Heartless

I sighed, rubbing my chest lightly. The doctors had said there was nothing else they could do until I got a donor (very unlikely) so they were sending me home with a new pager, as well as more medication than I had ever wanted to see in a lifetime.

Jace was supposed to be picking me up. We hadn't touched 'That' topic since he suggested it, and I was perfectly fine with keeping it that way. It wasn't that I didn't want to have sex with Jace; quite the opposite actually. I was worried about 'what if's'.

What if I just died in the middle of it?

What if it gave me a heart attack?

What if I didn't like it?

What if he didn't like it?

What if he left after it?

“Will. You're doing it again.”

I snapped out of my internal monologue, glancing over at Jace. “... Doing what?”

“That spacing thing you do when you're thinking too hard.” he mumbled, walking over and sitting next to me on the bed to give me a hug. “Ready to go?”

I nodded slightly, standing up shakily and exhaling as Jace stood as well. “Are you gonna be okay?” he asked curiously. I nodded again, smiling a bit before heading out of the room. Banz caught us on our way out, smiling.

“Well Willow, if we find one we'll give you a call. Don't worry, we'll try our best.” he said sincerely. Though, in my mind, it sounded more like “Have fun dying at home. You probably won't get a donor. Nice knowing you.”

Jace smiled back though, patting my back lightly in an attempt to hurry me toward the elevator. We were the only two in there, which I believe added to Jace's sudden onslaught as he gently pushed me against the wall, licking my bottom lip lightly before pressing his mouth to my own. I pushed him away, scoffing. “We aren't even out of the hospital yet.” I murmured.

He groaned quietly, leaning his head on my shoulder. “I know, sorry. I hate this place.”

“You weren't the one strapped to a bed the whole time.”

“I know...”

I rolled my eyes, shrugging him off me as the doors opened and we went to the front desk where my medication was.

“Everything you need is right in here. Take care hun.” the woman said with a smile, pushing a small bag toward us, which Jace grabbed on his way. I managed to smile back to the woman before he was pulling me toward the parking lot and shoving me into the car. “Jesus, Jace! A little care, please?” I snorted, shaking my head.

He climbed into the drivers side and jammed his key into the ignition, barely letting the car warm up before pulling out of the space and trying to find the exit. “On your right.” I commented, pulling my seat belt on as he quickly found it and was pulling onto the highway within seconds.

“Are you going to drive like a normal person now, or do we have to pull over and let me drive?” I asked. He snorted and rolled his eyes, slowing down for a red light.

“Your license is suspended due to your crippling medical condition.” he smirked, glancing at me through the corner of his eye. I glared back, crossing my arms over my chest.

“The police don't have to know that.”

Jace laughed, stepping on the gas as the car in front of us began to move. “Will, you do make me wonder sometimes if after all these years I've had a bad influence on you.” he mumbled. I smiled slightly, leaning my head on the window.

“You never know. My life would be a lot different without you.”

His smirk faltered slightly at my comment before he dropped it completely, reaching over to put his hand on my thigh. I looked over at him, staring at his eyes which were determinately concentrated on the road. “I am glad I met you.” I whispered.

I noticed his mouth twitch as I said this before his grip on my thigh tightened, as did his grip on the steering wheel. I covered his hand with my own, rubbing small circles with my thumb. We were pulling onto my street as he smiled fully, turning his hand over to lace our fingers together. By the time we were in the driveway, the car was barely off when Jace was bounding out of it, heading for the door with his fingers fumbling for the right key.

It was almost funny how flustered and hurried he was, but what I was more worried about was why he was acting this way. I knew what he wanted to happen. I was also starting to doubt my doubts about it...

We were in the house much faster than I would have liked, standing in the living room next to the hall and staring at each other intently. Jace finally broke the silence by sighing, glancing down at his feet. He took a minute before slowly stepping over, forcing me to look up at him, as well as notice the glaring height difference.

He leaned down slowly, almost as if to give me time to back out if I wanted to. I almost did until he grabbed the back of my neck lightly, barely touching his lips to my own. I leaned back slightly for a moment, narrowing my eyes at him. He frowned, leaning forward more in a slightly more demanding kiss. I didn't kiss back, instead choosing to watch his expression change as he tried to convince me. I almost smiled at his slightly defeated look as he pulled back.

I was reminded for a second of all the previous 'what if' situations. A new thought came to mind as I remembered, making me smirk slightly; who cares?

I enjoyed Jace's shocked expression as I threw my arms around his neck, crushing his lips to mine. It took him a second to respond, but soon enough he was kissing back with just as much force, if not more. I pulled away to breath, smiling at his irritated groan as I pulled him in the direction of the bedroom, sitting on the edge of the bed expectantly. “Alright... What do I do?”

Jace took a minute before responding, leaning down to kiss my cheek. “Move up to the top of the bed and lay down.” he mumbled, voice deeper than it was usually. It sent pleasant shivers down my spine as I did as he said. Jace observed me for a second before climbing up and straddling me, leaning down to lick up my jaw line.

I shut my eyes, only opening them again when I felt my glasses being removed. “Um... Jace?” I asked cautiously, hearing him chuckle.

“Oh, I don't think you'll be needing those for now.”

I felt him smirk as he kissed my neck, making me gasp lightly. He kissed the spot again before licking and sucking at it, making me moan loudly and not even notice his hands making their way up my shirt.

I made a strangled sort of groan as I felt him rub his hand down my chest, pausing to tweak one of my nipples. He smiled against my neck, sitting up to pull his shirt off before pulling me up as well. I slowly pulled my shirt over my head, squinting when it was off to see Jace with a bored expression. “That took way too long.”

“... It only took about five-”

My sentence was interrupted by his mouth on my own again, gently nipping at my bottom lip before pushing his tongue through, gingerly licking his way through my mouth. I felt him moan quietly, making me put my arms around his neck and tangle one hand in his hair.

He leaned back down, pressing me onto my back before pulling away and kissing a trail down my chest. I rubbed his head lightly as he teasingly flicked his tongue out to lick my other nipple, running his hands down my sides.

I sighed contentedly as he messed with the button of my jeans, managing to undo it and pull them off quickly before his own followed. He leaned down closer to my boxers, swiping his tongue underneath the waistband before lightly kissing my hip and pulling them down, waiting until they were completely off before sitting back and looking at me.

I felt incredibly self conscious, feeling my face flush as I tried to look anywhere but at Jace. “Damn...” He mumbled. I glanced over at him to see, not a disturbed face like I had been expecting, but, amazingly- A saddened expression.

Jace ran a hand over my ribs, down to my pointy hip bones and up again. No doubt it was easy to notice how much weight had been lost; with me being naked and all. I frowned slightly, trying to pull my legs up in an attempt to cover myself when Jace grabbed them and looked up at me. He pulled them back down slowly, crawling up and lightly kissing my forehead. “I love you.” He murmured.

I sighed, shutting my eyes as I reached around him, playing with the ends of his hair. “I love you too, Jace.”

He smiled, sitting back up to quickly dispose of his own boxers before flattening his body against mine, hissing through his teeth when our erections pressed together. I bit my bottom lip to keep from making any noise, digging my nails into his back when he moved up slightly. I noticed him smirk slightly before he sat back up, looking down at my own particular extremity in curiosity. I was tempted to ask what he was thinking about doing when he leaned his head down, sticking his tongue out and flattening it against the head.

I arched my back slightly, moaning as he continued to do that a few times before licking all the way down to the base and back up again. “Holy shit, Jace...”

He hummed quietly before going down on it completely, sucking harshly for a few seconds as I gasped and writhed. After a few more minutes Jace came back up, smiling and lightly kissing my forehead. I searched for his mouth, sealing my lips to his as I felt him reach over and feel around blindly for something. I cracked an eye open in curiosity, raising an eyebrow when I realized it was some type of lubricant. “Um...”

He paused, looking down at me with an incredulous expression. “You're telling me that you're the gay one here, and you've never done this?”

“Sorry, not too many people want to jump a short Albino. And you're gay too.”

Jace frowned slightly. “Bisexual, thank you. With a preference for short men named Willow.”

I rolled my eyes slightly, frowning again when Jace made me put my legs up. “I feel very exposed.” I mumbled. He laughed, kissing my inner thigh lightly before doing something with the bottle, making me raise an eyebrow before I felt...

Oh... That was what you did with it...

I bit my lower lip hard, trying to whether it was a pleasant sensation, or an unwelcome one. Jace didn't seem perturbed by the reaction in the least, going on about his business with a rather determined expression. At one point he twisted his finger, gently brushing against something that made me gasp and moan loudly. He paused, glancing up before slowly doing it again. I bit back a groan, glaring down at him. “Stop. Doing. That.”

He smirked slightly, raising an eyebrow. “Now that's enlightening.” he murmured.

I sighed, feeling another finger slowly creep in with the first before he started to stretch them out. The slight burning sensation made me uncomfortable, causing me to squirm. “Stop moving.” he commented, putting his other hand on my leg in an attempt to keep me still.

I leaned my head back, closing my eyes and focusing on the feeling of his fingers moving in and out, frowning. “This is so weird.”

“Yeah, well.... Oh well.”

I snorted quietly as I felt the fingers disappear before Jace was leaning back over me, sighing. “Ready?”

“Not really.”

“Good.”

I could feel something dull prodding where his fingers had just been, making me hold my breath as it began to move in. About halfway through I squeezed my eyes shut, grabbing the sheets beneath me from the stinging pain. “Just try to relax. It won't last long.” Jace whispered, kissing my cheek as I laid still until he stopped moving. Jace buried his head between my shoulder and my neck, sighing shakily while I slowly opened my eyes and the stung dissipated somewhat.

When the feeling was gone completely, I readjusted myself, gasping loudly afterward.

There was the same feeling as earlier, when Jace had brushed against something...

He sat up slightly, staring down at me momentarily before slowly pulling back up and in a few times. As I got used to the feeling, it started to become unbearable to the point that I had pulled Jace closer, glaring slightly.

“If you don't move faster I will get up and leave you here.” I threatened breathlessly. We both knew it was an empty threat, but it did get him to set a faster pace. It couldn't have been a half hour later that we were both moaning loudly, and Jace's thrusts started to become erratic. I leaned my head back, groaning when I felt Jace kiss his way from my neck up to my mouth. I was about to kiss back when I noticed a sudden pressure lower down, making me wrap my arms around Jace's neck and squeeze my eyes shut as I could feel myself coming. Jace followed soon after as the next couple thrusts were halfhearted before he froze completely and I felt incredibly warm.

After a few minutes I managed to release Jace from my hold, swallowing and sighing shakily. “Holy shit...”

Jace hummed back in response, lowering his head to my chest and closing his eyes.

“... Don't think you're falling asleep on me.”

“... But Willow...”

“You're sticky.”

Jace groaned loudly, sitting up and slowly standing, stumbling over to the door. He turned at the last minute, allowing me to see him once again in all his naked glory. I raised both eyebrows and covered myself with the blanket when I noticed his eyes begin to wonder. He frowned, sighing. “I hate you.”

I smiled back, nodding. “Love you too, Jace.”