Here We Go Again

It's been a week since I found out about Will and Annabella's break up. And it was a rough week, to be honest. My wall, my metaphorical wall, took quite a beating during this week. Every time I looked at Will, I would start thinking, "Hey, maybe we can get back together again." And then I would think about it again and then think, "No, that's a terrible idea. We should never get back together again." I was conflicted to say the least. So I did the next best thing that I could do in this situation.

I completely ignored the whole situation. I forced myself to rid myself of these thoughts and made myself numb to all the thoughts and feelings that Will gave me. And it worked. At least that was what I thought until after school came by.

I walked out of the elevator and made my way to my room. I was surprised though to see Will waiting at my room door. I stared at him in shock, but quickly composed myself and walked towards him.

"What are you doing here, Will?" I asked him as I opened my room door.

"May I come in?" he asked. I looked at him and pursed my lips.

"Why?"

"Could we talk?" I sighed before I answered him.

"Fine," I said as I opened the door for him. I waited for him to enter first and then went inside myself. I closed the door behind me and noted Travis wasn't in the room right now. He was most likely in the PJY room or something. "What do you want?" I asked harshly. Will started to fidget under my stare.

"I don't know how to say this, but..." he started quietly. He took a deep breath before he spoke up again. "I made a mistake." He finally said and I just looked at him with a dull look.

"And what mistake is that?" I asked nonchalantly. He paused. It looked like he didn't know how to go about with this until he finally spit it out.

"I made the mistake of breaking up with you," he said as he took a step towards me. I instinctively took a step back.

"And you just realized this now?" I retorted with a scoff. He ran his hands through his hair.

"Yeah, I know. I'm bloody stupid. But I really do regret breaking up with you."

"Okay, and? What are you trying to say now?"

"I want you back," he finally said. And just like that, the wall I built around myself to not let myself get hurt, to feel, just crumpled and fell around me.

"No," I said as I shook my head in denial.

"What?" he asked.

"No, you don't."

"Yes, I do. Nicole-"

"No!" I suddenly exclaimed. "You can't! You just can't!" I said as tears instantly shot to my eyes.

"Why not? Didn't you want this? Don't you want to be together again?"

"This wasn't supposed to happen..." I muttered as I wrapped my arms around myself. I could feel all the emotions and feelings that I kept at bay come rushing back suddenly. "You were supposed to be with Annabella and be happy. And I was supposed to... to be here. Here, getting over you. You weren't supposed to do this," I said to him. I saw his jaw tighten. "I was getting over you. Well, I was trying. I was trying really hard, Will. You can't just come here and want me back all of a sudden!" I was starting to go into hysterics. I slid down the door and I didn't care if I was crying my eyes out in front of him. This wasn't supposed to happen. Not now. Not ever. Not ever again.

Will knelt to my level and grabbed my shoulders. I tried to brush him off me, but he held me in place. "Don't you want to be with me?" he asked as his voice cracked. I looked up at him and I could see hurt in his eyes.

"I-I do..." I muttered.

"Then what's the problem? Let's be together," he whispered quietly.

"You don't understand. You wouldn't understand."

"Then help me understand. Why can't we be together?"

"I already told you. You have to be with Annabella. Or somebody else and I'll be here alone," I said with a sniffle. Before I could react, I felt his lips press against mine. I tried to pull away from him, but he put his hands behind my head to hold me still. I couldn't stop myself and I let myself kiss him back. He pulled away and rested his forehead against mine.

"Tell me you didn't feel that..." he murmured, his grip on me tightening slightly. "I felt that. And I know you felt it too. You belong to me and I belong to you. We belong together. Let's just be together." He sounded so broken. Even more broken than me.

"I..." I started, but I didn't know what to say. I did feel that. I felt his love for me and I was sure he felt the love I have for him. "I'm scared," I finally said as more tears fell from my eyes. Will wiped them away with his thumbs. "I'm scared you're going to hurt me again." He tightened his jaw before he spoke up.

"I know," he whispered. "I'm scared also. I'm scared I'm going to lose you again," he said.

And everything up to this point now didn't matter to me. Will was here. He was here for me. Before I even realized it, I had forgiven him for everything. That didn't stop him from apologizing though. "I'm sorry for everything. I'm sorry for hurting you. I'm so sorry..." he continued muttering as he kissed my tears away. And finally, Will broke down along me. We were two broken people, but together, we were whole. Chris was right. Will and I were miserable without each other.

His tears were something I rarely saw. And when I saw them, it killed me. If this was how it felt like when he saw me cry, then I felt bad for him. To go through seeing the person you love in pain, it was unbearable. I tried to stop his quiet weeping by placing my hands on his face and pressing my lips to his. Will picked me up from the ground and set me on my bed, laying down on top of me. He kissed me again and it seemed as if nothing else mattered. It was only us two in the world.

I pushed him away from me though when I thought of him and Annabella together. Did he ever do this with Annabella again? I wanted to give all of me to him again, but the thought of him and Annabella together again made my stomach churn.

"Did you ever sleep with her again?" I suddenly asked Will as I wiped my lips with the back of my hand.

"W-what?" he stuttered, completely caught off guard by my question.

"Did you ever sleep with her again?" I repeated as I sat up on my bed. He pulled away and sat up on his knees. "Like, did you have sex with her?" I clarified.

"Honestly?" he asked as he looked me straight in the eyes.

"Yes," I said. I started to mentally prepare myself and try to build up my wall once again for his answer. Will took a deep breath as he closed his eyes. He reopened his eyes when he exhaled.

"No," he finally said. I let out the breath I didn't even know I was holding and stopped rebuilding my wall.

"No?" I questioned.

"No," he repeated as he ran his fingers through his hair.

"Why not?"

"Ugh... This is embarrassing..." he muttered as he sat back. "I just couldn't. Every time we even tried, I couldn't do it. You kept popping into my head. Even when we were even doing innocent things like snogging, it just didn't feel... right. So we never did it," he explained. I stared at him in shock. He was still running his fingers through his hair in embarrassment. I could see a slight tint of pink on his cheeks. Without thinking, I leaned forward, rested my hands on his thighs and pressed my lips to his in a soft kiss. I pulled back and he looked at me in surprise. "What was that for?"

"I don't know," I admitted honestly. "It's just... I really love you," I said quietly. I saw a smile break out onto Will's face. He grabbed my waist and pulled me closer to him.

"I really love you too," he said before he kissed me again. He pushed me back onto my bed and when I felt the soft cushion of my pillow, I realized what just happened. I pulled away from him once more.

"Wait, Will," I said. He leaned his forehead against mine as he closed his eyes.

"Yes, love?" he asked in a breathless voice. My heart fluttered at the pet name.

"Before we go anything further, we need to talk about us." He opened his eyes and looked at me as he pulled away. "About everything that happened and that will happen," I said seriously. He slowly nodded at me as he sat up. He pulled me with him into a sitting position.

"Of course," he said. "Let's talk." He smiled at me and I returned the smile.

I pulled myself up and leaned my back against my headboard as Will sat cross legged in front of me on my bed. I locked eyes with him and he sent me a small smile.

"You broke up with me," I stated and his smile instantly dropped.

"I know," he replied sadly.

"You broke my heart."

"I know."

"You put me through hell and back."

"I know."

"You fucked me up really bad."

"I know," he said with a groan. Each 'I know' that came out of his mouth just got sadder and sadder.

"And I still love you," I replied with a sigh. His smile returned and he reached over and grabbed my hand. His squeezed it gently and I squeezed it back. We continued holding hands as I spoke up again. "I have spent the last few months since we broke up in pain and have been completely miserable. I have been too depressed that sometimes I can't even get out of bed," I paused to let that sink in. "I was humiliated when I found out you got back together with Annabella so soon after we broke up and that I didn't find out until later." I saw Will wince at that.

"I'm sorry," he apologized.

"Why'd you do it?"

"Why'd I break up with you and get back together with Ann?" I nodded. "Because I loved you too much."

"You loved me too much?" I questioned in disbelief.

"Yes. I wanted to be absolutely sure you were the one."

"The one?" I questioned and he nodded.

"Yes, the one that I love. God, Nicole, I'm so completely in love you that I wanted to make sure that I had no feelings whatsoever left over for Ann." My heart fluttered when he said he was so completely in love with me.

"And are you sure now?"

"Absolutely positive. I want to be with you again, Nicole. If only you'll have me again."

"I want to be with you too," I said as I squeezed his hand again. "But... you hurt me really bad, Will," I said quietly. He let go of my hand to run his fingers through his hair.

"I know. And I want to make it up to you. I'm gonna try bloody hard to make it up to you. I'll do anything you ask of me. So will you please forgive me and... take me back?" Will was begging me. This was a complete first for me. I never thought in a million years that I would see William Harper grovel in front of me.

"Of course I forgive you. But that doesn't mean I'm not still hurting."

"Would it help if I told you that I felt like absolute shit after we broke up?" he offered. I thought about it.

"Go on," I replied. Will let a small grin flash across his face.

"Nicole, when I first met you, you were the most annoying person I had ever met. You infuriated me to no end and constantly had me irritated."

"Will, you're supposed to make it up to me, not try to drive me further away," I stated. His grin only widened.

"I'm not finished yet," he replied. I gave him a look as if to tell him to continue. "Never did I think that I would eventually come to love you and have you as my girlfriend. I had you and I let you go. And it was the worst mistake of my life. And I won't make that mistake ever again. As you know, you weren't the only one that had problems after we broke up. I took up drinking as a hobby, because it helped numb the guilt I felt about causing you so much pain. Which again, I am so incredibly sorry for. I can't even say how sorry I am about everything. Words simply couldn't do it justice."

"Well, actions do speak louder than words," I stated. And instead of Will rolling his eyes like I expected him to, he let out a small chuckle.

"I suppose that's true then. I'll do anything to show you how sorry I am," he said seriously. I looked at him before I replied.

"You were everything to me. And then you broke it off. I... I needed you, Will. I nearly relapsed so many times." Tears began to brim to eyes again. Will leaned forward and wiped my tears away before they could fall. "I think we rushed into everything so quickly." I watched as his face fell. "I'm not saying that I don't want to be with you again," I said hurriedly and his face relaxed slightly. "I'm just saying that when we were first got together, it was pretty sudden and we never did the actual whole... dating part at the beginning of our relationship," I finished with a slight cringe at my wording. He nodded, however, in understanding.

"I get what you mean," he stated. It was silent for a few moments as I didn't know where to go from here. "May I ask you a question?" he asked suddenly. I nodded at him. "What did you do with the necklace?" I felt my face flush. I undid the bow of my uniform shirt and opened the first two buttons before I reached into my shirt and pulled out the necklace to show him.

"I never realized until now that when I asked you what you were doing on your laptop all those months ago and you answered that you were finding my birthday present, you were actually telling me the truth," I said with a small laugh.

"You're wearing it," he stated in astonishment as he looked at the necklace around my neck.

"Of course I am."

"I didn't think you would wear it. I thought you would toss it out."

"Why would I ever do that? It's a beautiful gift and it was from you. I could never just throw away a gift you gave me," I said quietly as I picked up the necklace and examined it. I looked up at him when he didn't reply. He had this loving look on his face and my heart thudded in my chest.

"God, I bloody love you," he said in a breathless voice. I flushed all over again. Before I could reply, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against mine. I kissed him back and I reveled in the feeling of his lips on mine.

Right as I parted my mouth for him, I heard the room door open before a surprised 'oh' was heard. I pulled away from Will, my fingers pressed into his shoulders and realized that he had moved closer to me and was pressing me further back into my headboard. I looked towards the door with a surprised look as Travis stood in the doorway, his jaw dropped.

"I-I'm sorry," he stuttered as he tried to find his words. "I didn't mean to, um. I'm sorry. D-did I miss something here?" he asked. Will let a small chuckle escape his mouth to break the tension. I was glad it worked.

"There's been a few... developments," I answered with a laugh. I looked down and noticed I was still clutching onto Will. I let go of him and he leaned back to sit down on my bed.

"I can see that," Travis said as he walked into the room and shut the door behind him.

"Will was just leaving actually," I said as I stood up from my bed. Will's eyes snapped to mine in shock.

"I was?" he asked. I nodded at him.

"You were," I said. He had a disappointed look on his face, but when I held out my hand for him, the look quickly disappeared. I walked Will to the door and gave Travis a nod as he looked back at me in surprise. I walked Will out into the hallway and to the elevator, my hand still in his. "This isn't a dream, right? This is actually happening?" He couldn't help but laugh at my questions.

"As real as my hand in yours," he said with a slight squeeze of our hands. I smiled. "I will see you tomorrow?" he asked hopefully. I smiled again.

"Of course," I replied. I leaned up to kiss him and he met me halfway. This kiss was soft and light, and innocent. And it gave me butterflies. I pulled away first and let go of him as he entered the elevator. As soon as the elevator doors were closed, I walked back to my room.

"What the bloody hell happened while I was away for like an hour?" Travis asked as soon as I entered our room. I couldn't help but laugh as I started to tell him what happened.