Let's See What You're Not

Mark

Shim and I actually had a really good conversation today, until he decided to end it abruptly, again. I’m starting to think that maybe that’s just how he is. There’s a chance that some people hate the idea of talking to someone without making some form of confrontation out of it.

As I walked out of the changing rooms at the end of the day, I spotted Shim again just a little in front. He must’ve got changed ahead of me today. Part of me wanted to try and catch up with him, but the other part knew that he probably wouldn't want to talk to me. We’ve talked enough today; that’s how he’ll see it.

When the last bell goes, if me and Emma weren’t in the same lesson before it then we’d go and meet up in the music rooms. She has to go collect her bass anyway, so we’re not going away from the necessary route to meet up there. Although I do go to music lessons at school sometimes, mine aren’t as often as hers, plus I don’t bring my drums in and out of school every day because it’s a lot easier to just use the set at school. That’s why I don’t have anything to pick up.

While I was walking towards the music rooms, I realised that Shim must’ve been heading there too. Emma told me about him playing guitar so that’s most likely what he’s going there to get.

Mr. Telic greeted me and him as we walked into the room and tried to get a bit of conversation going. It was awkward, but not unbearable.

“How’s the band doing Mark?” he asked me.

Mr. Telic knows all about our band. Me and Emma talk to him about it a lot and he helps us with learning some of the songs for it too. That’s why he’s so great. He helps with the things we want him to help us with, plus we don’t even have to ask. He tends to just know when he’s needed.

“Good,” I smiled. “Josh wants us to write our own songs now.”

“Big step,” he reminded me. I obviously already knew that. “What about you Shim?” he asked, suddenly getting his attention.

He was just trying to find his guitar when Sir started talking to him. He looked over at us from where all of the instruments were and shrugged his shoulders a little.

“I’m fine,” he sighed, grabbing his guitar case and draping it over his shoulder.

Shim wasn't fine though. He’s obviously not fine. Something’s bothering him. I can tell.

“Good,” Mr. Telic told him. “See you tomorrow then.”

“Bye,” Shim muttered under his breath before walking out the door and heading home.

From the look in Sir’s eyes I could see that he thought something was wrong too. It’s not the sort of thing I could’ve asked him about, but at least I know someone else is worried about him. It’s not just me who struggles to sleep when I think about him. Maybe I'm not the only one that concerned.

“He’s alright, isn't he?” I asked nervously.

“Yeah, of course he is,” Sir smiled at me. “Now, I wonder where Emma is. She’s usually here by now.”

“Must’ve got held back.”

Please hurry up Emma. This is starting to get weird now and I really want to get home. There’re things I need to talk to you about: Shim.

“How’s things?” Mr. Telic asked me.

“Great,” I smiled. “Bit complicated but what can you do about that?”

He gave me a knowing look before responding to what I’d just told him. Mr. Telic is the sort of person who can see through people with ease. He knows when you’re telling him one thing, but meaning something else. He’s clever like that; really clever.

“I’m assuming you’re not on about school work,” he guessed correctly.

I felt my cheeks heat up slightly then but I nodded anyways.

“Works relatively easy,” I told him.

“You’re a smart boy. Plus not many blush over maths lessons,” he laughed quietly to himself.

Well... That’s embarrassing. I didn't even notice I was blushing to start with. Unless he’s pulling a bluff, he doesn’t exactly have any reason to do that, but who knows? Or maybe he wants to know if I like Shim. Mr. Telic and Shim are kind of close, so he could’ve told Sir that he likes me, so now Sir wants to play match maker.

That’s stupid. Shim hates me and if he did like me he wouldn't discuss it with his music teacher. That’s just weird.

“I just... I can’t read them,” I sighed.

He won’t know what it’s like to not understand people. Mr. Telic can connect with anyone, that’s why he’s the only teacher in the school we’d describe as awesome. By we I mean students that do music because they’re the only ones that get to know him.

“Maybe it’s best not to,” he suggested. “If you knew exactly what someone thought, where would the surprise be when they eventually decided to tell you? The thrill would be gone.”

Fair point.

“But, if they don’t tell you, you’ll never know,” I told him. “So what do you do then?”

“I never said you had to be the one who gets surprised,” he smiled. “Maybe you should tell them how you feel, give them the thrill.”

Somehow I don’t think I’d ever be able to tell Shimon Moore that I have a crush on him. He’d beat the crap out of me! He’d kill me!

“I’ll think about it,” I lied. I’ve given it more than enough thought now and I’ve decided the smartest thing to do is just carry on as we’re doing now. We’re happy... kind of. And he only gives me minor headaches with his complicatedness.

Sir gave me a quick nod before heading back into his office. Just as he walked off Emma came in, which was really good timing when you think about it.

“What took you so long?” I asked with a quick laugh.

“Miss didn't hear the bell go and she didn't believe us when we told her,” she complained. “Don't tell anyone I said this, but,” she whispered, “deaf cow.”

“Emma!” I laughed out of shock. We don’t insult teacher that much so it’s always unexpected when one of us does it.

“What?” she gasped. “I bet people missed their buses thanks to her lousy hearing.”

I shook my head at her and she changed the subject when we walked outside.

“How was the talk with your dad last night?” she asked me.

All of the embarrassment I was feeling last night came back as soon as she brought it up.

“It was... awkward,” I told her. “But he’s okay with it and he wants me to go to him if I have ‘boy troubles’,” I cringed at the idea of talking to him about this stuff. He might understand, but he won’t like hearing it.

“Well that’s good then. What did he say?”

“He asked me if I had a boyfriend, if I’d kissed a guy, if we’d had sex...you know... the usual.”

Emma was wetting herself now.

“You! Sex!” she laughed.

“What’s so wrong about me having sex?” I asked, feeling slightly insulted.

“Nothing,” she sighed, trying to calm down. “Just... You’ve never had a proper relationship and... That’s weird.”

“Suppose,” I muttered.

“Oh don’t get all offended Mark. I didn't mean it,” she pouted.

“I'm not offended,” I insisted. “And I can’t stay mad at you anyway,” I smiled at her.

“Good,” she grinned. “I don’t want you mad at me.”

I need Emma. She’s a great friend and I love her like a sister. There’s no chance we’d fall out over something petty or stupid. We’ve been through a lot together. Our friendship will always be there.