The Time Capsule
Chapter Five
Selena
I don’t know how much longer I can last with James. He’s like devils spawn and I just can’t stand it. It’s not even about how much he hurt me, but just how he treats women in general. I hate him so much and I hate myself for ever letting him affect me the way he did. What did I even see in him?
It’s bad enough that I was stuck on this trip with him. But because of Gregs’ need for the isle seat and Ambers need for the window, I had to sit next to him.
“Hey Selena,” James says for the millionth time. I look up at him annoyed.
“what do you want James?”
“to talk.” He answers. Amber and Greg were both asleep, not wanting to mess up their sleep schedules. So it was just James and I left to talk.
“you’re the last person I ever want to talk to.” I smile at him to add emphasis, lying about that. My ex-husband is actually the last person, James is a close second though.
“see, you’re smiling. Which means you’re lying.” He points out, “I did pay attention Selena, I wasn’t a total ass.”
“no, but you were about ninety-five percent of one.” I thought that might make him smirk or at least roll his eyes. But no, James Watson looked as serious today as the day he broke my heart.
“you can ignore the subject all you want Selena, but something happened to you these past sixteen years, and I’m going to find out what it is.”
I stare at him for a moment, hoping he’d back down. I didn’t want him looking me up. I didn’t want him finding out about my alcoholic and abusive husband, about my past. “just drop it James.”
“no, I won’t drop it.” His eyes showed worry but I swear I couldn’t be reading them right. James never worried or cared about a soul.
“this is just another way of yours to mess with me. you don’t care, so drop the subject.” I go back to my book then, wanting to ignore his stare. But he wouldn’t have it. He put a finger under my chin and gently forced me to look at him again.
“you won’t let me call you by your nick name, you cringe whenever you see me take a sip of beer and every time any guy touches you it’s obvious that you’re scared to death. you smile when you lie, which you did just now and back at my place when you said your life has been perfect. Don’t tell me that I don’t care Selena because you’re the only person I’ve ever cared for. And don’t tell me to drop it because that just proves to me more that you’re hurting.” I jerk my head away from him and back to my book, not wanting to think about what he just said.
He was right, to my dismay, about everything. I hated that he knew me so well and that he cared. If he cared. I grab the pillow and lean on Ambers shoulder, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to cry and this was the only way I could think to keep my self from it.
When I was on the brink of sleep, I felt a warm breath on my skin. “I’m sorry,” James whispered in my ear, “about everything.”
‘I’m sorry.’ Two very simple words. Well, three if you count the apostrophe and ‘m’. They’re tossed around so much these days that it’s almost useless to say. There doesn’t have to be meaning behind the words, or thought. They are just said because it seems right. We apologize for our own actions, whether we feel as if they were right or wrong, apologize to a family when a loved one dies, and even apologize to inanimate objects. How many times a day do we say ‘I’m sorry?’ and how many times do we actually mean it?
But for James Christopher Watson it was different. He didn’t apologize. Not for hurting someone, not when a loved one died, not even to inanimate objects. It wasn’t in his blood to do so. His parents never said the words, nor did his siblings, cousins, aunts…no one said those two simple words. Not unless something terrible happened. But what’s nice about never saying it, or rarely saying it, is that when people like that do say the words, it’s sincere.
So when James whispers those two little words in my ear, I know that not only was it the hardest thing for him to do, but that he was telling the truth. He was sorry for everything. Everything he did to me as a child. Everything he did to me that summer. Everything he caused to happen to me and everything that has happened to me that he doesn’t know about.
He’s sorry for it all.
I don’t know how much longer I can last with James. He’s like devils spawn and I just can’t stand it. It’s not even about how much he hurt me, but just how he treats women in general. I hate him so much and I hate myself for ever letting him affect me the way he did. What did I even see in him?
It’s bad enough that I was stuck on this trip with him. But because of Gregs’ need for the isle seat and Ambers need for the window, I had to sit next to him.
“Hey Selena,” James says for the millionth time. I look up at him annoyed.
“what do you want James?”
“to talk.” He answers. Amber and Greg were both asleep, not wanting to mess up their sleep schedules. So it was just James and I left to talk.
“you’re the last person I ever want to talk to.” I smile at him to add emphasis, lying about that. My ex-husband is actually the last person, James is a close second though.
“see, you’re smiling. Which means you’re lying.” He points out, “I did pay attention Selena, I wasn’t a total ass.”
“no, but you were about ninety-five percent of one.” I thought that might make him smirk or at least roll his eyes. But no, James Watson looked as serious today as the day he broke my heart.
“you can ignore the subject all you want Selena, but something happened to you these past sixteen years, and I’m going to find out what it is.”
I stare at him for a moment, hoping he’d back down. I didn’t want him looking me up. I didn’t want him finding out about my alcoholic and abusive husband, about my past. “just drop it James.”
“no, I won’t drop it.” His eyes showed worry but I swear I couldn’t be reading them right. James never worried or cared about a soul.
“this is just another way of yours to mess with me. you don’t care, so drop the subject.” I go back to my book then, wanting to ignore his stare. But he wouldn’t have it. He put a finger under my chin and gently forced me to look at him again.
“you won’t let me call you by your nick name, you cringe whenever you see me take a sip of beer and every time any guy touches you it’s obvious that you’re scared to death. you smile when you lie, which you did just now and back at my place when you said your life has been perfect. Don’t tell me that I don’t care Selena because you’re the only person I’ve ever cared for. And don’t tell me to drop it because that just proves to me more that you’re hurting.” I jerk my head away from him and back to my book, not wanting to think about what he just said.
He was right, to my dismay, about everything. I hated that he knew me so well and that he cared. If he cared. I grab the pillow and lean on Ambers shoulder, closing my eyes. I didn’t want to cry and this was the only way I could think to keep my self from it.
When I was on the brink of sleep, I felt a warm breath on my skin. “I’m sorry,” James whispered in my ear, “about everything.”
‘I’m sorry.’ Two very simple words. Well, three if you count the apostrophe and ‘m’. They’re tossed around so much these days that it’s almost useless to say. There doesn’t have to be meaning behind the words, or thought. They are just said because it seems right. We apologize for our own actions, whether we feel as if they were right or wrong, apologize to a family when a loved one dies, and even apologize to inanimate objects. How many times a day do we say ‘I’m sorry?’ and how many times do we actually mean it?
But for James Christopher Watson it was different. He didn’t apologize. Not for hurting someone, not when a loved one died, not even to inanimate objects. It wasn’t in his blood to do so. His parents never said the words, nor did his siblings, cousins, aunts…no one said those two simple words. Not unless something terrible happened. But what’s nice about never saying it, or rarely saying it, is that when people like that do say the words, it’s sincere.
So when James whispers those two little words in my ear, I know that not only was it the hardest thing for him to do, but that he was telling the truth. He was sorry for everything. Everything he did to me as a child. Everything he did to me that summer. Everything he caused to happen to me and everything that has happened to me that he doesn’t know about.
He’s sorry for it all.