If You Dare

I stroked the top of her hand gently,my head resting on the bed, "please wake up....I cant lose you Ella" I whispered softly. Sniffling, I'd get on my hands and knees and beg for her to come back if I had to. This was my fault, I caused this, I made her jump because I left. Me, Me, Me...I did it...She didnt deserve it...She got the thoughts I had been getting for years but she attempted....and now....shes bearly getting through.....

"Im so so sorry Ella, I shouldve never left, I-I shouldve been a good brother and stayed and not taken off, you wouldnt be on this bed,wrapped up and struggling. Y-You'd be awake and bubbly and talking to people and being nice and....alive.....and I wouldnt feel this ba-"

I shut up looking at the door when I herd the doorknob turn, I swallowed hard and wiped my eyes and cheeks of tears, Sniffling again.

Steven walked in and looked at me, I could see the tears at the edges of his eyes. I could always remember that he would always refuse to cry, always walk away when he was about to. Never crying in front of people.

"What do you want?" My voice broke,

"I wanted to talk to you...explain everything" He replied softly

"....." I couldnt think of anything to say. To upset to think of a snarky come back or be angry. I looked back over at Ella, "She'll wake up Mason..." Steven walked over after shutting the door and sitting on the edge of the bed "you dont know that" I muttered still stroking the top of her hand gently. Wishing she'd move to tell me she was alright.

"Mason...I-Im so sorry...Im sorry for leaving when I said I would never, Im sorry for...everything that has happened that I wasnt there for. Im sorry I wasnt there for Ella's birth or your birthdays. Im sorry I wasnt there to protect you and Ella and stand up to mom and dad for you. I....I was so scared of..not being a good person or a good brother but I Just ended up being a worse person then I thought"

I glanced over at him, he was staring at me the tears welling up in his eyes threatening to spill. I could feel mine work up again.

"Im sorry I took Lex from you, I just, Ive loved her for so long and Ive been scared since she left that I wouldnt be seeing her again, I was scared I wouldnt be able to do what I wanted and be there for her and I was selfish I shouldve realized you took attachment to her. The way you looked at her shouldve made me clue in but I was jealous that she was with someone else other then me. Shes just, shes been one of the few people that can get inside my head and understand me. I just really love her in ways I cant explain and Im so sorry....I really am, Im sorry for not ever being there, for taking things from you,for..for breaking my promises...For everything...Mason please"

I herd his voice crack and break and tears fell down his cheeks, I looked down

"Steven....I want Ryan back...I dont like is new person you are, your....your not the brother I remember having.... and...I dont know if I can forgive you...yet anyways"

"I can understand" He wiped the tears from his face with the back of his hand. "Im still sorry"

"please come back with me to mine and Lex's room? You need to get out of this room for a few" I could hear Ryan in his voice. I looked up and nodded slightly even though I didnt want to. I wanted to be here if. When she woke up.
I stood up and walked out with Steven,pushing my hands in my pockets.

He opened the door and we both walk in, rubbing my eyes from the tears and swallow hard. "Lex?" Steven called out, "Lex?" He called out a little uncertain this time before knocking on the bathroom door before opening it.

"ALEX!" He screamed and rushed over, I looked inside feeling my heart drop, He lifted her out of the water
"PLease! No! Oh god,Please, Lex, Please!"

I stare at them, my eyes brimming with tears. I shake my head and whisper ''no''

Steven craddled her soaked body shaking her. "You shouldnt have left her....." I whispered sniffling and wiping my eyes quickly

"I loved her to.....way more" I said louder before walking out of the room and getting someone to go into the room to help my brother. I woudnt be able to stay in there. I'd break down again....So I just went back to Ella's room, She still looked peaceful...

My life would always be a endless black tunnel with death lurking behind me.