Here We Go Again

I avoided Will for the rest of the week. I stopped spending lunch with the rest of them since I got my memory back and I spent it with Travis more. Since we were both trying to move on though, we decided that we shouldn't try to hide away in the library and PJY room during lunch. So we spent our lunch time in the cafeteria, but far away from Will and Annabella. It was usually only us two and I was fine with that.

Since I was avoiding Will so much, I was pretty surprised when I saw him at the stairs of my apartment complex on Friday afternoon after school had ended for the week. As soon as we made eye contact, I completely avoided the stairs and for once, I took the elevator. I quickly pressed the button and impatiently waited for it to open. When it finally did, I quickly slipped inside. Before the metal doors could shut, Will had ran up to me and slipped himself inside the elevator next to me. I groaned as the metal doors finally shut.

You could've closed before he came in!

I angrily yelled at the elevator in my head.

"Nicole," he started as he turned to face me. I ignored him as I pressed the button for my floor. "Nicole," he tried again as he grabbed my arm. I wretched myself out of his grip.

"Don't touch me," I snapped at him. He held up his hands in defense and took a step away from me. Right as I turned to face the buttons again to once more press the button for my floor, the elevator suddenly stalled. It made a loud screeching noise before it just stopped altogether. I was thrown off balance and Will caught me in his arms so I wouldn't fall to the ground. The lights flickered for a few seconds before the emergency lights came on. When I was sure everything was steady, I pushed Will away me. "You would fucking break down now, you piece of shit!" I yelled at the ceiling of the elevator.

"Is the lift faulty?" Will asked. I gave him a look as if to call him a dumb ass and he knew I didn't even need to answer his stupid question. I pulled out my cellphone to call for help and there was no service. I grunted in frustration as I reached for the emergency phone in the elevator. And of course, with my luck, the line was dead. I grunted again, louder this time. "So we're stuck?" Will asked after he grabbed the emergency phone from my hands and heard the non-existent dial tone for himself.

"What do you think?" I bit back angrily. I would have this horrible luck. I would get stuck in an elevator with the one person I couldn't handle right now.

"Since we're stuck, we should talk," he said. I whipped my head to look up at him. Was he fucking serious right now? Couldn't he tell that I wasn't in the mood for him right now? Or any time for that matter?

"No, Will. We are not doing this. Not in here," I replied as I shook my head.

"Why not? This is the perfect time."

"No, it's not. It's never a perfect time to talk. Especially if it's about us."

"Why not?" I could tell that he was getting annoyed at me.

"I just can't, okay?"

He opened his mouth to say something, but quickly shut it. He didn't question it and instead leaned against the wall and slid down the floor to sit down and face the elevator doors. I followed his lead and sat on floor next to him, putting as much space as I could between us in the small elevator.

All we could do now was wait. Hopefully someone would notice that we were gone or that the elevator was stuck, and someone would get us out.

It was quiet for about half an hour before he spoke up.

"You're still mad at me," he stated. I tightened my jaw.

"Sure, we broke up, but that doesn't mean I can't be mad at you. I'm furious, Will," I said as I tried to control my anger. It went silent after that.

"And you hate me," he stated as an afterthought. I tightened my jaw once more at that. As much as I wanted to, I couldn't tell him that I didn't hate him, because if I did, I was scared that my mouth wouldn't shut up and instead yell at him that I still was so in love with him. Instead, I let my rage shine through.

"I gave you everything, Will! Everything! And you threw it out the window! You threw me out the window! You think I can just recover from something like that? You're a fucking dumb ass if you think that!" I finally exploded at him. He didn't bother to say anything and stayed silent. I breathed heavily and tried to calm my racing heart. I held onto the necklace through my clothes where he couldn't see it. It helped calmed me a bit. I barely took off the necklace and I was almost always wearing it underneath my clothes where no one could see. I didn't want anyone to see it yet, especially Will.

It went silent for about another half an hour before he spoke up once again.

"I'm sorry," he said. I stared at him in shock. This was the second time that Will had ever apologized to me about this whole situation. The first time being the day he broke up with me.

"What did you just say?" I asked him. He let out a sigh before he replied.

"I'm sorry," he repeated.

"Sorry's not gonna cut it," I snapped sharply. And it was kind of true. Will had put me through so much and it didn't matter if he said sorry and meant it. He had to prove it to me and so far, there was nothing he had done that proved to me that he was worthy of my forgiveness.

After that, we didn't say another word to each other until we were rescued, which wasn't for another hour and a half. It was so quiet in there, I was surprised he couldn't hear my heart pounding in my chest. I muttered a simple bye to him as soon as we got out and followed Erin - who had called maintenance when she noticed that I wasn't home yet - up to our room.

When we were in the safety of our apartment, she asked me what happened. I told her I wasn't in the mood to talk right now and maybe later I would tell her. She nodded at me and I went straight to my room and into my bathroom. I peeled off my clothes and got into the shower, letting the hot water burn at my skin and stiff shoulders.

As I sat crouched at the floor of the shower, I almost relapsed and wanted to find something to cut myself with. It had been months since I last did it, since I last had any type of relief like that. When I looked at my scars though and thought of my hospital bracelets that I kept, I couldn't bring myself to do it. I was sure I was better than that. Instead, I continued to cry until it felt like there were no more tears left in me.



The following Monday, I told Travis about what happened with Will on Friday.

"You know, maybe I should start walking you home on Fridays just so he won't bug you," Travis suggested as we walked towards the school building. I laughed at that. It was nice to see Travis being overprotective of me.

"No, that's okay. I don't want to trouble you even more than I already do," I said with another laugh.

"Hey, that's what friends are for, aren't they? They're there for you when an ex won't stop bugging you," he tried to argue. I shrugged as we got to my locker.

"Yeah, but like I said, I don't want to trouble you even more."

"It's no trouble at all. We're friends," he stated as if it was the simplest thing in the world.

"Best friends then," I corrected him. He seemed surprised when I said that.

"Best friends?" he questioned. "I thought Chris or Erin was your best friend?" he asked in confusion.

"Who said I can't have more than one best friend?" I asked with a chuckle.

"Well, no one-" he started before I cut him off.

"Well then. We're best friends then, right?" I saw his eyebrows furrow as he thought about it. His lips then slowly formed into a grin.

"Yeah, best friends," he confirmed. I smiled at him. It was nice calling Travis one of my best friends now. It was more fitting than calling him just a friend instead, because he had been there for me a lot when I was at my lowest points. And I just knew he would continue to be there for me.

As Travis walked me to my first period class and I had my hand wrapped around the crook of his arm, I realized what this must have looked like to others. It probably looked like we were dating or something. I did this with Chris all the time though. That was when I still talked to him a lot though, and I haven't really talked to him recently since the current events that have happened to me. And it wasn't even like that with Travis and I either. We were strictly friends, just like how Chris and I were friends. As I thought about it though, I remembered that while Chris and I are just friends now, he did like me before. And I was scared that Travis would start liking me like how Chris did. At my current state, I couldn't handle it if he came to start liking me. I needed to get things straight with him before any feelings started to sprout. I let go of him and cleared my throat as we got to the front of my classroom.

"Thanks for walking me to class. I'll see you later, yeah?" I asked and he nodded. He waited until I was inside of the classroom before he left towards his own first period.



During study hall was when I brought up the subject about sprouting feelings, if there were any.

"Travis?" I asked him. He hummed at me to acknowledge that he heard me while he continued to read his book in front of him.

"So you know how we're both moving on with our lives?" He chuckled at my question.

"Yes, I know of that," he replied in amusement.

"Okay, well, since we're moving on then, do you like anyone?" I asked him bluntly. I watched as he choked on his own saliva before he looked up at me.

"What?" he asked me.

"Do you like anyone?" I repeated. "Other than Annabella," I clarified. His jaw tightened at the mention of her name, but he didn't say anything about it.

"No, I don't," he answered. I searched his face to see if he was telling the truth and found no sign or indication of him lying.

"Alright, since that's out of the way, there's something you have to promise me."

"Okay, what is it?" He turned to face me, his book forgotten, and gave me his undivided attention.

"Travis," I started. "please don't fall in love with me," I finally said with a heavy sigh. He seemed surprised as to why I would say something like that.

"What?" he asked.

"It's just, I've been through this before with Chris. I broke his heart and only now did he finally find someone else to love. And even though he's with Hayley now and he's happy, I caused him so much pain before. And I don't want to do that to you. So please, don't fall in love with me. Don't even like me in that way. I'm just a fucked up girl with tons of problems who'll drag you down to where I'm at."

"Nicole," he said softly. "I already told you that I don't like anyone right now. Other than you know, Anna," he added with a slight grimace.

"Yeah, I know, but that's right now and that could change in the future. You could start to like me or something and with everything going on with me, I can't deal with that if you were to ever like me like that, let alone love me like that."

"Nicole," he said again.

"I'm serious, Travis. Promise me you won't. And don't get the wrong idea if I do something that seems like I'm flirting or trying to lead you on or something, because I'm not!" I said as I tried to get this out correctly. He stared at me for a good second or two before he replied.

"Okay. I promise," he said with a sigh and a hint of a laugh in his voice.

"Thank you, Travis. This means a lot to me."

"Should we pinky promise on this?" he asked with a smile. I couldn't help but laugh at that.

"I only do that with my little brother, but yeah. Let's pinky promise," I said with a chuckle. We both held out our pinkies and pinky promised.

We spent the rest of the study hall period in silence, not in an awkward silence, but a comfortable one. Travis went back to reading his book while I worked on my homework for the rest of the period. And I was glad, because that conversation went better than I had ever expected it to go.



As we sat down for lunch at the cafeteria that same day, I couldn't help but glare at Will's table. Well, just glare at Will in general. He really had no sense of how much PDA he should be displaying. No matter if he was with me or Annabella, he had no self-control whatsoever. I narrowed my eyes further as I watched him kiss Annabella. It was just a peck at first, but then it lingered way longer than necessary for a simple peck.

I looked away from him as my anger started rising. He really knew how to piss me off, even if he was aware of it or not. If he was aware of his simple PDA and how much it angered me, then he was an ass. If he wasn't aware of his simple PDA that angered me, he was still an ass. Will was just an asshole in general.

I looked down at my food in front of me and glared at it. I had a turkey sandwich on wheat, but that didn't stop me from stealing Travis' fork and stabbing it a few times.

"What did the sandwich ever do to you?" Travis asked me. I glanced up at him and he had his hands held up in defense.

"The sandwich did nothing. It was Will who did something," I said with gritted teeth as I threw another glare towards Will. Travis glanced at him and then looked back at me.

"He's not doing anything, Nicole," he said slowly as if trying to make me understand.

"Oh, he knows what he's doing," I said with my eyes nearly slits. He rolled his eyes as he stole back his fork embedded in my sandwich and continued eating his pasta.

"Eat, Nicole," he urged me as he pushed my plate closer to me.

I sighed as I looked down at the sorry excuse of a sandwich. I pursed my lips as I tried to fix my sandwich and take a bite out of it without it completely falling apart. After taking a bite and chewing slowly, I swallowed the food. I went to set it back down and push my plate away, but the look that Travis was giving me from my peripheral vision forced to take a few more bites.

Even though I had remembered Will, I surprisingly hadn't gone back to my eating habits where I barely ate. And Travis made sure that I was eating properly, so there wasn't even a chance I could go back to not eating. I was glad he was looking out for me and that he reminded me to eat every so often, because then at least one of my problems were being solved. Albeit, I still suffered from depression, panic disorder, the urge to self-harm, sleep deprivation, memory problems, and nightmares. Though the last two had started to become rare now, so that was a plus. At least I was getting better, despite the fact that I remembered all the shit that Will put me through. That meant there was hope for me to move on and live my life without him.

I set down the half-eaten sandwich before I wiped the crumbs on my skirt. I reached up and felt for the necklace underneath my clothes. I hadn't told anyone about the necklace and I wasn't about to anytime soon. I would eventually tell Erin, or Chris, possibly Travis, but definitely not now.

I took another glance at Will and was surprised to find him staring right back at me. I looked at him in surprise as my hand dropped from around my neck. I quickly looked away from him and looked at Travis.

"Hey, is Will still looking over here?" I whispered to him. He looked at me before he looked in Will's direction. "Be subtle!" I whispered/yelled. He turned back to me with an eye roll.

"Yeah, he's still staring," he answered as he turned back to his pasta.

"Huh," I said as I snuck another glance up at him. And there you would have it, he was still staring at me. The next thing I did was totally unplanned and I didn't really think everything through yet. "Travis, I know that I said to not fall in love with me and stuff and to not get the wrong idea, but I need your help. I'm asking for the biggest favor from you," I said quickly.

"O-kay..." he said slowly.

"Can you," I started. "can you pretend that we're dating to piss off Will?" I asked quickly. His eyes widened in shock. "I'm not forcing you or anything, but it'd be nice if you could do this for me. Plus, maybe it'll piss off Annabella too? Come on, you're the one who said that friends are there for you when your ex is bugging you. And Will is bugging me by existing right now. So please-" I continued to say quickly, but Travis held up his hand to stop me from talking.

"You had me at 'piss off Annabella'," he said. I smiled wide at him before I replied.

"You're awesome, Travis. Now, hold my hand!" I exclaimed as I held out my hand. His eyes widened as he realized that I wanted to start this charade right now, at this instant.

"Now?" he asked in surprise.

"Yes!" I replied in an almost exasperated voice. With another eye roll, he reached out and held my hand with his. I glanced over at Will and he had an angered look on his face as he tightened his jaw. I smiled triumphantly to myself. It was probably really petty of me, but I didn't care at the moment. I just wanted Will to feel just a fraction of what I felt when I saw him and Annabella together.



We were about three days into our charade. It didn't hurt our act that we were roommates or that Travis walked me to most of my classes and sometimes picked me up after my classes, or that we always had lunch together. These all happened before we pretended to date each other, so the only thing that had really changed was that Travis held my hand or put his arm over my shoulders. We never got too far or extreme like kissing, but handholding and hugging was enough to convince other people that we were dating and to piss Will off. And that was good enough in my book.

So when Will started walking towards Travis and I's table during lunchtime, I knew he had hit his limit.

I instantly tensed when Will stood in front of me, an angry look on his face. I quickly composed myself and scowled at him.

"What are you doing here?" I spat out.

"Why are you doing this?!" he asked, frustration and anger evident on his face.

"What are you talking about?" I countered as I changed my attitude and voice from bitter to sweet.

"You know what I'm talking about. Are you dating Travis just to spite me?" he asked. My eyes widened. I was angry at him for saying that. Even though it was true to begin with...

"How dare you?! You don't even know Travis!" I exclaimed as I stood up. I felt a light tug on my hand. I looked down and saw Travis and I's hands still connected. I looked back up to Will as he replied.

"Yeah, well neither do you!" Will shouted back at me. I glared at him.

"I know him more than you do. Anyways, William," He cringed. "the world does not revolve around you. Just because I got with Travis after you doesn't mean I'm out to spite you. I just... moved on. I think you should too." I glanced behind him. "Oh, and I think your girlfriend is waiting for you," I finished as I sat back down. Will stared down at me, shock plastered across his face. He quickly composed himself and stormed off. I let go of the breath I didn't even know I was holding in. The words I said to Will hurt me. I couldn't believe I lied like that. I turned to Travis. "I'm really sorry, Travis. I really didn't think it would get this intense," I said with an apologetic smile.

He shook his head. "No, it's fine. I mean, from everything you've told me of what he's done, he's an arse. As long as it hurts or irritates him, I'm completely alright with that. And it doesn't hurt that Anna seems to be annoyed about this whole thing as well," he said with a smile. I couldn't help, but get the feeling that smile was fake.

"Alright," I said slowly in an unsure voice. I let go of his hand and placed them on my lap. I tried to remember the last time I held onto Will's hand instead of Travis' and it felt like it was so long ago. I could barely remember what it felt like anymore.

I sent a smile towards Travis before I turned towards my food and started eating it. I probably should have thought through this whole pretend dating thing a bit more. I thought that it would be just a little thing to piss off Will and help me get over him, but the longer the charade went on, the more it drained me. This wasn't only hurting Will and Annabella, this was hurting Travis and I. I really should have thought more into this before we dove into it so quickly.