A League of Villains

"Hello everyone! Thank you for participating in bring your family to work day! I'm sure it'll be fun." Ganondorf rolled his eyes. "As you could probably see, we have gained a new member. His name is Dr. Doofenschmirtz, and he brought his daughter Vanessa with him for his first day."

"Zant, what is the point of this?" Ganondorf snapped, crossing his arms. Next to him his daughter did the same. "It's stupid." Demise started to chuckle. "What?!"

"You think everything is stupid."

"Yeah... and how is that funny." Demise just rolled his eyes.

"The point of bring your family to work day is so we all get to know each other better." I said, looking around the room. Darth Vader's children were looking around suspiciously.

"Does reminding yourself that you don't have a family depress you?" Vaati asked. I ignored him and the others sniggering at my expense. "Anyway, today instead of doing what we usually do, we're going to introduce our families! Who wants to go first?"

"OH! Ganondorf does!" Vaati said loudly.

"No. I don't. Why don't you go, if you're so excited Vaati."

"Because I know you want to go first. I can just tell these things." Ganondorf glared at him. Rabia elbowed Ganondorf in the side.

"If you do it now you can sit here and be moody for the rest of the day." Ganondorf thought about this for a minute.

"... Fine. I have two kids and a wife. There." He seemed pleased with himself.

"Please elaborate for us Ganondorf." He grumbled.

"Fine... You all already know her," he motioned to Rabia, "and this is my son." He looked over at Vaati and fake coughed. "Just saying. And this is my daughter, Kabira." He looked over at the small gerudo girl between him and Rabia.

"Awww your kids are so cute!" Shadow Link said. Vaati glared at him.

"They are not cute," Ganon replied.

"Fine... then they're ugly!" Shadow said. Ganondorf glared at him.

"Do you WANT to die?!"

"Well I said they were cute..."

"Moving on! Vaati, would you care to go next?" I asked. Vaati grabbed Shadow by his sleeve and pulled him up as he stood. He motioned to Shadow.

“This is Shadow!” he said proudly with a grin. Half of the table facepalmed. Shadow grinned as well.

“I think they know that, Master,” he said. “And this is my totally hot girlfriend, Midna.” He patted Midna on the head, who sat beside him in silence looking off in annoyance. Vaati then motioned to the red-headed girl beside him.

“And this is my totally...” Vaati trailed off and hesitated for a moment before continuing. “...my totally nice wife Malon!” Malon smiled sweetly and gave everyone a small wave. He then motioned to the baby sitting on Malon’s lap. “And this is my awesome son Vaati II. Yeah, he’s pretty cool. He spilled Cheerios everywhere yesterday, it was pretty amazing.” He nodded proudly. Shadow coughed twice.

“His name isn’t actually Vaati II, it--” he began.

“Yes it is! Vaati is a great name so therefore that is his name!”

“Really? Wow...” Ganondorf began sarcastically. “It certainly is a nice name. What does it mean in your native language again?” Vaati fell silent and narrowed his eyes at the man. “Oh, right ; it’s another word for mouse. A very fitting name for both you and your son, I agree.” Both Vaati and Shadow sat back down with a glare as giggles sounded from around the table. I tried to break the tension by clearing my throat loudly and nodding.

“What a lovely family, Vaati and Shadow. Now, who would like to go next?” I said, folding my hands on the table.

"I will." Scar said, flicking his tail. "This is my lover, Zira and my adopted son, Kovu." The lioness flicked her tail and regarded us with boredom. Kovu, a small lion cub, looked at us all curiously.

"Awe! He's so cute and fluffy!" Rabia gushed, giggling as the kitten playfully swatted his mothers tail.

"Darth Vader, would you like to go next?" I asked. He sighed.

"I suppose I could amuse you all with your trivial nonsense." Darth Vader said, standing up and gesturing to the people behind him. "These are my children, Luke and Leia. Luke is a Jedi and Leia is a princess. They both hate me because I am evil. The end." He sat back down.

"Well... um... very nice! I can see Luke has your... um... nose! Yeah!" There was an awkward silence. "Okay, moving on... Demise?" He pointed at the girl next to him.

“Medli." We all stared at him, expecting more information. "That's it. Her name is Medli."
"Okay... um... Ghirahim?"

"This is Marin, who I stole from Ganondorf!" He said with a grin. Ganondorf glared at him. "She has red hair! And... yeah... I think Jafar should go next..." Jafar stood up and brushed his cloak back.

"Yes, well... I am not married to anyone, but I am dating Ursula. I don't have children either, but Iago is almost like a son to me." He sat back down.

"Oh! I didn't know that you and Ursula had a thing." I sighed. "Oh well, anyone... Murtagh, introduce us to your girlfriend." He smiled and stood up, then pointed at the pretty blonde next to him.

"This is Elizabeth! The most perfect and beautiful, wonderfullist person in the world!"

"Awww, Taggy!" She squealed, kissing his cheek. I coughed.

"Sephiroth! Go."

"Mom." he pointed to a test tube behind his chair. "Her name is Jenova. Yep."

"Well... now we need something to do." I said lamely.

"You should KNOW what to do considering you're the one who invited us here." Darth Vader said.

"Since there's nothing to do, I'm going to leave." Ganondorf said as he stood. "Have a nice day. Just kidding I hope you die." Rabia grabbed his arm and made him sit back down.

"You're not leaving, and BE NICE!" she said, flicking his cheek. He glared at her and crossed his arms. "Sorry about him, he's on his man-period... permanantly..."

“TWISTERRRRRRRRRRR!!!!” Shadow Link cried, fist pumping in the air. There was a silence.

“No,” Ganondorf said. Rabia glared at him.

“Yes,” she said. Shadow took Midna by the arm and and attempted to drag her from her seat.

“Come on, twilight kissy boo!” Shadow said, still trying to pull her from her seat. “Come play Twister!”

“Twilight what?” Demise asked. Midna sighed and slid lower in her seat, trying to bat her boyfriend away.

“No, no one else is playing yet. Just wait,” she whispered to him. Sighing, he sat back down. I looked around the table.

“.....Well, what are we going to do?” I asked. Rabia raised her hand politely. I looked around confused before pointing to her. “Yes?”

“Yhahahahahahahhsgdghfasghfdueuyeyeyegheheheheheh,” she said. Ganondorf burst out into laughter as his wife, who sat with a small book in her hand, gave him a glare. “What? Did I not say that right?” Still, he laughed so hard he was nearly crying. Everyone else looked around confused. After a moment, Ganondorf wiped a tear from his eye and cleared his throat.

“Sorry... I have no idea what you just tried to say,” he said. Rabia glared at him again.

“Well excuse me!” She looked at me. “I’ve been TRYING to learn some Gerudo language and seriously failing... It’s because his mothers are trying to teach me, I swear!” I blinked.

“THAT was supposed to make sense?” I asked in shock. Ganondorf burst into laughter again as Rabia hit him in the arm.

“Yes, Zant!”

“Well, what was that supposed to mean?” I asked.

“I TRIED to say that we should play Twister or Rockband!” she said with a pout. Ganondorf then started laughing so hard he fell out of his chair, quite ungracefully, onto the stone floor. Rabia kicked him. “At least I TRIED! You try learning MY native language and then we’ll see whose laughing!” She folded her arms in anger. He pulled himself back up, dusting off his coat. He cleared his throat.

“Actually, I CAN speak your native language ; six dialects of it, in fact. Should I show you an example?” he asked. She glared at him.

“.....No,” she answered, throwing her shoe at him. “How did you even learn it?! You live in the desert!”

“I studied abroad for three years when I was sixteen. One of the places I went to was Zora’s D--” he started.

“KAY is that where you developed your fear of water?” she asked, rudely interrupting him. He fell silent and looked away, clearly offended by her comment. The room filled with an awkward silence. A minute into the silence, a large creaking came from the double doors of the room. Everyone turned to the door as a dark figure emerged, making its way to the table. As it got closer, Vaati’s eyes widened in shock and he quickly turned away from it’s view. WHO WAS THIS FIGURE? Why, that is just what I asked.

“Who are you?” I asked before the figure became fully visible. Less than a moment later, the figure was close enough to be seen ; it was none other than Veran! Sorceress of Shadows! She smiled at me. “Oh, hello Veran.” She snapped her fingers at me.

“That’s Lady Veran, thank you very much,” she replied. “Where is Shadow? I’ve been looking all over for him.” Midna glared at her boyfriend, who looked around confused and frightened.

“Uhhh.... I swear I don’t know her,” he said quietly. Vaati started to break out in a sweat, suddenly aware of how close Veran was now. Malon looked at him confused.

“Is everything alright, darling?” she asked. He laughed nervously, slowly slinking away from the table.

“........I’ll be right back,” he said quietly, racing out of the room from the back door leading to the kitchen. Veran smiled and waved at Ganondorf, who merely grunted in response.

“How nice of you to join us, Veran! Take a seat, please,” I insisted. She did so, taking Vaati’s seat next to Shadow. Shadow laughed nervously as Midna gave him the dirtiest look she could possibly give him.

“Where’s Lord Vaati?’ Veran asked, looking around the table.

“He ran off to the kitchen I think,” Malon answered. Veran looked her up and down with an eyebrow raised.

“You’re a villain?” she asked. Shadow quickly shoved himself closer to Veran.

“Heyyyyyy, did you say hi to Darth Vader yet? I heard he’s a big fan!” he said, motioning to the other end of the table. He leaned behind Veran and poked Malon. She turned to him.

“Yes?” she asked. Shadow motioned for her to be quiet. He pointed to Veran, then to the kitchen, then made a choking motion. She tilted her head in confusion. He sighed, then did the motion again. She still looked at him in confusion. He quickly drew a small shadow figure in the air resembling his master, then motioned to Veran and made a choking motion one more time. Malon nodded in understanding, then faced everyone at the table again. She looked at Veran.

“I think Vaati wants to see you in the kitchen,” she said to the tall, dark woman beside her. Shadow shook his head quickly and laughed nervously.

“Silly Malon, Master is busy right now. He’s in his chambers preparing for dinner,” he said. Malon looked at him confused and Shadow widened his eyes to tell her to keep quiet.

“Oh, are you sure? I could’ve sworn he was in the kitchen.”

“Oh, what’s for dinner? I’m going to go ask your cooks. Could one of you point me in the direction of the kitchen?”

“Kitchen? There is no kitchen here!” Shadow Link said. Ganondorf pointed to the kitchen and Shadow Link glared at him.

“Thank you, King Dragmire.” she walked out towards the kitchen. Rabia was quietly trying to stifle her giggles.

“What? What’s so funny?” I asked.

“She called him King Dragmire!” She burst into hysterical giggles and Ganondorf just rolled his eyes.

“That’s my proper title, which is what my subjects use when they address me.”

“I’ve never heard anyone call you that.”

“That would be because you only talk to Nabooru and Aveil who constantly disrespect me.”

“... Way to be a buzz kill, Ganondorf. Don’t be so serious all the time.” He didn’t respond. “Ohhh, I get it. You’re still mad that I told everyone you were scared of water. It’s okay, we won’t judge you here...” He glared at her.

“Actually, I forgot about that. But thank you for reminding everyone.”

“Sorry... honestly I thought you were still pissy about that. But you’re always pissy so it’s kind of hard to tell.” He ignored her. “Fine... be a bitch...”

“Anyway...” I said, breaking the awkward silence. “What should we do now?”

“We should play TWISTER!” Shadow Link said again. “It’s the best game ever. Everyone likes that game.”

“I don’t.” Jafar said, raising his hand.

“Well no one cares what you like!” Shadow glared at him.

“How RUDE!” Jafar answered. Suddenly a scream from the kitchen made everyone jump. Vaati burst into the meeting room with Veran hot on his heels.

“Come back Vaati! You must marry me now!” she cried.

“Whoa, what?” Malon asked as Vaati dove behind her and Shadow Link to hide from Veran. She went to follow Vaati around the table when he poked his head up and looked around.

“I already have a wife, Veran!” Before he could continue or she could question this statement, Shadow quickly spoke.

“That’s right! Isn’t that right, Midna?” She continued to stay silent and glared at her boyfriend. “This is his wife, Midna! She’s princess of the Twilight Realm!” Midna didn’t bother to argue as Veran looked on in anger.

“Is this true?” she asked, looking Midna up and down. Midna was nudged by Shadow before she answered, so she nodded. Malon looked on in confusion. Vaati, quickly catching on to this for some reason, poked his head up again.

“Yes, this is very true!” he said. There was a silence among the villains. Demise suddenly laughed, drawing everyone’s attention. He then abruptly stopped and looked on with a dirty smile. Shadow spoke again.

“So, we gonna play Twister or what?” There was another silence. Then, everybody slowly stood from the table and made their way for the game room. I struggled to fold up the big ping pong table in the center of the room. Finally, my good friend Voldemort tired of watching me struggle waved his wand and folded the table off to the side. Shadow spread out the twister mat which was enlarged to fit everyone on it and handed the spinner to Malon. Ganondorf tried to sit out with Demise but Rabia dragged him back over.

“Don’t be so grumpy, Ganny!” she said.

“I’m not being grumpy. I just can’t play.”

“Of course you can!” She tugged him onto the mat next to her. “Anyone can play twister. It’s really easy!” He ignored her and grumbled to himself. “You have to sit next to Malon if you sit out.” He shrugged, but Vaati pushed him toward the board.

“Go play! You’re not sitting near her!” he said, struggling to move the tall man. Ganondorf sighed.
“Fine... but I’m not happy about it,” he grumbled.

“Figured you wouldn’t,” Rabia answered, taking his arm and pulling away from Vaati.

“Okay everyone! Right hand yellow!” Malon said after flicking the spinner. Vaati leaned over and placed his hand on the yellow circle, but just as he did he realized Veran was leaning over right in front of him. He blushed and looked away. Shadow Link on the other hand seemed to be enjoying the view. Midna noticed and hit his arm.

“Ow! Okay, I get it.” He said, rubbing the afflicted area. Sephiroth stretched out his wing which knocked Shadow over at Kabira’s feet. “Sephiroth! That’s not cool!” he yelled. Kabira kicked him to roll him away from her. “OW!”

“Left foot blue!” Malon said after the spinner stopped. All the villains did as they were told. “left hand on green!” They once again did as they were told. “Right leg on red.” Quite a few of the villains ended up in compromising looking positions. As in we were mostly on four legs with someone behind us. Vaati had a nice view of Veran but was embarrassed and his eyes were closed. She seemed to be enjoying herself and moved back towards him. Ganondorf had an evil grin on his face as his wife was directly in front of him. Fortunately for her she caught on quickly.

“Stop looking at my butt!” Rabia snapped. He brushed his hand up her leg and she squeaked then fell over. “DAMN IT GANON!”

“Oh, sorry.” Rabia glared at him.

“Not cool!” She attempted to tackle Ganondorf who was laughing obnoxiously at her, but only succeeded in knocking over Voldemort and myself. She nearly knocked over Sephiroth but he balanced himself with his wing, which in turn knocked over Murtagh and Elizabeth. Voldemort glared at her and went to draw his wand, but I patted his shoulder and he took a deep breath.

“My therapist says self control is key...” he murmured. Rabia looked as if she was out for revenge while the rest of us went over to sit with Malon, Demise and the children. She looked as if she was going to join our group but instead crossed over and started chatting with Demise.

“Hey there hot stuff.” she winked at him.

“Hey Rabia. How’s it going?” he asked.

“Oh, ya know, it’s pretty good! You’re so tall and muscular...” He shrugged.

“I guess. I’m just naturally large,” he said.

“Oh, you’re large naturally?” Rabia winked. “That’s nice to know...” she looked him up and down.

“Yes, actually -- in more ways than one,” he said with a wink. Rabia giggled.

“Oh really?” He nodded.

“You bet. Wanna see?” He smirked.

“Oh yeah. Where should we go? I think my room is free...” she had gotten awkwardly close to him. Ganondorf, who had been watching them from the Twister board, now left where he was (thus forfeiting the game) and marched over to the two flirting.

“Hey Rabia, Demise. What are we talking about over here?” he asked, getting defensively closer to his wife.

“Demise and I were just going to go upstairs so he could show me his new armor,” Rabia replied, smiling innocently. Ganondorf clicked his tongue in annoyance and picked Rabia up, lifting her over his shoulder and walking away. Demise looked after them in confusion. Rabia was thrashing around trying to get Ganondorf to put her back on the floor. “Put me down, Ganon!” she snapped.

“No, not gonna happen. I saw what you were trying to do,” he said.

“Well, it obviously worked because I was trying to make you jealous and forfeit the game.
WAHAHAAAAAA!” He stopped and dropped her harshly to her feet.

“WHY would you do that?” he asked, giving her a stern look.

“I was getting my revenge. You made me lose so I just returned the favor.” she smiled at him. He narrowed his eyes and turned away, making sure to flick his cape at her as he walked away.

“Well... we could go upstairs if you would prefer that.” Rabia offered. He ignored her and walked over to his daughter, taking a seat beside her.

“Go bug someone else, please,” he grumbled, folding his arms.

“Left foot yellow!” Rabia skipped back over to Demise to continue her conversation with him. Sephiroth was distracted by Veran who had stretched and given him quite a view. Vaati took that distraction to his advantage and shoved over the larger man who ended up taking out five others with him. King Dedede, Dr. Robotnik, Jafar, Capricorn and Dr. Doofenschmirtz all took their seats with the rest of the group.

“Sorry about that, Demise. You know him -- always ruining my fun!” The two laughed together and resumed their conversation.

“Right foot blue!” Malon said. The only people remaining were Vaati, Veran, Ghirahim, Darth Maul, Ursula and the Joker. My money was on Ghirahim, personally. Rabia continued to get closer to Demise, feeling up his large, scaly, muscular arms.

“Wanna go upstairs now?” she asked, batting her eyelashes. He shrugged.

“Sure, why not.” He winked again and the two walked out of the room. Ganondorf noticed this after a moment and quickly stood, stomping after the two. Ursula reached up one of her tentacles and tickled one of Darth Maul’s armpits, causing the man to crumple up in a giggling heap. Ghirahim creeped over to Ursula and licked her cheek, causing her to shriek and forfeit the game. Vaati’s eyes were still shut tight as Veran was facing him leaning forward, trying to give him an eyeful. He peeked to see if she was away from him only to see down her shirt. He yelped and jumped backwards into Ghirahim, knocking them both out the game. The Joker leaned over to her and whispered a joke in her ear. When she gave him a puzzled look he grinned even more than he already was.

“You didn’t hear the punch line!” He punched her in the stomach and she doubled over. “Get it? Because it’s a punch line? AHAHAHA!”

“Well, the Joker the wins!” Malon said cheerfully. The Joker seemed very pleased with himself.

“Damn.” I muttered, tossing some money to Voldemort with whom I had made the bet on who would win. He had bet the Joker which made me poorer than I was before. Thankfully I was almost done with that dirty novel I was writing. Now it was the children’s turn to play twister. This game had fewer people so a couple of the others stepped in including Rabia, Sephiroth and Malon. Rabia was the first to lose when she got distracted by Sephiroth and Kabira shoved her over. Sephiroth was second when Rabia fell on top of him. He was too excited to remain standing. Voldemort spun the spinner.

“Left hand red!” Kabira kicked Luke into Leia and the two tumbled into the corner where Darth Vader helped them up. “Right foot green!” Kabira kicked Malon into Vanessa and the two tumbled over each other. Dr. Doofenschmirtz helped his daughter up.

“Are you okay, Vanessa?” he asked.

“Whatever, dad.” Malon dusted herself off.

“Wow! It looks like Kabira won!” she said proudly. Ganondorf laughed loudly.

“Of COURSE she did, she’s MY daughter!” He pat Kabira on the shoulder. Sephiroth was still holding onto Rabia, who was staring at him.

“You can let go any time now...”

“Oh, right. Maybe like, three more minutes.”

“Uh......”

“Anyway, now what should we do?” I asked, folding my hands and looking at my friends.

“Um... I don’t know...” Vaati said.

“I think I’m going to go hang with Demise... again... so we can FINALLY finish our conversation.” Rabia said, glaring at Ganondorf.

“Yeah, ‘finish’ your ‘conversation’,” Ganondorf replied.

“You’re more than welcome to join us if you would like,” she replied. He ignored her and grumbled to himself. “Sephiroth, it’s time for you to stop hugging me now. I love you too, but SERIOUSLY, LET GO.”

“I GOT IT!” I yelled dramatically. “We’re going to have... A SLEEP OOOOOVER PARTY!”

“You mean a slumber party?” Rabia asked. I nodded. The girls all cheered except for Veran who glanced over at Vaati with a sly smile.

“I’ve been wanting to try out that party room for quite a while,” I said to Voldemort, who nodded in agreement.

“Yes, this should be a wonderful time, Zant.” he agreed. The girls were all chatting away about pillow fights and manicures and weird stuff like that while a few other people snuck out while they had the chance. Ganondorf also tried to sneak out but Rabia caught him before he could.

“Well Midna, I’m going to miss you my Dark Princess!” he leaned in to kiss her.

“Whoa, where am I going?” she asked, leaning away from him and giving him a look.

“Aren’t you leaving? I didn’t think you’d want to stay.”

“Well, considering I don’t trust you I’m staying here.” she replied.

“But love is based on trust! You don’t love me now?!”

“Just shut up.” Midna replied.

“It’s okay Shadow, Ganon doesn’t trust me and he still loves me! I think... maybe... um...” Rabia said awkwardly.

“No, I don’t.” Ganondorf said, walking away.

“Well, looks like it’s time to talk to Demise!” she skipped off to the larger man and they instantly started to flirt again.

“Okay! Well, lets see who’s still here... Majora, Rabia, Ganondorf, Ursula, the Joker, Darth Maul, Darth Vader, Voldemort, Bellatrix, Demise, Sauron, Murtagh, Sephiroth and Veran.” I said out loud to myself. “This should make an interesting par-”

“Hey Zant! Can I invite Nabooru over?” Rabia asked.

“Are you TRYING to make me angry?” Ganondorf asked.

“Well no, I wasn’t trying to anger you at first... but then... you were mean to me!”

“Wow, very mature...” he said. She responded by throwing her shoe at him. “Again, very mature. I’m not staying here for the night.”

“First of all, I’m sixteen and I still have pregnancy hormones, so no I’m not being mature. And second, yes you are! I need a cuddle buddy!”

“Of course you can invite Nabooru over!” I said cheerfully.

“OOOOh good idea!” Sephiroth winked. Rabia rolled her eyes.

“Don’t creep on Nabooru, Sephy. She’s like, my best friend besides Zelda.” Ganondorf tried to sneak out again but she caught his arm. “Please stay? Pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty pretty please?” He sighed and looked her in the eye.

“Rabia, I truly don’t want to stay the night.”

“... Damn you. I know what you’re trying to do, and it isn’t going to work.”

“Please, I have so much work I have to do back at the castle.” He took her hands. She shifted slightly.

“Well... you have people to do it for you, right? … RIGHT?!”

“No, not the things that need to get done.”

“You’re a butt head. You’re staying. So there.” She stuck her tongue out at him. We were already shocked enough as it was but I think everyone’s jaws literally dropped to the floor when he gave her puppy dog eyes.

“Please, Rabia?” She thought about this for a minute.

“... Only if you say you love me without shame in front of ALL THESE PEOPLE.” He looked around, debating on whether he should do it or not.

“Rabia, I love you,” he leaned down and kissed her.

“AWWWWWW!” everyone said loudly except for Veran and Kabira who were fake gagging.

“How can you say no to that face?” I asked when they finally stopped kissing. Sephiroth sniffled and wiped a tear away with his wing.

“That was so touching!” Sephiroth said. Rabia glared at him.

“Ganondorf, really? That’s not even funny.”

“How can you say NO to that?! He just said it in front of EVERYBODY!”

“... Fine, just leave. You’re mean. I’ll just have to cuddle with Demise and Ghirahim,” she grumbled, crossing her arms.

“Okay, just promise me you’ll be safe around them,” he said.

“... I hate you right now. I really do...” she grumbled and crossed her arms. He gave her a hurt look.

“Well I guess I’ll just leave you. I’ll see you tomorrow when you get back.” He walked out of the room and we heard the front door shut.

“How could you be so mean to him?!” I asked.

“... He was insulting me!” Everyone stared at her awkwardly. “He just knows EXACTLY how to get what he wants. I know for a fact he doesn’t have any work to do, he just DIDN’T WANT TO BE HERE.” I gasped.

“Why would he not want to be here?!” Rabia just rolled her eyes.

“It doesn’t matter, I’m forever alone now, so... lets party!”

“I’ll call Nabooru!” Sephiroth called. We all scattered to get some party supplies and prepare for the night ahead.