I Know You've Got Your Life In Place But I've Yet To Take The Hint

I watched the mini-scene between Alex and Lisa unfold before me. She had obviously said something he didn’t like because the next thing I next, he stalked over, grabbed me by the hand, and pulled me away from everyone else.

“C’mon, Jack, I need to get the hell away from here.” He whispered this in my ear as he pulled me off the stage and out the side door.

I didn’t question him. He had entwined his fingers through mine and didn’t seem intent on letting them go. His hands were bigger than mine and really warm. I liked the feeling of them holding mine; for the first time in a few days, I was at peace and I felt safe.

It was dark outside. I hoped to hell Alex knew where he was going. I let my feet follow his and tried not to concentrate on the awkwardness of the silence that cloaked us.

Finally, Alex stopped. We were beside a small river. I frowned. I didn’t have many good memories with rivers in them. Fights, break-ups, a friend’s attempted suicide, these all had taken place beside a river. Shivering, I plopped to the ground and wrapped my arms around myself.

Alex sat down beside me and leant into me. I heard him sigh, and I looked down at his head, resting on my shoulder.

“What’s up, Lexy? Talk to me, baby.” I don’t know why I called him baby. I mean, we’d always done that, but lately, I hadn’t. I hadn’t called him anything other than Alex or Lex, but here, where no one can touch us, it seemed all right. In fact, it seemed RIGHT.

“I don’t want to talk. I just want to sit here. I want you to hold me. Will you hold me?” He looked at me, and his eyes were watery. I wanted to cry, seeing him sad like that.

I wrapped my arms around him and he snuggled into me. His hands reached out for mine, and I gave him one, which he cradled in his soft hands. My other hand stroked his cheek, and we just sat there in silence for a few minutes.

“Are you mad at me, Jack?” he finally asked, breaking the silence a few minutes later.

I was surprised. “Mad at you? Why?” I was pissed at his girlfriend, I could kill her. I could never be mad at Alex. I loved him too much.

“I don’t know. I feel like I’ve been being an asshole. I invited Lisa to tour with us when I know you don’t get along. I know she’s not making it easier. She won’t even try. She hates you, and I can’t stand it. It disgusts me to think that anyone, even for a minute, wouldn’t love you. I love you. You know that, right? I love you more than anyone.”

Tears sprang into my eyes. “I know, Alex. It’s okay. Lisa’s not worth getting upset over. I can handle her hating me.” That was a lie, but I wanted to make my best friend feel better. I wasn’t used to him getting emotional like this, and to be honest, I didn’t know what to do.

“She told me that it’d be better off if you were dead. You may be able to handle that, Jack, but I can’t.”

I couldn’t meet that remark with anything other than silence.

Alex’s hands stroked mine, and for a few minutes, it was comforting, but suddenly, I just jerked out of his reach and crawled over to a spot a few feet away. My head was reeling. Lisa wanted me dead. That was great to know. And Alex was still with her? I didn’t fucking get it.

Arms wrapped around me. “Jack, don’t be mad. Please don’t be mad.”

I jerked back. The hurt radiated from him, but I was just so sick of it.

“Damn you, Alex, why the fuck are you still with her? She disgusts me. And right now, you disgust me.”

The sound that came from him was a cross between a kicked puppy and a dying cat. It was pitiful, and it made me turn back to face him. Tears had started to splash down his cheeks and instantly, every emotion drained from my body except love for this boy kneeling in front of me.

“Ah shit, Lex, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Come here, baby, let me make it better.” I got to my knees and held out my arms and he hugged me so tight that I felt like I couldn’t breathe. I was feeling so guilty. I don’t know why I assumed it was so easy for Alex to break it off with Lisa. They’d been together since high school. As long as he’d known me. I sighed and rubbed my hands up and down his back.

His breathing had evened and I pulled back, pulling him onto my lap. He looked at me, his eyes red and his face blotchy, but I swore that in that moment and in the moonlight, he was the most beautiful thing that I’d ever seen.

“I’m sorry, Alex. I didn’t mean that the way it sounded. I didn’t mean it at all. You don’t disgust me. I love you, so much. I just hate to see you torn up this way, I can’t stand that its because of me, I just want to make all of your pain go away.”

Alex grabbed my hand and brought it to my chest. “I think, sometimes, when things get hard, that you’re the only reason that this piece of shit in here actually keeps beating. Not because of Lisa, not because of any of the other guys, or the band, just you. Don’t ever blame yourself for causing me pain. The only pain you cause me is the pain of knowing how much Lisa hurts you. I’m going to break up with her, Jack, I swear. I just need to figure it all out. She’s crazy, I swear she’s crazy. I don’t want her to get a chance to hurt any of you, or the band. I have to make her see that we’re not right for each other.”

I leaned forward, my nose touching his. I could feel his breath on my lips. “Don’t do this just because of me, Alex. I don’t want you to get hurt. She can hurt you, I’m scared she’ll hurt you.”

Alex laughed the sound trickling into my ears from this position. “She won’t hurt me, babe. I won’t let her. I’ll be free, and then, me and you, we can go back to normal. Everyone will be happy again.”

I couldn’t help it. My heart sank when Alex said “back to normal”. Back to normal wasn’t me and Alex falling in love and living happily ever after. Back to normal was me and Alex being best friends, bringing home girls, and drinking ourselves into oblivion as we tried to hide our feelings for each other. Oh, wait. The last part is only me. Because there was no way Alex had any feelings for me.

I turned my head to hide my tears. Alex reached out and took my face in his hands, turning it back towards him.

“Jack? What did I say?” he asked with obvious concern as he noticed my shimmering eyes.

“Nothing.” I lowered my eyes and wouldn’t look at him.

“Jack.” His tone of voice was so insistent that I looked up, just in time for his lips to come crashing down on mine.

This was the second time that Alex had initiated a kiss. The first time, it’d been out of comfort, comfort that had lead to fierce passion, a simple, logical, explainable passion, but this time, this time there was something more to it.

His tongue drew tiny little shapes on mine, and the sensation drove me over the edge. I kissed his openly, fiercely, with every ounce of pent up emotion. It was hot and heavy and from the heart. I nibbled on his lips and sucked on his tongue until we were both out of breath and he was moaning softly. I went to pull away, but he held me there.

“Oh no, Jack, I’m not done with you yet.”

His lips found mine again, and this time, it was me who was doing the moaning. His lips nibbled their way down my neck, and started sucking on a tender spot. My crotch was swollen and ached like it never had before, and my hands were everywhere. In his hair, up his shirt, on his neck. My hips arched, all on their own, and Alex laughed a little. His hand trailed down my stomach, brushing lightly over my nipples as they passed. I moaned his name, and then moaned louder as his hand found the bulge that my jeans were having a hard time holding back.

He moved back up to kiss me deeply again as he undid my pants. Snippets of our conversation from the last time this happened came back to me. Alex’s guilt was most lingering. I didn’t care.

The moment his hand touched my hot dick, I thought for sure I would finish right then and there. My moans were so loud that anyone around could have heard them, but I ddin;t hold back. I choked out Alex’s name as his nails scraped over me. His touch was feather-light and wasn’t enough to give me what I was craving.

“Alex. Please. Please. I can’t take this. Touch me, you fucker, just touch me.”

He slid backwards just then and I figured I’d scared him off. But, as I saw his get to his knees and crawl back towards me, I knew he had a whole new agenda and I gulped.

His tongue touched me first, and I held back the urge to scream. He licked me up and down, and then slowly, slid the tip of my dick into his mouth. It was cold from the air, and the heat of his mouth was an instant turn on. He slowly slid his mouth up and down the length of me, and then, quickly, took me as deep inside as he could. The back of his throat welcomed my cock like it belonged there. I gasped and cried out, holding his hair as if to keep him there. He deep throated me like I’d never been deep throated before, and all too soon, I could feel the pressure starting to build.

“A-Alex, I, I think I’m gonna –“ I tried warning him but it was too late. I came in his mouth, and he swallowed. Then, he got on all fours and kissed me again, hungrily, insistently. The taste of me merged with the taste of him and nothing had ever been like this before. I knew without a doubt, that no matter what Alex said, things were never going to go quite back to normal now.