Falling Out

I punched in the gate code to the Armstrong’s house. I tapped my finger against my steering wheel and was getting impatient on how the gate was taking its precious time to open. Once it was open enough for my car to go through without damage, I pressed on the gas and quickly went down their driveway. I parked by Billie’s car and got out. I ran up to the front door and rang the doorbell. A few seconds later Billie opened the door. He smiled and opened the door further to let me in.

“She’s in her room. Right when we got home she took a shower and went to sleep and has been out ever since.” I looked up the stairs. Billie ushered me to follow him. I sighed inwardly as I followed Billie to the kitchen where he got us both something to drink. I sat at the counter and opened my can coke and took a sip.

“Is everything set for tonight?” Billie asked taking a sip out of his drink. I nodded.

“Yeah, Felicia went straight to Tre’s and started to get everything together with him. Which...I don’t think it was a good idea giving her his address...” Billie raised an eyebrow.

“I’m just kidding. She likes throwing parties. She’s pretty awesome at last minute parties.” Billie nodded. I started bouncing my leg, needing to concentrate my energy and wanting to see my girlfriend in a body movement. I really wanted to see her.

“You don’t think she’ll be mad that we are throwing her a surprise welcome home party?” Billie asked. I shrugged.

“I don’t think she’ll be mad. She’ll probably be...surprised...and welcomed...” Billie rolled his eyes.

“Then our mission will be a success.” I ran my hand through my hair a couple of times. I really, really wanted to see her. I didn’t care that she was asleep. I would literally sit at her desk and stare at her.

Wow, that didn’t sound creepy at all.

“So, look...this is somewhat...weird for me to ask you,” Billie started, “but I got to. I need to know if you smoke pot or do any other drugs...” He said fast. My eyes widened a little. Why was he asking this?

“Um...no...” Billie sighed.

“Look, it’s cool if you smoke pot. Heck, I did it when I was younger than you, the same age as you, and older than you, and sometimes now. I don’t care if you do it but I do care if you do it around Amber. Dr. Jenn said she can’t be around drugs, even pot. She’s going to be really sensitive around stuff like that for a while and I don’t want her to get pulled into needing to get high again.”

“Look, I stopped doing nefarious activities when Amber went into the hospital. I don’t want to trigger her, either.”

“Good. Good, that’s good. Well, you can go wake her up if you want. She’s been asleep all day and it’s about time she got up.” I nodded and got up. When I was out of the kitchen I quickened my pace and practically ran upstairs. I stood in front of her door. My heart started beating fast. Last time I was in here I was witnessing her breathing pills up her nose. But that’s not her anymore. Well, it’s still her because she’ll always have the want to do it, at least that's what I've read on the internet last night to try and understand what she is going through, but I won’t walk in on it this time. She’ll be asleep. I can do this. Just open the door.

I’m stalling.

I didn’t think about it. I just grabbed the knob and opened the door. Her room was dark but I could make out her body on her bed because of the little light from the hallway and blinds that breached the darkness. I smiled and gently closed the door. I walked around her bed and laid with her on the other side of her. Her back was facing me. I slowly wrapped my arm around her waist, not wanting to wake her yet. This is as peaceful she is ever going to get. She doesn’t seem to be having nightmares or anything. She was just sleeping. I got closer to her. I missed her so much. I closed my eyes, enjoying this moment with her. What’s up with me sounding creepy?

A few minutes had passed before she started to stir in her sleep. She quickly turned around to see who was in the bed with her. Her alarmed expression relaxed when she saw it was me.

“Did I freak you out?” I asked. She smiled sleepily.

“Yeah. I didn’t know who was in the bed with me.” She leaned in and kissed me. She pressed her body closer to mine and deepened the kiss. I slipped my hands under her shirt, touching her waist, wanting to feel her. It was almost instinct. She stopped a few seconds after I did and pulled away.

“What’s wrong?” She shook her head and sat up. She ran a hand through her hair and sighed. She sat there for a few moments. She looked like she was thinking hard about something. She let out a nervous sigh before quickly taking her shirt off. My eyes widened, not because of the scars that littered almost every square inch of her body but because she took her shirt off and her bra was black that made her skin more pale. I sat up and looked at her scars that were on her back. The way they were done made her look like she had angel wings that were ripped out. She had so many. When I brought my hand to her back to touch them she winced.

“I’m sorry.” She turned to look at me. She smiled softly.

“It’s okay, your hand is just cold.” I grabbed her shirt and gave it to her.

“You can put it back on.” She took the shirt and looked at it before looking me straight in the eyes.

“Why? Are they that repulsive?” I shook my head.

“No, they aren’t. You didn’t have to show me, Amber.” She sighed before running her hand through her hair again.

“When you touched me a minute ago when we were kissing I felt your hands against my scars. It made me nervous and embarrassed. I came to the conclusion that if we are going to be...you know...intimate way, way into the future, then I have to get used to you seeing me like this. I need you to not be shocked every time you see me like this and I need to know that you don’t think I’m ugly with all these scars on me. It was different when you saw my arms but my whole body is like...my whole body.” She was crying now. I hated to see her cry.

To be honest, it was a little scary to see her body with all these scars. They were ugly and filled her body with memories that will never leave. I understood that. But I could see past it all. I could see a beautiful person who is making efforts to heal and not be the broken girl the scars showed her to be.

I wrapped my arms around her and she squeezed me tight.

“You aren’t ugly. You can never be ugly. I love you, Amber,” I said. I didn’t know what else to say. But what I said seemed to resonate with her because she pulled slightly away and kissed me.

“You are the best thing that’s happened to me,” she whispered when she pulled away. I tightened my arms around her.



“We need to get up before Billie comes in here and think we are having sex or something,” Donovan said. I laughed a little and grabbed my shirt, putting it back on. We both got out of the bed.

“I’m going to change my clothes. You want to order pizza or something?” I asked before I realized he was probably tired of pizza because he was around it all the time.

“Um, I think Billie ordered some.” He started for the door.

“Okay, see you in a bit.” He walked out. I walked over to my closet and decided on a pair of black skinny jeans and a red long sleeve shirt. Even though Billie, Adie, and Donovan have seen my scars I don’t want to freak out my little brothers. Plus, I’m just not ready. I didn’t like wearing short sleeves at the treatment center and I feel the same way here. Maybe eventually.

I walked over to my dresser and sprayed some perfume on myself. I grabbed a brush and ran it through my long hair. It was full of knots because I fell asleep with it wet. I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked okay. I looked like my normal self. But I wasn’t my normal self anymore. I was better. Well, better than before, anyway.

I instinctively looked at my butterfly box. I frowned when I remembered it wasn’t there anymore and that I gave it to Billie. Nothing was there anymore. I should feel happy about it but I started to feel a little scared. Everything might seem better now but when I go back to school on Monday, four days from now, I know I will need it. Want it. But it won’t be there. I have to be okay with it. I took a deep breath and walked out of my room and down stairs into the kitchen.

“Amber!” Jakob yelled as he ran to me and hugged me tight.

“Whoa, hey buddy,” I said as I hugged back. He pulled away and smiled up at me.

“I missed you. You better now?” I glanced at Billie who was smiling. I looked back down at Jakob and nodded.

“Yep, all better.” I looked up and saw Adrienne’s arm around Joey, both watching us. Joey lifted his hand and gave me a small wave. I smiled at him.

“Turns out we are going out to eat,” Donovan said. I nodded.

“That’s cool.”

“Alright, well, let’s get into the car.” Jakob grabbed my hand and led the way to Adie’s SUV. We piled in and Billie started driving. I leaned my head against Donovan’s shoulder and rubbed Donovan’s hand with my thumb. I loved our hands being intertwined.

When we pulled into Tre’s house I knew something was up. I was about to ask why we were here but Donovan shook his head. I knew then that they were throwing me a welcome home party. My stomach dropped. Billie turned around and faced us.

“Tre wanted to see you before we go out to eat. It won’t be long.” I played along. My stomach was about to explode.

“Okay, that’s fine.” We got out and I grabbed Donovan’s hand as we walked up the few steps. I needed him right now because I was about to walk into something that I don't think I am ready for. Billie walked in the dark house without knocking and we followed suit. The lights flicked on.

“SURPRISE!” Even though I was expecting it, it still shocked me. I plastered a big smile on my face as people started towards me. Donovan let go of my hand and disappeared, which made my heart fall into my stomach. Felicia ran up to me and put one of those red cone hats with frills around the base on my head. She then gave me the biggest hug I’ve ever received from her.

“I missed you so, so, so, so, so fucking much. It’s been lonely.” She pulled away and wiped her face. It was oddly comforting see her familiar green hair. She glanced around before leaning in.

“I have to tell you something later. It’s kind of bad and good at the same time,” she whispered. I nodded, really intrigued.

“Where’s your brother?” I asked her. She shrugged. It took me forever to get out of the doorway. Everyone, and I mean all the Green Day kids, and Grandma, came up to me and gave me a hug. Well, except for Tre. I didn’t know where he was. Felicia grabbed my hand.

“We want you to meet someone.” She dragged me into the kitchen where most of the women were at fixing the food. I spotted Donovan talking to two women. His mother was one and I’m guessing Jennifer is the other woman.

She was really pretty and young. She was probably five years younger than Lenox. She had long, straight black hair, dark brown eyes and caramel skin. She was curvy and pulled off the suit she was wearing. I remember Donovan saying she was a public defender. When I got closer and saw her face closer, she looked so familiar.

“It’s nice to see you again, Amber,” Lenox said as she gave me a small hug. I smiled at her.

“Amber, this is my mom’s girlfriend, Jennifer. Jennifer this is my girlfriend, Amber,” Donovan introduced. I didn’t know what to do so I held my hand out to shake. Jennifer shook it.

“Finally I get to meet the girl that has Donovan so love sick. He talks about you constantly.” She let go of my hand. I pushed a smile on my face.

“Oh, well, that’s nice.” Donovan grabbed my hand. He leaned in and kissed my cheek. I wonder if she knew what happened to me. What I did to myself. I looked at her and saw that she was staring at my arms. She didn’t see anything because I was wearing a long sleeved shirt but I bet she was just imagining what they looked like. Her eyes wandered back to mine and she gave me a small smile. She knew. Everyone knew.

Of course they do. This is my welcome home party from the loony bin.

“I only speak good things, I promise.” A few seconds later Adrienne walked up to us.

“The food is almost ready,” she informed us. I pulled my hand away from Donovan.

“I’m going to go wash up.” He gave me an odd look.

“You want me to come with?” I shook my head.

“No, I’m fine. Excuse me.” I turned around and walked out of the kitchen. I decided to go to the upstairs bathroom instead of the one on the first floor. When I reached the bathroom I closed the door, locking it behind me. My heart was pounding. I took the hat off that Felicia put on my head. I put the lid down on the toilet and sat on top of it. So many people down there. So many people knowing what happened to me. It was all overwhelming and made me feel nauseous.

My head lifted when someone knocked on the door. I closed my eyes, willing them to go away with my mind. That didn’t work.

“Amber?” Tre asked. Relief flooded me. I was glad it was him. I got up and unlocked the door. Tre smiled and grabbed me in his arms and lifted me off the ground. He sat me down and pushed some of my hair behind my ear.

“I know you don’t like hugging but I thought I’d get a huge one in while you aren’t pushing people away. What are you doing up here, alone?” I leaned against the door frame.

“Just a lot of people down there.” Tre sat down on the floor and patted the space beside him. I sat down next to him.

“The only different people down there is Lenox, Jennifer, and Mamma Ollie.”

“It’s still a lot of people. And 98% of the time I was hanging around all of those people I was...” I didn’t finish the sentence. I took a deep breath and exhaled.

“You were high. I get it.” I shook my head.

“You have been surrounded by millions of different people in your life, Tre. You are used to entertaining huge crowds and being on TV shows and just being there in front of people. I can’t handle it. I can’t.” Tre grabbed my hand. I let him.

“I get it. You feel like the walls are closing in and people are scrutinizing your every move, staring at you and noticing your flaws. And if you make one mistake, one wrong hit of the drum, everyone will know and they will judge you because of it. If anyone gets, even in the slightest, what you are going through, it’s me.” I leaned my head against the wall and closed my eyes.

“Yeah, you’re right. Sorry for assuming otherwise.” I heard him chuckle.

“The only difference is that I don’t care what people think of me anymore. Maybe it’s because I’ve gotten wiser with age or something but I don’t let people bother me as I used to. And you shouldn’t either. They are just people. They put one sock on at a time just like you do.” I smiled.

“Well, let’s get back down there before they send out a search party.” We got up. Before we walked back down the stairs, Tre pulled me into another hug. This was different, though. It wasn’t a welcoming hug but a comforting, tight hug that told me that he was glad I was back and that he was, and still is, worried about me. He kissed the top of my head and pulled away, giving me a smile. I didn’t realize I had tears in my eyes until my vision was blurred because of it. I quickly wiped my face.

“Just remember that those people down there all love you. And believe it or not, they mean well by their actions.” I nodded.

“Alright, let’s go.” We walked down the stairs and into the kitchen where we all started to eat. I sat in between Felicia and Donovan. I didn’t really eat all the food Adrienne fixed for me. I just moved the food around my plate and took a couple of bites so I wouldn’t offend her. I was too busy trying to concentrate on not going into full panic mode to eat. When we were all done eating and cleaning and putting the leftovers away, we retreated to Tre’s music room where they got the beers out and started playing random songs. Donovan even got up and played a song on the violin, forcibly, might I add, by his sister.

“Well, I have to get going. I got an early shift tomorrow,” Lenox said as the night starting to get stagnant.

“Yeah, I have to leave as well,” Mike added as he put Tre’s bass in its rightful place. Felicia got up.

“Mom, could I please stay the night with Amber tonight? Please?” She begged.

“Sorry honey, you have school tomorrow and you can’t miss anymore. Plus, it's Amber's first night back and she might want to spend it with her family” Felicia looked downright appalled at her mother for assuming that she wasn’t family to me. But, instead of correcting her and causing a scene, she ignored it.

“I’ll go to school. Donovan can pick me up.” Felicia walked over to me and grabbed my hand.

“Can I please stay with her? We have a lot to catch up on.” Adrienne came up behind us and wrapped her arm around Felicia’s shoulders.

“She can stay if she wants. It’s up to you. I love having her around.” Lenox smiled.

“You can stay but you have to go to school. I will call to make sure you make it.”

“I’ll bring her so Donovan won’t have to drive all the way here,” I offered. Lenox nodded.

“Thank you, Amber. Be good, I love you," she said the last part to Felicia. Lenox grabbed Jennifer’s hand and waved us bye and they left. Donovan grabbed my hand.

“I need to get going also. Walk me out?” I nodded. Felicia handed Donovan their keys. We walked out of Tre’s house and walked to Donovan’s car. I leaned against his car and Donovan stood in front of me with his hands placed on my waist.

“Did you have fun tonight?” I nodded. I wrapped my arms around his neck as he leaned in and kissed me. I ran my fingers through his soft hair, gently scratching his scalp. When he pulled away he gave his lopsided smile.

“I love you so much,” he said. I lightly kissed him. He rested his forehead against mine. I suddenly was transported to the day he walked in on me doing drugs. The look on his face, my stomach dropping, him telling me that he was done after he found about everything. It brought tears to my eyes just thinking about it and I didn’t want anything to do with those memories. But I couldn’t help but ruminate.

“What’s wrong?” He pulled away and looked alarm. I brought my body closer to his and squeezed him. I didn’t want him to leave. I wanted him to stay with me tonight, tomorrow, and every day after that.

“Amber, why are you crying?” I heard him ask. I buried my face in his neck. I didn’t want him to leave me. I didn’t want him to go back home. It made me so nauseous thinking of him leaving. I needed him here with me.

“Don’t leave. Stay with me tonight. Stay with me tonight, please?” My voice was slightly muffled. He started to rub my back.

“I have to go home, Amber. I’ll be over after my shift tomorrow, I promise.” I shook my head, tears just free falling. I felt like if I let him go he wouldn’t come back. Donovan grabbed my hands and brought them to my sides, holding them.

“I wish you could stay. I want you to.” Tears still falling.

“I want to, too. You’ll be fine. Felicia will be with you.” He let go of one of my hands and wiped my face.

“I love you,” he said with a smile. I smiled back and kissed him.

“I love you, too.” He slowly let go of my hands and got into his and Felicia’s car. He waved at me and backed out. I stood there until I couldn’t see his car anymore. I crossed my arms and bowed my head, closing my eyes so tight that I saw color in the black. I needed to calm down. He’s not leaving forever; just for the night. He’ll see me tomorrow. I heard talking behind me and lifted my head. I inhaled slowly through my nose and slowly exhaling, feeling a little bit of relief.

“Amber?” I heard someone call out. I wiped my face and turned around, getting into the already packed SUV. Moments later we pulled up to the house and Felicia practically dragged me to my room. She walked over to my dresser and pulled out some of my pajamas that she felt like wearing.

“Okay, I am going to shower and change into these and when I get back we have a shit load to talk about.” I nodded and Felicia walked out. I walked over to my dresser and put some pajama pants on, opting to keep my long sleeve shirt on. I wasn’t ready for Felicia to see me. I grabbed my duffel bag and started to unpack. I put the pictures and clothes back in their rightful place. I shoved the duffel bag in my closet and sat on my bed. I picked my cell phone up and there were no new messages or calls. I wish he’d text or call. I got up and ran my hand through my hair. I decided to walk downstairs and get some water. I was feeling anxious; my emotions ready to burst out of my skin. Like they needed to be released in the form of red bubbles. I glanced at the knife set sitting by the oven. I ran my hand through my hair, it wet with the sweat that was forming. I glanced down at my hands and saw that they were shaking. I needed to do it. I needed to calm down. I started walking towards the knives.

“What are you doing down here?” I quickly turned around and saw Billie Joe. He walked to the fridge and pulled out a water. He leaned against the counter and scratched his bare chest before opening his water.

“Um, I was just, um, thirsty,” I stuttered. I took a big gulp out of my water wishing that it was bleach so it could burn my throat.

“You okay?” I nodded and closed my water bottle.

“Yeah, I’m just...” I pointed to the door and walked out. I ran up the stairs and closed my door. I sat the water bottle down and shook my hands, trying to get them to stop shaking from the adrenaline that started cruising my veins. I needed to calm down.

Right then Felicia walked in with her hair wrapped in a towel. I was glad to see her. She was great at distracting me. She threw her clothes on the floor by her bag. We sat on my bed and I watched her as she started to towel dry her hair. When she was done she threw the towel on the floor and sighed.

“Alright, so has anyone told you about Tyler?” She brought his name up so nonchalantly, like he was just another person who cheated on his math test. It brought a weird feeling upon hearing his name but I shoved it down and listened. She explained to me that, even though his father was a judge, he did not receive leniency for his drug crimes. Well, he only got five years but it was more than a lot of people thought he would get. I felt relief that he was away and that he won’t be bothering me anymore.

She went on to tell me about Chuck. She said that after his parents found out he was doing drugs they sent him to rehab – in Vermont, which is where his parents are originally from. Felicia was on the brink of crying when she was telling me that Chuck was cheating on her the whole time with one of Tyler’s female drug packers.

“He fell off the wagon so bad. I know you didn’t know him that long but he was on drugs like a year ago and Tyler knew he was clean but he fucked him over. You know, he could handle pot but not the hard stuff.” She wiped her face and I felt sorry for her. I wanted to comfort her but I didn’t know exactly what to do. She shook her head. She looked like she was trying to collect herself. She then looked nervous.

“Okay. So, I’m actually kind of nervous to tell you this.” Her voice was shaky. She crossed her arms. She started to make me nervous.

“Do you promise not to hate me?” I gave her an odd look. Okay, now I needed to know what was up.

“I promise, I guess.” She let out a big breath.

“Well, when Billie and Adie went to visit you the first time they asked me to watch the boys. They paid me pretty awesomely, by the way. Anyway, about 8:30 Tre came over to check up on us and he said he was bored because his kids were away. So him and the boys played video games until like 12:30 until they passed out so we hoisted them upstairs. Once we got them in their beds we went into the basement and he played me a song and then we started making out.” She clamped her hand over her mouth. She was speaking so fast.

“Wait, what?!” It came out louder than I expected. Felicia got up and started pacing.

“I knew you would be mad. I knew you were going to hate me.” I shook my head.

“I didn’t mean for it to come out so loud, Felicia. I’m just shocked. Really, really shocked.” Felicia sat down at my desk.

“I understand. How do you think I feel? I made out with Tre Fucking Cool.”

“The only concern I have is that you only see him as Tre Cool from Green Day and that you just made out with a rock star.” She shook her head vigorously.

“No, no. Well, I’m not going to lie, he kissed just like I dreamed he would but I don’t see him as Tre Cool, drummer extraordinaire. I see him as Frank, kick ass drummer who happens to be smart, obviously funny, and nice. It wasn’t planned and it won’t happen again anytime soon.” I lifted an eyebrow at her.

“Anytime soon?”

“Yeah. Tre and I have decided to hold off figuring out what went on when I turn 18 in a couple of weeks. I really have feelings for him, Amber. It’s the serious feels, too. He even told me himself that he’s been having, as he put it, ‘impure thoughts about his lovely green-haired vixen.’ When Chuck was pulling away from me I started talking to Tre. We would talk about random stuff like his music and about my parents. Then when you went away he was there for me and I was there for him. It wasn’t completely random that we wound up kissing. It was practically inevitable. I’ve developed really strong feelings for him, Amber.” She was truly sincere. I could see it. She got up and sat on my bed again this time with a big, dreamy smile.

“I felt so much excitement when kissing him, Amber. If he didn’t stop, we probably would have fucked right then and there.” I can’t believe what I am hearing.

“I don’t know what to think right now.” Felicia grabbed my hands.

“I understand and I’m sorry about this. I know it’s a lot to take in because it is a lot for me to take in. Just know that I am not taking advantage of him. I know how great he is.” I nodded and smiled.

“So, he’s a good kisser, huh?” She sighed dramatically.

“Yes, he is! He’s so perfect and...” she started rambling and I blanked the rest out. It’s not that I didn’t want to listen to her. I was still in shock by the whole day. Eventually she ran out of hot air and went to sleep. I couldn’t sleep, though. It was more than likely because I slept all day. I got out of bed and walked downstairs to the computer. The house was eerie and dark and when I shook the mouse to get rid of the screensaver, the brightness of the screen hurt my eyes. I dimmed down the brightness. I got on the internet and decided to make a myspace page because why not? I remember Donovan talking to me about it so I knew he had one. When I completed my profile, I searched for Donovan’s profile. I smiled that his profile picture was of me and him. His chin was nestled in my neck as I was smiling. It was a good photo of us. I added him as a friend. His profile was public so I started reading his posts.

She’s coming home!
---
I miss you.

He’s such a sweetheart. I scrolled down until I reached a really long post.

It’s a sad day when people in this forsaken town have nothing better to do then talk about someone when they aren’t here to defend themselves or when you don’t have the full story. What happened that night isn’t anyone’s business. Stop staring and whispering about me. Stop whispering about Amber. Stop being trolls. Just...leave it alone. I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. Going to school is going to suck Monday. I continued to scroll down and stopped at a post that was written right after he found me doing drugs.

Why would you fucking do this to me?!
---
And I leave behind,
This hurricane of fucking lies,
I lost my faith to this,
This town that don't exist.

Billie Joe Armstrong has never written truer words. I hope it’s all fucking worth it.
---
Work. Great distraction.

I sighed and exited the page. I got up and walked over to the couch. I grabbed a blanket and covered up. I curled up on the couch and sighed. What if this was all a lie? What if this excitement that has been happening the past weeks wears off and he remembers what I did, more specifically, who I did? We needed to talk about what happened but I don’t know how to go about it. I guess I can ask Dr. Jenn about it when I see her next.

The rest of the night I just lied there. I didn’t think too much. I just simply lied there. Before I knew it the living room was slowly filling with light and I heard footsteps descending the stairs. I felt someone poke me.

“I’m awake.” I turned and saw Felicia.

“Why did you sleep down here? Do I snore or something?” I sat up and ran my hand through my hair.

“No. I didn’t sleep. I couldn’t.” Felicia sat beside me and smiled.

“I understand. It’s probably hard sleeping here because you haven’t in so long.” I sat up.

“I think it’s because I literally slept all day yesterday.” She rolled her eyes.

“The first time I actually say something smart, it’s not right. Oh well. Anyway, are you going to drop me off in your jammies or are you getting dressed?” I took the rubber band off my wrist and pulled my hair up.

“Just go like this. Maybe I’ll come back home and go to sleep.”

“You okay to drive?” I yawned as I nodded.

“Should be.” Just then Billie walked down the stairs singing some random song. He stopped when he was that we were sitting on the couch.

“What’s up?” He asked. Felicia smiled.

“Has anyone ever told you that you have a beautiful voice?” Billie chuckled.

“Only about ten million people and yourself every time I see you.” Felicia stood up and held out her hand for me. I guess she thought that I might needed help getting up? She’s weird.

“Let’s go Amber before I rip your father’s clothes off.” That made Billie laugh. I just rolled my eyes. I got up and grabbed my wallet and keys that were in the kitchen. We got into my car and she started playing with the radio.

Halfway to the school, Felicia’s phone rang. I glanced at her and saw the biggest smile on her face. It had to be Tre.

“Hey...nothing, just going to school obviously...yeah, I told her last night...she didn’t take it as bad as I thought-hey!” I grabbed the phone out of her hands and put it to my ear.

“Tre, it’s cool.” I told him. He laughed.

“That sentence is probably the best I have heard.” I rolled my eyes.

“I don’t want you to be mad at me for...you know...almost defiling your teenage friend.” I shrugged and then realized that he can’t see me.

“It’s your life, Tre. You are still the best person.” He laughed. I handed the phone back to Felicia who was still smiling.

“Hey, we are at school so I’ll talk to you later...bye.” She hung up. I pulled up at the parking lot and parked in my normal spot. I shut the car off. I smiled when I saw Donovan get out of his car and jog towards us. I felt my heart literally swell. I loved seeing him, even if he’s far away. I needed to touch him to make sure he’s real.

“Well, I’ll let you have some morning sugar from your sugar.” Felicia leaned in and gave me a hug, which shocked me. But, nonetheless, I hugged my friend back.

“I’m glad you are back. I’m always here, Amber. You can hit me, yell at me, or even punch me in the face if you ever need to. I’m here. I'll take heed just for you.” She winked at me as I smiled. She’s an amazing friend. Even if I secretly was a little skeptical of her and Tre’s relationship, it shouldn’t matter. She’s my friend and I need to support her, just like she has supported me. She pulled away and wiped her tears away.

“Thanks, Felicia. I love you.”

“I love you, too. See you after school?” I nodded.

“Oh, and don’t tell Donovan about me and Tre. Bye!” Before I could protest, she got out right when Donovan came up.

“See you in class, brother.” Donovan sat in the passenger. I leaned in and kissed him, caressing his cheek. My stomach filled with so many happy butterflies. I missed him.

“Hi new myspace friend,” Donovan said with an amused look on his face. I rolled my eyes.

“I couldn’t sleep last night and was bored.” I needed to talk to him about some of his posts and where we stand. I know he loves me and I love him but leaving things unsettled isn’t good. I ran my hand through my hair.

“Uh-oh. What’s on your mind?” I gave him an odd look.

“When you are thinking or doing something that stresses you out or something annoys you or really anything, basically, you run your hand through your hair. What’s up?” I sighed.

“We need to talk...” He gave me a knowing look.

“About my posts?” I looked down and nodded.

“Yeah...” right then the bell rang. Donovan lifted my head up and gave me a kiss.

“We’ll talk after work, okay?” I nodded. He kissed me again before getting out. I sighed and started the car and drove back home in silence. I walked inside and silently went to my room, not really wanting to talk to anyone. I got into my bed and immediately went to sleep.