Your Inaccessible Light

After a night of tossing and turning thanks to the bed being so uncomfortable, I give up all hope of sleep and quietly climb out of bed. It’s 7.30am and Ronnie is still fast asleep. He is lying on his stomach with the duvet covering only his lower body. His hair is even messier than usual, but not in a bad way. With every breath, his body rises and falls slightly. He looks so peaceful when he sleeps, just like Austin did. I pick up my bag from the chair and go into the bathroom to get changed. I change into some khaki trousers, a white blouse and some black studded boots. Then I untie my hair and brush it out, allowing it to fall in its natural waves. I place my sunglasses on my head and then apply my make-up before going back into the bedroom. Ronnie is still lying motionless on the bed. My gaze lingers on his sleeping figure that I’m strangely drawn to, and I can’t seem to tear myself away.
“Stop staring at me creeper,” Ronnie mumbles, his eyes only opening slightly. I feel myself blush and look down at the ground. He sits himself up slightly and checks the time.

“Did you sleep okay?” I ask him.

“Yeah, apart from a certain madam fidgeting all night,” he groans.

“Sorry about that,” I laugh and he yawns and stretches his arms. My god does he look attractive first thing in the morning.

After Ronnie has got himself ready and we’ve both eaten breakfast, we drive to Hollywood and go to see the Hollywood sign and then the Walk of Fame. The day goes by faster than I would have liked and before I know it, it’s time to start heading back. Throughout the entire four hour journey, we talk solidly about pretty much everything under the sun. Somehow we never run out of things to say, but I prefer it that way. As long as my brain is focused on something, it stops the bad thoughts from coming back into my head. When we pull up outside my house late Sunday evening, I’m strangely reluctant to leave.

“Has this weekend made you feel better?” Ronnie asks sincerely.

“Yes,” I smile, almost forgetting about how badly it started off.

“I’m glad. What are you doing for the rest of today?”

“Homework,” I frown, “Sleeping. What about you?”

“I’ll probably go to Coral’s.” His words cut me like a knife. Am I jealous?

“I thought you said she was a ‘dumb slag’?”

“Yeah,” he shrugs, “But she’s a damn good fuck.”

“Thanks for the mental pictures. You really need to learn to have respect for women.”

“I respect you,” he says simply and I smile because coming from him, that means a lot. Ronnie chuckles and shakes his head before leaning over and giving me a kiss on the cheek. I feel butterflies in my tummy as I grab my bag from the backseat and jump out of the van.

“Thank you Ronnie,” I say, smiling a genuine smile.

“Anytime sweetie. I’ll see you tomorrow.” My head is spinning at a thousand miles per hour as I unlock the front door. This weekend has by far been the best weekend I’ve had in a very long time, maybe in my entire life. Especially since Austin died, I was worried I would never be properly happy again, but thanks to Ronnie, I’ve been proven wrong. Suddenly I’m not so scared anymore. I go upstairs to my room and decide to make a start on my homework, trying to focus purely on how happy I feel, and not on what Ronnie is probably up to right now.

As Amber, Harlee, Tristan, Keegan and I walk into school on Monday, I notice Ronnie and his friends in their usual spot across the courts. I can instantly tell that there are more people than just the band there. Coral and the clones, as Ronnie calls them, are there too. I feel a pang of jealousy but instantly shake the stupid feeling from my head. I have no reason to be jealous; we’re nothing more than friends after all. Harlee notices the frown on my face and follows my gaze.

“Something else happened with you and Ronnie then?” she questions, raising her eyebrows. I quickly rack my brains for an excuse because I don’t think I want everyone finding out about the weekend, and I’m not sure Ronnie would want that either.

“Come on Noelle, we’re your friends, we won’t tell anyone,” Harlee persists as if reading my mind. I look to Amber for reassurance.

“Honestly Noelle, Harlee may be the loudest person on this entire planet, but these guys know how to keep a secret,” she encourages. I chew on my lip, mentally going over the worst that could happen. Ronnie must have told Max and the other guys, so surely I can tell my friends. Like they said, they’re not gonna tell anyone. I don’t have to give them all the details anyway.

“We went to LA at the weekend,” I tell them.

“What?!” Harlee squeals, “You’re kidding. You absolutely have to be joking.”

“God, are you okay?” Tristan gasps mockingly, “I thought you were supposed to be smart?”

“I am,” I tease.

“Clearly not if you go to Los Angeles with a fucking drug addict,” he mutters.

“I’m alive aren’t I?”

“Whoa, whoa, whoa, explain this to me kid; you’ve been here two weeks and somehow, you and Ronnie fucking Radke have spent the weekend together,” Harlee cries, “I’ve known Ronnie since middle school and he has never once interacted with a girl for any purpose other than to sleep them. How the hell did you end up in Los Angeles?”

“It’s kind of a long story,” I say nonchalantly, unsure how much of the story I should tell them, and
how much should stay between Ronnie and I.

“We have fifteen minutes till first period so you better get started,” she orders.