The Enigma’s Anomaly

I definitely fell asleep because when I wake up I hear the sound of a door opening, and the chime above the door. It’s drizzling so that’s a lot less raucous than the earlier rain.

I’m tired and I blink my eyes a few times to see whoever is standing there, and that’s when I’m blinking up to see a very attractive red head looking around the diner frantically. He’s been crying. A lot. His eyes are bloodshot, and the bags under them are massive, but he is still so goddamn attractive.

“Frank?” Gerard asks the entire room, and I think for a moment that I should just hide under the table and pretend I’m not here, but now he’s got everyone’s attention. There’s two different people in here then when I fell asleep, but the other man is gone, and they’re looking from Gerard to the guy lying down on the booth. The back of the booth is hiding me pretty well so Gerard doesn’t notice me.

Instead I groan and his head darts immediately to me where he’s standing only a few feet away, “Gerard, what’re you doing here? I told Mikey I didn’t-”

Gerard’s eyes beat into me quickly and he steps in front of the booth, without wavering our eye contact. Mine’s a little hazy from just waking up, and I also feel pretty angry. I think I’m angry at him, but I could just as easily be angry at myself for speaking out.

“I had to come instead!” he says.

“I’m going to kill that damn toothpick,” I whisper.

“Frank, I had to come! Mikey knew that and it’s because I made a huge mistake! I had to come get you, I couldn’t let Mikey... I just made the biggest mistake of my life, and I had to tell you this myself,” Gerard says, and he kneels down on the floor next to the booth that I’m sprawled out upon. I look around to see that the sky is a calmer shade of bluish grey and the same waitress is looking at me, a little surprised, but not angrily.

“And what’s that then?” I say, and I pull myself upward. My body is stiff, especially my neck, because these booths are not made for sleeping. There’s only two other patrons, but both are looking at the weird guy who fell asleep at a diner, and the insanely hot redhead he’s taking to.

“You name it,” Gerard says, and he gulps, then looks down at his hands, “I was being selfish. Thinking about myself and not you. I just didn’t think about how tough this has all been on you. Which is stupid, because, I mean you got shot and everything, but I didn’t even... I should’ve tried to look at this from you’re point of view.

“And then there’s the fact that I let you go. I shouldn’t have let you leave. That was so stupid of me. I should’ve followed you, or driven behind you to make sure you were okay. I shouldn’t have let you leave the house, and I’m so sorry.”

“I didn’t want to be around you,” I say. I really didn’t though. When he told me to go away I wanted to be away from him so that I didn’t have to deal with all the shit running through my mind. I was mad, and scared, and nervous, and sad, and hopeful, all combining to make a potent as hell cocktail. If I hadn’t left, who knows what I might have said that I’d come to regret even more than the things I regret now. It’s strange but leaving was probably the best thing I could’ve done. Actually it would have been smarter if I’d just gone upstairs, but it’s too late to take it back now.

Gerard frowns for a moment before pointing out my choice of past tense, “You said ‘didn’t.’”

“Keep going and I’ll tell you if that’s still true,” I say, shortly.

“Frankie,” Gerard says and he puts his hands on the booth, and I see his eyes trembling. “I shouldn’t have told you I don’t love you. I was just angry, and you asked me if I did, and I was... I was mad! I wanted to hurt you, because I- I, but it was wrong of me. I was lying through my teeth. God, I do love you, Frankie. I mean, I was the one who said that first anyway, and I guess what really hurt, was your willingness to believe it wasn’t real. I love you so much, I don’t know, I should never have... god! If there’s one thing that I wish I could take back from that argument, it’s that I said I don’t love you.”

“You do?” I ask in a weak voice.

“Of course I do! How could you possibly think that I don’t? You’re so fucking, ugh,” he groans for a moment, “you’re so aggravating because you just don’t see how wonderful you are! Yes, Frankie, I love you with the force of a million and one worlds, and there’s nothing you can do that would make me stop loving you. Clearly, that’s true, looking at our recent history.”

I chuckle. Yeah, we’ve been through some crap. Like me trying to kill him. How did I overlook that? Obviously he loves me if he was willing to stay with me after I literally tried to kill him. Twice.

“But you were so angry and I was so angry and you asked me if it was true that I didn’t love you, so I just said yes. I didn’t think you’d believe me, because it’s so obvious that I do, but you did, and then you were gone. I didn’t have any time to take it back, because you’d already left, and then I cooled down and I realized what I had done, and it killed me,” Gerard explains without taking any breaths so he’s likely to turn purple.

“It hurt me too,” I admit.

“Well that’s good though, right? It means that we mean something to each other, and I just hate that we have to live with what was said, but I’d rather pretend that it never happened then pretend that we never happened.”

“I agree. I shouldn’t let you take all the blame though. I messed up too. I was trying to make it about me when it was about us, and I’m... I’m sorry for walking out like that. It was childish of me, and I regret that,” I say, taking the waitress’ advice. I should apologize too after Gerard laid himself out for me like that.

“It’s okay, you were mad,” Gerard says with a faint smile as he looks at me.

“Well yeah. I don’t know, I think I still am, but I might not be. You just, you really sounded like you meant it, okay? You told me you didn’t want me there anymore, and called me stupid, and you were completely disregarding my feelings. I know it’s been hard on you, believe me, I know that, but did it ever occur to you that it would hurt me for you to die just as much as it would hurt you for me to die?”

Gerard lets his head hang sadly, “no, I wasn’t thinking. I told you that. I was thinking about this whole thing like it was my problem alone, and it didn’t occur to me that you had to give up all the same things. Even more than me, actually. With your job, and your shoulder.”

My hand ghosts over the scar on my shoulder and I get a flashback of what happened. It was all so quick, and painful, but Gerard was there and he was so upset. How could he have faked that? I’ve been so stupid the past few hours that it physically hurts to remember.

“How much was true though?” I ask him, and set my hands down in front of me on the booth. I think I’ve all but forgotten the other people’s existence, who are probably being weirded out by the two gay guys talking about being shot and shit.

“What?”

“How much of what you said was true?”

“I... almost none of it,” Gerard says looking at me with his big puppy dog eyes blinking behind his long lashes. “Maybe the bit about you being safer if you’d chosen not to stay with me, but I don’t think you’re stupid for that. I’m actually really thankful.”

“Couldn’t have left you,” I say, “never should’ve done it today either.”

Gerard smiles and places his hands over mine on the booth.

“So we’re good then?” Gerard asks.

I nod, a little fearfully hoping that he’s on the same level as me, “I love you, you jerk.”

He smiles widely so that I can see every one of his teeth. I only realize that we’re not even alone right now when the nice waitress, who’s sitting behind the counter tries to mouth words at me.

It takes me a minute to decipher that she’s trying to communicate ‘kiss him,’ followed by something that looks like ‘now, dummy.’

“Oh, right yeah,” I say and I grab Gerard’s chin then lean down, and honestly it feels like all the hurt goes away. It’s like taking a bath in ambrosia or something, because Gerard’s a hella good kisser. It’s not even been twenty four hours since I’ve kissed him, but the past couple have felt like a lifetime each.

“I’m still going to kill Mikey for sending you instead,” I say after a minute.

“Why? Don’t you like me?” Gerard asks with a cheeky little grin.

“Well I like you better but he didn’t listen to what I asked.”

“He’s a little shit,” Gerard nods.

“You are too,” I reply.

“Yeah, but at least I have more than one facial expression.”

“True,” I consent, “kiss me again.”

He giggles, “kay.”