Not Your Every Razorblade Romance...

If you're under the impression I'm alright
I guess you never noticed, I guess you might have known
I've been holding this together for so long
But I guess you might have noticed, well, I guess you
The beast within the burden is all mine
A product of his father, a slave to his bride
I feel I need to reveal my true stripes
But the bitch of all this trouble here waits behind the wind to find out
You set me up to leave me, you wanted to feel
Shallow love, shallow lives
Every word you speak of what you wanted from me
Wanted from me, yeah
I'm sinking more and more into my lies
Now home is just a pinprick in the vastness of my life

Well I feel the pressure, feel the pleasure, feel the pain, you're not alone
Well I feel the pleasure, feel the pain, feel the pain
You set me up to leave me, you wanted to feel
Shallow love, shallow lives
Every word you speak of what you wanted from me
Wanted from me, yeah
Realizations, I am not what you thought I was
You change directions every time someone judges us
In moderation, what was once us now never was
You change directions every time someone judges us
You set me up to leave me, you wanted to feel
Shallow love, shallow lives
Every word you speak of what you wanted from me
You wanted from me, yeah
Set me up to leave me
You set me up to leave me
Realizations, I am not what you thought I was
In moderation, what was once us now never was…’You Might Have Noticed/The Academy Is…

I had still had not heard from Ville. I was beginning to become worried. I went through the motions of life. I hung out with Miracles more. She was one spicy character. I was working at night mostly, barely getting sleep before the sun rose over the horizon. I wrote like mad at the late evening hours. During the day I made coffee, filed, took calls and licked stamps and sent the mail. My characters kept me up all night, their voice crowding my mind. My fingers taped and ticked away making plenty of errors, but the blood was pumping in my chest and I knew what I was writing was good.
I was in one such midnight writing frenzy when my phone began to ring. My heart skipped a beat as I reached over to turn down my ipod and grab my cell. My heart jumped again when I saw who was calling.

“Hello…Ville?” I answered in a soft tone, my mouth felt dry.

“Oh Miriah, it’s so nice to hear your voice…” I shuddered when those words floated into my ear.

“Oh It’s just as wonderful for me to hear you…” ’oh god…I’m so corny!’ I cleared my throat, “I was just writing-“

“Oh no…I hope I didn’t disturb you…”

“No, no, no, Not at all! I needed a break…If I don’t stop at some point I’ll be at it all night.” I blushed realizing what could be read into what I said…or maybe I was just sexually frustrated.

“You know…I can do that too, writing music sometimes…I’ll just lose myself and then it’s morning.”

“Yes, yes, you understand…” I smiled and was so happy that he called me.

“I want to see you…” ’He read my mind!’

“I-um-…I mean, yes, of course…”

“Tonight? Your place?” My jaw dropped and almost dropped the phone.

“…Yes. Yes, what time?”

“Right now?” I made a face and tried to stay calm. I glanced at the clock on my lap top, it was 9:51 PM. I had at least ten minutes before he got here.

“Yes, that’s perfect…”

“I’ll see you in a few minutes.”

“Bye.”

I jumped up from my sofa and started to clean up the pillows and blankets and cups that were lying around. I put everything away at top speed and ran upstairs to my loft. I stood before my closet and stripped my nightgown off and tossed it in the bin. I grabbed the first thing in my closet and saw it was my burgundy lace dress. It was long with a flair skirt and low neck line. I pulled it on and glanced in the mirror. I still had makeup on and after removing my hair clip I found my hair looked great, curly and full and wild. I lost my fuzzy red socks and went barefoot running back down stairs to light some candles and get the wine out.

I had two glasses and two red pillar candles burning on the glass coffee table alongside the bottle of wine. ’I hope that this wasn’t too much…’I went to turn on the stereo. It was The Academy Is…’You might have noticed’ That was ironic.

Ville knocked and I answered the door, I felt my knees go weak when he rush to pull my close and wrap his arms around my tightly. I held him just as tight, and I felt him kiss my check. We stepped back from each other for a moment and closed the door.

We sat down on the loveseat and he held my hands in his. He was gone a few days without shaving but he still looked lovely. His hair was wild and a little dirty and he had last night’s eyeliner still under his eyes. He wore a blazer with a hole in the arm and a faded tee-shirt with a black of black jeans and boots that had seen better days.

“How have you been? I’ve been so busy with this tour…I’m about to leave-next week. I’ll stay in touch, I’ll call you…if that’s okay…” He looked into my eyes in a way that made me want to forget that he was Ville and that I was Miriah. That we were together in a world when I could lean over and kiss him.

“Of course you can… I hope you have fun recording and don’t get too stressed out. I’ve been doing okay myself…not getting much sleep, but the good thing is that I’ve got so much more of my novel done.”

“That’s fantastic.”

“I’ve really missed talking to you though…I’m glad you’re here.” Ville sighed and leaned back.

“Yeah, it is nice…I hate to bring you down…but could you listen to me tell you about Joanna?” I was on guard.

“If you want to,” I shrugged, “Sure.”

“I’m sorry but I don’t know what to do…”

“End it if you’re not happy…” Ville looked at me as if to say: “It’s not that simple.”

“I would if I could…every time I think I have the balls…I just can’t. I’m so sorry that I dragged you
into this. I just want you to know that.” I smiled and squeezed his hands.

“It’s okay, it’s worth it to know you. So when can I see you and your band?”

~*~

A few hours later Ville and Miriah were tipsy and sharing childhood stories. They were laying together on the soda, limbs tangled.

“No, no, you did not puke on her!” Mirirah exclaimed, disgust on her face. Ville nodded and laughed.

“Yes, and she never talked to me again after that…”

“I wonder why…” She rolled her eyes.

Ville looked down at her face leaning against his chest. She was so pretty, and she was so…’No, Ville you can’t…’ However, despite his thoughts he couldn’t help but be drawn to her lips.

“Ville?” She muttered.

“Yes?”

“Where is Joanna, and why isn’t she here?” Ville sighed. He didn’t want to think about her anymore tonight. He wanted to get lost in her, wanted to hear her voice and touch her hair and skin.

“She’s out of town…for work. We had a big fight before she left…I think she broke up with me but now she keeps calling me and so I turned my phone off…”

“Ville! You can’t do that! You at least need to talk to her and break it off for good!” Ville looked at Miriah and knew she made sense…

“You’re right…can we talk about something else now, please?”

“Okay…”