Let's See What You're Not

Mark

“I think we did a good thing today,” Emma smiled as she jumped back onto my bed.

“Maybe,” I whispered.

I wasn't as sure as she was about is being in the right though. Basically, we both knew that Shimon would’ve ran off to the music rooms, and although I was upset about what he said to me, I knew there was something more serious on his mind. The way he snapped at Emma before... It was scary. I just felt sorry for him and a little guilty because I was the one who brought him to the table in the first place.

Anyway, after we’d finished eating, we both decided that we should go and apologize or make sure he’s okay. We weren’t sure which one we’d end up doing, but we had to do something. When we got to the music rooms we found him pretty quickly. He was lying down in the middle of the room, curled up and fast asleep. He looked so cute and innocent back there. It was the most vulnerable I’ve ever seen him. To be honest, until I saw him there I didn't imagine him even having a vulnerable side.

When I looked closer at him though, I noticed that he was shaking. At that point I stopped mentally cooing over him and started to worry. Was he really that worked up about what happened in the hall?

As soon as Emma noticed, she decided to get a teacher involved in case there really was a problem. Mr. Telic was in the office room so she went and got him and told him about how he snapped at her in the hall.

He said he’d talk to him.

It feels weird that Shim might have something bothering him. I’ve never really thought about what might be running through his mind before because I'm usually too concerned about other aspects of him.

Maybe he’s angry for a reason.

Maybe I'm looking into all of this too much.

“What do you thinks wrong with him?” Emma asked me quietly.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

“I suppose it could be anything. He can act pretty messed up...”

That was true.

“Can I... tell you something?” I whispered after a bit of an awkward silence.

She nodded at me and sat up when she realized how serious I looked at the moment.

I'm going to tell her how I feel. Emma’s smart, she’ll be able to help me, maybe even give me some advice. Plus it’d be great if there was someone I could talk about this stuff to.

“I think I like s-someone,” I whispered, wimping out of saying who at the last minute.

“Oh,” she said, sounding a little shocked. “Does this person have a name?” she asked me slowly. “You don’t have to say but I’ll know what you’re on about more if I know who you mean,” she smiled.

“Don't hate me,” I mumbled stupidly.

“Never,” she smirked.

“Fine,” I sighed. “Shim,” I said it quickly and quietly.

For a second or two she just started at me.

“Shimon Moore?”

I nodded at her, knowing my face was flushing a deep red color right now. I can talk to Emma about anything and I'm hoping that she’ll be open to talk about this as well. She’s going to hate that I like him. I know she is!

“Does this mean I have to stop hating him?” she asked with a small smile on her face.

“No,” I smirked making her laugh. “So, you’re okay with that?”

“Of course I am,” she laughed and then play punched my arm.

I'm so glad she’s okay with this. I just felt like I had to tell someone.

“Our secret?” I asked her desperately.

“Definitely. Anyone else would find you liking him creepy,” she smirked. “I wouldn't want to ruin your rep.”

“What rep?” I laughed.

I knew she was only joking about that but that’s what I liked about it. She isn't making this awkward for me. She’s acting exactly the same way she did before she found out.

“Do you know if he likes you?” she asked, sounding a little more serious now.

“I doubt it,” I frowned. “But I can dream, can’t I?”

Emma already knew about me being gay which is probably why it wasn't a massive shock to her, but she also knows that I’ve never felt the way I feel for Shimon with anyone else. We sort of got into conversation about creepy perverted things I’d like to do to him or have him do to me. That conversation somehow wasn't awkward. We’ve never really had to talk about me liking a guy before because before him, there hasn’t been anyone.

“Do you think you should tell your parents you’re gay soon?” she asked me quietly, knowing that my mum and dad are both home now.

“I don’t know,” I whispered.

If I'm honest I never really planned on telling them. They do need to know and I'm pretty sure they’d be okay with it, it’s just, coming out and telling them is going to be so hard. What am I meant to say? Do I just make them both sit down and then openly say ‘yo mum, dad, I'm gay’? There must be a none embarrassing not too awkward way of doing this.

“This is just my opinion,” she said softly, “but maybe now or soon might be the time to do it. I mean before it was okay because you never actually liked anyone, but now you do, maybe you should let them know. You’re sure you like just guys though, right?”

“Yeah,” I smiled. “And you make sense but I wouldn't know how to do it...”

“You could just sit them down and tell them,” she suggested before smirking and adding, “or you could bring Shim home with you and say he’s your boyfriend. They’d probably get the message.”

“No,” I blushed. “Look, maybe, I don’t have to tell them,” I whispered.

“They’d understand Mark,” Emma encouraged me.

“No, I want them to know, but maybe a close friend who they know really well could tell them for me,” I said, trying to sound as innocent as possible.

“Me?” she gasped.

“Why not?” I smiled. “I’ll sit there when you say it...It’s just, I don’t have to guts to do it myself.”

She still had an ‘oh my God’ sort of look on her face.

“Well...” she sighed. “Here’s your options. A – You do it yourself. B – You wait until you’re ready to do it yourself. C – I do it for you. Or D – you don’t tell them at all and let them feel betrayed when they eventually do find out. Which one sounds better?”

“Emma, I know they’d want it from me, but I can’t. I want them to know soon though...” I sighed. “Please can you do it?” I begged her.

“Fine,” she sighed, giving in to me. “When?”

“Is tonight too soon?” I wondered out loud.

I imagine that the car ride home would be pretty awkward with her, me and my dad after telling him something like that, but one awkward car ride is better than the humiliating moment I’d have if I told them for myself.

“God Mark,” she smirked a little. “Look, I’ll do it when you want me to do it. If you say tonight, then we’ll go down there and sit them down right now and tell them.”

“Let’s do it,” I whispered.

If I don’t get this over with now then I’ll change my mind and it’ll never happen.

Emma managed to coax them both into the living room. From the looks on their faces I could tell that they were worried about the news they were going to get.

“There’s something that we think you should know,” Emma started smoothly. “Mark wanted to tell you himself, but you know what he’s like,” she smirked before sending me a quick glare for effect.

“Please say you’re not pregnant,” dad interrupted suddenly.

Both of our faces went red when he said that and we couldn’t help laughing. Me and Emma? Seriously dad! Even mum started laughing.

“I'm not pregnant,” she smiled.

“What’s going on then you two?” mum asked, looking right at me.

I looked at Emma for support. She needed to say it, not me.

“Go on,” she whispered quietly. “Its fine,” she smiled.

“Imma... I’m g-gay,” I whispered, looking down at the floor.

No one said anything and I started to feel a little sick. They shouldn’t be this quiet.

When I looked back up at my parents they still looked shocked. Did I just make the biggest mistake of my life?

“And you two are okay with that, aren’t you?” Emma asked then sharply.

“Y-yes,” mum stuttered nervously.

“Go give him a hug then,” Emma smiled softly at her.

My mum carefully got up onto her feet and wrapped her arms around my shaking body. I can’t believe I did that. I told them! Me!

“You know, I love you no matter what,” she whispered soothingly into my ear.

My eyes were welling up a little but I managed to blink them back, until mum backed away and saw dad. He was just staring down at the ground.

He hates me.

“What about you Ken? Do you accept your son for who he is?” Emma asked him.

“Just...give me a minute,” he whispered lowly. “Marie, could you take Emma home for me tonight?” dad asked mum, making me feel even more nervous. “I think me and Mark need to have a talk,” he smiled weakly.

“Yes,” mum said carefully. “Come on Emma,” she said. “Make sure you’ve got everything.”

“Not to sound rude,” Emma said as she was about to walk out, “but it took a lot of guts for him to say that so you’d better be proud of him.”

“We are,” my mum said softly before they left.

Now it’s just me and dad... alone.

“So...” he sighed. “You like other boys now?”

“Y-yeah,” I whispered nervously.

God this is embarrassing.

“You got a boyfriend?”

“No,” I answered with ease.

“Kissed a boy?”

“No.”

“Sex?”

“No dad,” I snapped at him.

“Sorry,” he whispered and started to fiddle with his hands a little. “Are you sure though? I mean if you’ve never been with a boy then how do you know you want to be?”

Please say we’re not going into this.

“I... I like them dad. I don’t like girls.”

“You know you can’t have kids with a man, right? That means we don’t get any grandchildren.”

“I know,” I frowned. “But this isn't about you and mum... It’s about me.”

Queue the silence.

“You’re right,” dad smiled eventually and let out a deep breath. “This is all you little man. I want you to know... Son, I honestly don’t care about this. I'm fine with it,” he whispered. “I'm just... shocked. I thought you and Emma would end up getting married,” he laughed. “Not you and some fella,” he smirked. “You’re still going to talk to me though, aren’t you?”

“Of course I am,” I smiled at him, wiping away the odd tear that had fallen down my face.

“You can tell me anything, alright? If you’ve got boy troubles, come to me still, got it?”

“I’ve got it dad,” I smiled. “Thanks for... understanding.”

“Give us a hug,” he cooed as he pulled me in towards him.

Right now I feel as if a heavy weight has just been lifted from my shoulders. They know and they’re okay with it.

My life couldn’t get any better right now.