Forget It All

"You know," Halvo began, smirking deviously, "I almost miss seeing you blush."

I ran a hand through my hair, and a loud sigh escaped my lips. I plopped down on the picnic table bench across from him. "I'm in such deep shit."

"And why's that?" He gleamed as if he already knew what I was about to say.

I shook my head, then placed in on the table. "Fuck fuck fuck."

Halvo reached over and ruffled my hair gently. "Come on June, tell me."

Sucking in a breath I looked up at Halvo with dry and sorrowful eyes. "Not only did I make out with Alex, but two days later I made out with Garrett."

Halvo's eyes widened, and he choked lightly. "Wh-what?!"

"Oh god!" I placed my head back down no the table, "It just felt so good with Alex- as whorey as that sounds," I raised my head again, shaking it still. "And Garrett, oh fucking Garrett- it was so right and wonderful and natural."

Halvo made a face then placed his head down on the table. "Shit, I wish you didn't tell me!"

"Fuck you!" I spat. "You have to help me now!"

"All this knowledge- it's deadly!"

I pointed my finger at Halvo, "You're in this now- you are going to fucking help me!"

Halvo held up his hands. "What do you want me to do? Kill you? Get someone else to make out with you? I don't get it!"

"I've already kissed three guys on this tour!" I muttered, "I don't need another."

"Whoa whoa wait-three? Who's the other stud?"

I made a face, then shrugged. "Probably shouldn't have said that." I cringed.

Halvo narrowed his eyes at me. "You are going to tell me, and you're going to tell me now."

I swallowed, "Fine, fine. It was your friend Nick. And he was a huge douchebag."

"Nick?! Are you kidding me?"

"Please don't think I'm a whore."

Halvo sighed almost dramatically. "You're not," He muttered, "There are far worse girls out there. It's just that- this isn't like the June I remember. Plus I mean, major triangle going on right now. And why was Nick a douche?"

I shrugged. "I don't know- he made some sort of accusation about me kissing and hooking up with guys just because I want Garrett back and I'm needy and other shit."

"Well...."

"Shut up!" I yelled. "I am not needy!"

"You're right- you aren't. But I can see you wanting Garrett back."

"And why's that?"

"You made out with him and said that it felt good. Duh."

I scratched the back of my head. I looked out into the vacant, empty parking lot all while sighing. Swallowing the lump in my throat I once again thought about Garrett. "I would like to do it again....." I muttered under my breath.

Halvo threw his hands up. "That's it! I've had it. Make a fucking decision."

"I can't! I don't know what I want."

He sucked in a breath. "Well, if you want my opinion, Alex is sort of in the bag. He likes you. It's obvious to everyone on this god damn tour, and it's also pretty funny. You have him wrapped around your figure. Now Garrett- that's a completely different story-I don't really know how he feels."

"He made out with me. Isn't that saying something at least?"

He shrugged. "It's saying something about the both of you. It's either two things. One, you're all just a bunch of horny bitches because you didn't get laid in high school. Or two, you may possibly still have hidden feelings for each other."

"Well fuck me."

"With pleasure." The voice behind me startled the shit out of me. I jumped lightly, turned around, and place a hand on my chest.

"Shit," I muttered gazing up at Alex. "Where did you come from?"

Alex took a seat next to me. "A vagina." He smirked and settled in awfully close. "So what are you two chatting about?"

"Vaginas." Halvo blurted out. It was the first thing he could think of. I knew this on account of two reasons. The first was that Halvo had no idea what to say, and the second being that he had no idea what to say.

Alex raised his eyebrows, nodding his head. "Ah, I see."

Halvo cleared his throat, and stood up. "I should get ready for sound check. I'll see you guys later." As he passed by me he elbowed my shoulder.

I know what that meant: Make a god damn decision

Once Halvo was long gone, Alex cleared his throat and said, "How's it going?"

I shrugged and looked off into the vacant parking lot once again. I really wished Halvo hadn't left us alone like this. "It's all good. How about you?"

Before I could get a second to breathe, Alex grabbed hold of my cheeks and pulled his lips onto mine aggressively. He kissed me with passion and longing and desire. I was too tired to put up much of a fight, so I simply kissed him back.

He broke for air after several moments. His eyes lit up, "Wow."

I gave him a weak, crooked smile. "Yeah."

"John is going to rip me a new one eventually, won't he?"

I made a face, "Nah, there's a few out there that I'm sure will be in line before you...." I didn't expect Alex to understand what I meant, and he didn't which was mainly to my benefit.

"I'm asking him tonight."

"Asking him... what exactly?"

"You know, if it's cool if we go out."

I place my hands in front of me, and stood up. "Whoa, whoa, whoa there. Wait a second. What are you talking about?"

Alex scratched the back of his neck. "Oh-I thought....."

I bit my lip, and peered down at him with horror in my eyes. Shit. Fuck. God dammit. "Al, I'm so sorry, but-"

He shook his head in disbelief. "I've never been screwed over by a girl before."

"I just don't feel the same way is all." I cringed.

He continued to shake his head and stare at the pavement beneath his feet. "I'm an idiot."

"No-you're not an idiot-not at all!"

His head snapped up along with the rest of his body. "Then why did you kiss me back? Why?"

"I'm going to sound like a terrible person if I answer that." I muttered, glancing down at my Vans.

"Just answer it."

"Fun?"

"For fun?" He looked at me with eyebrows raised.

"Something like that...."

He spun around, and kicked at the ground with angst. "Fucking hell, June."

"I didn't know that there were actual feelings there!"

"How could you do this?"

That's where I drew the line. "Oh fuck, Alex don't give me that bullshit. I've witnessed you do this to every girl in the whole god damn book. It shows you right to have it done to you."

He let out a breath looking at me with a mix of hurt and anguish. He then shrugged. "I don't even know what to say. I thought you really liked me."

"I don't want to be the heart-breaker here, Alex."

Swallowing hard, and backing away from me he muttered, "Yeah, well you can't really help it."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Good for you." Harper mused as I finished my story and reached down to grab an extra t-shirt.

A Rocket to the Moon has just finished their set, and The Maine was to take the stage in several minutes.

"How am I suppose to go on the bus tonight? How can I be in the same room as him?"

She rolled her eyes. "First off, we're staying in a hotel tonight-remember? And second, you're not the bad guy here. You're more like an innocent by-stander."

"Still feel like shit."

Harper shrugged. "Well, I guess that part is your fault."

"I just want The Maine to come on." I moaned, sitting on the stool behind me and leaning against the counter.

"So you can stare at Garrett?"

I ignored her, and instead watched as the lights on the stage flashed. Pursing my lips, I watched the crowd intently. Girls and guys all around chirped loudly and mindlessly. My shoulders fell, and I turned to tell Harper something.

But when I turned around I found Alex standing behind me. He really liked to pull this shit, didn't he?

"What are you doing?" I muttered under my breath.

It was dangerous for Alex to be outside of backstage. If anyone were to see him right now he could easily get mauled.

"Come backstage."

I shook my head stiffly, catching Harper out of the corner of my eye. "I have to work."

"I'll explain it to Flyzik. Don't worry. Come on."

Sucking in a sharp breath I followed Alex backstage, leaving Harper by herself. She seemed okay with it, but she was always a wildcard.

I ended up in that meeting room area off to the side of the stage. The Maine along with A Rocket to the Moon were hanging out in there. Of course, Alex stopped abruptly in the middle of the room, clearing his throat and reaching out to grab my hand. He pulled me to his side and everything went quiet.

Halvo stifled his laughter. John's eyes targeted in on our hands. Jared's shoulders fell. Nick shook his head. And Garrett- Garrett's face was as red as a fucking tomato.

"John," Alex addressed him, "you've know me for awhile, and you know I'm not the kind of guy to do this. So clearly, it is quite obvious how strong my feelings are."

He licked his lips hastily, and took a glance at me. He then looked back at my brother. "I am in love with your sister."

The minute he said it I dropped his hand and took several steps away from him, my face red and my eyes bugging out. Swallowing hard, I took a good look at Garrett. The color in his face had now faded. Now, it was much more bland. He was expressionless. He was tired.

I was tired too. I hated being this whore. I hated having guys fawn over me, meanwhile I only cared about one of them. All this bullshit was killing me.

John cleared his throat and stood up. "Uh, well, nice to see you too, Alex."

Alex straightened his back. It was true: he was never like this.

John let out an exasperated breath and shook his head, running a hand threw his hair. "Look, stuff like this has happened before, and I know feelings are feelings and we can't help them, but-"

He bit his lip. He had no idea where he was going with this. "It's not a good idea," He shrugged.

"Why?" Alex pressed.

"Because, June is-" John looked over at me, cringing.

He knew I had no interest in Alex, and thank god for that. But this whole situation- just ugh.

"June doesn't like you." Jack, who had somehow miraculously entered the room and was now next to me, coughed.

Alex snapped around, glaring at Jack.

Jack shrugged. "I'm sorry bro, she turned you down before- she'll do it again."

"Fuck! This has happened before?" Halvo who sat on the couch in the corner blurted out, still holding in laughter.

I shot him daggers.

Alex turned to me and took several steps forward. God dammit, why did he make this so difficult, and awkward, and uncomfortable?

"I thought it was just because you were afraid of John." He muttered under his breath.

I shook my head lightly. "Al- I'm so sorry."

He left the room, Jack trailing behind him. I stood there, frozen and looking at the guys in the room.

Kennedy whistled. "Boy, June, every guy in the world wants you now." He chuckled.

"What a change from last year." Halvo chirped.

John spun around. "Shut the fuck up, Halvo."

Halvo placed his hands up in defense. "Whoops."

John rolled his eyes, and then looked back at me. "Everything alright?"

I shrugged. "I've been better." I walked towards the couch where The Maine guys sat, and took a seat next to the only open spot I could see. Of course, with just my luck, it was next to Garrett.

A Rocket to the Moon left, and The Maine were starting to get ready for their set. Garrett and I sat next to each other in silence.

Finally, The Maine were ready to take the stage. Everyone aside from Garrett left the room. "Don't you have somewhere to go?" I asked.

Garrett smiled lightly and shrugged. "Oh yeah."

He walked out of the room, leaving me feeling bubbly and confused. Before I turned around, Garrett darted back into the room and looked at me carefully. "I'm so confused, right now."

I laughed dryly. "You're telling me."

"I'm sorry for making out with you," He muttered under his breath. "but you were wrong."

"About what?"

"You said I didn't care about anything; that I didn't care about you. You said I didn't remember anything, and that nothing mattered to me."

I bit my lip, staring at him intently.

"If you think that then I'm more sorry than anything. I really cared about you, June."

"Enough to leave me."

"Yes. Of course." He said, leaving me appalled. "How was I to not let you go and do you're own thing. I'm not going to hold you back from you're future. I had faith in us, I just didn't want you to be miserable."

And before he could say anything else, I pushed my lips onto his as hard as I could and wrapped my arms around his neck. Why I was doing this- no idea. It was going to screw me over in the end, but god kissing him felt too good.

He pulled away, grinning. "I gotta go, but I'll meet you in your room tonight, okay?"

I nodded my head eagerly. "Ok."

And just like that, I was back to the old me.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

"Sorry that I'll be leaving you alone tonight."

I shrugged, digging through my suitcase in hopes to find something decent to wear. "No problem. Having a romantic night?"

"Oh, you could say that." Harper hummed.

I rolled my eyes and gagged. "Doing the dirty?"

She huffed and sat down on the bed next to me, watching me intently. "You just went from saying romantic to doing the dirty. What even?"

"Oh please, everyone in the entire world knows you're going to fuck."

"Ugh! Don't say it like that! You make us sound like horny bastards." Harper chuckled, shaking her head in the process.

I shrugged and made a face. "Hey, you've been fighting on and off- there is some obvious sexual tension in the air. I think you two are horny bastards."

She sighed heavily, but the joy was obvious. "Oh June. One day- one day you shall get laid."

"Fuck you." I chuckled, and continued searching.

"What are you looking for anyway?"

"Oh nothing."

Just as I said it, a knock on the door sounded. "There he is!" Harper squealed and I rolled my eyes.

"See you tomorrow morning. Make sure the sucker wraps himself."

Harper kicked me lightly in the back and walked to the room's door. I heard the two of them say hello and then they were off.

Now it was time to get ready.

I quickly took a shower using some of Harper's blueberry flavored soap and this really amazing smelling shampoo and conditioner she owns. I shaved-everywhere. Got out, blow dried my hair and straightened it. I put on some black mascara and eye liner and some of Harper's perfume.

I changed into the only pair of lacy bra and underwear I owned-although I'm not sure why-and then through on this over sized purple sweater and the shortest black shorts I could find. I had no idea what I was doing, but Jesus Christ was I freaking out.

Five minutes later, there was a knock on the door. My stomach nearly flew out the window. Sucking in a breath, I nearly ran to the door. I looked out the peephole to see the one and only Garrett Nickelsen.

I opened the door a little too eagerly, and smiling like an idiot. "Hi."

He smiled, "Hi."

"Come in."

He walked in and I closed the door behind him. "So I brought Star Wars and Dawn of the Dead."

My smile nearly fell. Fuck. Here we go.

He chuckled and shook his head after seeing me expression. "I only picked Dawn of the Dead because I really wanted to watch Star Wars. Don't worry."

"Phew. God." I muttered. "You know me too well."

He shrugs. "Maybe a little too well."

He popped Star Wars into the DVD player and we hopped up onto my bed. "John and Jared think I'm in Pat and Kenny's room and Pat and Kenny think I'm in John and Jared's room."

"So basically, if either one of them visits the other you're screwed."

"Pretty much." He laughed, and fuck, I was melting inside. "But, Pat and Kenny were knocked out when I left. And Jared was falling asleep too. The only person who was up was John. He was writing too. Which means he won't get up whatsoever."

"Well lucky you."

He looked at me for a second. "Lucky you."

My lip slipped out behind my teeth, causing my lips to purse. I smirked lightly, then turned my attention back to the television. Before I could even take a second to hear the narration, Garrett grabbed my sides and pulled me over to him.

We snuggled in closer to each other. He then whispered into my ear, "Is Harper coming back?"

I shook my head. "She's fucking Matt."

"Lucky us."

I turned towards him slowly, my eyes drowsy from looking at his blue eyes. I sucked in a shaky breath. Garrett leaned into me and I sunk onto my back. He was now hovering over me, his breath just as timid and rocky as mine.

"Can I kiss you?" He asked, his eyebrows raising lightly.

"Please." I nodded my head, reassuringly.

And he kissed me, and everything was wonderful again. Nothing happened to us. I had forgotten it all.

His hands clasped my sides and waist eagerly. He kissed my neck, and my lips, and my chest, and everywhere. I reached down and took my shirt off, and his eyes dazzled as I unclasped my bra. I bit my lip, looking at him for he had stopped and suddenly, I was afraid.

"What?" I asked, my eyes already stinging.

"You're amazing. You're perfect." He said, exasperated.

I sat up straight, placing a hand behind his neck and bringing him back down to me. We moved in sync and eventually, because they were annoying, I pulled my shorts off. Garrett nearly ripped his shirt off and we laid there, kissing and exploring each other.

We had never been this intimate before. Even when we went out. We only wondered what this was like.

Once again, Garrett was on top of me and I found him looking into my eyes. And now I knew what Harper was saying. I didn't want Garrett to fuck me. I wanted him to love me.

"Can we, Gare? Please- can we?" I said in between short kisses.

"I don't know." He replied, pulling away and looking at me.

"I need you." I breathed out.

"I don't want to hurt you."

I shook my head enthusiastically. "There is no way you could hurt me."

And it was by far stupid of me to say it since he had done so in the past, but I said it before. Because I loved Garrett still. I knew I did, I was just too scared to say it to his face, so I figured I would show it in another way.

"Are you sure?"

I grabbed his face and crashed his lips onto mine. I then pulled away, "I haven't been more sure about anything."