The Little Things Give You Away

For the whole of form I could tell that Matt wanted to know which one of his friends it was who hit me, but I wasn't going to tell him. No matter how much he wanted me to, I didn't want to drop the guy who did it into trouble with him. I mean, that will only make things harder for me to settle in won’t it. I wouldn't fit in with Matt’s mates if they thought I would willingly rat them out.

After roughly the first ten minutes of form, three guys walked in, obviously late. After looking at them for a few seconds I realized who they were. All three of them were crowding around me earlier and the one with the darker hair was the one who punched me. I tensed up upon seeing them, even though I now knew that they were Matt’s friends.

“Where have you been boys?” Ms Tremonti asked them as they walked into the room, seemingly careless about being late.

“Missed the bus,” they all answered in unison. It looks like someone’s planned their excuse well.

“All three of you?” she asked, raising an eyebrow and clearly struggling to believe them.

I knew they were lying. For one, they were all here when I arrived so they couldn’t have only just turned up at school...They’ve been up to something.

“Yes Miss, we get on the same bus,” the dark haired one, who punched me earlier, said in a pretty disrespectful voice, that for some reason the teacher didn't even pick up on.

“Right Nate,” she sighed. “Just go and sit down then.”

The other two sat down at the desk at the back next to us, closest to Matt’s side.

“Move fresh meat,” the one who punched me, who I now know is called Nate said to me.

At first I wanted to just do as he says and move, even if that meant sitting right at the front, but I then felt Matt pulling me down again as I tried to get up to get out of Nate’s way.

“He’s not moving,” Matt said strongly. “ Riley is staying right here,” he told him, putting emphasis on my name as he said it.

The look on Nate’s face then was priceless, I couldn’t help smiling; to be honest; if I wasn't scared of him I would’ve burst out laughing.

“This is Riley?” he asked, sounding like he couldn’t believe this was happening.

“Yeah,” Matt smiled. “It is.”

Nate nodded at him after frowning at me. I already hated the guy, but for Matt’s benefit I'm willing to pretend that we ever have a chance at becoming friends. The things I do for that guy.

“Sorry about Nate,” he whispered as Ms Tremonti went back to telling us something that I forgot to pay attention to.

“No worries,” I lied, not wanting to do anything that could cause anything between the two of them.

The rest of form was pretty dull and boring. I have to say the whole time I was in there I felt so nervous. I had no idea where I was meant to go when the bell rang. I knew it was English but how the hell was I meant to get there? Magic...?

As soon as the bell rang my heart started racing and I could literally feel myself shaking. It was horrible.

“What do you have next?” Matt asked me.

I looked up at him; he’d already stood up from his chair to get ready to leave.

“English,” I whispered nervously as I followed his lead and stood up as well.

He smiled at me and then told me to stay close as we walked out of the room and headed down the corridor. He told me that he didn't have English so I’d have to go on my own but he then started trying to give me some accurate directions to the English rooms. After a while of failing to give me any idea of where I had to go, he turned to Nate who was walking beside us, staying quiet after what kicked off in form. Perfect. When I need help he turns to Nate.

“Nate, what do you have now?” he asked him.

“English,” he muttered, obviously not a fan of that lesson, unlike me...I love it. “Why?” he asked, looking confused.

“Can you show Riley to his room? Don’t let him get lost.”

Nate rolled his eyes but agreed to take me there anyway. I didn't want to have to go with him, but what choice did I really have? He was my only option right now.

As soon as Matt had walked into his classroom and Nate knew that he wouldn't be able to see us, he pushed me back against the wall; his hands firmly gripping onto my shoulders.

“What have you said to Matt?” He asked me, anger showing through clearly with each word that he spoke.

“N-nothing,” I stuttered.

I hated that I was scared uncomfortable around Nate. There was just something about him that I didn't like...the way he was holding me up against a wall didn't help either.

“You better not have,” he spat at me. “Because if you didI will make you regret it.”

I nodded at him, shaking even more than I was to start with now.

“Let’s get you to English,” he smiled, dropping me down and letting go of his grip on me.

Wow.

***

I took the bus home that night, knowing from this morning that it’s pretty far to walk and not very hard to get lost along the way. The bus was different to my old one. For starters I didn't know anyone on it, but it wasn't just that that was bothering me. It was that everyone seemed to have someone close to them to talk to and to muck around with, I felt like I didn't. Sure it’s only my first day and I do still have time to make friends, but it just makes me feel so out of place and left out.

At my old school I always had someone to talk to. Always. I wasn't the most popular guy there or anything like that, I just had people I was really good friends with and I stuck with them for most of my time there.

I could be quiet with them quite a bit of the time, but that’s just how I am. If I feel down I just block out the world. Only Matt really understands that. To be honest he’s the only person who understands me full stop. I only tell him things when I have to or when he forces me to, but generally he just knows things about me. It’s like he has a sixth sense that tells him when I'm upset...

I wasn't sure which stop was the best one for me to get off at so I just chose one that seemed vaguely close to where I think the house is. It made sense really didn't it?

When I got home I found my mum sat in the living room, staring out the window, most likely in deep thought. Throughout all of today I’ve been trying to forget about what happened this morning. I just want it to stay right at the back of my mind. The fact is though; I know I have to face it. No matter what happened; we both need to sort this out.

“M-mum,” I stuttered, standing in the doorway of the room, trying to get her attention.

She looked over at me and frowned.

“I need you to do something tonight,” she sighed. “You were let off easy yesterday.”
I was clueless to what she was on about, and just blamed it all on the alcohol. To be honest I'm shocked she managed to get back home after heading out so early this morning. Come to think of it, she actually doesn’t look that drunk right now.

“About last night,” I whispered, walking into the room and sitting on the chair opposite to the couch she was sitting on, “w-what happened?”

She shook her head at me.

“I’ve already told you; you don’t need to know what’s going on. Just know that I will look after you,” she added quietly. “Whatever happens, it’s for the best.”

I let out a sigh because I knew I needed to find out what happened. So far what she’s telling me is far from enough.

“Mum, I'm thinking the worst right now. Please just tell me nothing bad happened.”

“I’ll tell you what happened when you’re ready to know,” she sighed.

I looked at her feeling as if I’d done something wrong. It’s hard to say this but I'm thinking that something really wrong happened between us last night, and she’s definitely not denying it. Everything points to one thing.

“Mum,” I whispered. “Did...did we sleep together?”

Her mouth dropped open and she started glaring at me. My face instantly went red with embarrassment. Why the hell did I ask her that? She’s my bloody mum! Of course we didn't have sex with each other! That’s just...just wrong. It’s disgusting.

“What’s wrong with you?” she hissed at me, walking towards where I was sat and leaning over me. “Do you seriously think I’d do something like that?” There was genuine hurt in her voice now and it was making me feel horrible. I could feel my heart pounding through my chest; she was scaring me.

“No,” I said weakly. Why did I even doubt her?

“Then why did you say it?” she shouted at me this time.

I tensed up. For once she’s shouting at me while she’s clearly sober. She hasn’t been drinking. Something must be up...but not anything like her sleeping with me. God no.

She doesn’t shout when she’s sober. She doesn’t usually have a look of hate in her eyes when she’s stayed clear of the booze. Hell, she doesn’t do anything abnormal without drink in her system.

That means that now’s the time to be worried.

“YOU THINK YOU’RE MUM’S THAT MUCH OF A SLAG!” She yelled right into my face. Hers was only millimeters away from mine so I knew she could clearly see every weakness I was showing through.

My eyes were tearing up.

“Your n-not a slag,” I sniffed, hating myself for crying. I don’t cry. I can’t help it now though.

“You know what?” she laughed. “I’ll show you how much of a slag I can be,” she shouted as she lifted me up from the seat and pulled me against her. I was too upset to pull away. I didn't even know what was happening anymore.

Her lips roughly smacked against mine and she quickly forced her tongue inside my mouth and then down my throat. I couldn’t breathe. I had no idea why she was doing this to me. What have I done wrong? I could feel my body shaking as it tried to work out what was going on. This is wrong.

“M...um,” I just about choked out as she pushed me back.

“You sick child!” she yelled at me. “How dare you do that to you mother!”

I looked at her, scared for the sake of my bloody life. I swear I didn't do anything...It wasn't my fault, or was it? Crap, I don’t even know now.

“Get to your room,” she yelled at me.

Without thinking I did as she asked and ran upstairs into my bedroom, quickly jumping down onto my bed and burying my face into the pillow. There's nothing like a good cry to help you calm down.

She kissed me...I think. My own mum kissed me.

I don’t care if she’d deny it; I know it wasn't me who kissed her. I’m certain.

After a good half hour I heard footsteps coming up the stairs. I started shaking and tried to hide myself under to duvet. I failed miserably at hiding. Why am I so useless?

“Someone will be here soon,” mum hissed at me. “If you hadn’t have been the way you were downstairs...maybe I would have chosen someone nicer for you,” she laughed, obviously knowing something that I didn't know. “Have fun.”