Falling Out

I woke up the next morning to Tre’s back facing me. I got up and stared at him. What happened last night came into view. I was in kind of a mental blur last night, meaning me inviting this 30-something year old man into this bed. I know we didn’t do anything but I started to go to that place that required what was in the butterfly box or orange bottle. I got up and walked out of the room. I didn’t want to be pushed.

I walked onto the balcony and sat down. I curled up on a chair and just stared out at the view that was in front of me. The waves of the beach was peaceful and the morning sun was bright and made the water looked like crystals. Everything about this moment was very peaceful. My mind was clear and at ease. I could get used to this place.

It was interrupted when I heard a ding. I looked around and saw that my cell phone was still on the table that was out here. I leaned over and grabbed it. I had three new messages. One was from Billie and two were from Donovan.

I opened the one from Billie first. My eyes widened at how long it was.

I really wanted to tell you this in person but Tre said that you needed some time alone and I get that. When I see you again I want to talk to you about what I am about to write more in person. I just wanted to apologize for what Joey had told you last night. Even before you got here he was starting to talk back and cause trouble for us. I wanted to tell you that Adrienne and I are not getting a divorce. We have been fighting more often than normal but it’s not about you. We have just hit a little bump in our marriage and it happens in all marriages but you shouldn’t worry about that. When I see you tomorrow I want to talk to you about some of the things that you said to Joey. I’ll see you later.

I started to feel nervous. I knew I had said some...not so nice things to Joey and I was afraid that Billie was going to reprimand me for those words. I need to not stress out right now. I opened the messages from Donovan. These were very small and not so intimidating.

The first one, that was sent last night, read: Hey, I haven’t heard back from you.
The second one, which was sent about thirty minutes ago, read: I hope that you will still come.

I smiled a little before I started to reply.

I’m sorry. I was busy last night. I would like to come but I haven’t asked for permission yet. I will get back at you around lunch time. Is that okay?

A few seconds after I hit send, my phone started to ring. Donovan’s name popped up on the screen and I felt like my stomach had left my body through my feet. I couldn’t believe he was calling me.

“Hello?” I answered after the third ring. I tried not to sound nervous but I don’t think I was doing a good job.

“Hey. I know it’s a bit early and stuff but I didn’t want to text a book or something,” He told me.

“That’s alright. I always wake up early,” I reassured.

“My grandparent’s house is actually right down the road from where you are staying. It’s an easy 15 minute walk if you are cool with that.”

“That’s fine. I love walking.” I rolled my eyes at myself. I love walking? Really? God, how ridiculous does that sound?

“That’s cool. I like walking, too. We have decided to have it tomorrow night, at around six. So I can come over there at like 5:30 if that’s cool with you, you know, if you get permission.”

“Yeah, that sounds fine.”

“Awesome. Well, I’m starting to get tired. I haven’t really been to sleep and need to at least get a couple of hours. I’ll talk to you later.”

“Same here.”

“Goodbye, Amber.” And he hung up. I couldn’t help but smile. It seemed like he went out of his way to say my name. I could be wrong, well, I’m more than likely wrong. I don’t know how boys operate or if he’s just using some kind of tactic to gain my trust for wrong reasons. I ran my hand though my hair in frustration at myself. Why do I do this to myself?

“Who were you talking to?” I jumped at the sound of Tre’s voice. I turned to look at him.

“Oh, um, just, uh-” He sat down and put a mug in front of me.

“Calm down. I was just asking a question. No need to have a conniption.” I laughed nervously before picking up the mug of tea. I blew on it before sipping. He was still looking at me, waiting for me to answer.

“It was just a guy that I met on the beach yesterday. He’s from where we live.” Tre nodded a little before sipping his own tea. He looked at me and smirked.

“What?”

“I’m just shocked that someone who took about a month to warm up and actually have a full conversation with little ol’ me, who is awesome, might I add, met a boy on vacation and actually got a phone number.” I rolled my eyes sarcastically.

“Well, it wasn’t like I meant to meet him. He kind of hit me with his Frisbee on accident.” Tre leaned back in his chair and put his free hand behind his head.

“Yep, the old hit-a-girl-with-a-Frisbee-to-get-their-attention trick. Works every time.” I rolled my eyes again which made Tre laugh. When the boys woke up and we fed them, I took the two Armstrong kids back to our condo. When I opened the door they ran inside and immediately went to the TV and started playing their X-Box. I walked into the room that I was staying in before any adults spotted me. I locked the door. I grabbed some clothes and went into the bathroom to take a shower. While I was showering, I began to think of what Billie wanted to talk about. I knew he wanted to talk about what I said to the boys and I started to get nervous about that. He might yell at me for being mean to Joey and basically calling him a spoiled, rich brat. Not basically, I did.

As I kept thinking the worse, my stomach began to flutter with a million butterflies of nerves. What if he told me that he didn’t want me to stay with them anymore and put me in a foster home? What if he hits me? What if he punishes me other ways?

I got out of the shower quickly. I walked over to the toilet and emptied my breakfast. I knew I was over thinking this and working myself up but I don’t know how he or this family operates. They could have been putting up a front this whole time of a nice family. I thought Jim and Carol were great people but that took a turn for the worse. I sat down against the wall, hanging my head down. I looked at my arms and saw the abundance of scars that littered them. I really wish I would have brought my butterfly box to help calm myself right now. I ran my hands through my wet hair. After I sat there for a few minutes I got up and flushed the toilet. I turned off the shower and brushed my teeth. I got dressed in a comfortable tan long sleeve shirt that was a little big for me and some white skinny jeans. After I put my hair up, I looked at myself in the mirror. As I stared at myself, I started to question things.

What had I done to be in this position? To be in this exact position? Why did it have to be my mother who wound up dead? Why does Billie Joe fucking Armstrong have to be my father? Why can’t it be some random person walking the streets? What did I do in a past life to warrant me to live this life of so much heartache? Was I being punished for something that I did? If that’s the case then I call bullshit. I have done everything that I was told.

I have asked myself a million times if I had the opportunity to change any of it, would I do it? I’ve always said no because then I would not have met the most wonderful person in the world: my mom. But after this summer of so much hurt and maliciousness if I were asked that question again I would definitely say yes. I would go back in time to when Billie and my mother met. I would tell them to leave each other alone and forget each other because their love would bring so much suffering to the person that their love created.

I blinked and shook my head. What am I thinking?

I walked out of the bathroom. I needed to stop thinking this way because it doesn’t help me. It only makes my anxiety about everything worse. I walked over to the bed side table and picked up my phone. I had no new messages, which wasn’t surprising. I sat it back down and turned my head at the sound of a knock at the door. I was about to yell for whoever it was to come in but I saw that I had locked the door. I walked over to it and opened the door. Billie stood there in a pair of pajamas pants and a white shirt. His hair was even more disheveled than normal. Thank goodness I always thought that Mike was the cutest out of the three.

“Can I come in?” I nodded and walked over to the bed and sat down. Billie sat down at the foot of the bed and smiled at me.

“How are you?” He asked. I just shrugged. He nodded slowly.

“Look, I-”

“I am sorry for what I said to Joey yesterday. I was just having an off day and I was upset. Please don’t be mad at me or anything.” Billie smiled.

“You really need to let people finish talking before you start; you can save a lot of breath and worry.” I looked down and put some strands of hair behind my ear.

“What I was going to say is that you need to ignore Joey. I don’t know what’s gotten into him lately but he’s been, I don’t know, a smart ass and a little punk for no reason. Adrienne says it just him being an 11 year old boy but I know it’s because of the fighting that Adie and I have been doing. That’s never healthy for a child to hear.” He ran his hand through his hair.

“Are you two fighting about me?” I felt like I was about to cry. I didn’t want talk about this but I knew it had to be done. I didn’t want to be the root of these people’s problems. I heard him sigh.

“Amber, I’m not gonna lie, you have been in some of our arguments recently but it’s because we don’t know what to do with this situation. That sounded worse than I meant it.” He ran his hand through his hair again. I guess that’s where I get that from.

“We don’t know if we should put you in counseling or to keep you off a semester of school or press charges against Jim. A big thing is all this press that’s been going around about you and she is just worried that it’s affecting you too much. She still suspects that I knew about you all along and that I was hiding you from her.” He frowned while looking down. My eyes widened. I was about to tell him not to even think about pressing more charges against Jim but he continued.

“But most of our fights were and still are about how much I spend touring, in the studio, promoting American Idiot. It’s just stupid stuff in my opinion but that’s why we argue a lot, I guess.” He chuckled. He looked up at me.

“I know that you didn’t ask to be in this situation with me. Even though the circumstances suck, I am so happy that you exist, Amber. I know you miss your mom, I know that feeling all too well, but you can’t let things that an 11 year old boy say get under your skin. He’s angry at the world right now. Adrienne and I hadn’t sat down to talk to him yet but we will make sure that he apologizes to you.” I nodded, not able to speak right now.

“Hey,” I looked up at him.

“You okay?” I couldn’t get past that they were even considering pressing more charges against Jim. He’s in jail for a long time as it is and I can’t reveal to the world what he had done to me. I can’t relive it more than I already am. After a few minutes of silence, Billie stood up.

“You can’t press anymore charges against him.” Billie nodded.

“We’ll discuss it more when we get home, okay?” I nodded.

“Pizza will be here shortly.” He turned around and walked out. When the door closed, I immediately got up and went to the bag that still had clothes from Tre’s. I grabbed the orange bottle and took a pill. Even though it wouldn’t kick in for a few minutes, I instantly felt relief when I swallowed it. I knew it was coming. I just needed patience. I grabbed my phone and walked out of the room. Adrienne was in the kitchen with two pizza boxes in front of her. She looked up at me and smiled when I walked over to her.

“We have pepperoni and supreme. Which do you prefer?” She asked.

“Um, supreme is fine.” Billie walked in with some jeans and a red shirt on. Now that they were both here I should ask them about tomorrow night.

“Um, Adrienne, remember that boy that I met yesterday on the beach?” That perked Billie’s interest.

“Boy, what boy? You met a boy?” Adrienne smiled at Billie's worry.

“Yes, sweetie, what about him?” I started to feel nervous.

“Um, he invited me to go to a barbeque that he and his family puts on at the beach and I was wondering if I could go? He says his family lives right down the road from here.” She nodded.

“I don’t care if you go.”

“Wait a minute, hold on.” Billie said, his hand waving and adding dramatic flair.

“Go back to this boy. What’s his name? Where’s he from? How old is he?” Adrienne laughed at Billie which prompted me to smile. I guess this was funny behavior for him.

“His name is Donovan; he’s from Berkeley; and he is my age.”

“I want to meet him.” I knew that was coming. I didn’t care that he wanted to meet him but I didn’t tell Donovan that my father was, well, famous.

“I understand that but...” I didn’t know how to word it without offending him. But I guess he knew what I was going to say.

“You didn’t tell him that I’m Billie Joe Armstrong, singer/songwriter extraordinaire?” I nodded. He sighed.

“Well, if you are going to be going steady with this boy-”

“Steady? When have you used the word steady?” Adrienne asked, laughing. Billie ignored her.

“Adrienne has to meet him and if this gets serious, I have to meet him.” I nodded.

“Billie, it’s just a barbeque. They aren’t getting married.” Billie just shrugged.

“So, I can go?” I asked. I needed some reiteration.

“I guess.” Billie said as he grabbed a slice of pizza. He sounded so defeated. It was a little funny.

“Thank you!” I turned and walked to the balcony, already typing a message to Donovan. I didn’t want to call him because I didn’t know if he was asleep or not and I wasn’t brave enough to call him.

After a few seconds the message was sent, Donovan called me.

“Hello?” I answered on the second ring.

“Hey, that’s cool that you can come! I’m really excited.”

“Why?” I put my hand over my mouth. I can’t believe I just asked that. It was rude. To my surprise he laughed.

“Why? Because you seem pretty cool and interesting. And you’re hot, which is an added bonus.” My cheeks flushed a bright red. I wasn’t used to compliments, especially in that magnitude.

“Uh, thanks.” He chuckled.

“You are definitely interesting.” After a few moments of silence he spoke again.

“So I will be coming to pick you at about 5:15 because I have to meet your stepmom. What is your room number?” He asked.

“1409.”

“Wow, you are up there. After I pick you up we’ll walk back to the place I am staying and get all the supplies and junk and bring it to the beach and BAM! Barbeque heaven.” I smiled. Donovan is an interesting person.

“That sounds like a plan. Text me before you get here.”

“I surely will. I will talk to you later. Have a nice day, Amber.”

“You, too.” And we hung up. I smiled at my phone, like I was looking at his picture or something. This was a weird feeling, me smiling and being a little jittery. Maybe it was the pill kicking in. I turned around when I heard the sliding door open. Adrienne smiled at me.

“So, I was thinking, maybe later we can go shopping for something for you to wear tomorrow.” My stomach dropped a tad. Shopping. I always hated shopping, even though I mostly spent my life shopping for groceries. But the last shopping trip I took with Adrienne and Brittney confirmed my loathing of shopping. Sadly, I couldn’t bring myself to say no. I knew Adrienne wanted to go and I didn’t want to disappoint her. I never wanted to disappoint anyone.

“Sure.” Her smile widened before she slid the door back shut. I leaned my head against the top of the chair I was sitting in and sighed. This was not going to be fun.