What Goes Around Comes Around

"That's absolute bull shit. You know it." I shouted at Dan as he gave me a sad look. It seemed like everyone was giving me that look lately.

"You have a minor concussion and you got one earlier this season. Plus, you've been playing like total shit and I think you need to find peace in whatever you may be going through. You need help, kid." He just sat there, at his desk, while he took all I had left away from me. He told me that the "organization" decided I needed an extended break, beyond the regular time for a minor concussion.

"I don't know why everyone thinks something is wrong. I'm just good ole Sidney, see?" I laughed but it was forced. Even I could tell that. I tried another approach. "If I'm already playing like shit, which I know I am, do you really think keeping me off the ice will help me improve? I obviously need more practice." I begged desperately and he just shook his head. I never wanted to hit somebody as badly as I wanted to sock Dan Bylsma right now.

He took off his glasses and pinched the bridge of his nose, sighing heavily. He met my eyes with the most sympathetic look I've ever seen on that mans face. And I hated it.

"Listen, kid, I'm gonna be straight up with you right now. You are the best player in the NHL, if not currently in the world. People may want to fight it but its true. I don't think your game needs any improvement. Your skill can't be improved anymore. You just need to get your head together, Sidney. I've been paying close attention to you over the past month or so, and there is something seriously wrong. You were never really one to go clubbing but when we are on the road and everyone goes out to dinner, now you don't even go. You sit in your hotel room and sulk. I have no idea what's upsetting you and I wish you'd tell somebody but you... You need to find closure. I think you're making yourself suffer for whatever reason..." I looked away and he stopped talking. I wasn't acting like that, was I?

"You're exaggerating. I'm the same. I'm fine. I'm fucking happy." I muttered and stared at the team picture behind his chair, right after we won the Cup.

"Just the way you say it tells me you're miserable. Do whatever you need. Your concussion isn't too serious but take it easy, alright? Still work out and meet with the doctor once every week. You need a break from hockey." He gathered up some papers and stood up, now looking down on me. I still sat in the chair, slumped in defeat. He was really taking this away from me.

"I can't bail on the guys. They need me. Please, coach, please. I don't know what you want me to say." I was debating getting on my knees and begging at this point. "I'll say whatever. I'll be happy and go out to dinner with the team, if that's what you want. This is all I have; this is my life." I stood up and followed him as he walked out the door, like a lost puppy. He turned around and I stopped feet away.

"That's the problem, Sidney. You can't force yourself to be happy." He turned away, without another word and continued down the hallway to the locker room, my locker room. Where I belong. It's the one thing I didn't manage to fuck up. Until now.

"You need to be happy to live!" I shouted and he stopped, not looking back but I could tell he was listening. "I don't." He didn't move an inch at my words, but I noticed his shoulders tensed up. It was my turn to walk away.

*******€******

I drove at a break neck speed to the hotel my family was staying at. I probably drove through 4 red lights and was speeding the whole time but I just wanted to get this shit over with. Everyone wanted me to find "closure"? Then I would.

I ran from my car to the door, up the stairs until I found to room number my sister told me they were staying in. 407. I stopped at the door and banged on it, my patience completely gone for the day. I think I may have used up my quota for the next month or so.

"Who crapped in your cornflakes this morning, mister?" Taylor opened the door, Mickey Mouse pajamas on. I smiled for the first time today, remembering watching Disney shit with her when she was little.

"You know I hate cornflakes." I greeted drily and she smiled, sweeping her arm in a 'come in' way. I walked into the hotel suite, admiring it quickly.

"So what brings you to my temporary abode?" She flopped down on the bed, staring at my expectantly.

"Are mom and Troy here?" I didn't bother to answer her question. She rolled her eyes at my use of our fathers first name but chose not to comment on that.

"Nope, they left about an hour ago, bro. So you didn't come to see your favorite sister?" She smiled at me and my eyes darted to the MacBook I bought her for her birthday. I strode over to it while she watched me in curiosity.

"Can I use this?" I picked it up and walked back over to where she was sitting, handing it to her. She gave me a strange look but opened it and unlocked it. I plopped down next to her and took the computer, nodding my head in thanks.

"You're acting weird." She commented as I typed in Facebook.

"You don't say." I spoke absentminded. Taylor's account was already logged in and seeing as I didn't have a Facebook, I clicked on the search bar.

"What are you doing...?" I ignored her and typed in "Aurora Lanza". I took a deep breath and let it out, just staring at the name gave me chills.

I pressed search before I chickened out. Only one name popped up. Aurora Lanza. I moved the mouse over and clicked it. The whole profile was locked and I could only see the small picture, which I couldn't click on to make it larger. I moved my face closer to the screen and started trembling when I saw it.

Even though the size was small, I could tell it was her. She looked beautiful; but that wasnt the thing that had me queasy. It was the gorgeous little girl in her lap.

"Oh fuck." I heard Taylor whisper next to me. My thoughts exactly.