‹ Prequel: Like Fire & Gasoline
Playing With Fire
Bittersweet Memories
Bridgette walked slowly away from town, her body on autopilot as the past twenty-four hours replayed over and over in her head. With each reminder of her harsh words and mistakes she cringed. When had she turned into this person? When had everything become so complicated and messy?
She honestly had no clue.
Her feet knew where they were going, and as soon as she stepped into the little meadow away from the noise and commotion of the city, she felt more at ease than she had since all of the wedding planning had started. Her eyes gazed the horizon of beautiful blues and greens, and her face softened entirely with the memory of the last time she had been out to the little clearing.
It had been with James all of those years ago, and while they had grown and changed, that spot of heaven hadn't been altered in the slightest. After their less than amicable break up, she had avoided going back. She didn't want the memories or the disastrous end of her and James to taint the pure serenity of this gorgeous place. But now, something about it drew her back amidst the chaos.
The grass tickled her bare ankles and she looped her fingers in the back pockets of her denim shorts. Her slightly baggy gray T-shirt flapped in the breeze along with a few strands of her golden hair which had fallen loose from the loose bun on top of her head. She allowed her eyes to close for a moment, and a part of her was back all that time ago.
"Fancy seeing you here."
Bridgette jumped and spun around, her eyes catching sight of James walking towards her. Her heart filled with a deep nostalgia as his face became more and more clear with every step. The only difference was the complete and utter sadness in his eyes and dry humor in his voice. His blank face matched the emptiness of the words which still echoed between them. Bridgette bit her lip as a rosy blush worked its way up her cheeks. James finally stopped a foot in front of her, his hazel eyes examining her.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, a note of actual concern in his voice for the first time in a long time.
"Yeah. It's fine; Reece and I talked things through," she assured him. "Everything is good. Reece is Reece, and he's not even mad at either of us."
She kicked at the ground as her voice wavered in the slightest hint of hysteria. James raised his eyebrows at her and reached out for her for a moment. It was halfway extended before he caught himself and dropped it back to his side.
"Bridgette-"
"I'm fine," she said, sniffling a bit and looking up at the cloudless sky. "You should really talk things out with him yourself though."
"I will," he said lightly, his eyes still searching hers intensely. Bridgette shifted her weight on her feet uncomfortably, wrapping her arms tightly around her torso.
"What are you doing here, James?" she inquired in a low, embarrassed voice, desperate to change the topic.
"Well," James said, running his hands through his hair. "I went back to my apartment, and it felt like the walls were closing in. This is the only place I could think of to escape it."
Finally, as he looked away from her, she examined his face closely. His eyes looked bloodshot and tired, and his shoulders were slumped. Her expression softened a little bit and she nodded.
"I know what you mean. How did you find it again, though?"
He gave her a sheepish grin and sat down in the long grass. She plopped down beside him, her gaze never leaving his face. The wind rustled the blades of green around them and whipped their hair around both of their exhausted faces.
"I came back, after we fought that last day. I came back a lot after that, actually."
"Why?"
She couldn't stop the brash question from slipping from her lips. It hung between them and James wrung his hands together, looking out to where the sun was drooping in the sky. Her squinted eyes inspected his, trying to grasp on to any understanding. How could he could return to this place over and over again, while she had banished it from her memories?
"In a way, I guess it helped me hold onto you and those few months we spent together," he whispered with a shrug, before turning his wounded gaze on her.“How did you do it? How did you get over us? Because I tried and I tried and nothing seemed to get rid of the hole in my chest."
Looking directly into his pained hazy eyes, she didn't know how to answer his question. For a millisecond, she didn't even know the answer. She pushed her stray hands towards the hair tie and away from her face, biting down on her lip as all of the pain and hollowness came back.
“It wasn't easy. I finished school and got as far away from the memories as I could, which is how I ended up in New York, I guess. I told myself that you didn’t love me anyway, and it was just some fling that didn’t mean anything to either of us. I had to, otherwise it would’ve tore me apart,” she murmured in a shaky voice. "It was so damn hard to let go, but letting go hurt so much less than holding on. It meant nothing to you, so somewhere along the way I learned to accept it and move on."
He didn’t meet her eyes as the words escaped his lips. “You’re wrong again, Bridge. It meant everything.”
His beautiful, tormented eyes gravitated closer and closer to her. She could feel his breath tickling her features, and she froze. The ache in her chest and the weight of the diamond on her finger held her to reality and reminded her this was a far reality from the last time they sat in this grass.
“James,” she breathed out, a look of longing and regret in her eyes. She shook her head slowly before turning away from him, her heart beating sporadically in her chest.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, running his hands over his face.
"I'm marrying Reece," she asserted, both to herself and him. "What we had is over and gone."
"I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice low and cracking.
Bridgette pushed herself up off of the ground and looked down at him with remorse, her clear blue eyes clouded with tears. He met her gaze, both of them bound by all of the broken promises and the realization of what could have been between them. She bit her lip and took the first step away with every ounce of will she had. She couldn't look back anymore, and he couldn't watch her go again.
She honestly had no clue.
Her feet knew where they were going, and as soon as she stepped into the little meadow away from the noise and commotion of the city, she felt more at ease than she had since all of the wedding planning had started. Her eyes gazed the horizon of beautiful blues and greens, and her face softened entirely with the memory of the last time she had been out to the little clearing.
It had been with James all of those years ago, and while they had grown and changed, that spot of heaven hadn't been altered in the slightest. After their less than amicable break up, she had avoided going back. She didn't want the memories or the disastrous end of her and James to taint the pure serenity of this gorgeous place. But now, something about it drew her back amidst the chaos.
The grass tickled her bare ankles and she looped her fingers in the back pockets of her denim shorts. Her slightly baggy gray T-shirt flapped in the breeze along with a few strands of her golden hair which had fallen loose from the loose bun on top of her head. She allowed her eyes to close for a moment, and a part of her was back all that time ago.
"Fancy seeing you here."
Bridgette jumped and spun around, her eyes catching sight of James walking towards her. Her heart filled with a deep nostalgia as his face became more and more clear with every step. The only difference was the complete and utter sadness in his eyes and dry humor in his voice. His blank face matched the emptiness of the words which still echoed between them. Bridgette bit her lip as a rosy blush worked its way up her cheeks. James finally stopped a foot in front of her, his hazel eyes examining her.
"Is everything okay?" he asked, a note of actual concern in his voice for the first time in a long time.
"Yeah. It's fine; Reece and I talked things through," she assured him. "Everything is good. Reece is Reece, and he's not even mad at either of us."
She kicked at the ground as her voice wavered in the slightest hint of hysteria. James raised his eyebrows at her and reached out for her for a moment. It was halfway extended before he caught himself and dropped it back to his side.
"Bridgette-"
"I'm fine," she said, sniffling a bit and looking up at the cloudless sky. "You should really talk things out with him yourself though."
"I will," he said lightly, his eyes still searching hers intensely. Bridgette shifted her weight on her feet uncomfortably, wrapping her arms tightly around her torso.
"What are you doing here, James?" she inquired in a low, embarrassed voice, desperate to change the topic.
"Well," James said, running his hands through his hair. "I went back to my apartment, and it felt like the walls were closing in. This is the only place I could think of to escape it."
Finally, as he looked away from her, she examined his face closely. His eyes looked bloodshot and tired, and his shoulders were slumped. Her expression softened a little bit and she nodded.
"I know what you mean. How did you find it again, though?"
He gave her a sheepish grin and sat down in the long grass. She plopped down beside him, her gaze never leaving his face. The wind rustled the blades of green around them and whipped their hair around both of their exhausted faces.
"I came back, after we fought that last day. I came back a lot after that, actually."
"Why?"
She couldn't stop the brash question from slipping from her lips. It hung between them and James wrung his hands together, looking out to where the sun was drooping in the sky. Her squinted eyes inspected his, trying to grasp on to any understanding. How could he could return to this place over and over again, while she had banished it from her memories?
"In a way, I guess it helped me hold onto you and those few months we spent together," he whispered with a shrug, before turning his wounded gaze on her.“How did you do it? How did you get over us? Because I tried and I tried and nothing seemed to get rid of the hole in my chest."
Looking directly into his pained hazy eyes, she didn't know how to answer his question. For a millisecond, she didn't even know the answer. She pushed her stray hands towards the hair tie and away from her face, biting down on her lip as all of the pain and hollowness came back.
“It wasn't easy. I finished school and got as far away from the memories as I could, which is how I ended up in New York, I guess. I told myself that you didn’t love me anyway, and it was just some fling that didn’t mean anything to either of us. I had to, otherwise it would’ve tore me apart,” she murmured in a shaky voice. "It was so damn hard to let go, but letting go hurt so much less than holding on. It meant nothing to you, so somewhere along the way I learned to accept it and move on."
He didn’t meet her eyes as the words escaped his lips. “You’re wrong again, Bridge. It meant everything.”
His beautiful, tormented eyes gravitated closer and closer to her. She could feel his breath tickling her features, and she froze. The ache in her chest and the weight of the diamond on her finger held her to reality and reminded her this was a far reality from the last time they sat in this grass.
“James,” she breathed out, a look of longing and regret in her eyes. She shook her head slowly before turning away from him, her heart beating sporadically in her chest.
"I'm sorry," he muttered, running his hands over his face.
"I'm marrying Reece," she asserted, both to herself and him. "What we had is over and gone."
"I'm sorry," he repeated, his voice low and cracking.
Bridgette pushed herself up off of the ground and looked down at him with remorse, her clear blue eyes clouded with tears. He met her gaze, both of them bound by all of the broken promises and the realization of what could have been between them. She bit her lip and took the first step away with every ounce of will she had. She couldn't look back anymore, and he couldn't watch her go again.
♠ ♠ ♠
Aw snap, I know you guys are gonna be crazy (: It's short but I'm hoping I made up for that, yes?xxxo, Sara