Something in the Water

EMMA:

"Ow, dammit!" I burn my fingertips for the hundreth time on the curling iron and slap it down on the bathroom counter.

"Do you want me to do it?" Sara's being a good sport. Today isn't a good day for me. She picks up the curling iron and figures out a way to curl the disaster on my head.

It's been over a week, and the Parkers haven't mentioned anything about my baby to the Evaluation Center. If they deny the adoption, we'll have to find another random couple, or the Evaluation Center will choose someone for us. Ben still won't talk to me about it, and Sam and Sara are moving next weekend. The last thing I need to be worrying about now is Vanessa's wedding.

I see the dress hanging on the back of her bathroom door and scowl. "I can guarantee that it won't even fit." The giant bulge of my stomach will be lucky to squeeze into that.

"You tried it on, didn't you?"

"Yeah, but that was two weeks ago. And it just barely fit me then." It's a dress borrowed from Ben's sister, Kate, when she was pregnant. Coincidentally, she had a wedding to attend during her pregnancy as well, but she was much smaller than me at that time.

"Relax. Everything will be fine."

"It won't be fine, Sara! The wedding is in three hours, and it takes an hour to get there, and I'm not even half ready yet!" I stare at the flustered face in the mirror and scowl at that as well. "I look hideous."

"Well, thanks alot." She jokes. I don't feel like joking. "Don't smudge your makeup."

There's a knock on the door, and I know for a fact it's Sam. "What do you need now?" I snap at him.

"Ben's here." He says, accepting my mood swing.

"Tell him I'm not even close to being ready, and that I'm probably not going to fit into my dress, and that we're going to be late!"

Sam's quiet for a moment. "I have to tell him all that?"

"Sam!" Sara joins me in scolding him.

"Okay, okay." He disappears from the other side of the door.

I take in a deep breath and drag it out, trying desperately to calm myself down.

"There, see?" Sara sets the curling iron back down. "You look pretty."

She pinned back most of my hair, leaving bits and pieces to dangle in corkscrew curls. I do kind of look pretty, but I'm still not dressed. "Thank you." I tell her delicately, avoiding the dress at all costs.

Sara takes it down and unzips it for me. I pray to myself with little whispers that it will fit and I will look beautiful as she helps me shimmie into it.

I almost sigh in relief when it flows over my obnoxious curves perfectly, but I forget the zipper.

I find it beneath my arm and tug on it, but it barely moves. I decide that I'm psychic.

"Don't freak out, it's not even that bad." Sara thinks she's talking for my sake, but I've already given up. "I can find something to pin to it. It will only take a second...Emma, please don't cry!"

I hold my jaw tight to keep from letting my sobs out. I don't want to cry because of the dress. I need to cry for other reasons, but I hold it in as much as I can. The tears are silent.

"Hey, Mom is shoving cookies down Ben's throat. Are you almost done?" Sam returns to the door.

Sara tries to come up with an excuse, but I just reach for the knob and open it, revealing my disaster to the world.

Sam doesn't know how to react as he takes in my raccoon eyes and ill-fitting dress. The only thing that held up is my hair. "Wow." He finally says. Sara throws a brush at him. "No, I mean, you look...are you okay?"

I shake my head and lift my arm to show him the zipper. "It's hopeless."

Sara frantically wipes the mascara away. "Stop crying, you'll ruin your -"

"Sara, I can't go." I decide. "I won't go. I shouldn't have even accepted the invitation."

Sara yanks the cord out of the curling iron, fed up with my negativity. "Fine. Don't go, then." She gathers the hairspray and brushes. "I'll find you something to change into in my room."

Sam steps aside as she sulks out of the bathroom. That leaves me standing there in front of him, still struggling to hold in the sobbing.

Of course, he notices it right away. "You look like you need a hug, Sully."

I consider it, but shake my head.

"Oh, come on." He steps a bit forward. "It won't hurt, will it?"

I hesitate for a moment before I dive right into his embrace. I try to squeeze him tight around the middle, but my watermelon stomach prevents me from doing so. He directs my shoulders to spin around as he pulls my back into his chest. He wraps his arms around the front of me and props his chin on top of my head.

It's a weird hug, but it still works. I hold my hands over his arms and close my eyes, a safe and comfortable feeling washing over me. We stand there for a while before he speaks again.

"Better?" He asks.

I step out of the hug so I can turn to see his face. His pretty green eyes are concerned for me, and the only other place I see so much care is in Ben's.

I reach on my toes to kiss his cheek, but I misjudge the distance and kiss the left corner of his mouth. I lean away a little and realize that the kiss was too close, and he would probably take it the wrong way.

He takes advantage of the short distance between us and hardly touches his lips to mine. I'm frozen because of my mistake, and I'm frozen for the consequences I'm about to add to my list of problems.

But I think I owe it to him, as well as myself, to see if it means something.

I figure I'll still be cheating on Ben whether Sam initiates the kiss or not, so I go for it myself. I force the back of his head down to meet me when I kiss him again. He responds immediately, and I find my brain caught in another disaster. It disconnects from my head and it allows me to continue to kiss him and enjoy the moment that's been eagerly waiting to happen.

I'm completely lost. It feels alot like it did the first time I kissed Ben, but this is a little different. It's spontaneous, and desired in a way that's hard to explain...and it's completely wrong. Ben is right downstairs!

I break the connection and back away, nearly slipping on the tiny rug. My back hits the farthest wall and I hold my face in my hands, trying to discourage the warmth in my cheeks.

"I've laid out some clothes for you." I hear Sara's voice again at the door, but I'm too ashamed to lift my head. I hope that Sam doesn't give it away. "Is she okay?" I hear her ask.

"Yeah," Sam clears his voice when it breaks. "She's fine."

Sara accepts it. "Em, come on." She takes my hand and leads me out. She doesn't know a thing. Nobody knows a thing, which is good. It needs to stay that way.

. . . . . . . .

I change into the giant t-shirt and pair of stretchy shorts Sara set out for me. My heart beats like a freaking freight train in my chest the entire time. My hands shake uncontrollably when I pull out the pins in my hair, letting it fall in waves. I'm worried I'm having a heart attack, or something.

Ben almost makes me pee my pants when he startles me in the hallway. His suit has been reduced to a wrinkled shirt and pants, as well as a simple pair of black socks. They must have told him I'm not going.

He holds up a pack of makeup-removing wipes. "Sara told me to bring you these."

I forgot about the raccoon eyes. I take the pack and slip into the bathroom. Ben follows me, watching me closely as I remove the awful black smudges. I start to panic, realizing that I just kissed Sam in the very spot Ben is standing not ten minutes ago. I wonder if he sees me shaking, or if he sees the disloyalty written on my face.

Ben tucks a wavy strand of hair behind my ear. "You have to stop crying, Em."

I know what he means. I've been crying more than breathing these days. I don't want to cry anymore, that's for sure. I don't know what I want, and that scares the hell out of me.

"Sara wants us to stay. She said we can all watch a movie together, and just hang out for a while."

It sounds nice to spend time as a group, especially since half will be gone in a week. I nod a little before I toss the used wipes in the trash. I stand facing Ben and keep my head down, afraid to look him in the eye. He can read me like a book if he tries hard enough.

"Honestly," He lifts my chin lightly. "I didn't want to go to that wedding, anyway."

I smile at his attempt to make me feel better, and he kisses me once. My pulse rises again, but for a different reason than it did for Sam. I still can't determine what any of it means.

I could take Vanessa's wedding off of my list of problems, but now I've just added a new one.