If You Dare

I tried not to feel overwhelming guilt as Steven pressed my body to the wall.

It had been so long since I'd so much as seen him, and now, we're practically ripping each other's clothes off in a supply closet.

"Lex, this isn't the right place for this, and I, well, I feel guilty... You need to go find whatever his name is and tell him," Steven pants in my ear. That honestly does not help the fact that I'm practically sliding out of my clothes now.

"Okay," I whisper, pushing him off of me lightly.

He runs his soft hand through my hair and says, "Good luck."

Taking a deep breath, I step out of the supply closet. I know I must look a mess and adjust my clothes, attempting to fix my hair breathlessly. I see Mason coming in through the door, and I know that something isn't right almost immediately.

"Mason," I say, but he storms past me, glaring at me.

Every inch of me tells me the same thing.

He heard me and Steven.

I cover my mouth, shaking my head. Almost the second I do this, Steven has a hold of me. I know he'd seen everything and bury my face in his chest.

Time seems to span out slowly as I glance back at Mason and then Steven.

His face is determined, protective... He holds onto me in a way that says stay away and ushers me through the halls of the giant hotel. When people try to stop us, he just flashes them this look... I can't even describe it really. It just shuts them up immediately.

He's always been like this. If someone hurt me at school, he could just look at them and they would fall down and apologize.

We reach a room that has my last name on it.

Steven flings the door open and pushes it closed with his foot.

As soon as I hear the hinges connect, I start screaming into his chest.

Great. Now I've fucked up just about everything that Ive had going for me recently.

Steven pleads for me to stop the screaming sobs. I can hear and see that they're making him start to lose it.

My mind has about four thousand things spreading through it like wildfire. On top of everything is the one I say out loud:

"I need to find something sharp. Get me some pills or something, make it stop!"

This seems to push Steven over the edge.

"Lex, I am never ever letting you try anything like that ever again!" he screams, covering my mouth so I'll listen. "I've almost lost you maybe six times since I met you and I will not be able to handle one more time! None of this is your fault! Just stop and try not to make me worry about you more than I need to!"

I push his hand off and scream, "Why shouldn't I?! I've torn out Mason's heart, I've fucked up everything, and I'm just this disgusting fuck up!"

He grabs my shoulders. "Do you think you're the only one who thinks things like that?! From what I've seen of Mason, he does! I do! And out of all of us, you deserve to be alive the most!"

Snickering, I pull up my t-shirt to reveal my ribs and scars. "So this deserves to live?! This horrible little monster I've turned myself into?! I have helped to ruin other people's lives and you think I deserve to be alive?!"

"You didn't do it on purpose! And even if you're insanely skinny and scarred as fuck, I think you're beautiful! Please, stop blaming yourself!"

"I can't! I fucking can't!"