Somewhere in Neverland

After fixing everything with Alex, things with Noelle and I went back to usual as well. We talked things out like we used to: calling each other out for our faults without any shame or consideration for the other’s feelings. Our conversation ranged from her telling me I was stupid, blind, stubborn, and pig-headed to us gossiping like we did when we were freshmen.

Our friendship is just funny like that, I guess.

Everything that happened over the past two days came at the worst possible time, too. Instead of devoting my time to my honorary family members, I was too caught up in relationship drama to truly enjoy the show with them. Luckily Mama Savage volunteered to house All Time Low for the night while Russell’s mom took in The Summer Set. I didn’t realize Mama Savage had motives behind her willingness to host them, but she definitely did.

“So,” She says as she stands behind the kitchen island. Alex and I are sitting on the stools while the rest of the boys and Gracie are sprawled out across the living room watching A Cinderella Story. The boys fought hard against it, but when it’s Gracie’s movie night, it’s Gracie’s choice of movie. When Mama first pulled us out of the movie experience, we were both somewhat thankful, but now as she eyes the both of us, I can tell she means business. “It has come to my attention that the two of you are a thing,” She eyes Alex with a skeptical look on her face. “Now, Alex, I look at Caroline as if she were my daughter. She lives under my roof, comes to me with boy drama, so for all intents and purposes, she’s my kid.”

I fight back the laughter that’s bound to happen sooner or later. Alex looks absolutely terrified and confused at her sudden feistiness, but nothing about Mama Savage surprises me anymore.

“Let’s just get something straight, alright? You hurt her and I hurt you,” A small smile forms on her lips. “I’m a fiercely protective mama bear that looks out for my cubs, so let’s just make this easier for all of us. I have four other dumbass children who have their own share of drama to deal with, so I trust that you two will keep this respectful and civil, correct?”

“Yes, ma’am,” Alex says, his eyes darting between me and her the entire time.

“Don’t call me ma’am,” She shakes her head. “It makes me feel old.”

I shake my head and allow the laughter to escape my lips freely. “Mama, take it easy on him. He’s a good guy.”

“Use a condom,” She jokes before biting the carrot stick in her hand and turning away. “Now, if you two would like to join us for A Cinderella Story, that would be lovely. Just no fornicating on my living room furniture or in front of my children, please.”

Although she approached the conversation with a slightly humorous tone that Alex most certainly did not catch onto, there was truth behind her speech. Mama Savage worries about me as if I was her daughter and I look up to her as if she were my mother. She’s always been a protective and loving mama, but she got fierce when her husband died and she was forced to take over the role of overbearing father as well.

To ease her mind, I slip in between Gracie and Rhys on the couch while Alex curls up on the floor in between Matt and Rian. Noelle is cuddled awkwardly into Jack’s side while Zack is off in his own little world, doing whatever he does.

We watch the movie in silence for a while before Luke points out a major flaw in the plot.

“How can he not tell it’s her? When everyone is like, ‘Oh, Chad Michael Murray! I’m your girl!’ I’m like, are you fucking blind? Hilary Duff is blonde. Her hair is very distinct. His posters are a little too detailed to not be able to piece two and two together. This film is unnecessary and unrealistic.”

“Shut up,” Gracie spits back. “Let me enjoy my movie. I’ve had to sit through so many of your dumb movies that you can sit through one of mine and not be a whiny bitch.”

“You get him, Gracie,” Noelle reaches up for a high five that she gladly accepts as Luke rolls his eyes, but reluctantly shuts his mouth.

Most everybody is asleep by the time the movie ends. Mama Savage went to bed halfway through and left me in charge of setting everyone up for the night. I’m tempted to stay curled up in between Gracie and Rhys, but the way Alex eyes me tells me he’d like to sleep in a bed tonight.

I gently lift Rhys’ body off of my own and stand up, adjusting my shirt over my stomach before turning to face Alex.

“I’m gonna take her to bed,” I whisper, pointing to Gracie. Jack stirs and I silently curse my inability to effectively keep my voice down low. “Come with me.”

Gracie wraps her arms around my shoulders as I lift her up off the couch and buries her face in my neck. Alex follows behind me as I carefully climb the stairs to the second floor.

“I’ll be out in a second,” I say, pushing Gracie’s bedroom door open with my foot and disappear into the dark room. I bend down awkwardly and pull the covers back before I lay her sleeping body onto the bed and cover her with her blankets. “Goodnight, Gracie. Sleep tight.” I lean down and kiss her forehead before turning to meet Alex in the hallway.

“Beddy-bye time,” I cheer quietly, lacing my hand in his and leading him down the hallway to the last door on the right.

I push open the door and flick the lights on in my bedroom.

“I haven’t been in your bedroom in quite some time,” He jokes, kissing my neck. I laugh slightly and turn to meet his lips with my own for a quick moment.

“Hands off tonight, buddy. No copulation, fornication, or penetration.”

“Dang it! Those are all the best parts,” He whines. I smile and peck his lips once more before nudging him towards the bed.

I turn my attention to the dresser, where I dig through piles of clothes I haven’t worn in months in search of pajamas. After sifting through mounds of old clothes, I pull out a pair of flannel pajama pants and a Tomlinson hoodie.

“You have a tube hanging out of your sleeve,” Alex says, pointing to the insulin pump site that got torn out at some point.

“Fuck!” I groan, throwing the clothes down on the bed. “I’ll be back in a few minutes.”

“Where are you going?” He pouts, sitting up as if he were to follow me.

“Diabetes calls,” I shrug my shoulders. “Just stay here; I’ll be right back.”

I turn and bolt out of my room and down the stairs to the kitchen where I swing open the refrigerator carelessly and find a vile of insulin in the door.

“Caroline?” Jack’s sleep filled voice is full of confusion.

“Hm?” I ask, closing the fridge door and peek my head into the living room.

“I don’t really know,” He says, rubbing his eyes. “I’m just not really sure where I am right now.”

I can’t hold back the smile that forms on my lips. He’s still more asleep than he is awake and his disheveled hair and confused expression are absolutely adorable.

“You’re at my house,” I explain quietly. “Just go back to sleep, buddy.”

“Okay,” He mumbles, snuggling closer to Noelle. The way those two cuddle confuses me and I honestly wonder if there’s anything going on there. I know Noelle would tell me if there was, but I can’t help but think they’d be adorable together.

After I’m sure he’s actually asleep, I search through a drawer for the rest of my supplies as quietly as I can. I grab a site change, reservoir, medical tape, and prep wipes before jogging back upstairs and into my room.

“You were gone a long time,” Alex whines as I yank my t-shirt over my head. “And now you’re taunting me.”

“What do you mean?” I laugh, pulling a sports bra on and slip off my jeans.

“No fornication or penetration, remember? You can’t just get naked in front of me and not expect me to get turned on,” He explains. “You’re setting me up for failure.”

After I shimmy my pajama pants up my legs, I wander over to him and wrap my arms around his head, pulling him close to my chest.

“You’re silly,” I smile, grateful to be in his presence and to have him back. “We can do all that when we’re not in the presence of my family.”

“They’re all asleep!”

“That’s what you think,” I say. “Mama Savage is a very light sleeper.”

He gets a mischievous look in his eye. “Are you talking from personal experience?”

“Not me, no,” I lean into him and he wraps his arms around my stomach.

“You still have a tube hanging off your body,” He reminds me, his fingers toy with the plastic for a minute. “And as sexy as that is, I don’t think it’ll be sexy in a few hours.”

I reluctantly let go of him and sit down on the edge of the bed to change my site. Alex crawls over and lies down on his stomach to watch, curiously.

“One of these days you’re gonna let me do this,” He says, allowing his chin to rest on top of his hands. There’s a small smile on his face and something inside of me decides it’s time to let go of the control and let him help.

“Here,” I say, handing him the vial of insulin and the reservoir.

“No way,” He shakes his head in disbelief. “I don’t even know what I’m doing. I meant one day in the future. I don’t want to kill you; I kinda like having you around.”

“You’re not gonna kill me. I’ll walk you through it,” I say, closing his hand around the insulin and plastic packaging.

He sits up and crosses his legs Indian style and looks to me for instructions.

“Okay, so open up that guy,” I say, pointing to the reservoir.

“What the fuck is this thing?” He asks, holding up the tiny clear tube and the blue needle cap.

We laugh together when his confused eyes meet mine. “That’s what the insulin goes in. You put the little blue cap on top and then that’s how you get the insulin inside it.” His fingers fumble over the needle cap as he struggles to figure out how to put it on the reservoir. It’s bizarre to me that he doesn’t know how to do it – it’s second nature to me now – but I let him figure it out himself. “Now push air in and out of it a few times.”

“Like this?” He eyes me for confirmation and I nod. “Now what?”

“Pull it back to the 1.8 mark and then put the needle in the bottle,” I give him a thumbs up when he holds it up for inspection. “Now push the air into the bottle and turn it upside down and draw out enough to fill it to the same line.”

“There’s a bubble,” He says, stopping immediately. “Is that normal?”

“Yeah, but you have to get rid of it,” I smile at his frustration as he retries a few times, only to get bubbles every time.

“This fucking sucks,” He tries to hand me the reservoir to do it myself, but I shake my head.

“No, this is on you tonight,” I push his hand away. “Flick it.”

“Flick it? With my finger?”

“Yeah,” I laugh. “It pushes them to the top.”

After a few failed attempts he stops and throws his hands up in defeat. “Dude, I’m not doing this. This is fucking stupid.”

I narrow my eyes at him and scoff. “Bro, you just gave up on my life. I have to do this every three days, so trust me when I say I know it sucks. So you’re gonna fucking pick that shit up and finish it.”

“I like it when you take charge,” He winks and picks up where he left off, determined to get the pesky air bubbles out of the reservoir. “I think I got them all.”

When I inspect his work, I flick one last little air bubble out and take the reservoir out of the vial.

“Good work. Now on a scale of one to ten, how much should I trust you?”

He lets his eyes wander to the wall on his left as a smile spreads across his face. “Maybe like, a four point five?”

“That’s not promising,” He smirks at my discomfort. “I’m asking so I know whether or not I should give you the free reigns to put a needle in my body.”

“Well now that I know that’s why you were asking, I’d say maybe a two point three, but I promise I’ll try my best!”

I take a deep breath and nod, handing him the blue Mio infusion set.

“Take the plastic off and then tear off the paper on the back,” He follows along. “Now take the cap off.”

“I get to put this inside of you?”

“Taken out of context, that’s fucking awesome,” Both of us laugh. “But yeah, that needle is going to go in my body. You’re just gonna click buttons and it’ll insert itself, so you don’t actually have to give me a shot or anything, though.”

I wipe my stomach with an IV prep pad and lay down next to him.

“Now take the cap off the needle carefully so you don’t pull the site out of the inserter and then peel the sticker thing off,” I hold down the site as he unravels the sticker around the needle. “And now you pull back the white thing in the back to load it.”

“Is this when I poke you?”

I nod and point to where he needs to put the inserter and show him where he needs to push, trying to ignore the nervous look on his face. I try to distract myself by rewinding my pump in preparation for the vial of insulin after my site is in.

“This is kind of romantic, right?” He asks, trying to lessen my nerves. “I’m learning how to do this so one day when you’re incapable, I can do it for you.”

Something about his comment makes me smile. I don’t know if it’s the fact that he’s legitimately proud of himself that he’s gotten this far or the fact that he’s thought about our future together. He leans forward and kisses me softly.

“Alex, do it already,” I say, bracing myself for the poke.

“I already did,” He smiles into the kiss and I toss my pump to the side and grab the back of his head, smashing his lips into mine. “No penetration,” He warns. “You said so yourself.”

“Shut up,” I say, tangling my fingers in his hair and stare intently into his eyes, seriously debating whether or not the threat of getting caught by Mama Savage is worth it or not. “I never said you couldn’t kiss me.”

“Did we just break new ground?” He whispers, pulling the inserter off my stomach.

“I think we did,” I say. “You’re the first person I’ve ever let do a site change.”

“Why?”

I shrug my shoulders and continue to play with his hair. “It’s a trust and power thing, I think. I dunno; I’m working on it.”

The smile on his face falters for a minute and he suddenly looks self-conscious.

“What’s a matter, Al?”

He shakes his head and chuckles lightly. “I’m being stupid.”

“What?”

His eyes meet the ceiling and then the wall and then finally land on me. “When Wyatt kissed you, was there any part of you that enjoyed it? Or like, any part of you that was like, ‘yeah, this feels right’?”

I sit up immediately and grab his face in my hands. “No, I was afraid that I would, but unlike every other time, Wyatt wasn’t the better option, Alex. You were – you are the better option. I’m finally happy with someone and I’m not gonna let him get in my head and ruin what we have.”

My arms snake around his neck and I pull him close so our lips can meet in a passionate kiss.

“You’re my best friend,” I say quietly. “You’re my guy and I’ve waited so damn long to be able to say that.”

Any doubt that was previously present in his expression vanishes and is replaced with his smile. Butterflies flutter in my stomach and I wish with every fiber of my being that I wasn’t in the company of my honorary family, otherwise I would jump his bones so damn quick.

The annoying beeping of my pump snaps me out of my thoughts and reminds me I need to connect. After prepping my tubing, I connect the tube to my body and slip the pump into my sports bra.

“Can we cuddle now?” His hands wander my body and I know his definition of cuddling is different than my own.

I don’t even bother putting on the hoodie I pulled out earlier, instead turning off the lights and crawling into bed next to Alex. The clock reads 4:35 am, but neither of us seem tired anymore. Instead we lie in bed and allow our hands to wander each other’s bodies for hours and tangle ourselves in the sheets.

“I love you,” I breathe into the crook of his neck and kiss him.

“I love you, too,” He wraps his arm around me and kisses the top of my head and everything is okay again now that I’m back in his arms.

Yeah, I could get used to this.