Let Me Be The One To Save You

It seemed apt that it rained on our last morning together. It poured down and I couldn’t find it in me to care that I would probably be sick for the next two weeks. Nothing really bothered me anymore; I had never felt so apathetic. College started in a month and I didn’t even care.
The five boys I now considered my best friends, stood at the end of my driveway. They had gotten out of the small van their new manager Brian had bought them and had quickly started arguing. I watched as Frankie shouted something at Gerard and the lead singer threw his hands up in a very diva manner and strode up the drive to my door.
I jumped back from the window so he wouldn’t see me and waited for his knock. When it came my stomach felt like it had been punched numerous times and I let out a shuddery breath. This was it. Time to say goodbye. Taking a step forward I opened the door and greeted my boyfriend.

His smile was forced and his grip too tight as he pulled me down the short drive to where the rest of the band were waiting.

“I don’t want to lose you,” He mumbled and I scarcely heard him over the loud wind and the noise of the rain.

As we neared I saw that Frankie’s eyes were bloodshot under his hood and my heart broke a little. I raced to stand before him and brought him into a tight embrace whispering in his ear how I’d was going to miss my real favourite member so much.

He giggled and used his sleeve to wipe his nose ignoring me when I chastised him, “Ima miss you so much C. But we’ll see you soon, yeah?”

I smiled, “’Course you will Frankie. Love you.”

“Love you too,” He leaned in and kissed my cheek before mumbling goodbye once more.

Next I turned to Ray and Bob who were standing together. They stood close together with bloodshot eyes, trying to act like they weren’t crying, that they weren’t sad to be leaving. I opened my arms and they both fell into my embrace. We stood there, in the pouring rain, not saying a word. Just relishing this last moment together. Neither Ray nor Bob were hyper like Frankie so there was no need to speak.

“I love you guys,” I mumbled to them both and kissed their foreheads, feeling like a mother saying goodbye to her children on their first day of school. “Look after yourselves.”

They both nodded before mumbling their goodbyes and then, they too, moved away.

“Ciara?” Mikey’s soft voice made my head snap up and I smiled weakly at him. He always looked so fragile, so weak. I lived in constant fear that he would become ill and going on tour only made me worry more. They needed to look after the younger boy and ensure he stayed healthy. I didn’t want any panicky late night phone calls because something had happened to the boy I saw as my own little brother.
He opened his arms and I stood on my tiptoes to hug him properly. I felt his warm breath on my cheek and could tell that he was crying. Pulling back I confirmed this and began to wipe away the tears ineffectively in the teeming rain. I kissed his cheek and forced a smile.

“Take care of yourself Mikes. Be safe. Don’t to anything I wouldn’t do,” I smirked and he laughed. I was relieved at the sound. I didn’t want this goodbye to be completely awkward. “I love you.”

He smiled and let go of me to push up his glasses that had slid down his nose, “Love you too C. Be good while we’re gone. Don’t get yourself arrested or anything.”

I laughed and tried to make it so it didn’t sound forced, “I’ll try.”

We embraced once more before he climbed into the van which the other three had also gotten into when the rain had gotten worse. Now it was time for me to face one last person. Gerard.
He tapped my shoulder and, taking a deep breath, I turned to face him. His face showed signs of crying and my heart broke despite the fact that I was still a little angry with him for leaving me.

I smiled at him and pushed his soaked hair from off his face, tucking it behind his ear, “Hey.”

His thin lips lifted in a pathetic attempt at a returning smile, “Hi.”

We stood there for what felt like forever, just staring at one another. Neither of us spoke, for once one of us said those dreaded words we knew that would be it, he’d actually have to leave.
He leaned down; his rain drenched black hair falling forward once more, and made to bring his lips to meet mine. I instinctively took a step back, ignoring his confused look.

“I… I can’t Gerard,” I took another deep breath and blinked back tears that dared to try and escape. “I can’t kiss you Gee. I… if I do, it will make it so much harder to let you go.”

“I’m sorry,” He whispered, looking at the ground. “I don’t want to leave you, really. If I could, I’d let the band go without me.”

That was a lie to make me feel better, of course it was. There was no way Gerard would ever give up his shot at making it. My Chemical Romance was his life; it was the most important thing to him in the world. He just wanted me to feel a little better about him leaving me here so he acted like he would’ve given it up if he was given the choice .

I shook my head, “Nah Gee, I know how much this means to you. It’s just hard to think I’m not going to see you for God knows how long.” Despite my best efforts a few tears escaped their prison and trailed down my already soaked face.

“I love you Ciara, don’t ever forget that,” He wiped a tear forming at the corner of my eye and smiled half-heartedly. “And I’ll talk to you tomorrow, yeah?”

I nodded, “Love you too Geetard.”

He chuckled and shook his head at my immaturity before pulling me into a hug. I held him tight disappointed that the rain had taken away most of his scent, the most comforting about his hugs.

“Go n-éiri an bothar leat,” I mumbled into his ear.

“What’s that mean?”

“It’s an old Irish phrase that loosely means ’have a safe journey’,” I smiled up at him. “Please don’t crash the van.”

He giggled, “I won’t.”

We embraced once more and then he was gone. I watched as he clambered into the van and started it. They were driving to New York today where they would meet their new manger and then start recording tomorrow. It would be an uneventful drive; at least I hoped it would be. I didn’t want to hear of any terrible accidents involving them

The van began to move away from my house and I saw Frankie press himself up against the window blowing kisses and waving like a mad man. I giggled through the tears that were now flowing freely down my face and waved back. But all too soon they were out of sight. I didn’t know when I’d see my friends or boyfriend again but I knew it would be a long time. I knew I was supposed to be happy for them and, in many ways, I was. But, at the same time, I couldn’t believe that Gerard had told me he would always be there and then just left. He left me when I was still hurting over the loss of another friend. I didn’t care how selfish I was being, I had been selfless nearly my entire life, always looking after those I loved before myself, it was about time I did something selfish for myself. Even if that selfish want was to keep Gerard with me when he wanted to be recording with his band.
I fiddled with the locket around my neck and then with the ring on my finger, constant reminders of the raven-haired boy who had just left me alone in New Jersey. Already I was looking forward to his phone call tomorrow.