Daughter of the Girl

"You want to talk about it?" Alex asked at three in the morning. Neither of us had spoken all night, but we knew the other was awake. 

"Why?" I spoke to the wall. 

"It will make you feel better?" He tried to reason. I manuvered my body so that I faced him, barely making out his features in the darkness. 

"Not: why must I talk of it? Why did it have to happen?" I spoke quietly. Almost as though a volume any louder would shatter the world. But the question burned fiercly inside, tormenting me in endless possibilities. 

Alex froze. Stopped moving completely. A jolt of panic surged through me. 'Is he okay? Is he, Alex, accepting the same fate as Gerard in this very moment? No. That's absurd.' I thought all of this in a matter of seconds, for Alex sighed. Relief flooded every nerve in my entire being. He was okay. I had Alex.

"Well, Scare, you see, it's like, uhh..." Alex couldn't find the words. A sigh escaped his lips once again. "Gerard died for a reason," Alex started, gently, "The world thrives on sickness. Sickness of all kinds. Your mother," Alex choked a bit. I pressed my lips together, bitting slightly at the inside. I could hear the breath my uncle took before begining again. "Your mother took that sickness away. She helped everyone she could. Gerard...was the same. They took away so much, and it had to go somewhere." Alex tried to explain. I would have none of that. 

"There's no reason for it." the only reply I could muster. 

"No, Scare, there really isn't." 

I didn't want to talk of this. Not again. I never wanted to have the Cancer Talk again. It's my biggest nightmare. 

"T-tell me the story of your Wendy again. Please?" A change of subject. That's what was needed. 

Alex shifted around a bit. I could hear the smile in his voice. "She was this brunette with brown eyes. This cute little nose. Always a smile to be gaven. She wanted out of her town, just like Jasey had, and I wasn't making the same mistake twice. I had to convince her, but gradually she caved. We toured the world together. Met so many amazing people. And I got to be her lost boy. I was the last chance of any reality in that god forsaken town. And now, we live hapily ever after." Even the cliffnote version gave me a flicker of warmth. But I knew it would be gone soon, so I hugged into Alex's chest. "One day, it won't hurt as much." 

"I highly doubt that." My watery mumble prompted the rocker to rest his chin above my head. 

"We hit the Boys Like Girls stop tomorrow." Alex tried. 

"Boston...?" This would be my first time in Massachusetts, but I somehow didn't even care. Actually, I totaly knew why. But if I thought of that, I may have had heart failure. 

That day I saw Gerard Way die. I saw a person die. Death. Right infront of me. I couldn't stop it. I couldn't change it. But I would remember it. I would always remember it. How could I? How could I do that to him? I wouldn't. I'd allow Gerard to haunt my memories for an eternity. That's the least I could do. Let his soul have a place to visit. 

I could hear the air flying by the bus. Cars rushing past. The begginings of rain stinging the outside. Night went on. Life went on. 

I wished it wouldn't.