and the child?” I asked, turning to Kobra Kid and Party Poison. “What do you have to say to plead your case?”

They looked at one another, then back to me.

“We don’t,” Party said. “We killed that agent’s family out of anger and hate.”

I backed up slightly, staring at him. Up until right now, I hadn’t been sure if they had a point to their stories or not. And two of them did, to a point. But it was still murder. And the woman and child? They had openly admitted that it was a cold-blooded murder.

I didn’t speak; I was too shocked, too choked up, too angry, too sorrowful. I’d put my faith in these men, only to find that it was false. And that my brother had been one of them put more hurt on me, more than anything ever could have.

“Atomic,” Kobra Kid said quietly, stepping forward.

“No!” I said, slapping his hand away as he reached forward to touch me. “Don’t come near me. Don’t touch me. I’m not one of you. I will NEVER be one of you!”