Rosie

Have you ever had one of those moments when you didn’t care where you went or what you did, recklessness to the fullest extent?

I was having one of those moments and it wasn’t pretty. I sped down the road in my black beat up 1991 Chevrolet Beretta GT, my knuckles white as I gripped the steering wheel. I was doing 70 in a 40 zone but I didn’t care. It was late at night and the traffic wasn’t as bad as it usually was, giving me plenty of room to let out my anger on the road.

Naturally I was furious. I was really trying to get a fucking job but that wasn’t good enough, apparently. This was me trying to get my pathetic life back together and the leeway was limited time wise. I understood that she was stressed about our financial situation, hell so was I. I was anticipating the day that I discovered my first grey hair to be soon because of it. I sure as fuck didn’t want to live on the streets, but at the same time she didn’t have to flip out on me about it.

I’d known this was coming though, as much as I hated to say it. We’d have small tiffs here and there about the topic, which could only lead to something bigger, which it obviously did. I’d procrastinated for months without consideration for other people or even for myself. I wallowed in self pity despite her valiant efforts to shake me from it. I was set in my ways for what seemed like an eternity before I noticed a change. I still didn’t socialize with people but I did it more willingly. My ambition became more prominent and the job hunting finally began.

I guess what I was mad about the most was the fact that Dawn was right to an extent. If it weren’t for my past behaviors we might not have been enduring such money problems. The issue was that some past behaviors stay with you.

I drank when times got tough. I drank when I got bored. I drank to liven up social situations or temporarily rid my body of its awkwardness. Sometimes I drank just to be drunk. It’d been that way since I was 18 with a fake ID and got progressively more frequent over the years. I was now 21 with a real ID that I made full use of. Old habits die hard, I suppose.

I found myself pulling up to the Huntington Beach Pier, my tires screeching to a halt as I took up two parking spaces. See if I gave a fuck. It was 10:30 and very few people were there, which suited me just fine. I wanted to be alone for a bit, breathe in the summer sea air and clear my head, perhaps even calm down a bit, seeing as I didn’t want to have a coronary. I knew at some point I’d have to go home but it could wait.

I sat at the very edge of the dock and looked out at the water, black as night; so still, so peaceful, the only light being from the lamp posts spread out along the dock. It was the perfect place for thinking and that was exactly what I did. I thought and thought, smoked a cigarette, thought some more, I even remembered a few things. One of these things made my heart freeze, caused tears to burn at the back of my eyes, threatening to fall. I refused to let them. I wouldn’t cry, my pride clearly told me, I was too strong to cry. So I didn’t, but I did let out an inarticulate scream and throw a nearby forgotten flip flop out into the water as far as I could. I felt a bit better but there were still things that needed to be resolved. There always were.

As if right on cue my phone started buzzing. Hesitantly I pulled it out of my pocket, checking the caller ID before flipping it open.

‘’I am so, so, so, sorry.’’ Dawn’s voice came through the speaker. It sounded shaky and her sentence ended with a choked out sob. I bit my lip.

‘’I know, I’m sorry too,’’ I said quietly, ‘’can we please never go through that again?’’

‘’Absolutely. I was out of line and just stressed, really, please don’t hate me.’’

‘’I don’t hate you.’’

‘’Are you sure?’’ she sniffled.

‘’If I did I wouldn’t have picked up my phone,’’ I said, smiling slightly, ‘’are you still home?’’

‘’Yeah, where are you?’’

‘’Doesn’t matter, I’m coming back,’’ I said, getting up and making my way back to the parking lot. I thought of something as I lit up another cigarette. It was becoming a habit. ‘’Would you mind if I invited someone over?’’ I mumbled around the cigarette.

‘’Right now?’’

‘’Yes.’’ I inhaled deeply, holding the smoke for as long as I could.

‘’Go right ahead,’’ she said unsurely, ‘’may I ask who this person is?’’

I exhaled, the polluted air leaving my lips in a cloud. ‘’You’ll see.’’

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I arrived home shortly after and walked into the lobby, which was pretty much dark. I looked around by the staircase. He had to be here; he didn’t know which apartment was mine.

‘’Jimmy?’’ I asked aloud. Silence answered me and I sighed, looking at my phone. I’d gotten a text a few minutes ago, telling me he got there in one piece. I replied:

Where are you?

A minute later a dark figure jumped out of the blackness and grabbed me. Completely terrified I let out a scream and squirmed relentlessly, kicking my attacker in the leg until he released me, cursing and rubbing his shin. Scrambling away I flicked on the lights, revealing not Jimmy, but Zacky.

‘’What the fuck is wrong with you?!’’ I yelled at him, kicking him again for good measure. He winced.

‘’I was about to shank you, stupid ass!’’ Sneaking up on me was not a smart idea by any means.

‘’I’m sorry,’’ he said, putting his hands up slowly in defense. I glared, waiting for an explanation.

‘’Yeah I don’t have a real reason why I did that.’’

‘’Creep,’’ I grumbled, rolling my eyes and smoothing out my clothes, ‘’where’s Jimmy?’’

‘’Upstairs, Dawn was here in the lobby when we showed up. She looked pretty upset,’’ he said, looking a little worried, ‘’is everything okay?’’

I sighed, not really wanting to explain the situation to him. It wasn’t any of his business. ‘’Yeah, don’t worry about it. Come on.’’ We got into the small elevator and took it to my floor, happy he didn’t pry any further.

I opened the door to the apartment slowly, poking my head in. Jimmy and Dawn were sitting at the kitchen table with a big bowl full of Cherry Jell-o. Jimmy was in his glory and he grinned when Zack and I stepped into the room. Dawn looked at me with hopeful eyes.

Before even saying anything I hurried into the kitchen and gave her a big hug. No words were exchanged and none really needed to be. I usually held grudges against people but she was the exception. She was my best friend.

When I pulled away the guys were looking around awkwardly, unsure of what to do with themselves. Zack went for the bowl of Jell-o only for Jimmy to smack his hand away, hissing.

‘’Do not touch. This was promised to me, damnit,’’ he said protectively. Zack gave him a pout.

‘’You said if I came along that there would be food. I am here and that is edible. Now feed me, fuckers.’’

Dawn and I laughed. She handed Zacky and I each a spoon, much to Jimmy’s dismay. We dug in happily. Oh how I loved Jell-o.

Spoon hanging out of my mouth, I dug around in the fridge and pulled out a bottle of Jack Daniels. I’d been saving it for later but I felt it was a bit necessary, for me at least. I know it’d been me who invited them over but my awkward self was still nervous when it came to being around people I didn’t know well. Drinking seemed like a good enough distraction.

I took a swig straight from the bottle, letting out a sigh of relief as the liquid burned its way down my throat. I handed the bottle to Dawn, knowing damn well she was about to ask for some. I swear I have telepathic powers.

Jimmy and Zack eyed the bottle greedily, their mouths full of Jell-o.

Dawn smirked as she drank from it. ‘’We should go out somewhere. A club, perhaps?’’

The Jell-o I’d been eating slipped out of my mouth. I nonchalantly pretended it didn’t happen. ‘’Why a club?’’ I asked, ‘’can’t we just stay here?’’

She knew I wasn’t big on clubs. Every time we went she’d make me dance. I did not like dancing.

‘’You can stay here if you want. I wanna go to a club. Do you guys feel like joining me?’’

‘’Of course,’’ Zack smiled. I think he was starting to have a thing for her.

‘’Count me in,’’ Jimmy grinned, turning his head to look at me with puppy dog eyes. I shifted around uncomfortably in my chair, stealing the bottle back from Dawn and sipping some more JD.

‘’What?’’ I asked after he continued doing this for awhile.

‘’You should come with us,’’ he said, poking my arm, ‘’don’t you want to go out and have some fucking fun?’’

‘’Not particularly, clubs aren’t really my thing.’’

‘’Please, Rosie? Please? Please? Please?’’ With every ‘please’ I was poked in the arm again. I glared.

Fuck me.

‘’Fine! Jesus, give us a minute to change,’’ I grumbled, getting up from the table and going into my room, Dawn going to hers after apologizing on my behalf for my pissiness.

I dug through my closet to find something suitable I could wear, a lit cigarette dangling between my lips. I figured some black heels and tight jeans would suffice, along with a white tank top with roses printed on it. Get it? Rosie? Roses? I’m a terribly corny person.

I brushed out my hair and stuffed the box of Marlboros in my pocket, finishing my cigarette and deciding I looked presentable enough. The heels helped but I was still an imp in comparison to the men waiting in the living room, both of them in all black. My clothes made me look oddly cheerful. Oh the irony.

They were being nosy and flipping through my CD collection so I knocked on Dawn’s door. She opened it a crack and checked to see it was me, letting me in. There were two outfits in her hands; a black and red polka dot dress and a purple top with a jean mini skirt.

‘’Which one?’’ she asked, at a loss.

I pointed to the dress. ‘’That would look great with those red heels you have.’’

She thanked me and ushered me out of the room so she could get changed. The guys looked at me as I stood there awkwardly.

‘’She’ll just be a minute,’’ I told them, picking up the half empty bottle of JD and chugging it. Zack just nodded. Jimmy’s eyes lingered on me longer than I thought they would.

This was going to be a long night.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

We took Zack’s car to this club called Evacuation, which was a bit of a hole-in-the-wall type of place but Dawn loved going there. I was happy to get out of the car since all the guys wanted to do was make small talk. I wasn’t in the mood for it; I was in this for the alcohol.

My mood improved slightly when I stepped inside and heard the music. It was a song by The Ramones but I couldn’t remember the name of it. Not a bad choice at all. The people dancing at this point were all plastered so the dance moves that went with the song were eccentric and all around ridiculous. I actually laughed when Jimmy didn’t even bother to grab a drink but decided to run straight for the dance floor, flailing his arms about as he went. Dawn walked off to get us some shots which left me with Zacky, who was staring at her behind as though it were made of solid gold. Rolling my eyes, I punched him in the arm. Hard.

‘’Fuck! What was that for?’’ he yelled, rubbing where I hit him and stepping away from me. I pointed to my best friend and imitated the face he’d been making just a few seconds ago. He actually blushed.

‘’You didn’t see that.’’

‘’Oh, yes I did,’’ I laughed.

‘’Fuck,’’ he groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. I pat him on the shoulder.

‘’Just so you know, the next time you ogle her in front of me you’ll be receiving a knee to your special twins. Got it?’’

His eyes widened in fear and he nodded quickly, heading over to the bar as fast as he could. Good.

I wandered off and grabbed a table for us, crossing my legs and humming along with the music. Not a minute later Jimmy plopped down next to me, looking winded with his hair sticking up in random places. I raised an eyebrow.

‘’So, I don’t know much about you,’’ he stated, his blue eyes full of curiosity.

‘’Indeed. Let’s keep it that way,’’ I replied, looking away when Dawn came over with the shots. He looked a bit put out but I shrugged it off.

It took one, two, three, four shots before I felt any less grouchy. Dawn grabbed my hand and dragged me onto the dance floor with her. At this point I was a bit more willing to dance so I pushed the sweaty bodies around me far away enough to grind against Dawn, both of us rolling our hips to the music. I tossed my hair back and grabbed her hips, not caring how we looked.

After a little while of this I glanced over at the bar to find Jimmy and Zacky staring at us. Honestly, there were so many other girls in the club. Couldn’t they find something else to do? I nudged Dawn.

‘’I’ll be right back,’’ I told her, weaving my way through the people and feeling relieved when I could breathe air that wasn’t hot and sweaty. I grabbed an appletini at the bar and went outside before either of the guys could say anything, pulling the pack of Marlboros out of my pocket. I was hoping Zacky would use this time to dance with Dawn before someone else did.

The air outside was nice and refreshing, which dissipated quickly once my cigarette was lit. My new smoking habit was nice in that it allowed me to get away from everything for a few minutes. I blew out the smoke and took a sip of the appletini, which was delicious, I might add. I sat myself on the curb and watched the cars zoom by, rolling my eyes when one honked at me.

The solitude only lasted a few minutes before I was joined by none other than Jimmy, who sat next to me cross-legged. I glanced over at him when he lit up a cigarette, a beer in hand. Good, so he wouldn’t be repulsed by my newly acquired habit. Why did I care? I didn’t know.

‘’You’re not a very social person, are you?’’ he asked. I took a long drag before deciding to respond.

‘’No, I’m really not.’’

Silence. I drank some more of my appletini to distract myself. I obviously hadn’t drunk enough since you could practically see the awkward tension.

This time Jimmy wasn’t discouraged. He was curious. ‘’Have you always been this way?’’ he continued, mumbling around his cigarette.

I shrugged, not wanting to give him a verbal answer. I’d always had issues socially, admittedly it was pretty bad not too long ago, but since then I’d actually improved, if you could believe it.

Jimmy scratched the back of his neck awkwardly. More silence. If he only went out there to ask me questions I was going to get aggravated quickly.

‘’Would I be out of line to ask why you don’t…associate with people?’’ he asked carefully, tapping the cigarette ash off on the curb.

My eyes narrowed a bit. ‘’Yes, you would be out of line,’’ I replied quietly.

He sensed that the conversation was going nowhere. To seem a bit less harsh I added, ‘’but…I appreciate your concern.’’ I placed my hand on his knee, not really sure what else to do.

He smiled a little bit at this, drinking his beer and standing up. ‘’Wanna dance with me?’’ he asked, jerking his thumb at the club.

That I wouldn’t mind, I thought to myself. I flicked my cigarette away and nodded, getting up from the pavement and following him inside.

I would need a few more drinks but in all honesty I didn’t mind Jimmy’s company. For me, it was a start.