Insanity

I was in trouble this week.
How was I supposed to sing a rock song of any kind when the theme was 'Divas'?
One could only hope and pray that Danni would come through for me with the song choice she'd give me. She came back in the room after some time, once more going through the routine of handing each of us a sheet or two of paper.
"I think this one would be absolutely perfect for you," she told me, giving me my song. "You'd kill it."
Turning the paper over to see what she'd given me, I managed a smile. I remembered growing up with this song when I was much younger, and still remembered most of how it went. My mentor really came through for me and I couldn't thank her enough.
During Soundcheck, I half-decided whether or not to take it up with Danni as to what I should do onstage. I contemplated if I should start in the back and come forward halfway through, or if I should just stay in the front the whole time. There were a couple things running through my head that I wanted to address to make sure I had this all down perfectly.
She sat next to me on one of the chairs as I sipped out of a water bottle. "I think staying in one spot the whole time will be the best," was her response. "You just standing there, holding the microphone, with or without a stand... it'll have a big impact."
I nodded, a smile forming on my face. There was not a doubt in my mind that I'd kill this performance. I'd make it my own and the stage would be mine.

Slowly, but surely, the second Live Show came around the corner. Unlike last week, I was the last person to perform tonight, so this time I'd have to beat everyone else's performance instead of setting the bar. Even so, I'd practiced day in and day out, and I would not be going down easy tonight.
I'd clothed myself in a sleeveless black dress with flowing, knee-length ruffles and ankle-high little black boots. My hair had been left pretty natural as well, but was straightened and styled to look somewhat feathery, in a way.
So until it was time for me to finally go onstage, I sat on a chair in the green room, musing over my thoughts and playing with my fingers. Lucie had the "privilege" of going first tonight, and Stacey was somewhere in the middle. Though sometime later, the seat next to mine was pulled out and occupied by an all-too familiar figure and face.
"You and I are the last two tonight," Jamie smiled, resting his chin on his hand. I chuckled lightly. How lucky could I be; getting to go on right after him?
"Wonder if they'll keep this pattern up from now on," I mused, crossing my legs. It was only a thought, but more of a humorous one- putting me and Jamie right next to each other in the order, whether in the beginning, middle, end, etcetera.
But my mind was still focused on what he'd said to me last week when he took me out for coffee- he was afraid of the possibility that I would've gotten sent home last week.
I bit my lip and let out a sigh. "Hey, Jamie?" I started, looking him in the eye.
His gaze met mine, and I almost had to try not to fall out of my chair at those brown eyes of his. "Yes?"
Taking a deep breath, I finally spoke, "...What you said to me last week, about being afraid of me getting eliminated... was it because you like me and don't want me to go, or because you don't believe in me enough?"
My question, hesitant as it was, seemed to take him aback slightly. The twinkle in his eyes faded, and he reached out to take my hands in his. "Elise... the reason I said that isn't because I don't believe in you," he began. "In fact, I believe you're one of the best singers in the competition." He sighed. "I said that because I don't want the public to turn this into a popularity contest based on style or genre and vote you as the odd one out because you're into rock music."
I felt his grip on my hands tighten just a little as his eyes met mine, and what he said next nearly sent my head and stomach for a whirl. "Look, Elise... I like you. I don't want anything to move too fast, but I like you, okay?" He gave me a smile.
EXCUSE ME CAN YOU REPEAT THAT.
All I could manage after his confession of sorts to me was a shaky nod.
Jamie Archer likes me.
He chuckled at the expression on my face, softly kissing my forehead and pulling me into a hug. I sighed to myself, resting my head against his chest and allowing myself to smile.
Dear God... if this is a dream, don't wake me up.

Like last week, I accompanied Jamie backstage so I could see his performance for myself. Clad this time in just a simple white v-neck and jeans, he looked simple, yet classy. I held his hand as we stood in the wings, waiting for the lights to dim so he could make his entrance.
He stared back down at me, that all-too familiar grin painting his features. "I don't suppose it's too much to ask for another one of those 'good luck kisses', is it?" he chided gently.
I rolled my eyes, my smile growing to match his. "You're being awfully cheeky tonight," my voice sounded somewhat scoldish, but I did as he wished anyway- 'Like I would even say no to that,'- leaning up on my toes and pressing my lips to his cheek, letting them linger for a second or two longer than last week. I felt the slight upturn of his lips as I pulled away.
The stage finally went dark, and he almost reluctantly let go of my hand, but flashed me a smile and a wink before walking as quietly as he could to his spot. When the lights came back on, he stood on the edge of the front platform by where the judges sat, a sole white spotlight shining on him. After a few seconds, he lifted the microphone to his mouth and began to sing.
"Seems like it was yesterday that I fell away... you told me how proud you were, but I walked away... if only I knew what I'd known today..."
He slowly made his way back to the front of the main stage, the spotlight following him. This song... it was so much different from what he sang last week. It was soft. It was slow. And the emotion I could already feel being poured into the lyrics...
I swore I saw him glance to the backstage area where I stood before he started up again.
"I would hold you in my arms, I would take the pain away, thank you for all you've done, forgive all your mistakes... there's nothing I wouldn't do just to hear your voice again, sometimes I wanna call you, but I know you won't be there... I'm sorry for blaming you, for everything I just couldn't do... and I hurt myself by hurting you..."
The crowd was already erupting into cheers. The smile on my face grew bigger and wider with every note that Jamie sang. It was beautiful. He was beautiful.
"If I had just one more day, I would tell you how much that I've missed you since you went away... it's dangerous; so out of line, to try and turn back time... I'm sorry for blaming you, for everything I just couldn't do... and I hurt myself by hurting you..."
When the song finally died out, and he held that last note until the end, everyone was screaming and applauding, yet all I could do was clap until my hands hurt. A few tears fell from my eyes. How could I live up to that performance?
He then high-fived Simon after part of the shock wore off, which caused me to giggle to myself. He received nothing but positive comments from all the judges- which came as no surprise to me- and as he walked back offstage, he met me where I was still waiting in the left wing, bringing me into another embrace. "You're up next, aren't you? The last one for tonight," he stated more than asked. Even so, I nodded.
"Could... could you stay back here and watch my performance, too?" I questioned, biting my lip out of anxiousness.
He smiled, playfully pressing his nose to my hair. "Of course," he replied in a whisper.
Nothing more needed to be said. After I heard Danni introduce me, and the montage of yet another series of video interviews from this week aired on the screen, the lights dimmed, and after Jamie brushed his lips against the back of my hand as a last-minute "good luck" of his own to me, I stepped out to the stage.

The lone spotlight that shone on me was a dim golden color. I stood in the middle of the stage, a microphone on the stand in front of me. The soft piano intro reached my ears and those of everyone in the audience. A small amount of cheers could be heard, and when the time came, I snaked my fingers around the microphone, closing my eyes, and my voice emerged from my lips.
"Every day is so wonderful, then suddenly, it's hard to breathe... now and then, I get insecure from all the pain, I'm so ashamed... but I am beautiful, no matter what they say, words can't bring me down... I am beautiful, in every single way... yes, words can't bring me down, oh no... so don't you bring me down today..."
More lights came on, all the same golden color, mixed with a few bright white ones. They all shone on me, as well as different parts of the stage. The crowd started cheering even louder for me, but all I could think about was the emotion I had to bring to my performance.
"(No matter what we do) No matter what we do... (No matter what we say) No matter what we say... (We're the song inside the tune, full of beautiful mistakes) Yeah, yeah, yeah... (And everywhere we go) And everywhere we go... (The sun will always shine, and tomorrow we might wake, on the other side) The sun will always, always, shine...!"
The lights all stopped and came to one spot; shining right down on me.
"We are beautiful, no matter what they say... words won't bring us down, oh no... we are beautiful, in every single way... yes words can't bring us down, oh no... so don't you bring me down today... ohh... mmm, don't you bring me down today... yeah, ohh... mmm, don't you bring me down... mmm, today..."
I couldn't even comprehend the amount of applause I was currently getting. It was so much. So much cheering, so much screaming, so much approval from a crowd of over a thousand people. It was the most incredible feeling.
"Elise!" Cheryl called me over with a wave. I stepped away from the microphone stand and came closer to the table where the judges could see me properly. "That performance of yours, dare I say was one of my top favorites for the night." The audience screamed their agreement. "I mean, just the way you presented yourself was ingenious. All you had to do was stand there and your face and hands did the rest. I felt every bit of emotion you put into it. I felt the pain, but I also felt the pride. It was beautiful. Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful."
My smile came back, my lips opening to show my gleaming pearly whites. Though I immediately closed it, waiting for Simon's comments.
He was... smiling? "Well, Elise, all I can honestly say to you is that you have officially won me over."
The smile spread from ear to ear as the screams got louder once again.
"Despite being a rocker, being somewhat out of your comfort zone," he continued, "This was a great, great song choice for you. Your tones and notes were right on key, your confidence really shone through tonight. You keep this up- everything you just did tonight and last week- keep all of this in your mind, and use it to your advantage, and we might just see a star emerge from you in no time at all."
Danni's comments were pretty much the same as last week. Something along the lines of, "I couldn't be more proud of you, dear", like always, but either way, I couldn't stop grinning. I did her proud.
Unfortunately, Louis wasn't present for the show tonight, but I hoped that in the back of my mind, his comments would also have been positive towards what I had managed to pull off. When Dermot came over, he placed an arm around my shoulders. "Someone's gotta be happy, right?" he grinned. "What's on your mind right now?"
My eyes twinkled. "I-I'm on top of the world," I replied, to which the audience cheered again in my favor. "Like, I was even more nervous this week than last week, to be perfectly honest, but- y'know, I wanted to show that I'm more than just a rocker girl who sticks to one style. I'm able to do so much more and be so much more than a lot of people expect. And that's what I hoped I proved and accomplished tonight." I linked my fingers together in front of me, still smiling wide enough to where my mouth almost hurt.
The show's host bid me farewell to the audience, and I gave them a wave as I strode off, then starting to run as best as I could in my boots back to the opposite wing once I was safely backstage. I was picked up off the ground by a pair of arms as Jamie proceeded to spin me around in circles, which now became very common for him to do when he hugged me.
"That song was perfect for you," he told me. "It was beautiful."
He then set me down, pulling away enough for him to gently take my face in his hands and stare at me, his gorgeous dark brown eyes meeting my grey-blue ones. "Just like you."
SHUT UP AND KISS ME YOU FOOL.
I ignored my rather "primal" thoughts and smiled wide again, leaning up and touching my forehead to his, but made no further move to do anything else. He did the same; just standing there in silence, holding me in his arms as I did to him, letting the top of our heads stay together as our smiles shone in the reflection of each other's eyes.
Nothing more was needed. This was enough for both of us, for now.

When night fell on the eventful day, Stacey and Lucie had scrambled under their blankets and were out like lights. Before I closed my eyes and drifted off, a buzz from my nightstand caused me to reach out and take my phone in my hand to see who had messaged me.
I placed it back on the desk smiling wider than ever, the upturn of my lips never once leaving my face as I succumbed to sleep.

"I meant what I said earlier, by the way. Goodnight, beautiful. Jx"