Chasing Imagination

Amy

‘What’s wrong?’ I whispered. Contrary to what I thought, I didn’t hate him anymore. I didn’t hate him at all. And, seeing the way his blue eyes clouded with sadness and anger made me want to cry.

‘It’s stupid,’ he muttered. ‘I know I’m pathetic, but I can’t get this whole idea of an ongoing competition between me and Matt out of my head.’

‘You’re not in competition,’ I said, ‘and I don’t know why you think it. You don’t act that way with Felix or Wolfie or any of the others.’

‘I know,’ he said, ‘and that’s what makes it all the more ridiculous. Maybe it’s leftover feelings from when I still liked Imogen and she liked him more. I don’t feel that way at all now, but maybe the competition has become so embedded in me that I just can’t switch off from it. Since the day we were both here, we were both competing for Markus’s favour. And at first it went to me, but it so quickly changed to Matt.’

‘And you really don’t feel for Imogen at all anymore?’ I checked, determined to get to the bottom of this.

‘No,’ he shook his head, and there was no lie in his face. Only now, perched next to him on the edge of his bed, did I realise how close we were sitting to each other. His hand, resting casually on the quilt, was only a few inches from mine.

His face was still despondent, and his eyes gazed deep into mine so that I had to look away, feeling my cheeks burning. I had just one tactic left.

‘You know, it doesn’t matter what Matt or Imogen thinks of you,’ I admitted. I couldn’t even look up now; my cheeks were red hot with embarrassment and awkwardness. ‘I like you more than Matt.’

I expected Casper to laugh, or possibly give that cute but slightly patronising half-smile of his. But he didn’t. When I forced myself to look up, his face was serious.

‘You do?’ he asked. He cocked his head to the side, frowning. ‘Why?’

‘I just...do,’ I admitted, unable to come up with a reason.

‘I thought you hated me,’ he said, unable to grasp this new concept.

‘I used to,’ I said, and momentary sadness flashed across his face. ‘But I don’t anymore. I think you’re...nice.’ Again, I was finding this situation ridiculously awkward.

‘Why though?’ he asked. ‘What makes me better?’ He wasn’t just fishing for compliments; he looked genuinely confused.

I shrugged, unsure of myself. ‘You were the one who showed me around this place. You were the one who held my hand when we walked down to the Vaults. You were the one who invited me on your mission, even though you knew I was going to be a burden. You were the one who tried to comfort me every time I was scared or sad.’

I stopped. Suddenly, it wasn’t quite so awkward anymore. I was breathing a little too quickly, and my skin felt hot, but this wasn’t all embarrassing any longer. It felt sort of...right, like we should be having this conversation.

Casper smiled, his face laughing slightly, but his eyes lighting up with emotion.

‘You really are one of the most complicated people I’ve ever met,’ he said. That was strange; I’d thought the exact same thing about him just a couple of hours ago.

‘Up until about five minutes ago, I was convinced you hated me,’ he continued. ‘Even at lunchtime, when you ‘saved’ me from Matt, I didn’t think it was because you liked me; I just thought it was because you were sick of seeing my angry face bring the mood of the entire table down, and wanted to do something to save the others from it.’

Now it was my turn to laugh. ‘It’s not like that at all,’ I said. ‘If I hated you, then why would I have followed you out here to check you were alright?’

He didn’t answer, which meant that I was right.

‘Well, I’m glad you don’t hate me,’ he said into the prolonged silence. ‘It’s nice to know.’ He placed his hand on top of mine, and I felt heat prickle all the way up my arm. It was good heat, though. It was the heat of a fire in winter or the first sun on a summer’s morning. It felt right.

‘Thank you, Casper,’ I said after a moment of quiet.

‘For what?’ Once again, he was confused, not just feeding his ego.

‘For bringing me down here. I think,’ I said. I had puzzled myself, so he didn’t have much hope of understanding me. Of course I wanted to be back up there with my family and friends, but I didn’t exactly have a choice, and it was my fault, not his, that I was down here. And he had done all he could to initiate me into this strange new world in the best way possible.

His face softened into a smile, his ice eyes melting into the fresh water of a mountain river.

‘You don’t know how nice it is to hear you say that,’ he whispered.

‘Really?’

‘From the moment you got down here, it’s all I’ve wanted to hear coming from your lips,’ he said, his voice hushed. ‘I want you to enjoy this, Amy. This is the rest of your life, after all.’

My slight smile faded. ‘I know,’ I said. ‘And that’s what makes me so scared.’

His hand left mine, only to wrap itself round my waist, holding me secure so that I felt safe and reassured in his strong arms.

‘You don’t have to be scared, Amy,’ he told me. ‘I will keep you safe. Whatever happens, I will look after you as long as I live. I promise.’

Only now did I realise the definitiveness; the permanence of what he was saying. ‘As long as I live’ was not a statement that anyone used lightly, especially not when accompanied by a promise.

‘Thank you, Casper,’ I whispered, unable to think of anything that could equate to what he’d just said. Did he really like me that much; enough to vow to protect me in this way?

‘It’s the least I can do,’ he murmured, and suddenly it seemed to be his turn to be embarrassed, therefore my turn to put an arm round him. I wound it around his shoulder, so that we were sitting even closer than before. He looked up, deep into my eyes. My heart began to beat faster, my breath a little quicker, every sense alert.

‘Do you want to go back and finish your food?’ he asked, a complete anticlimax to the moment, which made me laugh, but also just what was needed to shatter the awkwardness and silence.

‘No,’ I decided, ‘unless you want to.’

He shrugged indifferently. ‘I’m not hungry. I had a snack a couple of hours ago.’ He dropped his arm from around my waist, and I in turn uncoiled mine from his shoulders. And, in the blink of an eye, we were just friends again; friends laughing and chatting. But just a moment ago, it had most definitely been something more. I wasn’t even sure I knew what love was, but experiencing that beautiful moment just now told me it had to be something similar to that.