Let Me Be The One To Save You

The familiar notes of Here Comes the Sun by The Beatles played as I walked up the aisle of the church behind Rachel’s coffin, Aidan on one side and Rachel’s parents on the other.
We took our seats in the front row of pews and I held my head high as they began the service. I bit back the tears and didn’t let my composure crack as we said our final goodbye to Rachel.
Promise me you’ll never feel afraid.
This was obviously what Rachel had meant when she told me that. She wanted me to be brave and stay strong so as to comfort those of us who couldn’t hold back the despair. So, to make her happy, I gripped Aidan’s hand and tried to pass my strength onto him as he cried for his lost love.

It was nearing the end of the service and suddenly it was my turn to step up onto the altar, my turn to speak. The little distance from where I was seated to the altar seemed to triple in size. I inhaled slowly and deeply before standing up. My palms were sweating and I was more nervous than scared. I wanted this to be perfect, I wanted Rachel to be proud.

“Rachel King, what can I say?” My hands trembled as I stood before all of Rachel’s friends and family. “She was amazing beyond words. A daughter, a sister, a best friend, a girlfriend. She meant something to everyone here. We will all miss her.”

I told the story of when we were thirteen years old and Rachel convinced me to help her fill Aidan’s shampoo bottle with mud and worms. We had sat in his room cackling like a pair of witches when we heard his girlish squeals. The congregation laughed at the short anecdote and I smiled nostalgically at the memory.

“In short, Rachel was an amazing person both inside and out. She will be sorely be missed by all of us,” I raised my eyes to the skylight in the roof and gazed up at the clouds. “I know you’re watching over us all Rache. Thank you.”



The front door made a click as I unlocked and opened it. I kicked off my black shoes, my old school ones I used to wear with my hideous uniform that pinched my toes. I left them by the stairs and made my way into the kitchen craving a coffee.
No one was there but Toni had left me a not saying she was returning to the states and that my mom was out shopping. I sighed, I hated that even now, when I needed her most, my mom wasn’t around. I missed the relationship we had once had.

Needing to talk to someone, anyone. I grabbed the phone off the wall and dialled a familiar number.

“Ugh… hello?”

I looked at the clock and realised it was only 1 o’ clock Irish time, making it only 8am in Jersey.

“Sorry Gee… did I wake you?”

“Oh it’s you Ciara,” I could hear the smile in his voice and his voice was lighter and more alert once he realised it was me. “How’re you holding up?”

I shrugged forgetting that he couldn’t see me, “Okay I guess…better then I expected anyway.”

“That’s good. I miss you.”

I twisted the cord around my pinkie as I realised I would have to tell him the news sooner than I had anticipated, “Uhmm… Gee, we may have a bit of a problem.”

“What Sugar?”

“Well… I think I’m gonna stay in Ireland for a bit. Aidan needs me. I can’t leave him to cope with this on his own. I’m all he has left.”

I expect Gerard to act indifferent or maybe a little angry; I did not expect him to be upset. His sharp, shaky intake of breath was clearly audible through the receiver and I instantly felt guilty.

“I’m sorry Gee.”

“Don’t be C,” I could imagine his easy half-smile as he would shake his head and it made me miss him more. “It’s understandable. It’d be selfish of me to expect you to come back so soon. Just try to stay in contact, yeah?”

I smiled, “Of course. I love you Gerard le mo chroí go léir”

He laughed, “You do realise I have no idea what you said right?”

I giggled, “That’s okay, but remember: D’fhág me mo chroí leatsa, bí caoineach leis.”

“Yeah, yeah whatever. I hate that you can speak a language I have no clue about.”
I smiled as I reached into the fridge and pulled out the milk for my coffee before turning on the kettle, “I just told you that I left my heart with you, be careful with it.”

“Awh…that’s sweet.”

We talked for over half an hour and it was nice. We talked about how things were back in Jersey and about how people were coping in Ireland. Gerard told me that MCR were practicing more than twice what they normally would because they were hoping to land another gig soon. I was happy for them but at the same time upset, because I wouldn’t be there to support my boys as they progressed in the small music scene within Jersey.

“I don’t know what I’d do if I hadn’t found you Gee,” I sighed softly. “I never thought I’d find someone anywhere near as good to me as Fergal was, but you, Gerard Way, you proved me wrong. You’re the best friend I could ever have found. Thank you.”

“No problem Angel, I never thought I’d have a friend as good as you. You’ve been so good to me. I love you”

“I love you too,” I told him before adding, “Le mo chroí go léir.”

“What does that mean?”

“With all my heart.”

“Well my heart belongs in the hands of my best friend, so you must have all my love too.”

We laughed and said our goodbyes before hanging. I leaned against the wall beside the phone and sighed, the next few months were going to be hard. What would I do without being able to see Gerard? How could I cope without my best friend?