Her Best Friend

For the rest of their shift, Ryan and Olivia didn’t speak, not because they chose to but because like Olivia had already said, there was nothing to say. Olivia and Ryan worked in harmony, they seemed to just know where the other one was going, and they worked so effortlessly. When half two finally rolled around, Olivia took her apron off, calling a quick goodbye to Joe and Ryan, who gave her a smile back.
“See you tomorrow.” He finally called, as she reached the door and she couldn’t ignore the beating of her heart as she left, and got in her car and went to fetch Lula.
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“I said I’m sorry!” Olivia said desperately, as a silent Lula who was giving Olivia the cold shoulder on the way home. Lula made a point and frowned deeper, and stared out the window.
“Lula, sweetie…I had to go you know I need to work for us. We need money for nice things…” Olivia said, and mumbled under her breath “Like food, water, a bed…”
When Olivia got home, still with Lula in a mood, she planted her in front of the television and to stay still while Olivia went for a bath. She shut the door behind her, leaving it unlocked and turned the hot tap on, and within minutes the room was full of steam, Olivia loved scorching hot baths. Slowly, Olivia stripped down, pulling her t-shirt off, sliding her jeans down and pulling them off her feet, and then unclipped her bra, dropping it to the floor. She finally slid down her underwear, and stepped out of it, kicking all of her clothes to one pile. She stepped in the hot bath, her feet burning for a few seconds before they went numb. Olivia added a bit of cold, and finally the bath was half full. She poured some lavender oil in too. Olivia leaned back slightly, feeling the ice cold feel of the porcelain tiles that covered around the bath area. Olivia closer her eyes, and breathed in the scent of lavender, letting her feet feel the warmth of the water. Finally, after getting her thoughts together, she lowered herself in the bath, and embraced the warmth, the gorgeous feel of the oily water around her. Olivia washed herself with her products. She then sunk down, and put her head back, soaking her hair. Running her hands through her knotted curls as she sat up straight again, she washed her hair with shampoo and conditioner. She reached for her razor, applying some shaving crème, she began to shave her legs slowly, feeling the blade on her skin. After washing her legs again, feeling silky smooth, just as she was about to put the razor back in its place. She stopped.

I could do it. She thought.

I could do it right now… she thought again, handling the razor carefully. Olivia’s heart screamed in panic, beating twice as fast, her brain had shut down and her emotions took over. Olivia felt the burning sensation of her tears, before they fell into the water.
“Anna…” Olivia murmured to herself, feeling the agony all over again. Her best friend was dead, never coming back ever again, she was never going to see or hear Anna Greene ever again. She was never going to see Anna’s gorgeous brunette curls, or her mysterious brown eyes that lit up whenever something good happened. Olivia would never be able to call her best friend again just to rant and moan about her day, she was never going to receive funny texts off her that she always did whenever Olivia felt low. She was never going to hear or make her laugh, she was never going to be able to feel the comfort of her hugs, and she was never going to be able to thank her for everything that she ever did.
Olivia felt hatred towards whoever the man was that drove drunk in that damn lorry, she felt hatred towards herself, she felt misery overall. She felt like she wasn’t enough, she couldn’t care for Lula like Anna would, Anna was forced to be a mother early but she still had the instincts before that. Anna was the best mother ever to Lula, and now Lula was getting sloppy seconds. Olivia felt numb, she felt like nothing could make this heart agony go away…
Slowly, with shaking hands she brought the blade to her wrist, horizontally.

Just do it, end yourself now…. Olivia screamed in her head. She felt like she had no choice, to get rid of this pain, she had to do this. The pain of her headache banged, almost echoing. Olivia closed her eyes tightly, and pressed down hard and it was there, the gasp of pain, soreness as the blood gushed out….Olivia’s eyes snapped open and Olivia looked down shakily, the blood covered her hand, dripping off her fingertips. Drops by drops fell into the water, staining the water red. Olivia felt disgusted, and tried to wash the blood off, but it kept coming and coming. Olivia, with quick realization as what she had just done, got out the bath, trembling, her knees shaking, her head feeling light she grabbed a towel and pressed down tightly on the cut, she pressed really tightly as the towel soaked up the crimson liquid. Olivia sat down on the closed toilet, shaking from cold and shock. She had almost done it….she had actually tried to kill herself. The cut burned, and when Olivia took the towel away and look at the cut, for a mere two seconds she saw how big it was, it went straight across her wrist, and she had done it deeply. More blood gushed out, and Olivia quickly covered it again, pressing hard. She sighed, and closed her eyes wishing for it all to go away. Shivering still, Olivia thought of Anna.
“Look what I’ve done Annie…Look what I did…” Olivia mumbled, shaking.
“Why did you have to die Annie? I need you…you weren’t meant to die!” Olivia cried, sobbing as tears began to fall again. She felt ashamed, she felt disgusted, and she felt like she had let Anna down more…

Suddenly, a knock at the bathroom door made her jump. “Lula?” Olivia called, sniffing, hoping she didn’t sound like she’d cried.
“Aunty Liv, I ‘m sorry.” Lula called from behind the door, and Olivia blinked tears away.
“I’m sorry too Tallulah.” Olivia called back, but Lula would never know what Olivia truly meant, as her eyes glanced at the bloody water that was in her bathtub.