Falling Out

I stood in front of the full length mirror nailed to the wall in the room. I looked decent, I guess. My hair was down and in its natural state. My burgundy long sleeve shirt was ironed the night before and looked nice with my white skinny jeans and black converse that Adrienne bought for me a couple of days ago. I had on a necklace that I found in Carol’s things when I moved out the house weeks ago that belonged to my mother. My stomach was in knots but that wasn’t the first time, and definitely not the last. I’m surprised I didn’t have ulcers for being so stressed out all the time.

“Amber, Mom wanted me to tell you that she has breakfast cooked,” Jakob said coming into the room.

“I’ll be right down.” He turned around and walked out. I grabbed my book bag filled with notebooks and my schedule, my phone, and my wallet that I finally got. I looked on my nightstand and saw the orange bottle. I went back and forth in my head trying to decide whether or not I want to take them with me or not. Screw it. I grabbed them and put them in my bag. I looked at myself in the mirror one more time before walking downstairs into the kitchen where everyone was at.

“Amber, its 90 degrees outside. It’s going to get hotter as the day goes by don’t you think you should wear a short sleeved shirt and shorts?” Billie asked from the counter. I tried to suppress my laughter when I saw him. His hair was in so many directions it was comical.

“I’m fine,” I said simply sitting next to him. Adrienne slid me a plate of eggs and bacon. She poured me a glass of milk and sat it in front of me.

“Thank you,” I told her. She smiled. I still hadn’t gotten used to how much she cares for me, in a non-neglectful kind of since. She was very motherly and it was nice.

“Are you sure? I don’t want you to have a heat stroke or something.” I took a bite of my bacon.

“I’m fine,” I repeated. Jakob sat next to me. He looked up at me and frowned.

“What’s wrong?” I asked him. He sighed dramatically. He get’s that from his father.

“I don’t want to go to school because Ben won’t be there because he moved to a different state and I won’t have any friends.” I rubbed his back.

“You’ll find friends. If I can find friends then you can definitely find friends. You are cooler than me and way nicer.”

“I guess so,” he sighed. My phone beeped then. I pulled it out and read what Donovan text me.

On my way to school. Got you some coffee.

“I’m going to go ahead and go. Donovan is showing me around campus while it’s scarce.” I got up and grabbed my keys.

“Hey, wait!” I stopped and turned around. Billie got up and went to his wallet, grabbing money out of it. He handed me a hundred dollar bill. I was definitely shocked.

“Here’s your allowance for the next two weeks. Good luck on your first day and try not to stress that much. You’ll be fine.” I took the bill and put it in my wallet.

“Thank you. I’ll see you later.” I walked out and got into my car. Before I started it my phone beeped again. I pulled my phone out and saw that it was a text from Tre.

Good luck on your first day! Just remember that they are just people and there is no need to stress out.

His text was supposed to make me feel calm but it did the opposite. I know I should calm down and not let the masses bother me but I have a feeling that won’t happen. I’m just too fucked up of a person. It also didn’t help that a couple days ago Green Day’s interview with Kerrang! got published and I was the leading lady of topic.

Tre walked down into the basement where I was. I was lying on the couch with my eyes closed listening to Warning for the first time and letting the pills I took thirty minutes ago work their magic. It was amazing and some of the songs were dark hidden behind fast beats. As I was listening, I began to wonder what Billie was going through while he was writing these lyrics. I felt someone tap my ankles. I opened my eyes and saw Tre.

“You know, this album was a total flop compared to others.” I sat up and crossed my legs. Tre sat down. He didn’t notice I was high this time.

“I don’t know why, it’s pretty great. Of course, I think all your music is great.” Tre rolled his eyes playfully.

“Please, you are making me blush.” I smiled at him. But it didn’t last long. It immediately fell when I saw what was in his hands. Another magazine.

“What’s that?” I asked, pointing at the magazine in his hands. He sighed and handed it to me.

“It’s the Kerrang! interview. I figured you want to read it. It’s not bad but it has a lot about you. They are really respectful and it’s probably the only magazine that I actually like interviewing with.” I stared at the cover. It was a picture of all three of them in their tour get up. I flipped to the interview and began reading. I skipped the part where they praise them for the album and just cut to chase where they talked about me. It was actually at the tail end of the interview.

*

K! : Recently there have been rumors about you, Billie Joe, having an affair with a young girl. Are they true?

BJA: I usually try to stay away from revealing personal information but these rumors have affected my family greatly. I’m just gonna cut to the chase, no, these rumors are bullshit. I have never cheated on my lovely wife and I plan to never do.

K! : I respect that you want privacy but these rumors have spread like wildfire and so many variations have surfaced. I know your fans want to know who the girl in the pictures are. Can you give them something to go on?

BJA: I guess I can. The girl in the photos is my daughter. I never knew she existed until recently. We met under terrible circumstances and, out of respect for my daughter, I don’t want to reveal specifics. But I’ll let everyone know that I was with her mother before I even met Adrienne and I was never told about her. My daughter’s mother passed away when she was a little girl and she never knew about me until recently. She’s been through a lot and I want to leave it at that.

K! : I bet that was shocking when you found out about her.

BJA: Oh, trust me, I was totally shocked. Never the less I am glad that I know her now.

K! : We know your other two kids names, how come you won’t reveal your daughter’s name?

BJA: Joey and Jakob have been in the public’s eye since they were born. They are used to it. My daughter is 17 and has never known what it’s like to have a celebrity father. I want what’s best for all my children and making her life easier by keeping her life private which includes her name, is what I think it’s best for her. When or if she is ready to reveal anything about her life, I will be right beside her. I hope my fans understand and respect that decision.

*

I closed the magazine and handed it back to Tre.

“That wasn’t that bad. At least he didn’t ask about why I was at that clinic.” Tre nodded.

“He did, off the record. Billie didn’t tell him anything.” I sighed.

“I’m sorry that I’m making your guys’ career life miserable. I bet you guys get tired of talking about Billie’s bastard child.” Tre shook his head.

“You aren’t, Amber. Don’t think that.” I just shrugged my shoulders. When Macy’s Day Parade was over I got up and started the record over.

I sighed and tossed the phone on the passenger seat. I started the car and drove the few miles to school. I parked my car and stared at the school in front of me. It was about the same size of my old school. There were only a few cars here in the student parking. I grabbed my things and got out, locking my car. I took a deep breath before I started walking towards the entrance of the school. As I got closer, I started seeing people. Young people. Teenagers. Peers. And they saw me. Some were giving me weird looks, no doubt scrutinizing me on my attire; some weren’t even paying attention to me. But those who stared at me made me start to freak out. I couldn’t handle their stares. I turned around and went back to my car. I sat down and started to take deep breaths, trying to calm down. I opened my book bag in search of the pills. With shaking hands, I opened the pill bottle and took three. I sighed in relief, knowing that I will be okay in a few minutes. I put them back in book bag and got out of my car again. I walked to the front entrance and saw Donovan, Felicia, and Chuck.

“Hey,” Donovan greeted when I reached them. I smiled at him. He handed me the frappe that he got me.

“Thanks,” I told him, taking a sip of it.

“Don’t spill it on me this time,” Chuck said jokingly. I laughed nervously, not knowing what else to do.

“Chuck, shut the fuck up,” Felicia told him as she punched his shoulder. Chuck rubbed his shoulder and playfully glared at her.

“Anyway, I am going to show Amber around campus. See you guys at lunch.” We walked in and I handed him my schedule when he asked for it. He smiled when he looked at it.

“We have three classes together, first period, fourth period and last period. Our third period classes are close so I will come meet you there to show you where the cafeteria is at.” He began to show me where all my classes were at. When we reached my locker, number 154, a lot more people were around. The pills kicked in and I wasn’t as nervous.

“When do we get our books?” I asked Donovan who was four lockers down at his. He was putting clothes in his locker, which I found odd.

“We get them at the beginning of each class.” I nodded and stared at my empty locker. It was the top locker, which I was thankful for. I hated the bottom lockers because things can get spilled on you or books would fall on your head. Top locker was the best. I looked at the inner door of the locker and residue from old stickers. I ran my fingers over it, wondering what was there and who put it there.

“Are you okay?” Donovan asked as appeared out of the blue. I looked at him, trying to not look like a insane person or someone who just took three painkillers and is definitely high.

“Yeah, I was just looking at my locker.” He raised an eyebrow at me but didn’t press any further. He just smiled.

“You are very interesting.” I didn’t say anything. I closed my locker and we walked to our first class of the day. We walked into the nearly empty room. I followed Donovan to the back of the class and sat on the last row, right next to him. Felicia walked in and pointed at us, smiling.

“Looks like we got this first class together. Pretty cool.” She sat on the other side of Donovan. I didn’t look at her but instead took out a notebook and pen I had and opened it.

“I guess so,” Donovan said before he started laughing. I stared at the blank paper. I didn’t have any thoughts, really. It was comforting to not think about anything for once. My brain felt nice, it was clouded and numb so I wouldn’t have to think about what the first day of school held or what people thought of me.

The sound of laughter distracted me from my staring. I looked up and saw four people come in, all boys. But the person who caught my eye was who seemed to be the leader. He was handsome with dark hair and light skin. His eyes were really, really green and he wore nothing but black. Before he sat down he looked at me. Even though it was only for a few seconds it felt like his eyes were looking through me, seeing all my secrets. He smirked before sitting down a few desks before me.

“Ugh, Tyler still looks like a tool,” Felicia said loud enough for Tyler to hear. He turned around in his desk and smiled at Felicia. The smile wasn’t nice.

“Missed you, too, babe. Who’s your new friend?” His voice was smooth and calm. His eye flicked to mine again.

“Amber,” I answered. He nodded once.

“Please to meet you, Amber. A beautiful name for a beautiful girl.” I flushed immediately and looked down. Felicia started making gagging noises. Tyler smirked at me before turning back around. Felicia sighed and turned to me.

“Don’t go near him. You might get an STD or something. He’s bad news,” Felicia warned. I didn’t say anything. Soon the class filled up with students and the teacher walked in.

“Hello, I am Mr. Altman. This is your homeroom class so when there are any special announcements or special testing that needs to be done, you come in here.”

“Wow, he’s really hot,” Felicia whispered to me. I nodded in agreement. He was handsome and young.

“Furthermore, this is still your math class. It sucks for you guys to have math so early in the morning but blame your parents for giving a last name between the letters A and G. Since this is the first day, I don’t have anything planned class work wise. But we are going to do a little ice breaker game of introduction. So, turn your desks into a circle or square. Just as long as there is a nothing in the middle.” The room exploded with moving desks against the cement floor. It was rather unsettling sound. As I moved my desk closer to the back of the room, I began to wonder what was about to happen. If I wasn’t on the pills, I’d probably be freaking out right now and going into full on panic mode. Usually with a blank spot in the middle of the room it indicates that it’s a stage. A stage for someone to be looked at and judged. Mr. Altman took his spot in the middle of the floor.

“Alright, most of you know each other but I don’t know any of you considering this is my first time teaching. So, for me to get to know you I want you, one by one, to come where I am standing and state your name and tell me a strength of yours. It can be anything, not necessarily school related. Once you stated what you want to say you can choose someone to go next. I’ll go first. My name is Mr. Altman and one of my strengths is going beyond to help my students strive to be their best. The person I choose to go next is...the girl with the green hair.” Felicia smiled and stood up, walking to the middle of the class.

“She loves this,” Donovan whispered.

“Hi, my name is Felicia Burkes, as most of you know. And a strength of mine is that I am very conscientious of what’s going around me.”

“A.k.a. being nosy.” Donovan said next to me. Everyone laughed. Felicia rolled her eyes.

“Just for the quip you can go next, Brother.” Felicia sat down, Donovan went up.

“My name is Donovan Burkes, the green haired monster’s older twin brother by 3 minutes and 43 seconds, and a strength of mine is, um...I guess being nice to everyone and making them feel comfortable.” He looked at me and gave me a side smile.

“Nice, choose someone.”

“I choose...,” he was about to say my name but I shook my head discreetly, “...Scott.” He sat down next to me. Scott stood up and took the floor. One by one, each student went up to the middle of the floor. As their names were called, Mr. Altman checked off their names on his attendance sheet. The choices started to dwindle down and I still wasn’t chosen. I chalked it up to me being new and no one knowing my name. Eventually there were only two people who haven’t been chosen: me and Tyler.

“I choose Tyler,” Derrick, one of the guys that came in with Tyler earlier, said. Tyler stood up and walked to the center. He smirked at everyone.

“My name is Tyler Cooper, obviously, and it’s hard to choose of strength. I have so many from physical strengths to life strengths.” He tapped his chin, “But I guess the one that is worth speaking of is that I am an entrepreneur. I can sell ice to an Eskimo or even money to a celebrity.” Mr. Altman didn’t look amused. Felicia made more gagging noises.

“Alright, thank you Tyler. Choose someone.” My stomach lurched.

“Since there is only one person left, I choose the girl with the beautiful name, Amber.” Everyone stared at me. The pills weren’t strong enough to calm my growing nerves. I got up and walked to the middle of the room. I crossed my arms and tried to calm myself.

“Um, I’m Amber Benson. I’m new. Um...what else am I supposed to answer?” I asked. Mr. Altman gave me a kind smile.

“Say a strength.” I stood there for a few moments, trying to rack my brain for one. I could feel everyone staring at me; judging me. My nerves overpowered the pills and I started to feel nauseous. I just shook my head.

“I don’t have one.” It was dead silent. Mr. Altman stood up and crossed his arms.

“You sure? You can’t think of anything?” I shook my head again and stared at the ground. I couldn’t handle this.

“Well you can sit back down. It’s okay.” I did as I was told. Everyone was still staring at me; burning holes all over my body with their eyes. Right then the bell rang. Thank goodness.

“Alright, good job everyone. Put your desk back in place and grab a textbook on your way out. Amber, can I see you before you leave.” I sighed. Great, already getting pulled up to the teacher’s desk. This wasn’t going to be a fun year, I can already tell.

“You’re good on your next class?” Donovan asked. I nodded.

“Thank you.” He smiled and patted my back before leaving with Felicia. I walked up to Mr. Altman’s desk. He was definitely handsome more up close. His hair was styled and he was wearing dark framed classes. He even had a tie on.

“Yes, sir?” I asked. He snorted.

“Sir? I might be your teacher but I’m only 26. Way to make me feel old.” I shifted a little not saying anything.

“I just wanted to tell you that I understand.” I gave him an odd look.

“You’re shy.” I didn’t say anything. He got up.

“Everyone has strength but it’s hard for some people to discover them. I’m going to make it my mission to help you discover those strengths.” Great. More of a target on my back. I had to lie.

“Thank you but I just started seeing a therapist and I think they are more qualified to help me discover myself, not to be disrespectful.” He smiled.

“Alright, that’s a better, smarter choice I guess. In four weeks I want you to tell me a strength of yours that you discovered. That sounds fair, right?” I simply nodded. He sat back down and wrote something down.

“Here’s a late slip. See you tomorrow, Amber.” I grabbed the slip, grabbed a textbook, and walked out. I past my next class and went to the bathroom. After checking to make sure no one was in here, I grabbed the bottle and took two out. It wasn’t going to work fast enough if I just took them. I put them on the book and crushed them. I ran my hand through my hair and sighed in anger. I didn’t have a way to crush them up finer. Then it clicked. Those rich girls from my old school always used their credit cards to crush them better. My license will do. So I took my license and began crushing them better. I took the bill that Billie gave me and made a straw out of it. I then inhaled the contents through my nose.

Right then the door opened. I jumped up, making the pill bottle fall to the ground and scatter. I looked up and saw Tyler who was just smirking.

“I knew something was up with you. I thought it was heroin from how skinny you are and I thought the shirt was to hide the track marks. But you could very well be a cutter, for all I know. By the way you say you didn’t have any strengths, I’m going to go with childhood abuse that has left you depressed about life. You do look like the type.” I started to freak out inside. How did he know that? Did he know who I was and what happened to me? He walked closer to me and bent down, picked up the bottle and the pills. He grabbed the lid and put it back on, handing me the bottle.

“Why are you in here?” I asked. He laughed.

“I know how to read people. When I saw you and your glazed over eyes and blank stare I knew you were using. Just the choice of drug I thought was clearly the wrong one. Vicodin, eh? Nice.” I started putting everything back in my book bag all the while my heart felt like it was going to explode for beating so fast.

“Look, from what it looks like you are about to run out soon and I have a feeling you won’t be getting anymore. I’m in the business of helping people. I can get you more pills for a decent price and if you don’t have the money, there are other ways to pay me.” His wiggled his eyebrows. He walked closer to me. He brought his thumb up and wiped something from under my nose. I was frozen from him touching me. He put his thumb in his mouth and sucked off crushed pill dregs. He smiled and started digging in his pockets before pulling out a corner edge of a piece of paper.

“Yummy. Here’s my number. Don’t be afraid to call me. Whatever you need, business or personal, I’m your guy.” With that, he walked out of the girls’ bathroom. I let the breath that I was holding out. I wiped my face of the pills that left.

What have I gotten myself into?