Forget It All

"A date, eh? You and Joel?"

Halvo would not give up. He continued pestering me the entire day and following me around and annoying the utter shit out of me. But I wouldn't give in. I went about my responsibilities and overall ignored him. Right now though, as I started to walk towards the buses I was beginning to just about have it.

I spun around quickly. "Yes, okay? It's not a big deal."

"Does John know?"

"I don't really fucking care." I quickened my pace, hoping I could lose him, but of course I couldn't. Halvo never gave up.

"So... how did this happen exactly? He just asked you out and...."

"I said no at first, but then I thought 'Why the fuck not?' so I told him yes. End of story."

He shrugged. "I don't know. You seemed pretty worked up when you told him. Did something happen?"

I stopped dead in my tracks upon observing the bus in front of me. Garrett and my brother sat outside of it in lawn chairs talking and laughing. Anger boiled inside of me. If only John knew what happened last night. Part of me wanted Garrett to look over at me, yet the other half wished for him to never acknowledge me again.

"Ah," Halvo cooed, "There's my answer."

I shook my head and continued marching forward. "You don't know anything, okay?"

"Please, June, I know everything."

That's when I snapped around, pointing a finger at Halvo aggressively. "You know what? I've just about had it with you. Can't you mind you're own fucking business for once? You're always all over me all the time and I can't fucking stand it anymore. I'm going insane! I don't want to be bothered and guess what- you still fucking bother me! Can't you get the message?"

I must have been louder than I thought because before I knew it, John was running over saying, "Hey, whoa, what's going on here?"

Halvo stared at me, his lips pouting softly. I sighed heavily and my shoulders fell. "Forget it." I mumbled, turned around, and continued walking to All Time Low's bus.

A couple steps later I could hear John's feet tapping on the pavement after me. He took hold of my arm and brought me towards him gently. Still, I kept walking. He walked with me. "June what's going on? You just exploded on Eric-you're best friend-and then in the elevator before you looked like you were going to kill me. Is everything okay?"

I couldn't tell John anything and it was pretty obvious why. Even if we had gotten over all of that in the past, it was weird. He hardly knew me anymore and to be honest, I hardly knew myself. I didn't know what I wanted and I was always so confused. Everything was unclear.

"Yeah. Everything is fine. I have to go."

He took a step in front of me. "I'm letting you go until you tell me something."

I lost my virginity last night to your best friend, told him I loved him, and he ended up screwing me over in a literal sense.

"I'm just stressed."

"You are so not."

I threw my hands up. "Fuck off."

"Does this have anything to do with Alex?"

I made a face. "No. Why would it have anything to do with him?"

John shrugged. "I don't know. Maybe you actually want to go out with him? If that's the case and-I don't know-you're scared of me, don't be. You can go out with him. He clearly gives a damn about you and for some reason I trust him."

I rolled my eyes. "I don't like Alex in that way."

"It's Garrett then. What happened."

"Nothing!" I started forward again.

John groaned and walked with me, "I'm only trying to help."

"I don't need any help. I told you that I'm just stressed out."

"We don't even communicate anymore."

I stopped and my shoulders fell. I ran a hand through my messy hair and my eyes stung. I looked up at my brother and sighed heavily. "I'm really sorry, John. It's just that I'm confused and I'm not sure coming on this tour was the best thing for me. I miss you and the guys, but-" I stopped myself.

"Garrett." John nodded his head.

"No," I let out a breath. "I mean, yeah, kind of. I don't even know!"

"Well, just know that we are all here."

I pursed my lips and thought for a moment. "I have a date with Joel Kanitz."

"Oh," John ran a hand through his hair and laughed lightly. "wow."

"Are you okay with that?"

My brother shrugged and sucked in a breath. "He's a decent guy. I'm sure he won't cause any trouble."

I smiled lightly. "Thanks for understanding."

"Turning over a new leaf."

"I see."

"Be safe."

"Don't worry about me."

"Why stop now?"

I rolled my eyes, laughed, and walked away.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I swallowed the knot in my throat as I observed myself in the mirror in front of me. I cocked an eyebrow and bit the inside of my cheek. I stared up and down, examining every area of my body carefully.

"Aren't you glad you borrowed one of my dresses? You look like sex."

I scratched the top of my head. "Yeah... that's the part that concerns me."

It had been a full week since I lost my virginity to Garrett and agreed to go out with Joel. He finally decided on a night where the guys didn't have a gig. I didn't have anything to wear because the only dress that I packed was already worn and I hadn't gotten the chance to wash it just yet. So, Harper decided to allow me to borrow one of her skimpy, small, red dresses.

"Let me do your makeup."

"I'll pass."

"Please?"

"I know how to do my own makeup!" I laughed, pulling out my eyeliner and applying it. After, I brushed a few strokes of mascara onto my eyelashes. Deciding to do something a little different, I added a silver eye shadow to my eye lids. Then, going out on a limb, I put on red lipstick.

"Wowzas!" Harper smiled widely and chuckled. "I guess you do know how to do your own makeup!"

"I've learned from the best." I winked.

"Oh," she placed a hand over her heart. "I'm honored."

Just then, the back lounges door opened, exposing Alex and Jack. "Damn girl!" Jack hollered and rushed towards me. "You look hot!"

I bit back a smile. "Thank you, Jack."

Jack plopped down on the couch and smiled up at Harper and I. Alex, however, stood in the same spot, the color draining from his face. Jack coughed, only making the moment much more difficult than it should be.

"I better get going." I walked past Alex, face to face. He gave me a weak smile that made my heart ache terribly. I hated the fact that I had hurt him so badly.

Harper followed me into the front lounge and we waited there until there was a knock on the tour bus's door. Harper opened it and greeted Joel. I wanted to get off the bus as soon as possible so Alex didn't have to face anymore torture. I rushed off, saying goodbye to Harper and grabbing Joel's hand.

"Hi!' I smiled.

"Hey!" He looked at my choice of clothing. "You look great."

I bit back a smile. "Thank you very much."

We were in California today, so naturally, there were many places to choose to go to. Joel took me to a lovely restaurant on the beach. We talk about our lives and who we were. It was nice to meet and talk to someone you didn't know. This whole summer so far I had been surrounded by my past. To face someone new was beyond refreshing.

"So I have to ask," He cleared his throat. "growing up with John was probably hard, wasn't it?"

I laughed lightly and shrugged. "Why would you say that?"

"Because, he has this little sister-"

I cut him off. "We're twins!"

"Get out! I don't believe you."

I parted my lips and widened my eyes. "Clearly fraternal, but we are twins. Same birthday and everything."

"Wow, well then. I figured it must have been hard for John to deal with all those guys falling in love with you."

I rolled my eyes. "God no! No one ever fell in love with me. I had one boyfriend and one boyfriend only."

"So that clearly drove John insane?"

"Well I'm sure the fact that my boyfriend was his best friend plays a large role."

"Given," Joel laughed lightly. "but I don't believe you. You must have had guys chasing after you."

I shook my head. "Oh no; not the least bit. But you, you must have gotten plenty of girls."

He shrugged. "I was kind of weird."

"I can see that."

"Hey! What the hell- I just complimented you and then-what even!?"

I laughed hysterically and shook my head."Okay, okay-I'm sorry!"

"Jeez- and I pegged you as a nice person."

"I am a wonderfully nice person."

He made a face, "Are you now?"

"Yes."

He sighed. "I believe you."

"Good."

We finished our dinner and then decided to walk along a busy boardwalk. Joel's hand slipped into mine and for once, everything wasn't dramatic or crazy. I wasn't stressed or worried anymore. All in all, it was peaceful, which is exactly what I needed. We watched kids running around us and teenagers hanging out. We played a couple of the carnival games and both of us lost miserably. Joel made fun of people as they walked on by and I laughed carelessly.

"Want to go to the beach?" He asked me, smiling.

And we went to the beach.

I kicked off my heels and buried my toes in the sand, sighing lightly. "This feels so nice."

He took off his shoes as well, then grabbing me around the waist and hoisting me into the air we fell onto the ground together, laughing like always.

"That hurt more than I thought it would." He muttered.

We ran down into the water and splashed around. I didn't care if Harper's dress got wet or if my makeup got messed up. I was carefree and it felt way too good. At one point, Joel stopped for a second and looked up at the sky.

"Orion's belt." He held up a finger and pointed out the three stairs aligned.

I remembered walking home from the bar that night and him pointing it out to me then as well. I smiled up at the night sky and sucked in the cool yet warm California air. Through the corner of my eye I watched Joel watch the sky. He was smiling like a little kid, which only made me smile like one as well.

"I feel so small." I laughed lightly although nothing was really funny about it all.

Joel took a step toward me and took hold of my hand. Within a second we were face to face and within another second he was cupping my face and kissing me gently. After several seconds I pulled away, "Do you... like me?" I asked, idiotically.

He shrugged lightly and nodded his head. "How could any guy not like you? You're the whole package."

I shook my head and looked down at the dark, settling water engulfing my feet. "I'm really not." Once again I laughed even though nothing was funny.

My head shot up quickly, "And I'm not trying to impose a pity party on myself either. I'm just a little messed up all the time and-"

Joel kissed me once more, his index finger and thumb holding up my chin. His lips were soft, gentle and careful. He was warm and caring and it made me feel like melting.

When he pulled away he said, "That's the best part about you. You're unique and not like every other girl in the world. You being a mess is sorta...... cute." He bit his lip.

"Oh," I laughed.

"We should probably go. It's pretty late."

"Okay."

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Joel dropped me off in front of All Time Low's bus and kissed me once more before leaving. Despite this, I didn't go inside the bus. I had business elsewhere that should have been taken a week ago.

I knocked on A Rocket to the Moon's bus door eagerly, sucking in a nervous breath along the way. Nick opened the door, his eyes nearly popping out of their sockets. "Hey..."

"Is Halvo here?"

Nick pressed his lips together and nodded his head. "Yeah. Come in."

The second I entered the bus I knew there was more than just one band on it. Sure enough, as I walked straight into the front lounge I noticed The Maine sitting on the couches enjoying some drinks and video games.

"June!" Jared called out, raising his arms.

I waved sheepishly. "Hi guys."

"What the fuck are you wearing?" John nearly spit out his drink.

I narrowed my eyes at him. "It's Harper's dress."

"Oh, you just came back from your date with Joel, didn't you?" Kennedy smirked.

I laughed lightly. "Yes, I did."

I spotted Garrett sitting on the edge of the couch next to John, looking at me. I could feel my cheeks heat up and I cleared my throat. "Where's Halvo? I have to talk to him."

Justin chuckled, "He fell asleep in the back about an hour. Good luck waking him up."

I sighed heavily. "I'll somehow manage. Thanks."

As I walked out of the front I heard someone say, "Damn, she's-" But before they could finished their sentence John, of course, cut them off with, "Shut your damn mouth."

I closed the back lounge's door behind me and sat down next to Halvo on the couch. He was out cold, but that didn't stop me from saying his name a couple of times. After awhile, I groaned and shook his shoulders lightly.

"Whaaaaaaattttt?" He groaned.

"I have to talk to you."

He peeled his eyes open and then sighed heavily. "So now you want me to speak?"

"Please. I'm really sorry and I can explain everything."

He rubbed his eyes and sat up straight. He eyed me curiously for a moment, then nodded his head. "How the big date go? Oh wait- I don't want to bother."

"Come on, Halvo, you know I love you and how I like to tell you things. Please. I need to explain what came over me. I'm sorry for being a huge dick."

He cracked a smile, "Fine. But really, how was the date?"

I stifled a smile. "Really good actually. Really really good."

He wiggled his eyebrows. "Look at you!"

I hit his shoulder lightly, "Oh shush. Now do you want to know why I was so pissy last week or not because I'm only saying this once and only once."

"Okay, okay-hit me."

I sucked in a breath. Just the thought of it all happening still caused my stomach to flip. Swallowing down the lump in my throat, I looked Halvo straight in the eyes and confessed, "Garrett and I had sex."

He didn't say anything. He just stared in awe, for moment forgetting how to breathe properly. He coughed lightly and then managed to get out a "Seriously?"

I nodded my head and then leaned back on the couch. "Oh, Halvo, it was so amazing. He was so good to me and everything about it was perfect. And we did it like five times within one night, it only getting better each time. And then me, being a complete asshole said that I loved him in mid-sex and he just fucking stopped what he was doing and didn't say anything. Then the next morning he went missing and Joel asked me out and I said no. And then, I found Gare in the elevator and he started kissing me and touching me and I got pissed and told him I wasn't going to do that. And after that is when I said yes to Joel- and holy fuck I'm going to hell, aren't I?!"

Tears hung on my cheeks like raindrops on a window. Halvo wrapped an arm around my shoulders and then another arm around my chest. He hugged me tightly and whispered lightly, "God, I'm so sorry."

I sniffled. "Please don't. It wasn't anything you did. It was just a boiling point and I couldn't deal with the thought of it."

"So is what you said true though- do you love him? Or did you just say that because you love having Garrett hump you endlessly?"

I croaked out a laugh and punched him lightly in the shoulder. "Both."

"You horny piece of meat!" His eyes widened. "Dear God- what would John think!"

I covered his mouth at just the thought. "He will never know." I hissed.

"Your lover is in the other room!" He whispered. "Don't you just want to go in there and bone him?"

"Shut up!" I hissed and shook my head. "You are destructive! Why would I ever tell you?!"

"Because you love me, remember?"

Rolling my eyes, I sat up straight and cleared my throat. "Part of me wants to hate him-and I should-but God, I know I'm still in love with him. And now there's Joel, and he's wonderful."

"Did you guys kiss?"

I nodded my head, embarrassed.

"Oh my god June O'Callaghan-you little whore!"

"I'm not a whore."

"Yeah.... you're not. I can let it slide since you were a conservative bitch last year and pretty much every other year of your life."

Sighing, I looked over at Halvo and sniffled once again. "Is it bad I want to have sex again?"

He shrugged. "No. But I'm sure Garrett does as well, especially after seeing you in that dress."

"He's so complicated though! I thought that after me yelling at him in the elevator he would at least do something. It's been a whole fucking week and all we do is have awkward and uncomfortable encounters."

"Well, that's Garrett for you in general."

"But he's been so weird since the beginning of tour."

"You are right, but I'm assuming it's because you're here, no offense or anything. But lately, something has been going on inside that head of his. Who knows? Making he's just fantasizing about you two having hot sex."

"Maybe."

"That's probably it. I know that's what you're thinking."

"Maybe."