I Need You

Zeke.... Or Hale.... Or Zeke.... Or Hale! Dear lord this is terrible. Zeke is sexy, and an amazing friend. Oh! And that accent is to die for. But Hale... Oh Hale, he's just... god I can't even explain it... He's everything to me. But I can't choose him first.... That'll make Zeke feel left out... But I might break Hale's heart. But Zeke will be lonely. But Hale is my first love. But Zeke is supposed to be my second.

Supposed to... That doesn't mean he is. Or is he? His love is different than Hale's... Hale is strong for me, and it feels like fire when we touch. Zeke is... a temptation to stray from my morals. But it doesn't count now because we're all dating... Right? No, because one of them will always feel left out. And I can't stand to see Hale sitting all alone if I cuddle with Zeke... Zeke looking lonely is more... tolerable. But I still feel so terrible!

"Eff my life!" I shouted out loud and clutched my head in my hands. I was standing in or dorm. Zeke and Hale both had their arms stretched out to me, inviting me to sit on their laps. The kicker is that they were on separate couches. How was I supposed to choose?

The answer to that question is that I didn't. I choose the recliner and they both looked rejected. My hear shattered a little. This is all my fault. If I never showed up Hale and Zeke could have lived happily ever after. But I had to show up here and complicate everything. I'm such a terrible person. Why did I even have to be born? Why couldn't Hale have been the only child? Then we would never have to have been split up and nothing bad would happen.

But instead I ruined his friendship with Hillary, destroyed any chance at a relationship between him and Zeke, and ruined his reputation by having us being voted Prom King and Queen. Maybe if I just end it now nothing else will happen.

I mechanically stood up and walked into the bathroom. There's got to be a razor in here somewhere. It won't hurt that bad, just one cut across the neck and I'll be gone, out of their lives forever. Then they can live happily ever after, and all these conflicting feelings will stop.

No more guilt, no more difficult classes, no more pain. I would be free forever.

I pulled the drawer open and, with a shaky hand, grabbed the razor. It wasn't very sharp so it may take a couple tries, but I was okay with that. As long as I'm out of their lives. I raised the dull metallic points to my neck, but just before I could do anything Hale stopped me.

He ripped the razor out of my and and threw it on the ground. His eyes were full of worry. This is the reason I shouldn't be here. He'd never have to worry about me again. I'm just a burden to him.

"What were you going to do?" He asked, gently putting his hands on my shoulders.

"Make your life easier." I felt tears trickling down my face.

"You thought killing yourself was the answer?" His voice was rough, as if he, himself, was on the edge of tears. I nodded slightly.

"You'd never have to worry about me again. You could go and be friends with Hillary again, and you and Zeke could live-' I couldn't say it. I couldn't bring myself to say that he'd be happy with someone other than me.

"I never worry but I'd always mourn." He told me. "I'd cry everyday, I wouldn't care who saw. Hillary is dead to me... And we covered her in feathers and honey remember? And Zeke... You've ruined me for anyone else. I know we're trying this whole threesome thing, but too hard to choose. One of will always be lonely. Or jealous?" I didn't answer. He was lying to make me feel better. I tried to grab the razor again. He wasn't going to stop me.

Before I could grab it he wrap his arms around me. Forcing me to stand straight and ruining any chance I had to grab the razor. He pressed his face into the crook of my neck and I felt his silent tears soaking my shirt.

"Please don't." He whispered. "I can't go back to my old life. I hid everything. You don't know what it's like to bottle up your feelings for ten years. I need you." I finally moved from my ridged position and wrapped my arms around him.I let tears free fall from my eyes. I felt the depression slowly lifting, I tried to fight it back but it seemed like a little managed to hang above my head.

"I love you so much. It hurts me, dear." He whispered again. Laughed, feeling the last of my depression evaporate.

"Taking relationship advice from Falling in Reverse?" I hugged him tighter.

"Mm-hmm." He smiled at me.

"At least your not a vampire." I quoted a song.

"No, but I feel like one, especially after the party." We laughed again and then continued to the other room. I convinced Hale to sit with next to Zeke and I threw my legs over top both of their laps. This will work out. I hope.

But it's hard to stay positive. The other two seem to think I haven't noticed anything. They think I don't see how they've been acting strangely. They both think they know this won't work. They also both think they know I'm so innocent and think everything is just perfect. But when I think of relationships... I think of marriages, and when I think of marriages I think of Hale. It's automatic. I know I can only marry one, but I wish I could marry two, but Hale always comes to mind. I see him, standing at the altar, smiling brilliantly at me.

Well at least I used to... Recently it's been easy to replace Hale with Zeke. It used to be Hale; only Hale. It didn't seem possible to put anyone else there. But now... he's so easy to replace and it makes me worried.

What if I change my mind? What if I break Hale's heart? What if I break Zeke's? FML!