Forget It All

"Look, if you're planning to see your ex-boyfriend you need to look somewhat presentable June."

Harper placed her hands on her hips and looked at me as if this was common sense. I looked down at my attire- a simple gray tank-top and black skinny jeans. This was how I dressed when I was with Garrett, so why couldn't I wear it now?

"What's wrong with this?"

She rolled her eyes and guided me outside. I followed her to the side of the bus where she opened one of the bottom compartments and pulled out my suitcase.

"You're not going to find anything fancy in there, if that's what you're looking for. We're on tour Harper, I packed accordingly."

She ignored me, digging through my clothing and sighing dramatically. "Damn," She muttered under her breath. "The fanciest thing you have in here is this dress and there's no way you can wear this tonight."

She clucked her tongue then puckered her lips. She pulled out my black cut off Gun's N Roses t-shirt and a pair of black high waisted shorts. "This is cute..... I guess. Garrett is into this kind of stuff anyway right? Like, vintage?"

I furrowed my brow. "How do you know that? And I don't know. Garrett mainly wore t-shirts and jeans- like me. We were in high school."

She shrugged. "You're right. But I think he is now. I've seen a couple pictures....."

I cocked an eyebrow and folded my arms over my chest.

A sigh escaped from he lips followed by a soft chuckle. "Fine. I did some research, okay?"

"You did research?" My arms fell and my mouth opened slightly.

"Yeah. I had to know what I was dealing with here."

I looked around, shaking my head. "What'd you do? Google him?"

"Guilty."

"God," I groaned. "You're a piece of work."

She shook her head, standing up holding my clothes. "Correction, you're a piece of work. Now put these on."

I grab the clothes from her and turned back to the front of the bus.

"Oh!" I turned at the sound of her voice. "And these!" She held out my favorite black, lace up combat boots.

I gladly took them. "Thanks."

"Anytime." She glowed. She loved doing this.

I dressed quickly, then went back outside and met up with Harper. We assembled boxes of merch and eventually found ourselves inside setting up a small booth. We hung up t-shirts and placed other clothing items on the wall in back of us. Up front on the counter we decided to put out bracelets and other small items.

I could see the stage from where I stood and I found my palms sweating. I anticipated their arrival at any moment. I could practically imagine them stepping out on the stage for sound check. It was bound to happen at some time. Halvo's band, A Rocket To The Moon already went through sound check and All Time Low just finished up. The future's events are inevitable.

"I think we're done here," Harper observed our station. "Wanna head back stage? We should probably get back out here in an hour and a half or so."

I nodded my head sheepishly. "Sounds good to me."

We went backstage- which was pretty much empty. Harper found Matt and clung to his side while I wandered around myself. I couldn't keep myself from moving around. I walked around aimlessly, sometimes hoping I would run into Halvo.

I found myself in a hallway leading to most of the dressing rooms. I past All Time Low's- who had their door wide open and was filled with many people. I then walked by a familiar logo. My eyes widended at the closed door and the cheap, computer paper on it.

The Maine was written on it. I stared at it closely, my eyes then dropping to the doorknob. I was so tempted just to open it.

I heard noises from the inside- some people shouting playfully, other laughing and a soft acoustic guitar playing.

"Can I help you?"

The voice startled me- causing me to jumped slightly and fall back. My head snapped to my left to find a skinny guy with long blonde hair. He sort of reminded me of John.

I smiled lightly. "Oh-sorry. I was just, uh-"

"Are you working here?"

I nodded my head eagerly then let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah. I work with All Time Low."

The guy stepped forward slightly, his eyes scanning the door I was just looking at. "Well, this is The Maine's dressing room. All Time Low's is the next over."

"Oh, yeah. I was just-"

"Unless you were planning to go into The Maine's room. In that case I was just heading in to say hi, why don't you come along?"

I put up my hand, shaking my head. "Oh no, that's okay. I should be getting back to work anyway."

He raised an eyebrow. The amused look on his face made me feel self conscious and embarrassed.

"I'm Joel by the way."

He stuck out his hand, which I shook. "June."

"Well, it was nice to meet you. I'll see you around."

"Yeah, bye." I muttered and walked away in a daze, flustering my way through the hall. I ran a hand through my hair. Well, I feel like and idiot.

I walked into All Time Low's dressing room and was immediately greeted with a chorus of 'Hey's!" and "June!'s" and "Where have ya been all day's!".

I waved sheepishly and smiled lightly and no where near meaningful. I walked over to the couch, flopping down on it and letting out an exasperated breath.

I didn't even notice Alex sitting beside me, holding a cup of whatever. I groaned loudly as he smirked down at me.

"So when's the big reunion?" He took a sip from the infamous red cup.

I looked up at him in a "pissed off- confused" type of looked. I furrowed my brow. "What are you talking about?" I groaned, not wanting to deal with him right now.

"You know, with John?"

I sucked in a deep breath and let it out steadily. "Don't know."

"Oh yeah," Another sip. "Well, I would like to be a part of it. You know? Like we could do something funny and-"

I cut Alex off, shaking my head. "No offense Alex, but I rather not."

He puckered his lips to the side and nodded his head, looking off in the distance of the room. I sighed heavily, feeling guilty. "It's just that John and I haven't talked in a while and just," I shook my head, hating the fact that above all people I had to explain this to him. "It's just that I don't know how happy he's going to be that I'm here. And that I haven't made an effort to talk to him since February."

"Ah, the whole 'protective brother thing'. I gotcha." Alex nodded his head. "And as for the whole dysfunctional family drama I understand. My family is sort of fucked up as well."

I shrugged. "It's not even that. It's just that we were so close last year and now we're just...... not. And I think he doesn't appreciate that too much."

"Afraid you're getting it on with guys at parties."

I chuckled. "Please, John would never guess in a million years half the shit I did this year."

Alex gave me a funny look. "You weren't that bad. I've met people a lot worse."

"Yeah, well, I used to be an anti-social, un-confident, pretty much loser of a human being."

"I highly doubt that."

I shrugged. "Believe what you want."

I heard a group of people shuffle down the hallway. From the corner of my eye I could see them holding instruments. I swallowed hard, already knowing who it was.

"The Maine is going to sound check." Alex elbowed my lightly. "Maybe now's the time?"

Despite the voices in my head and heart telling me "No", my body was pulled off the couch and I found myself standing. Harper looked up at me from across the room. I nodded my head at her, which she did back.

It was now or never.

*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

I walked backstage, eyes wide and with steady breaths. I didn't dare look to the side of the stage. I couldn't bare to. They were out there. They were playing- no vocals, just instruments.

I was alone. I didn't allow Harper to come with me. She would just be out of place anyway- although that sounds like a terrible thing to say.

I found myself gnawing at my lip- a habit I used to have back in high school. Over the year though it seemed to have vanished. I cursed myself under my breath for being so dependent on it. It was like a life boat to me. An alternative safety. By biting my lip I knew I was still alive. Which was a nightmare and a blessing all at once.

I sat on the couch backstage, refusing from looking at the guys. All I did was soak in their music. I knew some of the songs, but of course they didn't play all of them- it was only sound check.

I nearly whelped when John's voice echoed into the microphone singing Whoever She Is. He finally got to the one line that made me almost loose it.

"It rained all of May till to the month of June."

I shut my eyes tightly, sucking in air through my nose allowing it to fill my lungs. This managed to calm me down, but I was still anxious. My feet continued tapping non-stop to the beat playing and also to my own heart rate.

How was I going to do this?

The music stopped abruptly and John's laughter filled the microphone. "Fuck, Garrett." He laughed and I froze in my seat- my feet stopping, my heart stopping.

I hear Garrett's soft laugh without the mic. I didn't know what he did, but quite frankly, it didn't matter to me. He was here. He was near me.

I gulped and stood up once again biting my lip ferociously.

"I think that's good enough." I heard Pat's voice and my heart stopped.

Pat. Oh my god, Pat. I missed him.

I heard the guys set their equipment down and I found myself panicking. Shit. Shit. Shit.

I ran.

I strutted out of the room, ashamed, but at the same time completely desperate. I stopped in the hallway, backing myself up against the wall. I sucked in deep breaths.

Their voices filled the room I was in moments ago.

"Johno!"

That was Garrett. I knew it was.

The guys continued talking and shouting and doing god know's what until I heard Garrett's voice once again. "Damn, I need to sleep. Do you think I have enough time before the set?"

"Yeah, you got a good two hours." Jared. My heart filled. Jared, the voice of reason. Jared, the poor guy that was cheated on by Darry. The guy that never deserved to be hurt.

"Alright. Someone wake me up- I'm going back to the bus."

I started breathing quickly again, afraid that Garrett was going to exit through this way. I waited a couple minutes, but no sign. I let out a breath and closed my eyes.

I need to do this.

I walked towards the rooms entrance, sucking in a deep breath and-

"Ow!" I smacked, head on right into someone. I closed my eyes in pain and held a hand to my head. "Dammit."

"Aw man," The familiar voice said.

My eyes flickered open to find Kennedy Brock standing in front of me, holding his forehead in pain. "I'm sorry." He said, before looking up.

I suddenly wasn't scared anymore. I only cared about having him back. Having my friend back.

Kennedy looked up at me, the forgiving smile plastered on his lips soon faded and his eyes grew wide. It took him a moment to form the words but he finally did.

"June?"

His voice was low, but upon registering the words said a giant smile planted itself upon his face. He threw his arms around me, almost doubling me over, but I simply laughed and hugged him back tightly.

Despite the happy reunion, the haunting silence in the dressing room scared the crap out of me. We broke away from the hug and Kennedy grabbed my arm, pulling me into the dressing room.

Once I was inside, I was attacked.

"JUNE!!!" Pat threw himself on top of me and then repeatedly shook me back and forth. "OH MY GOD!!!!"

"Hi Pat!" I laughed at him, unable to remove the smile on my face

Pat eventually fell off me and I practically jumped into Jared arms, hiding my face in his chest. "It's really good to see you." I said.

He ruffled my hair. "You too. But, uh, before you explain anything....."

I backed away and nodded my head, knowing what he was getting at. I looked over at my brother in the corner. His eyes nearly tearing a hole through me. I shrugged and smile sheepishly at him.

I held out my arms. "Surpriseee?" I sang skeptically.

John's tense stance soften, as well as his eyes. His licked his lips and shook his head. Suddenly, he let out a breath and laughed lightly. "I don't even wanna know." he mumbled before rushing over to me.

He hugged me tightly, picking me up and spinning me- something he was unable to do a year ago. This wouldn't have worked- I was pretty tall as it was anyway.

"Have you been working our or something?" I asked.

He shrugged. "Just a bit."

We stood there silently, not sure what to say or who should apologize. I noticed the guys had exited the room.

"We haven't talked since-"

I cut him off. "February."

John nodded his head. "I'm sorry."

"I'm sorry too."

John looked at me with sympathetic eyes. Why was I so scared of this? He was my brother- the one who cared about me and well, needed me. That's what he told me last year. I needed him just as much though.

"Shane says hi." I gave him a sheepish smile.

John laughed lightly. "I suppose he's mad that he's stuck at that camp all summer."

"Oh, he is."

John nodded his head and glanced around the room. He sighed heavily. "Alright. We need to stop beating around the bush. Why the fuck are you here?"

I scratched my head. "Well, I sorta got a job."

"A job?"

"With All Time Low."

John groaned and sat down on the couch. "You shouldn't be on tour. This isn't a place for-"

"John," I stopped him, narrowing my eyes. "we've been over this."

"Well, you're pretty feisty today, aren't ya." He mumbled under his breath.

"You're just afraid I'll see the 'tour' side of you."

He rolled his eyes. "There is no side June."

"Then why do you care?"

He sighed heavily and stood up. "Do you know I've had guys come right up to my face and blatantly tell me how 'hot' and 'fuckable' my sister is? And these are guys I tour with! First of all, I don't know how you've met half these guys- probably from hanging out with All Time Low or something. Second, I have to be held back from beating the shit out of these guys. Not to mention it bugs the crap out of Garrett too. And thirdly-"

"Garrett?" My head popped up, but John ignored me, continuing on with his rant.

"It just scares me. How do I know that you're going to be okay on this tour? Guys are going to want to ask you out and do bad shit and-"

I cut him off. "I know you're protective and you know I appreciate it. But I went through a whole year and look at me- I'm fine. I'll be okay John. I promise."

He ran a hand through his untamed hair and sighed. "Fine," His eyes locked with mine. "But don't be surprised if I'm an over protective bitch. We're not in high school anymore, alright? We're on tour."